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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Will I Ever Get Married? (76166 Views)
Is It Normal That I Don't Want To Get Married Or Have Kids? / He Was To Get Married On 2nd Of December But Now He Is Late / ''if You Used This Go And Get Married'' (2) (3) (4)
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Will I Ever Get Married? by seizethaBae(f): 2:11pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
I don't even know where to start or how to explain what my problem is, hopefully i get lucky for the 'problem' to be 'diagnosed'. I'm a 27yrs old lady, finished university very very early and i've been extremely lucky with almost everything in life, but to get a suitor and settle down na palava. Friends/family members keep saying I'm too choosy or not serious. Honestly, I AM NOT choosy. When the one thing i fast/pray for is for God to link me with the bone of my bone very soon, I even gave up my travelling plans in order to increase my chances of finding a future patner (i know you can meet ur patner anywhere, but na just to shut up people wey don tink say i no dey serious), a close friend even suggested i pend my 'work-from-home business', look for job so i can be leaving the house, and i got lucky within a month or two of dusting my CV i got a fantastic high paid job with no connection (honestly i've always been so lucky when i ask God for anything but i have no idea why he is delaying this). I just dont know how to explain it, the ones i like doesnt like me and the ones i dont have single feelings for will do anything to wife me. I'm not desperate or something, i just want to reach out if I'm the only one having this problem. There was even a time i made up my mind to accept an ex proposal even tho i have no single feeling for him, i kept hoping/fasting/praying for a miracle to happen so i can at least like him (even if its 20%) bcus hes just too PERFECT, but it didn't just happen. My type of man doesnt need to be extremely rich, tall, handsome like most ladies dream man. He should just be neat, God fearing and have something upstairs biko (i love intelligent guys). Back to the main reason why i created this post; Married women/mature lady out there, has this ever happen to you? I really envy people that love their partners and they are loved back equally. Married women, please, I'm waiting to hear from you. And for most people that will think I'm looking for a rich guy, believe me i once met a guy that was willing to sponsor my M.Sc in UK if i can be his Mrs, but i will never engage in anything that will bring curse on my head. So my problem is not even money. I'm so sick and tired 142 Likes 13 Shares |
Re: Will I Ever Get Married? by shams040(m): 2:16pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
Na waoo, every body with him own cross. I will like to meet u if tyns can work out. 124 Likes 8 Shares |
Re: Will I Ever Get Married? by dytbabe: 2:23pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
Wow Straight up you got a hook up Congrats in advance 73 Likes 6 Shares |
Re: Will I Ever Get Married? by Nobody: 2:26pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
Dear op, I understand what you are going. Through but pls do not allow desperation push you to marry someone you have no feelings for. Be patient, continue to work on your qualities, Be the best you can be, pray and be optimistic . The right man meant for u will locate you and marry you as his beloved. God's time is always the best. .shalom 157 Likes 9 Shares |
Re: Will I Ever Get Married? by seizethaBae(f): 2:28pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
if u guys no d level of my seriousness walah iu wont take it as a joke. shams040 im not here to look for patner/husband but to find experience pple to diagnose what could be wrong with me or if it happens to most ladies before they settle down. Experience pple pls respond plsssss 7 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Will I Ever Get Married? by seizethaBae(f): 2:29pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
Thanks sis,but pls is dis my situation normal? Amelian: 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Will I Ever Get Married? by shams040(m): 2:32pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
seizethaBae: OK, sorry for dat. Well to me every one as it destined time for everytyn. Just keep up wit d prayer and attitude I knw d one who created man from a clot of blood wld give u one very soon in an unexpected way. 30 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Will I Ever Get Married? by Almaiga: 2:34pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
Hmmmm 2 Likes |
Re: Will I Ever Get Married? by shams040(m): 2:35pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
seizethaBae: Well I tnkn it normal wit d fact dat. No one goes beyond is destiny. Wat wld b urs wld always b urs and ntn can change d ryt tym Allah as destined for u dat just it.#myview# 19 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Will I Ever Get Married? by gidjah(m): 2:36pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
You will some day get married bae,you just need to get a lil bit more less strict and reduce your yard lines drawn.i wanna believe fine men come close,but your feelings ain't there,would you want the kind of person you will have feelings for or vice versa?, Iife is not most times how we want it to get played,love grows with time too, the person you tend not to have feelings for today,might b d one your feelings gets strongest for with time ,that's how love grows .if it grows with time, it will stay permanent,you will have to let your love grow with some nice guy out there,watch it ,tend it,water it and watch it grow to stay forever.you are pretty young,that's why you are still feeling this way,but mind you ,age is never on your side,you grow old daily,watch it,I pray it does get better with you.gat an older sis who was just LIke you,she started like you,finished her school very young ,na so we talk to her,she go say,'this one ,I don't have feelings for,''that one he is not minding me'..bla bla bla..to make the short story long,my older sis works with the accountant general of the federation as the head,she is well over fourty today but guys have stopped coming!,she is still there with all the comforts she has,was with 'aunty'few days ago, age no be here o, she told me she gets depressed dail over how she has been,and how she has treated guys,..with all the cars and affluence,na only married guys dey show for her side!.her pastor even asked her to keep her cars at home and start trekking may be boys will show up,...for were !!?? 214 Likes 20 Shares |
Re: Will I Ever Get Married? by shams040(m): 2:36pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
Almaiga: Type sometyn to keep Dis lady hope pls 7 Likes |
Re: Will I Ever Get Married? by shams040(m): 2:40pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
gidjah: Love dis 27 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Will I Ever Get Married? by ammyluv2002(f): 2:45pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
Op, let me share this story I have a friend from school, we were so close back then in school. She was reserved and homely, but suitors weren't coming. She was so worried about the whole thing to a point, she became desperate to settle down yet no serious guy. After graduation, she decided to say yes to any guy that comes her. Someone linked her up with this dude and after some months he proposed to her. My friend wasn't interested in the guy's attitude or anything, she just wanted to get married. The date for trad was fixed and they got married, after 3 months she left the guy that she can't live with him. I told her if i were to be her dad,she will remain in that marriage cause i warned her. My dear, God will bring the right husband at the right time. Don't put your life on hold just to please the people around you. Live your life in all fulness & don't allow such to bother. Yes, you're ripe for marriage but it will come when the time is right , but for now perpare yourself while you pray for the right guy. Work on your flaws to make yourself the right woman, travel if you have the resources. Make yourself very pleasant to the eyes, socialise, dress smart, hang out with friends just live your normal life. Whether we like it or not, God has the finally say in every aspect of our lives all we need to do is to do our part and leave the rest to Him. 166 Likes 11 Shares |
Re: Will I Ever Get Married? by seizethaBae(f): 2:49pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
Thanks so much for this; @bolded; i would love it both ways i.e the kind of person that i have feelings for and also have feelings for me. Honestly stories like that of your aunt scares me every single day, and if i said i shld go with someone i dont love now hoping love will grow with time,wat if it doesnt?. The ex of mine i talkd about,i dated him for good 3yrs! wishing/praying to God for me to like him,it dint just happen. gidjah: 3 Likes |
Re: Will I Ever Get Married? by seizethaBae(f): 2:50pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
God bless you for dis. I really appreciate. ammyluv2002: 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Will I Ever Get Married? by Nobody: 2:54pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
Op PATIENCE is all you need . You 'll get married when the time is right ... Go out ,have as much fun as you can 1 thing I have learnt in relationships is NEVER be desperate . Love grows ,it's not an overnight feeling Find 1 thing attractive in 1 of those guys around you and try build a relationship and with time you 'll find yourself in love ... PATIENCE is the solution to your problem and learn to smile (some guys thought me that ) Person wey get head no get cap ,another get cap no get head Life 34 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Will I Ever Get Married? by gidjah(m): 3:01pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
seizethaBae:Once again, your age plays a vital role on how you see this and tend to be making decisions ,sis,you must wake up o,don't wanna use my personal testimony as an example here,but let me help you a bit,love doesn't grow up over night,you may be trying to do'love at first sight,if you are not careful ,you might get it all twisted o,fine,you lost a relationship of 3yrs,that was in your early twenties Abi?, you were still young and heart immature then,in wanna believe ,if that kind of opportunity shows up your way one more time,you will sure do something more better than you did while with uncle ex,that's how it goes with age,your wine Tastes more sweeter.at your age ,men should be flocking around you just like bees with ants,yes that should be the case,your academic excellence should give you an added advantage na,but if you are using your academic strength against your suitors,then you Are on A LONG THING MY DR!.your academic excellence should be a totem for humility and simplicity,your social status should do same too,if all this can't help you then you pretty have a problem at hand. 24 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: Will I Ever Get Married? by jashar(f): 3:06pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
Patience dear. Just a Lil while longer 7 Likes |
Re: Will I Ever Get Married? by Chubhie: 3:14pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
You place premium on intelligence.Has it occurred to you that your ideal husband could be too busy locked away with passion in putting his intelligence to work? Paths MUST be crossed either through angelic orchestration or self-help. Dont appear desperate cos an intelligent dude can spot such from one mile radius. Look for locations or places you feel your ideal intelligent dudes congregate and adapt to such environments. Iron sharpens iron.you MUST first become that which you desperately seek. It must be a give and take situation with that which you seek or you end up bored and miserable with them. Can you be comfortable with a Seun sitting in front of his computer all day and coding in alien languages without having his bath? You talk of an ex being all perfect yet you can't love him? You must understand that love is a fleeting sensation and barely enough to see you through marriage. If that your ex ticks all the other boxes why not work on yourself and reconsider him? You can not have everything on a plater of gold else that's rigging from your maker. Perhaps,your maker is looking up to you to make this one decision.Such a wise God! 107 Likes 7 Shares |
Re: Will I Ever Get Married? by Nobody: 3:22pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
My dear friend, you will surely get married if you want. You just have to be patient. Don't rush into marriage, else ''the happily ever after'' you want might not come into existence. The right man is very much around. Just keep being nice and always keep a smile on your face yours sincerely. 7 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Will I Ever Get Married? by seizethaBae(f): 3:46pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
Thanks all for your kind and wise advice.I really appreciate. @Chubhie;God bless you for putting up that piece together,indeed such a wise God we serve. But y wld i pray to God for 3solid years to have feelings for someone,did everytin possible for me not to lose this great guy,I TRIED I REALLY TRIED,yet nothing happen?. I really cant go deep discussing that relationship bcus he is a nairalander(he might put one or two tins togeda and figure out its me),but just picture NO SINGLE FEELINGS AT ALL,NONE THAT CAN EVEN MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK FOR 24HRS hence i treat him as i want,even tho im not a bad person dat treat people anyhow. 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Will I Ever Get Married? by Nancy2016: 4:03pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
seizethaBae: You said you are not desperate but through your words you come across as being that. Guys can smell desperation. If you are not happy in your own life, why do you think another human being will make you feel fulfilled? You cannot force love, it will happen at the right moment. Also you had the opportunity to travel but you didn't. From what I gather you still live with your parents. Nowadays men like women who are independent and also adventurous. This is a time in your life when you can be carefree and explore the world around you. Have fun, endeavour to visit new places. When you start enjoying yourself, guys will flock to you. Work on your confidence too. What do you bring to the table? Think about those things. There are women out there who can't have intelligent conversation because they have spent their lives in a rigid form. All they think about is go to school, get some form of education and then find a man to marry. When you get married and start having kids, you may find out that you wish you had time for yourself. Stop worrying about the future and enjoy the present. 33 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Will I Ever Get Married? by Godmother(f): 4:08pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
ammyluv2002: well said. 5 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Will I Ever Get Married? by Nancy2016: 4:09pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
Chubhie: I agree with most of what you said except the part where you say "love is a fleeting sensation". That's not true. True love never dies. Why do you think more and more women are cheating? This is because a lot of them for whatever reasons got married to men they didn't love. Women are emotional beings and are always in search of love. If a woman has no love for her husband she is prone to temptation. A lot of times you hear women cheated with their exes. This is because they still are in love with these men. I will always advise women that if you have no feelings for a man, please do both of you a favour, end the relationship and let that man find his rightful partner. 29 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: Will I Ever Get Married? by sumofus(m): 4:10pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
Dear, I truly commend your sincerity and openness about this, which may be confused to be desperation - It absolutely is not! Trust me, it's an issue and very normal to be a bit angsty about it. In an age when we read of very ugly marital outcomes on nairaland and other media, pushing many to conclude they rather remain unmarried. There are good men out there, a lot that matches who you are looking for. Shocker is - they are also looking out for you! How you connect is the teaser. My two cents: be the person that you want to meet and love (very important). I can't tell if opposites attract anymore, but the age-long nugget goes "Birds of a feather flock together". There will be likely an instant attraction (physical and otherwise) when you meet this person. Develop friendship and a deep spiritual connection with him. Secondly, enjoy your everyday life as a single and learn to love yourself deeply. That it will surely happen for you should quiet the recurring question of "when". Go on and focus on your other time-bound life goals. Achieving a happy married life is not time-bound. Lastly, do not be sorry for being choosy - If you meet a fellow and it turns out "not like it" please walk away. 23 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Will I Ever Get Married? by Chubhie: 4:12pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
seizethaBae:You must learn to accept personal responsibilities. This is your call. Stop your framing God up and attempting to use him as insurance just incase it goes south and you got heart broken. You subconsciously set up walls as defence mechanisms and asking God to show you a miracle while one was starring at your face. When you meet someone interesting,notice a point of attraction? That attraction/spark can be nurtured into roaring flames. I tell you now that if a greater guy than your ex shows up you would still encounter same problems until you work on yourself to dismantle those walls you built. You need to learn how to love and what the term love ultimately entails. I understand your subconscious mind in putting up those walls cos love is too deep and would leave you venerable once opened to the wrong person. You seem to have a good heart which the subconscious is jealously protecting. It's also okay to get heart broken so you learn and grow. Only you hold the keys to your missing paradise. 24 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Will I Ever Get Married? by Chubhie: 4:21pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
Nancy2016:By fleeting sensations I meant non permanence.Love should be a necessary condition to broker marriage but not enough to last the distance cos feelings as emotions changes with time. Even true love dies! Some women genuinely love their husbands yet sleep with other men out of pleasure,money,revenge,tricked into it,medical purposes etc. 27 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Will I Ever Get Married? by buoye1(m): 4:30pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
I have nothing to say to the op Poster above me...... You're very intelligent bro.... I really picked alot from your comments.. 5 Likes |
Re: Will I Ever Get Married? by Nancy2016: 4:31pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
Chubhie: I now see your point 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Will I Ever Get Married? by Berbierklaus(f): 4:45pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
seizethaBae:Nothing is wrong with you... Not even spiritually,because from your writeup every other thing is working fine. Marriage is not something you force,desperation has led a lot of ladies to the grave. Marriage will come when its right. Have you checked your attitude? are you nice and approachable? If you believe you have ticked everything tickable to be marriageble,you have nothing to worry about,marriage will come but you need to put in some extra efforts. 1)Subtle advance/green light : Go the extra mile to show you are likeable and loveable. 2)Do not show desperation 3)Mingle with men of marriageble age 4)Pray and commit your fears to God. Please never ever be desperate,it will be a disaster if you fall in wrong hands,you will wish you were single again 12 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Will I Ever Get Married? by sexymoma(f): 4:52pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
Op i must confess as a lady it possible for you not to get married to the person you love buh the person who loves you.... let me tell you the truth here... person wey we dey always run after nor dey run after us ooo ooo... leave that lil space for love to exist in your heart.. it happened to me too... i was busy running after lies, nd my boo been begging me for almost a year, i nor gree. 8 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Will I Ever Get Married? by sisisioge: 6:06pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
Oh baby...I should buy you a drink! Whew! My story isn't far from yours o. But relax...it will happen. For someone not an eye sore, my case is freaking funny. The A loves B but B loves C story is just too real. And they say I'm doing shakara, some even say I'm an intentional bachelorette ( I no fit spell am jare) wetin we go do nau? Finding the One is an herculean task! Here is my advice: try to live more and not think too hard about it. Treat yourself to some feel good therapy dear...expensive hair(no apologies, trust me it feels goooood to wear them) , nice perfumes (my sis just got the bottle of Marc Jacob that looks like a purse...been stealing it), lovely shoes and put on some lipstick! Ogbeni, live a little by enjoying your spinsterhood while it last. You will soon be responsible for plenty people ![]() By the way, I no be your mate for age o...my mama dey presently confused about my status sef. My bestie is married to a guy she met within a year! They met here on NL o( they just saw each other and knew straight up) I never fail to point out their luck to them. No be say guys aren't coming, we just no dey jive ni. A particular Nairalander has turned it to fight for me after I told him straight up its a nono for me after an exchange of about three emails. Wetin person go do nau...we owe ourselves the responsibility of finding the One lest we create dysfunctional homes. I miss the companionship, I miss the sense of being a team mate, I seriously can't wait to procreate, I envy my friends with those wonderful kids mehn...but I want a man who would light me up like a bulb. You will find... Just relax. 49 Likes 1 Share |
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