For over 4 years my father have been accusing my mother of fornications which has been a serious issue in our family. (24 years old marriage)

My father have accused my mom of befriending different men in her work place,church and the compound were we live.

Me and my only brother don't stay at home most times due to our school (university).

My little siblings who are in elementary school are the only ones at home and my father keeps filling this kids heads with different kinds of questions about my mom.

Please note that my father does not stay at home often as he likes visiting the village and to be frank i and my friends have caught him several times but i keep it to myself and pray he changes one day just to prevent more chaos in the family.

One day we all went to the village. One of my cousin brothers who base in the village came to visit us. He is known to be a very funny person and to be frank he talks anyhow and jokes a lot.

But my mom was shocked when he told her that my dad had rented a shop for one woman and even bought refrigerator for her. My mom kept mute and never asked my dad.

As the accusations keep increasing my mom who have noticed several suspicious activities of my dad got angry and stated voicing out all she have heard and suspected about my dad including the refrigerator saga.

My dad has beaten my mom in several occasions but at night and even in the day.

Just to cut the story short:

There is a woman who lives close to us, her husband was a very close friend of my dad before he died.

We discovered that my dad eats food from her Unknown to my mom when my mom is not around and they both spend time together in our house and that of the woman.

We also discovered that my dad usually buys food stuff and pay for other items for her.

Now I'm very angry about this because he has carried this irritating life to to our neighbor who he claim the woman's late husband was very close to him and his just showing care for the family as a close friend to his late friend.

Currently now there are unpaid debts in our family, things are extremely difficult yet my dad could buy stuffs for the other woman.

My mom complains about how my dad uses his retirement salary for what she can't explain. He keep saying his clearing debts and all that.

I'm fed up. I want to take serious action. I want to come out to quarrel my dad to the last. After all he chased me out of his house because i had so hard with him due to this numerous accusations he keeps labelling on my mom without any tangible evidence. My mom keeps crying and have decided to call her family members for a joint meeting by next month after my dad have skipped about two different meetings called by my moms people (brothers and sisters cos her dad and mom are late).

Now below is the letter i want to send to my dad. I have made up my mind to take that bold step. Maybe it will change him. Please read below and advice me I'm totally confused i don't want our family to tear apart.

After carring out my research and investigations about the happenings in our family which has over the years been a threat to the unity, progress and stability of our coexistence as one family, i beg to state that:





1) Because you have decided for over 4 years now to frustrate, humiliate and disorganize my mother who happens to be your wife with all kinds of accusations,insults and disgrace for a reason best known to you. And:

2) Because you have derived more pleasure in carrying the bordens of your concubines and that of their children to the detriment of your own family even when you are aware of the sufferings and debts in your family.

I want to make it clear that as a result of this, i have taken it upon myself not minding how it will effect me to suspend anything that has to do with the both of us till futher notice to enable you have more finance and less opposition to continue with those activities of yours that gives you pleasure but i find disgraceful, irritating and odious to me.

Thank you.....

Please Don't mind my English and focus on the write up, na vex i dey use right all this stuff...

Prosper is that you?

Bro, this is very difficult as its between ur dad and mom and the fact that its a bit beyond ur scope makes it complex. U need to reach out to ur fathers siblings; uncles or aunts, talk to them about the situation. If nothing works out, talk to ur mums siblings too. Do your best to keep ur mum out of ur dads reach considering he's a woman beater, u don't wanna hear a terrible story, the devil is cunning.

God help you bro.

Don't, it does not even matter.

He cares less already, so do not give him backing.

I am from a broken home so I understand your plight

Don't do it please!!!!

It'll shift the attention away from the subject matter which is your dad's alleged philandering and mistreatment of your mum. The focus will now be on you "disrespecting" your dad.

Besides as a student you're not yet empowered enough to call his bluff and damn the consequences.

Is your mum financially empowered? Can she care for her self and your siblings at the least? She should focus on that and ignore your dad much more especially if leaving him isn't immediately feasible.

Bro don't do that. Unless u know ur mummy can provide for you and u need less of your dad. And by the way u would need your dad in the future even if he is a Adulterous. When u grow up enough u would understand why ur father or mother behaves the way they do then u can either shun or allow them to be. Choose your side which is your mom and keep your intention to your self. Some men are beast at this stage in life but when they see their children start becoming independent that's when they change . WAIT TILL THAT TIME.

If your mother's people can find her some money to get something doing they will be a nice idea.
As for your father, he's a lost cause. He'll only become normal when he's old and needs someone to look after him.
If his people can help your mum and your younger ones out too, to pay their school fees, that would be nice. But it's better your mum finds something doing too.
She can be a nanny to young couples who are both working to save up some money, or if her relatives can contribute some money for her to start a trade.

I've come to the realisation that when there're issues between parents, the "Mother" usually gets sympathy from the kids. There's no smoke without fire. That you haven't caught your mum cheating doesn't mean she may not have cheated on your dad ever. I don't support the domestic violence but this isn't your call but elders. It's disrespectful calling his bluff for him. Let an older person with more wisdom handle this issue, your actions could aggravate things.

The first paragraph of your letter shows you took your mother's side and your dad would see it that way. Why not write him another letter, telling him of the good times you all shared together as a family, and stating why you would love him to change and make things work between him and your mum. Do this then invite the elders to talk to them both.

Most marriages go through this phase over time 'cause "Love" isn't enough. What they need to live with is wisdom.

babythug:
Don't do it please!!!!

It'll shift the attention away from the subject matter which is your dad's alleged philandering and mistreatment of your mum. The focus will now be on you "disrespecting" your dad.

Besides as a student you're not yet empowered enough to call his bluff and damn the consequences.

Is your mum financially empowered? Can she care for her self and your siblings at the least? She should focus on that and ignore your dad much more especially if leaving him isn't immediately feasible.

My mom is a civil servant. 70% of all i have spent in school came from my mom.

EMMAUGOH:
Bro don't do that. Unless u know ur mummy can provide for you and u need less of your dad. And by the way u would need your dad in the future even if he is a Adulterous. When u grow up enough u would understand why ur father or mother behaves the way they do then u can either shun or allow them to be. Choose your side which is your mom and keep your intention to your self. Some men are beast at this stage in life but when they see their children start becoming independent that's when they change . WAIT TILL THAT TIME.

My mom can, the most painful thing is the little the man has he is still sharing it with his concubines. Up till date my dad prefers to show himself outside and let the family manage.

A man who worked for years before his retirement, had cars and even dashed one out couldn't complete his house till date.

eyinjuege:
If your mother's people can find her some money to get something doing they will be a nice idea.
As for your father, he's a lost cause. He'll only become normal when he's old and needs someone to look after him.
If his people can help your mum and your younger ones out too, to pay their school fees, that would be nice. But it's better your mum finds something doing too.
She can be a nanny to young couples who are both working to save up some money, or if her relatives can contribute some money for her to start a trade.

As i type there hidden letters my mom saw in his room where he clearly stated that he can no longer stay with my mom even with the financial needs in the family.

70% of wat i have spent in school came from my mom.


Only God knows the number of undisclose concubines he has.

Benita27:
I've come to the realisation that when there're issues between parents, the "Mother" usually gets sympathy from the kids. There's no smoke without fire. That you haven't caught your mum cheating doesn't mean she may not have cheated on your dad ever. I don't support the domestic violence but this isn't your call but elders. It's disrespectful calling his bluff for him. Let an older person with more wisdom handle this issue, your actions could aggravate things.

The first paragraph of your letter shows you took your mother's side and your dad would see it that way. Why not write him another letter, telling him of the good times you all shared together as a family, and stating why you would love him to change and make things work between him and your mum. Do this then invite the elders to talk to them both.

Most marriages go through this phase over time 'cause "Love" isn't enough. What they need to live with is wisdom.

My mom is a strong woman of God. She is the foundation of Christianity in our family today.

I don't believe she sleeps with the number of men in both her church, work place my dad is accusing her off.

Prosper24:


My mom is a strong woman of God. She is the foundation of Christianity in our family today.

I don't believe she sleeps with the number of men in both her church, work place my dad is accusing her off.

Ok Sir, but don't send your dad that letter. We have elders for a reason.

Benita27:
Ok Sir, but don't send your dad that letter. We have elders for a reason.

Maybe i should wait until after the said family meeting by next month.

If he skips the meeting this time

Or

Continue with his current behavior then I'm done with him.


The most painful thing is, one will keep managing in school while your dad will be sponsoring other women and their children. It pains..


This man has been doing this for years especially when he was still working.


Now he is only receiving pension, why can't him call himself to order instead he is fornicating and sponsoring other women while at the same time accusing my mom of the same fornication.

We have a lot of financial needs.

My dad had money, he was balling but now no investment, incomplete house. The few furnitures we have in the house my mom bought them all.

He married late and close to 30years older than my mom.


That man is a complete failure. So sorry to say but he has refused to take correction.

Prosper24:


Maybe i should wait until after the said family meeting by next month.

If he skips the meeting this time

Or

Continue with his current behavior then I'm done with him.


The most painful thing is, one will keep managing in school while your dad will be sponsoring other women and their children. It pains..


This man has been doing this for years especially when he was still working.


Now he is only receiving pension, why can't him call himself to order instead he is fornicating and sponsoring other women while at the same time accusing my mom of the same fornication.

We have a lot of financial needs.

My dad had money, he was balling but now no investment, incomplete house. The few furnitures we have in the house my mom bought them all.

He married late and close to 30years older than my mom.


That man is a complete failure. So sorry to say but have refused to take correction.

Your dad needs prayers and counselling.

Prosper24:


My mom can, the most painful thing is the little the man has he is still sharing it with his concubines. Up till date my dad prefers to show himself outside and let the family manage.

A man who worked for years before his retirement, had cars and even dashed one out couldn't complete his house till date.

my brother if i tell u my own story, it same only that my mom couldn't bear it and she is late now..... But after formative years the man has come to his senses only that he never knew he lost his children emotionally then..NOw he kept asking us what wrong he did to be our father and we are behaving as if we dont need him again....He is the one that would ask and answer, nobody has his time again

Hmmm. So sorry for your mom's death.

It's better my dad goes his way let my mom be. I can't afford to lose that woman.

If your dad is sleeping around like you claim he is, then advice your mother to protect herself against STDs. AIDs is real.

Re: the numerous accusations of cheating and wife beating, advise your mother to temporarily separate from your father by moving out of the family home into a place of her own - and to take your younger siblings along with her. Life has no duplicates.

I'm sorry but from what you've written, it sounds as though your father has emotionally checked out of the union with his philandering and neglect of his responsibilities to his family.

yes

Go ahead! your specie is no where near extinction don't worry

Seriously serious!

But wait o Prosper.


You father is almost thirty years older than your mum and the marriage is 24 years old.

If your mum married at age 20, means she is 44 now.

Is your dad almost 74 years old or there about?

make sure u think deeply on the consequences of ur action before taking them

Hmmm...

Pray seriously about it and go meet your dad, talk to him RESPECTIFULLY and plead with him to change his ways.

Do not let him think you are siding your mother.

O ya tear that rubish letter now.

Oga ooooo

God! I booked this space thinking it's a thread I can comment... Then I read through it and realized it is stronger than me. Now I have no choice but to sit back relax and let Nairaland Elders Comment.

.
You know op... that's same sh*t my Dad used to do, used beat Mon up and cheat on her, I never did side him or mom. it's their marriage, they took the vows *for better or worse* I wasn't there, so I stayed out of their business. I don't wanna talk about all those sh*ts I've witnessed...but bro stay out of their business, they're both adults not kids...

I'll advice you not to go ahead with your plan
organise a family meeting with elders in the family(both from your mom and dad's family) and make sure he attends it..
your dad needs counseling, actually both of them need it...

Too sentimental. Be a man and converse with pops and if pops no reason after couple of tries, lock up and move on.

I think the problem with your dad is guilty concience.Whenever he does something wrong and sees your mum,his concience would prick him and he would feel your mum is doing exactly what he does behind his back.That alone would make him defensive which would make his start harrassing her.

My advice to you is to get a strong evidence to nail him down for once.

And also when you disown him for the mean time i hope you got a backup plan as regards to finance?

nop
Meanwhile... to all those wanting to leave Nigeria Illegally... read this my experience and learn

Sad End of an Illegal Immigrant in Malaysia

do it bro

Prosper24:


My mom is a civil servant. 70% of all i have spent in school came from my mom.