Salam alaykum brothers and sisters in islam. All protocols duly observed.

I know Islamically it is allowed for a man to marry up to 4 wives. But if as a wife, you feel you feel you cannot cope in such circumstances, (as resentment towards your spouse or jealousy towards the new wife may make you become sinful) is it permissible to opt out of such marriage?

Pls kindly answer with proofs. Thank you.

I will just copy and paste from shaykh saalih Al-munajjid site, since a similar question (slightly different) was asked there....https://islamqa.info/en/452

Question: My wife and i have discused me having a second wife and she sayes that if i do then she would devorse me.we did not get married by the kafirs but we do have a islamic contract. and there was no agreement on that contract forbiding me from taking a second wife.so my question is .Is it permisable for her to deny me this?And is'nt she making the hallal harram on me. my wife is a good muslimah (I.S.A.) and she would respect a answer whith proof. jazallahkum ma lakair

Published Date: 2000-05-03

ANSWER:

Praise be to Allaah.

If a man is able to marry a second wife, physically and financially, and he can treat both wives in a just manner, and he wants to take a second wife, then he is allowed to do so according to Islam. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“… then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four…” [al-Nisaa’ 4:3]

And this was the practice of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and of his Companions (may Allaah be pleased with them), but apart from the Prophet, no one is permitted to have more than four wives.

It is well known that women are by nature jealous and reluctant to share their husband with other women. Women are not to be condemned for this jealousy, for it existed in the best of righteous women, the Sahaabiyyaat, and even in the Mothers of the Believers [the wives of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)]. But women should not let jealousy make them object to that which Allaah has prescribed, and they should not try to prevent it; a wife should allow her husband to marry another woman for this is a kind of cooperating in righteousness and piety. According to a hadeeth whose authenticity is agreed upon, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever pays attention to his brother’s needs, Allaah will pay attention to his needs.”

The first wife’s consent is not a prerequisite for a man to take another wife. The Standing Committee for Issuing Fatwas was asked about this and replied as follows:

“It is not obligatory for the husband, if he wants to take a second wife, to have the consent of his first wife, but it is good manners and kindness to deal with her in such a manner that will reduce the hurt which women naturally feel in such situations. This is done by being kind to her and speaking to her in a gentle and pleasant manner, and by spending whatever money may be necessary in order to gain her acceptance of the situation.”

Concerning her request for divorce if her husband wants to marry another wife, this is a mistake. But they should examine the situation, and if she really cannot cope with living with another wife, then she can ask him for khula’ [ a kind of divorce instigated by the wife, whereby she forgoes the mahr]. If she can cope with living with the second wife, but it hurts her to do so, then she should be patient and seek the pleasure of Allaah. Thawbaan (may Allaah be pleased with him) narrated that the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“No woman asks her husband for a divorce for no reason, but the fragrance of Paradise is forbidden for her.” (Narrated by Abu Dawood and others, and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani, may Allaah have mercy on him).

If she bears it with patience, then Allaah will make it easier for her and will expand her chest (i.e., grant her peace and calm), and will compensate her with something good. The husband must also help her by treating her kindly, being patient with her for any jealousy etc. on her part, and overlooking her mistakes. And Allaah is the source of help.

I hope this thread won't be over taken by some overzealous women again like it was in the past...because you never see them contributing in something intellectual and benefiting..... But by the time they see such threads as this, you see them as if they've just been released from their caves..

WAllaahul musta'aan

Following

AbdelKabir:
I will just copy and paste from shaykh saalih Al-munajjid site, since a similar question (slightly different) was asked there....https://islamqa.info/en/452

Question: My wife and i have discused me having a second wife and she sayes that if i do then she would devorse me.we did not get married by the kafirs but we do have a islamic contract. and there was no agreement on that contract forbiding me from taking a second wife.so my question is .Is it permisable for her to deny me this?And is'nt she making the hallal harram on me. my wife is a good muslimah (I.S.A.) and she would respect a answer whith proof. jazallahkum ma lakair

Published Date: 2000-05-03

ANSWER:

Praise be to Allaah.

If a man is able to marry a second wife, physically and financially, and he can treat both wives in a just manner, and he wants to take a second wife, then he is allowed to do so according to Islam. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“… then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four…” [al-Nisaa’ 4:3]

And this was the practice of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and of his Companions (may Allaah be pleased with them), but apart from the Prophet, no one is permitted to have more than four wives.

It is well known that women are by nature jealous and reluctant to share their husband with other women. Women are not to be condemned for this jealousy, for it existed in the best of righteous women, the Sahaabiyyaat, and even in the Mothers of the Believers [the wives of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)]. But women should not let jealousy make them object to that which Allaah has prescribed, and they should not try to prevent it; a wife should allow her husband to marry another woman for this is a kind of cooperating in righteousness and piety. According to a hadeeth whose authenticity is agreed upon, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever pays attention to his brother’s needs, Allaah will pay attention to his needs.”

The first wife’s consent is not a prerequisite for a man to take another wife. The Standing Committee for Issuing Fatwas was asked about this and replied as follows:

“It is not obligatory for the husband, if he wants to take a second wife, to have the consent of his first wife, but it is good manners and kindness to deal with her in such a manner that will reduce the hurt which women naturally feel in such situations. This is done by being kind to her and speaking to her in a gentle and pleasant manner, and by spending whatever money may be necessary in order to gain her acceptance of the situation.”

Concerning her request for divorce if her husband wants to marry another wife, this is a mistake. But they should examine the situation, and if she really cannot cope with living with another wife, then she can ask him for khula’ [ a kind of divorce instigated by the wife, whereby she forgoes the mahr]. If she can cope with living with the second wife, but it hurts her to do so, then she should be patient and seek the pleasure of Allaah. Thawbaan (may Allaah be pleased with him) narrated that the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“No woman asks her husband for a divorce for no reason, but the fragrance of Paradise is forbidden for her.” (Narrated by Abu Dawood and others, and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani, may Allaah have mercy on him).

If she bears it with patience, then Allaah will make it easier for her and will expand her chest (i.e., grant her peace and calm), and will compensate her with something good. The husband must also help her by treating her kindly, being patient with her for any jealousy etc. on her part, and overlooking her mistakes. And Allaah is the source of help.

Fragnance of paradise ke. A woman will be fine without it. Mtcheeeeew

Its only a wicked man that will marry another wife when he knows his wife will never be happy with it and such a man does not deserve you.
As a good muslimah i will leave the man so i will not sin against Allah by killing both of them.
My sister if he wants to marry he is free and you are free to leave his sorry ass.

AbdelKabir:
I will just copy and paste from shaykh saalih Al-munajjid site, since a similar question (slightly different) was asked there....https://islamqa.info/en/452

Question: My wife and i have discused me having a second wife and she sayes that if i do then she would devorse me.we did not get married by the kafirs but we do have a islamic contract. and there was no agreement on that contract forbiding me from taking a second wife.so my question is .Is it permisable for her to deny me this?And is'nt she making the hallal harram on me. my wife is a good muslimah (I.S.A.) and she would respect a answer whith proof. jazallahkum ma lakair

Published Date: 2000-05-03

ANSWER:

Praise be to Allaah.

If a man is able to marry a second wife, physically and financially, and he can treat both wives in a just manner, and he wants to take a second wife, then he is allowed to do so according to Islam. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“… then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four…” [al-Nisaa’ 4:3]

And this was the practice of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and of his Companions (may Allaah be pleased with them), but apart from the Prophet, no one is permitted to have more than four wives.

It is well known that women are by nature jealous and reluctant to share their husband with other women. Women are not to be condemned for this jealousy, for it existed in the best of righteous women, the Sahaabiyyaat, and even in the Mothers of the Believers [the wives of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)]. But women should not let jealousy make them object to that which Allaah has prescribed, and they should not try to prevent it; a wife should allow her husband to marry another woman for this is a kind of cooperating in righteousness and piety. According to a hadeeth whose authenticity is agreed upon, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever pays attention to his brother’s needs, Allaah will pay attention to his needs.”

The first wife’s consent is not a prerequisite for a man to take another wife. The Standing Committee for Issuing Fatwas was asked about this and replied as follows:

“It is not obligatory for the husband, if he wants to take a second wife, to have the consent of his first wife, but it is good manners and kindness to deal with her in such a manner that will reduce the hurt which women naturally feel in such situations. This is done by being kind to her and speaking to her in a gentle and pleasant manner, and by spending whatever money may be necessary in order to gain her acceptance of the situation.”

Concerning her request for divorce if her husband wants to marry another wife, this is a mistake. But they should examine the situation, and if she really cannot cope with living with another wife, then she can ask him for khula’ [ a kind of divorce instigated by the wife, whereby she forgoes the mahr]. If she can cope with living with the second wife, but it hurts her to do so, then she should be patient and seek the pleasure of Allaah. Thawbaan (may Allaah be pleased with him) narrated that the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“No woman asks her husband for a divorce for no reason, but the fragrance of Paradise is forbidden for her.” (Narrated by Abu Dawood and others, and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani, may Allaah have mercy on him).

If she bears it with patience, then Allaah will make it easier for her and will expand her chest (i.e., grant her peace and calm), and will compensate her with something good. The husband must also help her by treating her kindly, being patient with her for any jealousy etc. on her part, and overlooking her mistakes. And Allaah is the source of help.

Jazaka Lah khairan for this. So from this post, i can infer that it is permissible on a woman to leave based on the above reasons if she fears it will affect her relationship with Allah. But if she can persevere and stay she will be rewarded by Allah. Pls correct me if I am wrong. Thanks.

sarahade:
Its only a wicked man that will marry another wife when he knows his wife will never be happy with it and such a man does not deserve you.
As a good muslimah i will leave the man so i will not sin against allah by killing both of them.
My sister if he wants to marry he is free and you are free to leave his sorry ass.

Lolzz. Thanks sis.

Ayadeji:




Jazaka Lah khairan for this. So from this post, i can infer that it is permissible on a woman to leave based on the above reasons if she fears it will affect her relationship with Allah. But if she can persevere and stay she will be rewarded by Allah. Pls correct me if I am wrong. Thanks.

Yep.....but the woman have to check herself and be sure that she can't really cope with it(based on the shaykh's words), but again, I say it is better to stay back....

Ayadeji:



Lolzz. Thanks sis.

I'm sorry, you are thanking her for what again? For having the heart of killing because of a rival or for being unnecessarily vulgar without any iota of shame....I'm confused, what good has she written?

In addition to what AbdelKabir says: You should know if you insist in separation which the husband is not comfortable with it, You have return back his bride price to him.

AbdelKabir:


I'm sorry, you are thanking her for what again? For having the heart of killing because of a rival or for being unnecessarily vulgar without any iota of shame....I'm confused, what good has she written?

Women are very emotional especially when it comes to issue like this. I deliberately included with 'Proofs' when I asked my question because I know most of us allow our emotions to get the best of us. Thanking her doesnt neccessarily mean I agree with her point of view. Rather I saw the 'solidarity' for her fellow sister in her post. If you dont agree with her you can ignore or correct her nicely. Thanks once again.

Ayadeji:




Women are very emotional especially when it comes to issue like this. I deliberately included with 'Proofs' when I asked my question because I know most of us allow our emotions to get the best of us. Thanking her doesnt neccessarily mean I agree with her point of view. Rather I saw the 'solidarity' for her fellow sister in her post. If you dont agree with her you can ignore or correct her nicely. Thanks once again.

Only if you knew how many times she has been corrected "nicely"....

Ayadeji:



Lolzz. Thanks sis.

You are welcome my sister. Please do not let anyone bully you or make you feel less my sister.
Only a woman knows where it hurt in this matter
A man will never tell you the truth because of their intention.
What has allah promised them for marrying another wife nothing but even told them not to do it if they can't be just but who can be just.
If a man will be just then there's no need for jealousy look at their reply they will never include the condition of being just in their arguments because they want to twist the words of the prophet.
They will come online to tag me shameless use words to bully you and i because they know nothing is holding you in the marriage except you.
If you have to return bride price no problem I'm sure you are yoruba and bride price is something you can afford pay him if you can't i will gladly support you.
A man that 1 woman cannot satisfy 100 will never satisfy him.
Allah loves us equally. After the divorce my sister dedicate your life to him and see if he will not reward you and bless you.
Its difficult to leave but you will never regret it as long as you are hardworking. Allah will always comfort you.
If you want to know more ask any mother who has been in a polygamous relationship and decide if that's the way you want to live your life. Salaam

But the attitude towards the Hadith of Fragrance is not ok. May Allah forgive us all.

FriendNG:
In addition to what AbdelKabir says: You should know if you insist in separation which the husband is not comfortable with it, You have return back his bride price to him.

Thanks, that's not an issue as I haven't even collected it in the first place. I asked for something he would fulfil whenever he could afford without a time frame.

Polygamy doesn't have to be a bad thing. I'd say we seek Allah's guidence in all we do. In this case isthikhara can be done. We may dislike something and it is better for us and we may like something and it is bad for us.

Modified
@ ayadeji regardless the decision you make, I will really implore you pray istikhara over it. Nobody here knows the best for you. Even we ourselves don't know the best for ourselves.

^^ Baarakallaahu feeki hajia...

snapscore:
Polygamy doesn't have to be a bad thing. I'd say we seek Allah's guidence in all we do. In this case isthikhara can be done. We may dislike something and it is better for us and we may like something and it is bad for us.

Exactly. It continues by saying "Wallahu ya'alamu wa'antun la ta'alamun"

Verily God knows (the best for u) and you know not.

FriendNG:


Exactly. It continues by saying "Wallahu ya'alamu wa'antun la ta'alamun"

Verily God knows (the best for u) and you know not.

I love this so much and Allah knows and you know not

sarahade:
Its only a wicked man that will marry another wife when he knows his wife will never be happy with it and such a man does not deserve you.
As a good muslimah i will leave the man so i will not sin against allah by killing both of them.
My sister if he wants to marry he is free and you are free to leave his sorry ass.

.

Lol, you this girl ehn

sarahade:
Its only a wicked man that will marry another wife when he knows his wife will never be happy with it and such a man does not deserve you.
As a good muslimah i will leave the man so i will not sin against allah by killing both of them.
My sister if he wants to marry he is free and you are free to leave his sorry ass

Lol @killing both of them...

sarahade:
Its only a wicked man that will marry another wife when he knows his wife will never be happy with it and such a man does not deserve you.
As a good muslimah i will leave the man so i will not sin against allah by killing both of them.
My sister if he wants to marry he is free and you are free to leave his sorry ass.

You again ehn. hummm

Empiree:
You again ehn. hummm

good evening sir.
How are you? Hope you had a great day

sarahade:

good evening sir.
How are you? Hope you had a great day

Evening. I am fine. Thanks ma'am.

AbdelKabir:
I hope this thread won't be over taken by some overzealous women again like it was in the past...because you never see them contributing in something intellectual and benefiting..... But by the time they see such threads as this, you see them as if they've just been released from their caves..

WAllaahul musta'aan

You can answer without being nasty.

Live and let live.

Yes, she can seek for divorce using khula if she fears she might commit sin as a result of him marrying another.

Preservation of one's faith is important.

And there is a tangible reason for the divorce.

A woman sought for divorce during the time of the prophet because she didn't find her husband attractive and the divorce was granted.

Fatima spoke out when Ali wanted to marry another because of who Ali wanted to marry. She wasn't told to just accept it. So why not polygamy? if you truly can't cope?

Sissie:


You can answer without being nasty.

Live and let live.

If you think that was "nasty" then I really I'm not bothered..... I think you should study the situation on ground and why that comment was made before taking sides....

BTW you saw another person who was being "nasty" without contributing positively, why didn't you say the same to the other?

Sissie:
Yes, she can seek for divorce using khula if she fears she might commit sin as a result of him marrying another.

Preservation of one's faith is important.

And there is a tangible reason for the divorce.

A woman sought for divorce during the time of the prophet because she didn't find her husband attractive and the divorce was granted.

Fatima spoke out when Ali wanted to marry another because of who Ali wanted to marry. She wasn't told to just accept it. So why not polygamy? if you truly can't cope?

The faatimah case is different, imam An-Nawawi has already explained that Faatimah voiced out because the person to be married is an enemy of the prophet(and Allaah) Abu jahl(la'natullaah alayhi), so there is a high chance of hatred being transferred to her through the daughter of Abu jahl thereby hurting faatimah, and it's haraam to harm faatimah....

The prophet also said: “By Allaah, the daughter of rasulullaah and the daughter of the enemy of Allaah will not be put together as wives for one man.”

does islam care about women or their feelings

Divorce your husband if you don't feel comfortable with polygamy.



Islam will not be there when things gp south but you as an individual will need to tackle it