herveze:
To be sincere with you,all men are like that including me,but I will just say women cause most of it,let me ask some questions,what are the things u av stop doing to ur husband? Are u still attractive to him? My experience I av with my wife was that when she got pregnant she started refused me sex and dress anyhow she likes, and to be frank with u don't expect men to forget all the enjoyment when he was single just like that,I will advice u not to fight with him but know what he want from you and also pray to God to bring him back to u,I know he will come back to you,that was what my wife did and I av changed now and we are happy

herveze:
To be sincere with you,all men are like that including me,but I will just say women cause most of it

OP, you've been married for a year and half? That's the budding and self-realisation stage. The main problem is he feels he doesn't owe you faithfulness, he owes you that and more. For him to have the boldness to say it, that's lack of respect. He should be willing to work things out _you can't do it alone.

I consider it too early for this drastic change, I am convinced he has been like this or something changed post-marriage. Who are his friends? People he hangs out with? Never underestimate the influence of friends _be it positive or negative.

Marriage isn't a walk in the park, especially for women. It's expected women sacrifice more, not fair, but the world itself isn't fair. What you found out hurts, but did you always have suspicions? _why did you snoop into his Facebook.

In all, you have to be calm, put your health and the baby's own first. Make sure sure you're still the woman he got married to, not an excuse to cheat _but people always have an excuse.

You say he doesn't have any atom of pity? How sure are you? I have come to realise that, unlike women that are queens at multi-tasking, most men don't have that gift. So, when a man starts cheating, the other woman would face some neglect.

I want to believe you have had a firm talk with him, but have you tried running a psychological test on him. It's easier now you're pregnant. When you're sure he is watching, break down in pseudo-pain. Cry if need be, don't stop crying _insist on seeing the doctor, even the Pope if possible. When you have seen the doctor and back, tell him your breakdown is as a result of emotional trauma influenced by him. Have a heart to heart talk with him,watch his reaction, if he still has a functional heart, he must improve.

He may not quit cheating immediately (old habits die hard _I am still convinced he didn't just start), but he would show more affection. In a situation he shows no repentance, you can take other measures.

herveze:
To be sincere with you,all men are like that including me,but I will just say women cause most of it,let me ask some questions,what are the things u av stop doing to ur husband? Are u still attractive to him? My experience I av with my wife was that when she got pregnant she started refused me sex and dress anyhow she likes, and to be frank with u don't expect men to forget all the enjoyment when he was single just like that,I will advice u not to fight with him but know what he want from you and also pray to God to bring him back to u,I know he will come back to you,that was what my wife did and I av changed now and we are happy

herveze:
Hmmmm,truth is bitter and I know that some of u are still single or u are still enjoying the best part of good relationship,I pray that u will not face what this woman is facing in future,that time u will know that all men are the same,ask ur mum how she keep ur dad,she will tell u is not an easy task, and next time u don't av to call someone names (puppy) to pass ur message,that shows that u are not mature enough

PaperLace:


THERE IS NO TRUTH IN YOUR STATEMENT!

ALL MEN ARE NOT THE SAME!
ALL MEN DON'T CHEAT ON THEIR WIVES!
ALL MEN ARE NOT INSENSITIVE TO THEIR WIVES FEELINGS!
ALL MEN DON'T TAKE THE EASY WAY OUT.

It's people like you that gives small-small girls guts to generalize all men are dogs. Please, speak for yourself next time, or the men in your circle alone.

Men are everywhere, it's husband that's scarce. Husband that'll give you peace of mind. Not the one that saddles you with the burden of "keeping" him.

herveze:
Hmmmm,truth is bitter and I know that some of u are still single or u are still enjoying the best part of good relationship,I pray that u will not face what this woman is facing in future,that time u will know that all men are the same,ask ur mum how she keep ur dad,she will tell u is not an easy task, and next time u don't av to call someone names (puppy) to pass ur message,that shows that u are not mature enough

Daeylar:



I hope this your bitter truth goes both ways?
I hope you will also try and talk to your wife and also continually pray for her if she cheats,
i also hope you know that while you travel for a year and feel its normal to cheat then you won't have a problem with it if your wife also feels it's normal to cheat too
I also hope you let her know before marriage that you feel that all these are normal, and not that you expected her to just know.

if the answer to the above is yes, continue happily with your marriage,

I'm just tired of reading all these ridiculous statements, how can a man tell his wife that he doesn't owe her any faithfulness and someone comes out to defend such a statement and even says all men are like that. SMH

or op, did he state it explicitly or say something to that effect before marriage that he doesn't owe you faithfulness and you just overlooked it? or is there something you are not telling us? I'm trying to understand why he would feel so comfortable to say such rubbish to your face..

Daeylar:



I hope this your bitter truth goes both ways?
I hope you will also try and talk to your wife and also continually pray for her if she cheats,
i also hope you know that while you travel for a year and feel its normal to cheat then you won't have a problem with it if your wife also feels it's normal to cheat too
I also hope you let her know before marriage that you feel that all these are normal, and not that you expected her to just know.

if the answer to the above is yes, continue happily with your marriage,

I'm just tired of reading all these ridiculous statements, how can a man tell his wife that he doesn't owe her any faithfulness and someone comes out to defend such a statement and even says all men are like that. SMH

or op, did he state it explicitly or say something to that effect before marriage that he doesn't owe you faithfulness and you just overlooked it? or is there something you are not telling us? I'm trying to understand why he would feel so comfortable to say such rubbish to your face..

PaperLace:


THERE IS NO TRUTH IN YOUR STATEMENT!

ALL MEN ARE NOT THE SAME!
ALL MEN DON'T CHEAT ON THEIR WIVES!
ALL MEN ARE NOT INSENSITIVE TO THEIR WIVES FEELINGS!
ALL MEN DON'T TAKE THE EASY WAY OUT.

It's people like you that gives small-small girls guts to generalize all men are dogs. Please, speak for yourself next time, or the men in your circle alone.

Men are everywhere, it's husband that's scarce. Husband that'll give you peace of mind. Not the one that saddles you with the burden of "keeping" him.

vizkiz:


Thought you were some feminist.

YourCoffin:


It's the truth.

All men take the easy way out. If you haven't noticed that then you are on a long thing

tomi87014:
Hello Nairalanders.

I have been married for a year and half. I thought hubby and i have been living happily and i would've swore he was faithful. A few days ago i saw that a random lady messaged him on Facebook and they got talking. I was shocked at first to see that he was chatting her up. Fast forward to yesterday I checked his phone and saw that himself and the lady had more conversation and what started as facebook chat had progressed from phone calls to whatsapp chat. The content of their chat seems they were eventually planning to hook up.

I confronted hubby but he wasn't remorseful and told me he doesn't owe me faithfulness and went on to sleep in the other room. Hubby and I pray together and are looking towards a very bright future together, this is not something i really saw coming from him. I am very troubled in my heart and pregnant for our first baby. He dozent feel any atom of pity that the whole issue might cause me problems and I have been wondering what has come over him. I am 100 percent faithful to my hubby and want the union to work out. I am at work typing and holding back tears. Please i need advise from mature people in the house, how do i deal with the situation. I am in my late 20s, he is in his late 30s.

herveze:

Mind you I didn't support the man but I am trying to tell her to take things easy with his husband by talking to him and pray for him not that she should fight with her husband

And to all ur questions,I didn't say that cheating is right for man but there is no perfect man nowadays even islamicaly or religiously cheating is not only when u av sex with another person's wife but cheating start anytime u think of having sex with another person's wife,now ask ur brother or ur fiance what he thinks wen he see beautiful woman or half naked woman online

herveze:
To be sincere with you,all men are like that including me,but I will just say women cause most of it,let me ask some questions,what are the things u av stop doing to ur husband? Are u still attractive to him? My experience I av with my wife was that when she got pregnant she started refused me sex and dress anyhow she likes, and to be frank with u don't expect men to forget all the enjoyment when he was single just like that,I will advice u not to fight with him but know what he want from you and also pray to God to bring him back to u,I know he will come back to you,that was what my wife did and I av changed now and we are happy

herveze:
Hmmmm,truth is bitter and I know that some of u are still single or u are still enjoying the best part of good relationship,I pray that u will not face what this woman is facing in future,that time u will know that all men are the same,ask ur mum how she keep ur dad,she will tell u is not an easy task, and next time u don't av to call someone names (puppy) to pass ur message,that shows that u are not mature enough

Jahblessme:
As usual nairaland resident bingos have started crawling out of their holes to tell you this is normal behaviour and ask you to pray.They are the sort of men your husband is mingling with encouraging him to be a dog like them because they have no self control & believe every man is born with no moral compass.

My dear OP,when he told you he doesn't owe you faithfulness what did you do?were you there looking at him like an olodo or did you defend your union and your beliefs there and then?I will give you small space for shock to settle in but after then what next?

Did you woman up and speak clearly ,sharply and concisely about your expectations to him?

Did you ask him if he doesn't owe you faithfulness are you also free to assume that you do not owe fidelity to him as well?

Did you marry an ancestor that you are a slave to?Your age gap looks like its from 8-10 years-did he pay for your schooling?Do you have a job and contribute to your home?Even if you do not work ,you care for your home and do housework,is that appreciated? I'm asking these questions cos that is what usually gives some people guts to misbehave.When you are helpless and especially have no source of income and they know it.Regardless,no one deserved to be hurt in this manner.

It is a free world and people are free to voice their opinion o but for a man to come out less than two years after marriage to boldly say he doesn't owe you faithfulness,he must feel you are waaay beneath him to be respected.

When you signed the dotted lines you did not sign up to be cheated on,you did not sign up to be exposed to STDs,please relay that to him without apologies.

I find it hard to believe that this man hasn't always been this way.No normal loving partner would be this bold.There are plenty issues lurking,there must be heavy disrespect in other aspects of your marriage ,its just that this one has pained you more than the others.

As you can read i'm not into begging or pampering when you are not at fault ,you should be the one who is begged and pampered after your discovery. If you begin to wail and beg and gnash your teeth,you will continue like this for the rest of your marriage-this is what the bingos will ask you to do to 'save your marriage',thereby putting you at a huge disadvantage and at the mercy of a human being like you(born of a woman just like you).Please learn to stand up for yourself-calm measured discussion ,no huffing and puffing,no begging.Just clear statement of facts.
After this discussion you can now decide your next steps.

Good Luck.

herveze:
To be sincere with you,all men are like that including me,but I will just say women cause most of it,let me ask some questions,what are the things u av stop doing to ur husband? Are u still attractive to him? My experience I av with my wife was that when she got pregnant she started refused me sex and dress anyhow she likes, and to be frank with u don't expect men to forget all the enjoyment when he was single just like that,I will advice u not to fight with him but know what he want from you and also pray to God to bring him back to u,I know he will come back to you,that was what my wife did and I av changed now and we are happy

herveze:
Hmmmm,truth is bitter and I know that some of u are still single or u are still enjoying the best part of good relationship,I pray that u will not face what this woman is facing in future,that time u will know that a[b]ll men are the same,ask ur mum how she keep ur dad,she will tell u is not an easy task,[/b] and next time u don't av to call someone names (puppy) to pass ur message,that shows that u are not mature enough

herveze:
And to all the men that are pretending that men are not same,who can come out that he can travel and leave his wife for a year without cheating on her,my advice to all women is to pray for their husbands not only give their husbands sex only,is more than that,to the op the most important for u is to take the advices not minding them.thanks

mrsmith11:


I know you are trying to be realistic that alot of men cheat but there are still some very discipline ones.

I can boldly say that I had only visited Nigeria twice in d last four and half years (41/2) have been away and I have never kissed nor touched another woman (sexually).

So alot of us are still much faithful to our partner