Trueigbo:
I was discussing with a friend yesterday. Our fore fathers marry their wives without knowing them and they grew in love building wonderful families.

Today the reverse is the case, as people marry the one they love but the rate of marriage failure is on the increase.


My question is should we marry the person we love or should we marry and grow in love with the person.

BleSSedMee:
Marrying for love is great! But love is not always enough for a long lasting marriage.

I'd say marry someone you would have unwavering respect for no matter what.

Thus respect is the main ingredient of a good marriage. Then comes love, commitment. And the rest.


Not forgetting the overall, putting God in the center of your relationship/marriage is the sure route to its success.

Trueigbo:


Could it be why our parents marriages were successful then?

Look at marriages these days. So many court case between husband and wife. Divorce is on the increase. Young couples now see divorce as an option unlike in the past when the word divorce is a taboo

BleSSedMee:
Marrying for love is great! But love is not always enough for a long lasting marriage.

I'd say marry someone you would have unwavering respect for no matter what.

Thus respect is the main ingredient of a good marriage. Then comes love, commitment. And the rest.


Not forgetting the overall, putting God in the center of your relationship/marriage is the sure route to its success.

peckebu:
I don't usually think our fore fathers crew in love I think they just got used to each other. its better to grow in love

MediumStout:
Most people abuse the word love out of context. Many equate sexual attractions and infatuation/obsession for love. 80% of people using the word love don't even love one another. Love is never a prerequisite for a long lasting marriage. Tolerance, communication and understanding is the key to marital success. The reason why marriages don't last these days is because the foundation is built on physical/material attractions of both partners and wrongly termed love. Love is not enough u make me remember how Tonto dikeh call her husband king Kong dat year sha!


Tonto dike and her husband once littered the Internet with various post proffessing love for one another when the infatuation and lust between them was at the early stage. Fast forward to this date, we all know how it ended. Where has the love for her king kong suddenly gone to after a year of marriage

BleSSedMee:
Marrying for love is great! But love is not always enough for a long lasting marriage.

I'd say marry someone you would have unwavering respect for no matter what.

Thus respect is the main ingredient of a good marriage. Then comes love, commitment. And the rest.


Not forgetting the overall, putting God in the center of your relationship/marriage is the sure route to its success.

majekdom2:
that is lust... Love is love, same way truth is truth! A man that does not love his fellow man cannot love a woman. A man that steals and can kill a fellow man cannot love a woman. He is either in lust o obsessed with that being. Thats how it works. I don't mean to come religious. The bible says, Love your neighbour as yourself even if you can't love completely, love. The same bible says, husband's, love your wife. I grow to love someone when the person pleases you in all. God loves us regardless of our sins. But he shows more love to those that please him. Thats how it work. And who are those that please God, the ones that share his values... so you can't love someone who does not share your value. You can't be friends in the first instance.

ssuccess:


Why should divorce be taboo, if the marriage can't go forward together, it SHOULD SEPARATELY!

Let's change our views towards MARRIAGE.
It's not do or die!
If it's abusive, and you've TRIED to repair it, yet it still doesn't work, LEAVE!

majekdom2:
are you saying when you "grow in love, you can't fall out of love"... compare the 2 bolded. Or do you grow forever in love. It's easy, just as when one starts courting, one may not really be ready to fall in love but at sometime, you realise the person is so awesome and then you fall in love. If someone does not share same values with you, you can't love in the first instance. What many call love is lust an infatuation. Will you remain by your partner in hard times? Will you go hungry because he cannot provide at sometime? Will you sacrifice your last for your partner? When you can answer that question genuinely, you will know if you love your partner. Yes, marriage is sweet but truth is its no joke. It's best life teaches one lessons when still courting, it will help in making some decisions. As a guy, have you had friends you didn't have a fight with, if yes... then you don't have any true friends. There are people who have been friends since childhood but stop being friends after one disagreement. These ar people that grew in love. Now imagine, living with a friend all the remaining days of your life.

Humility017:

you're so intelligent.....
bless you for this

plaetton:

Lol.
Let's not get religious here, otherwise I might have to show you a thing or two about god's Love.

Now, back to the issue.
Firstly, no one is talking about marrying god, so god and his love is not the issue here. After all, gods love is supposed to be comparable with a parent-child love, a different kind of love than what we are discussing on this thread.

My point is that people conflate the lusts and hormonal activity between a man and a woman with love.

The truer love is the one that is seeded, watered, grows and matures with time. It could only get better with time.

The other type, the type where we are quick toconvince ourselves that we are in love, inevitably withers with time.

alexialin:



Smiles thank you

alexialin:






One thing I notice in marriage and in keeping a lasting union.
Both couples or intending couples should take themselves as best of friends.
Love is a fond feeling that grows or glows in one's heart or being towards another.
Even as at that? If both parties are not patient, truthful, sincere and caring to each other and have a listening ear. Such relationship or marriage will. Not last long.
No matter how much anyone claims to love each other.
Close friends that are dear to my heart, I can go through any length for them.

Friends whom after may years, split up due to a quarrel? Had it coming between them. Either one of the friends have been dying to do away with the other, through those fake years of friendship and an opportunity came and he or she seized such opportunity and called it quits between the two of them.

Marrying someone am in love with has never worked for me. It always end in heartbreak. Because one is in love than the other, she keeps forgiving his mistakes until she can forgive no more, and all she wants is to keep away from such person so she can live again. Some guys when the lady is more in love, they take advantage and always do stupid things, saying she will forgive me, but a time comes her forgiving heart is already dried up. No more .


If only some human beings can be unselfish and allow their conscience work. Marriage, relationships would have lasted for years.

Trueigbo:
I was discussing with a friend yesterday. Our fore fathers marry their wives without knowing them and they grew in love building wonderful families.

Today the reverse is the case, as people marry the one they love but the rate of marriage failure is on the increase.


My question is should we marry the person we love or should we marry and grow in love with the person.

majekdom2:
great! You are talking from a lady's perspective that may not have experienced true love as it were. If you read through my post, you will see I said it clearly, it's the responsibility of a man to first show his love. Thats how We have been created. A man shows his love. Sadly, many ladies tend to love a man who does not truly love them, close their eyes to see when someone who truly loves them comes around. They have allowed their feelings overide their judgment skills. No matter how a lady tries, if a man does not love you, he can never. On the other hand, many men are in lust because of physical attributes of the lady. Hence, when they see some other they can't stay any longer. I am not saying beauty isn't necessary. Love itself is not selfish. Like I do tell people, get into relationships because you want to make the other person a better human and not what you want to get from that relationship, that way you will see the other party as a complement.

Benita27:
Nothing will make me marry someone I don't love with the hopes of growing in love in the future.

Marry whom you love.

majekdom2:
I referred to God because we have his nature. I wasn't trying to get religious. @ bolded, what I want you to understand is what you refer to @ love in the bolded is LUST/ Psuedo Love. It is different from True love.

Trueigbo:
I was discussing with a friend yesterday. Our fore fathers marry their wives without knowing them and they grew in love building wonderful families.

Today the reverse is the case, as people marry the one they love but the rate of marriage failure is on the increase.


My question is should we marry the person we love or should we marry and grow in love with the person.

plaetton:

Again , I don't disagree with you.
The love, for example that I have for my mother, my sisters and my children are pure , unconditional Love. In this love, I don't need or expect constant assurances and nourishment to fuel or keep it burning.

[b]The love I have for a mate or wife is different. That one is conditional, whether we admit it or not. [/b]It needs constant revalidation and nourishment, re-evaluations, etc, as well as being jealous, possessive and vulnerable to mutual suspicions.

These are the reasons why it hardly stands the tests of TIME.

Trueigbo:
I was discussing with a friend yesterday. Our fore fathers marry their wives without knowing them and they grew in love building wonderful families.

Today the reverse is the case, as people marry the one they love but the rate of marriage failure is on the increase.


My question is should we marry the person we love or should we marry and grow in love with the person.

BleSSedMee:
Marrying for love is great! But love is not always enough for a long lasting marriage.

I'd say marry someone you would have unwavering respect for no matter what.

Thus respect is the main ingredient of a good marriage. Then comes love, commitment. And the rest.


Not forgetting the overall, putting God in the center of your relationship/marriage is the sure route to its success.

clemmonce:
marry a person you love and grow in more love. Love is a seed it grows. So when you love someone be ready to nurture it so it can grow. Dont marry someone you don't love hoping to learn to love the person later on. it is too huge a risk.... it is not worth it.

Trueigbo:
I was discussing with a friend yesterday. Our fore fathers marry their wives without knowing them and they grew in love building wonderful families.

Today the reverse is the case, as people marry the one they love but the rate of marriage failure is on the increase.


My question is should we marry the person we love or should we marry and grow in love with the person.