Benita27:
Ok Sir, but don't send your dad that letter. We have elders for a reason.

What if you have foolish elders or people that already want the man's downfall?

taylor88:
the high rate of konji in this country is mind blowing



the day my dad threatened my mum of getting a second wife i laughed very hard


I seduced the woman and fuvcked her, took her pants to my dad as evidence. no more i go marry


u need to see d joy in my mums face, for 1 month mum was giving me food with 5pieces of meat

this is what worked for me

I love u bro lol �

Medunah:

I care less about his father's side of the story......no matter what's happened, it's not enough for him to neglect his children!! even if his wife has done something wrong to him, does that stop him from being a good father to his kids?? or will u cut off ur nose just to spite ur face??

and when these kids become successful in life, he will want to reap where he didn't sow. Rubbish

rubbish what? what are u rubbishing? look. life is not thesame for everyone. when joseph was sold by his brothers. little did they know he was being sold to his destiny. lemme tell u. everything in life is Gods plan. just accept the situation and look for the positive side. you are already a foul mouthed woman. u have no wroth talking to me . so i will ignore u.

YOUNGSTUNNA:
God! I booked this space thinking it's a thread I can comment... Then I read through it and realized it is stronger than me. Now I have no choice but to sit back relax and let Nairaland Elders Comment.

.
You know op... that's same sh*t my Dad used to do, used beat Mon up and cheat on her, I never did side him or mom. it's their marriage, they took the vows *for better or worse* I wasn't there, so I stayed out of their business. I don't wanna talk about all those sh*ts I've witnessed...but bro stay out of their business, they're both adults not kids...

Best advice ever.
If his mum needs to leave, she alone would leave.
Just keep out of their wahala.
If you can't keep seeing him leave home.
Move on with your life and keep praying things shape out for good.
Good may mean them separating.
OP your father is your father, no matter how annoying he is.
Your mother is your mother no matter how annoying she is.
You need to find something therapeutic to do.
So you can heal.
Else you will do worse than your dad.
If you grow up bitter.

Medunah:

I care less about his father's side of the story......no matter what's happened, it's not enough for him to neglect his children!! even if his wife has done something wrong to him, does that stop him from being a good father to his kids?? or will u cut off ur nose just to spite ur face??

and when these kids become successful in life, he will want to reap where he didn't sow. Rubbish

Thank you ooo, which side of the yeye story, are the children blind not to see everything going on around them?

Enough of people saying "it's their marriage , don't get involved".have you all forgotten that if two elephants fight the ground is the one to suffer it?, do you know what it feels like to come from such homes people?, Do you know the impact it has on the children .
Please OP, kindly take advice from people who experienced such, only he who wears the shoe knows where it pinches.

taylor88:
the high rate of konji in this country is mind blowing



the day my dad threatened my mum of getting a second wife i laughed very hard


I seduced the woman and fuvcked her, took her pants to my dad as evidence. no more i go marry


u need to see d joy in my mums face, for 1 month mum was giving me food with 5pieces of meat

this is what worked for me

Bullshit.

humblenature:
rubbish what? what are u rubbishing? look. life is not thesame for everyone. when joseph was sold by his brothers. little did they know he was being sold to his destiny. lemme tell u. everything in life is Gods plan. just accept the situation and look for the positive side. you are already a foul mouthed woman. u have no wroth talking to me . so i will ignore u.

whats the positive side of having a good for nothing cheat and wife beater for a father?? if u don't av money, it's another thing but u av the money nd spending it on concubines at the expense of ur family?? u might as well not be in their lives at all, let them know they don't av a father!!

u re not only a sexist but an ignorant one at that....I pray u grow up into something useful and if u already grown, I pity whoever ur wife and kids are

Prosper24:


Maybe i should wait until after the said family meeting by next month.

If he skips the meeting this time

Or

Continue with his current behavior then I'm done with him.


The most painful thing is, one will keep managing in school while your dad will be sponsoring other women and their children. It pains..


This man has been doing this for years especially when he was still working.


Now he is only receiving pension, why can't him call himself to order instead he is fornicating and sponsoring other women while at the same time accusing my mom of the same fornication.

We have a lot of financial needs.

My dad had money, he was balling but now no investment, incomplete house. The few furnitures we have in the house my mom bought them all.

He married late and close to 30years older than my mom.


That man is a complete failure. So sorry to say but he has refused to take correction.

Young man! It is not in your place to judge your father. I understand how uncomfortable you feel in all these but you can't interpret the relationship between your father and mother. Most importantly, never pass a judgement or hold grudges against your dad, despite his perceived irresponsible, selfish, abusive and promiscuous behaviours, because you will eventually regret it. Just ensure you have a good relationship with your both parents.

My advice is based on experience.

Prosper24:
For over 4 years my father have been accusing my mother of fornications which has been a serious issue in our family. (24 years old marriage)

My father have accused my mom of befriending different men in her work place,church and the compound were we live.

Me and my only brother don't stay at home most times due to our school (university).

My little siblings who are in elementary school are the only ones at home and my father keeps filling this kids heads with different kinds of questions about my mom.

Please note that my father does not stay at home often as he likes visiting the village and to be frank i and my friends have caught him several times but i keep it to myself and pray he changes one day just to prevent more chaos in the family.

One day we all went to the village. One of my cousin brothers who base in the village came to visit us. He is known to be a very funny person and to be frank he talks anyhow and jokes a lot.

But my mom was shocked when he told her that my dad had rented a shop for one woman and even bought refrigerator for her. My mom kept mute and never asked my dad.

As the accusations keep increasing my mom who have noticed several suspicious activities of my dad got angry and stated voicing out all she have heard and suspected about my dad including the refrigerator saga.

My dad has beaten my mom in several occasions but at night and even in the day.

Just to cut the story short:

There is a woman who lives close to us, her husband was a very close friend of my dad before he died.

We discovered that my dad eats food from her Unknown to my mom when my mom is not around and they both spend time together in our house and that of the woman.

We also discovered that my dad usually buys food stuff and pay for other items for her.

Now I'm very angry about this because he has carried this irritating life to to our neighbor who he claim the woman's late husband was very close to him and his just showing care for the family as a close friend to his late friend.

Currently now there are unpaid debts in our family, things are extremely difficult yet my dad could buy stuffs for the other woman.

My mom complains about how my dad uses his retirement salary for what she can't explain. He keep saying his clearing debts and all that.

I'm fed up. I want to take serious action. I want to come out to quarrel my dad to the last. After all he chased me out of his house because i had so hard with him due to this numerous accusations he keeps labelling on my mom without any tangible evidence. My mom keeps crying and have decided to call her family members for a joint meeting by next month after my dad have skipped about two different meetings called by my moms people (brothers and sisters cos her dad and mom are late).

Now below is the letter i want to send to my dad. I have made up my mind to take that bold step. Maybe it will change him. Please read below and advice me I'm totally confused i don't want our family to tear apart.

After carring out my research and investigations about the happenings in our family which has over the years been a threat to the unity, progress and stability of our coexistence as one family, i beg to state that:





1) Because you have decided for over 4 years now to frustrate, humiliate and disorganize my mother who happens to be your wife with all kinds of accusations,insults and disgrace for a reason best known to you. And:

2) Because you have derived more pleasure in carrying the bordens of your concubines and that of their children to the detriment of your own family even when you are aware of the sufferings and debts in your family.

I want to make it clear that as a result of this, i have taken it upon myself not minding how it will effect me to suspend anything that has to do with the both of us till futher notice to enable you have more finance and less opposition to continue with those activities of yours that gives you pleasure but i find disgraceful, irritating and odious to me.

Thank you.....

Please Don't mind my English and focus on the write up, na vex i dey use right all this stuff...

bro, you are no longer a dik[kid]; from your observation, you should know who is wrong and who is left. And for you to have your dad beat your mum, whom from your lamentatn is right, you are a dik. Your aggression should be on your dad nt nairaland

Prevho:
Don't, it does not even matter.

He cares less already, so do not give him backing.

I am from a broken home so I understand your plight

yeah, that person cares less, i tried it it too on my dad,he got infuriated and keeps showing everybody the text message lyk i gave a Bleep. myself and my dad did not communicate to each other till lyk 3 years.....even till now i call him lyk once in every 6 months some of these old guys no just get brain.....

Medunah:

whats the positive side of having a good for nothing cheat and wife beater for a father?? if u don't av money, it's another thing but u av the money nd spending it on concubines at the expense of ur family?? u might as well not be in their lives at all, let them know they don't av a father!!

u re not only a sexist but an ignorant one at that....I pray u grow up into something useful and if u already grown, I pity whoever ur wife and kids are

God punish your generation. you think marry is rice and beans abi? mumu smelly girl. useless creatures. look at your foul mouth. with a mouth like that i foresee your marriage can never last one week. idiot. you are d type of woman that make men frustrated and leave you for other concubines. women like u cannever be enough for any man . you are an empty fvck .. just cum and come out . not worth a second look.. not woth keeping. divorce material like you.am i sure you even have a womb?

humblenature:
God punish your generation. you think marry is rice and beans abi? mumu smelly girl. useless creatures. look at your foul mouth. with a mouth like that i foresee your marriage can never last one week. idiot. you are d type of woman that make men frustrated and leave you for other concubines. women like u cannever be enough for any man . you are an empty fvck .. just cum and come out . not worth a second look.. not woth keeping. divorce material like you.am i sure you even have a womb?

lmao, this is one is frustrated I

Prosper24:
For over 4 years my father have been accusing my mother of fornications which has been a serious issue in our family. (24 years old marriage)

My father have accused my mom of befriending different men in her work place,church and the compound were we live.

Me and my only brother don't stay at home most times due to our school (university).

My little siblings who are in elementary school are the only ones at home and my father keeps filling this kids heads with different kinds of questions about my mom.

Please note that my father does not stay at home often as he likes visiting the village and to be frank i and my friends have caught him several times but i keep it to myself and pray he changes one day just to prevent more chaos in the family.

One day we all went to the village. One of my cousin brothers who base in the village came to visit us. He is known to be a very funny person and to be frank he talks anyhow and jokes a lot.

But my mom was shocked when he told her that my dad had rented a shop for one woman and even bought refrigerator for her. My mom kept mute and never asked my dad.

As the accusations keep increasing my mom who have noticed several suspicious activities of my dad got angry and stated voicing out all she have heard and suspected about my dad including the refrigerator saga.

My dad has beaten my mom in several occasions but at night and even in the day.

Just to cut the story short:

There is a woman who lives close to us, her husband was a very close friend of my dad before he died.

We discovered that my dad eats food from her Unknown to my mom when my mom is not around and they both spend time together in our house and that of the woman.

We also discovered that my dad usually buys food stuff and pay for other items for her.

Now I'm very angry about this because he has carried this irritating life to to our neighbor who he claim the woman's late husband was very close to him and his just showing care for the family as a close friend to his late friend.

Currently now there are unpaid debts in our family, things are extremely difficult yet my dad could buy stuffs for the other woman.

My mom complains about how my dad uses his retirement salary for what she can't explain. He keep saying his clearing debts and all that.

I'm fed up. I want to take serious action. I want to come out to quarrel my dad to the last. After all he chased me out of his house because i had so hard with him due to this numerous accusations he keeps labelling on my mom without any tangible evidence. My mom keeps crying and have decided to call her family members for a joint meeting by next month after my dad have skipped about two different meetings called by my moms people (brothers and sisters cos her dad and mom are late).

Now below is the letter i want to send to my dad. I have made up my mind to take that bold step. Maybe it will change him. Please read below and advice me I'm totally confused i don't want our family to tear apart.

After carring out my research and investigations about the happenings in our family which has over the years been a threat to the unity, progress and stability of our coexistence as one family, i beg to state that:





1) Because you have decided for over 4 years now to frustrate, humiliate and disorganize my mother who happens to be your wife with all kinds of accusations,insults and disgrace for a reason best known to you. And:

2) Because you have derived more pleasure in carrying the bordens of your concubines and that of their children to the detriment of your own family even when you are aware of the sufferings and debts in your family.

I want to make it clear that as a result of this, i have taken it upon myself not minding how it will effect me to suspend anything that has to do with the both of us till futher notice to enable you have more finance and less opposition to continue with those activities of yours that gives you pleasure but i find disgraceful, irritating and odious to me.

Thank you.....

Please Don't mind my English and focus on the write up, na vex i dey use right all this stuff...

NIgga send that shit...and let him know he cannot frustrate your mum out of the house...cos exactly thats what he's trying to do...and try and lock him outside the house sometimes,he will leave the house for you guys eventually atleast its nice and wont be embarrassing you guys in your area....with the beating of mumcie,you just have to stand up against him and let him know,never in his miserable life touch your mum again...i swear he will be scared and stop.....im talking from experience

Medunah:

lmao, this is one is frustrated I

lolz .. this one is menstruating

eyinjuege:
If your mother's people can find her some money to get something doing they will be a nice idea.
As for your father, he's a lost cause. He'll only become normal when he's old and needs someone to look after him.

If his people can help your mum and your younger ones out too, to pay their school fees, that would be nice. But it's better your mum finds something doing too.
She can be a nanny to young couples who are both working to save up some money, or if her relatives can contribute some money for her to start a trade.

yes they eventually become like that @ bolded.

what a shame.

guy... I know what you feel... the pain, the anger, you cry, you think a lot... you wish for something beta... sorry families can't be swapped...
calm down, stick to what makes you happy bro ( at least you've still got your mom)protect her, make her smile and happy as much as possible. and just let him be, trust me I know what you feel.
pls just let him be.

Joavid:


yes they eventually become like that @ bolded.

what a shame.

YOU DONT UNDERSTAND FAMILY POLITICS.. ONLY OPEN MOUTH AND TALK ANY HOW

humblenature:
I thank God for using you to vindicate me.. foul mouthed creatures. evil like their mother eve. tell me. did God create woman? did he breathe life into her? the answer is no.. woman was formed from d rib of man. she is breathing the life of man.God never created her like he created man. so listen man is the bringer of life so u belong to ur dad. the air you breathe is your dads life. bro i repeat, never ever you succumb to womens ways. they easily evoke pity but dont be decieved. many people are in prison today because of the wily ways of women . beware. even adam was destroyed by a woman and everything the world is facing today is because of eve a woman. bros.. i advise you to call your dad aside and ask him to tell you what he knows dat u dont know.. i am sure he will tell you enough to full your ears. instead of running from him, move closer to him.

I totally regret quoting you. It's very obvious that you're a demented human being, imagine justifying infidelity and inhumane treatment towards your fellow human because she came from him rib. Do the world a favour and dont procreate.

LISTEN EVERYBODY. let me educate u all before some ignorant ignoramus come here and spew trash. SATAN is the ruler of this world . and he hates anything male. he loves females so much because eve obeyed .since then he has formed a relationship with women that has flourished over the years. why do u think there is mammy water , queen of coast? do u hear king of coast?.why is the word witch popular than wizard? why is jezeebel and delilah very popular in bible? listen God uses men , satan uses women . believe it or not. thats why u hear pastors and reverend fathers and nkt pastoresses and reverend mothers. devil is not happy with man(male) because man is Gods direct creation. woman was only made from man. hence d weakness. let me educste u more. why do u think we celeberate women more than men here on earth? womens day, mothers day, different music eulogizing women even after men have suffered too.? its because devil supports them once you serve devik devil will promote you here on earth. whenever u see a man and woman quarelling, never support the woman. woman are not meant to talk were a man is. they were made from the bone of our bones and from the flesh of our flesh. we are lord and master over them . they dont have a say when we are around .and in family matters , they are under thier husband. and that is were they belong. even when the man is bad. they shuld either pray to God for chsnge but never stand uo to him. and so also his offsprings.. so pls dont decieve yourselves that times have changed. Gods word has never changed. the life woman breathes is not directky from God like he did to the male, but they breathe the life of the male through his rib.. woman be warned. una dey talk too much.

taylor88:
the high rate of konji in this country is mind blowing



the day my dad threatened my mum of getting a second wife i laughed very hard


I seduced the woman and fuvcked her, took her pants to my dad as evidence. no more i go marry


u need to see d joy in my mums face, for 1 month mum was giving me food with 5pieces of meat

this is what worked for me

why are you lying, why always lying , stop f*cking lying

Prosper24:


My mom is a strong woman of God. She is the foundation of Christianity in our family today.

I don't believe she sleeps with the number of men in both her church, work place my dad is accusing her off.

Strong men and women of God do the worst things atimes.

[quote author=taylor88 post=58943769] the high rate of konji in this country is mind blowing



the day my dad threatened my mum of getting a second wife i laughed very hard


I seduced the woman and fuvcked her, took her pants to my dad as evidence. no more i go marry


quote
u need to see d joy in my mums face, for 1 month mum was giving me food with 5pieces of meat

this is what worked for me [/]
Guy, u no dey carry last at all, but, what was ur father's reaction when u disclosed the pant to him?

I tot i was d only 1 wit dat kain papa.op ur own is better if i start telling u abt mine eh u go cry 4 me. Al of una saying talk to him ,call the elders wil nt undastand non of dis go work, who hav nt spoken to mine even those he listen to yet no result,maybe wen im bekom old or if God arrest am na wen im go cum bk to im sense. Am angry wit my mother 4 stayin in dat kain marriage and causin us children emotional stress. Ur mother should pack out wit u nd ur siblings cos dat man is nt ready to change nw.mine dosnt beat my mama sha let him try it

Benita27:
I've come to the realisation that when there're issues between parents, the "Mother" usually gets sympathy from the kids. There's no smoke without fire. That you haven't caught your mum cheating doesn't mean she may not have cheated on your dad ever. I don't support the domestic violence but this isn't your call but elders. It's disrespectful calling his bluff for him. Let an older person with more wisdom handle this issue, your actions could aggravate things.

The first paragraph of your letter shows you took your mother's side and your dad would see it that way. Why not write him another letter, telling him of the good times you all shared together as a family, and stating why you would love him to change and make things work between him and your mum. Do this then invite the elders to talk to them both.

Most marriages go through this phase over time 'cause "Love" isn't enough. What they need to live with is wisdom.

OMG, I so admire the way people think and write!
You couldn't have said it better.
Cool lines, nice vibes, clean info.
I swear, I need to know you!

Fumiex:
when i tell people i wont get married they are always surprise. 70% of marriages in nigeria are nonsense. cant go through wat my mun went through. if i were ur mum i wud hv divorced yr dad long time ago. cant b suffering in a marriage o

Nne don't say because ur parents marriage failed so therefore you won't get married. it's all about getting married to the right person and prayers because the devil is out there with the aim of scattering marriages

rosalieene:


Nne don't say because ur parents marriage failed so therefore you won't get married. it's all about getting married to the right person and prayers because the devil is out there with the aim of scattering marriages

SORRY TO EDUCATE YOU MORE. ITS NOT ABOUT THE RIGHT PERSON..ITS ABOUT THE YOU HAVING THE RIGHT CHARACTER.

Alero3Arubi:

Best advice ever.
If his mum needs to leave, she alone would leave.
Just keep out of their wahala.
If you can't keep seeing him leave home.
Move on with your life and keep praying things shape out for good.
Good may mean them separating.
OP your father is your father, no matter how annoying he is.
Your mother is your mother no matter how annoying she is.
You need to find something therapeutic to do.
So you can heal.
Else you will do worse than your dad.
If you grow up bitter.

Thanks for seeing things differently, everyone else is crucifying me.
His mom is not a baby, she's the one to decide either to stay an endure or get kill by a lunatic husband.... or move out... children have no right to interfere in between else the create enmity within the family. the best he can do is sit both of them and talk sense into them, not siding mom cuz she pays 70% of the bills

Prosper24:


Maybe i should wait until after the said family meeting by next month.

If he skips the meeting this time

Or

Continue with his current behavior then I'm done with him.


The most painful thing is, one will keep managing in school while your dad will be sponsoring other women and their children. It pains..


This man has been doing this for years especially when he was still working.


Now he is only receiving pension, why can't him call himself to order instead he is fornicating and sponsoring other women while at the same time accusing my mom of the same fornication.

We have a lot of financial needs.

My dad had money, he was balling but now no investment, incomplete house. The few furnitures we have in the house my mom bought them all.

He married late and close to 30years older than my mom.


That man is a complete failure. So sorry to say but he has refused to take correction.

Someday you'll look back at this moment and wish you'd done things differently. Do not meddle in other people's relationship issues, moreso your parents'. They'd expect you to take sides. Do not vouch for another person's fidelity or lack thereof, all humans have skeletons in their cupboard. Most couples fight as in physically, forget about all the online pretense, it is just an attempt at social correctness, so long as nothing is life threatening. They fought before you were born, they fought while you were a kid...
If you send that letter to your dad, attention would be shifted from the substance of the matter to you. His family will take up arms against you as the child that dared the father. Your siblings would do siddon look, your mom's family would praise you because you are taking their fall and eventually, you'd have strained relationship with many. Moreso, it'd affect your self esteem and how you relate with people.

Let the elders from BOTH families handle it. It is way above your paygrade especially judging from your approach and responses here.

Benita27:
I've come to the realisation that when there're issues between parents, the "Mother" usually gets sympathy from the kids. There's no smoke without fire. That you haven't caught your mum cheating doesn't mean she may not have cheated on your dad ever. I don't support the domestic violence but this isn't your call but elders. It's disrespectful calling his bluff for him. Let an older person with more wisdom handle this issue, your actions could aggravate things.

The first paragraph of your letter shows you took your mother's side and your dad would see it that way. Why not write him another letter, telling him of the good times you all shared together as a family, and stating why you would love him to change and make things work between him and your mum. Do this then invite the elders to talk to them both.

Most marriages go through this phase over time 'cause "Love" isn't enough. What they need to live with is wisdom.

I swear, one of the best so far!

I will still say again that love is not enough in a marriage.

Benita27:
I've come to the realisation that when there're issues between parents, the "Mother" usually gets sympathy from the kids. There's no smoke without fire. That you haven't caught your mum cheating doesn't mean she may not have cheated on your dad ever. I don't support the domestic violence but this isn't your call but elders. It's disrespectful calling his bluff for him. Let an older person with more wisdom handle this issue, your actions could aggravate things.

The first paragraph of your letter shows you took your mother's side and your dad would see it that way. Why not write him another letter, telling him of the good times you all shared together as a family, and stating why you would love him to change and make things work between him and your mum. Do this then invite the elders to talk to them both.

Most marriages go through this phase over time 'cause "Love" isn't enough. What they need to live with is wisdom.

One thing I have noticed with cheats is that they project it. They know they are cheating so want to believe or fear their partner must be cheating too. It's psychology.

I wouldn't advise him to send the letter too though.
The man would likely not see the points and good in the message but see it as disrespect.

i have given up on women. i hate them . they are devilish and evil. even my mother too

Wallade:


Young man! It is not in your place to judge your father. I understand how uncomfortable you feel in all these but you can't interpret the relationship between your father and mother. Most importantly, never pass a judgement or hold grudges against your dad, despite his perceived irresponsible, selfish, abusive and promiscuous behaviours, because you will eventually regret it. Just ensure you have a good relationship with your both parents.

My advice is based on experience.

Exactly. I used to get infuriated whenever one of my neighbours lashed out at his wife for a period. The man would just just insult her at the slightest provocation calling her all sorts of names, pig, idiot etc. And this ugleee man is married to a very pretty woman with a body to die for.
Well, my perception changed when I noticed that the woman is a serial cheat and the man was just lashing out to vent his frustaration and helplessness. This woman would take calls in the kitchen while observing the husband through the peephole and cut such calls whenever the man approached. She would leave the house giggling and smiling while talking on the phone immediately after hubby leaves.

She even made passes at people I know.

I cannot vouch for anybody, let alone a woman. They always have a way of playing victim everytime.