prettysassygirl:

I hope u are married now

Nairalanders will not kill me with marriage matter...lol!

I enjoy the mystery behind my marital status so lemme not answer.

Whether I'm single or married does not change the fact that Seun created nairaland.

Just enjoy my write ups.

Toks2008:


Unfortunately, those things that make us fall in love are the things married couples do so in most cases after you experience It, you get tired and break up just to start same circle with someone else.

So why not just marry the person and grow in love with such?

This is risky. Very risky. What if I don't get to love the person?

NightHound:

Two people must first come together in love before they can grow in love. It is a substance that grows. A seed grows into a plant; and if that seed is not there, there will be no growth of anything; it doesn't matter how hard you water the ground. Not every coming together of two people has the potential of growing into a loving marriage. Compatibility is important. That's why the Bible talk about the dangers of being unequally yoked.

All the bolded are true. Recently, I was faced with a tough decision about marriage. I used to think that it's easy to be with a good man who you are sure of his character (by God's Grace). Hopefully, you will grow to love him. A lot of things are easier said than done. I understood that statement perfectly when I was faced with living with a good man who I don't have any form of romantic affection for. I suddenly realised that this is a lifelong commitment. It's too risky for such a costly gamble. My thoughts were, "what if I never get to love this person? He's a good man but if I don't get to love him, I will be miserable and make him same too.

I refuse to believe that love is just a "passing feeling" that fades easily. So I know that love is important in marriage. How else will I be tolerant, affectionate & overlook some things he does?

Maybe I'm getting things all wrong & I'm seriously open to corrections.

MissJoy29:

This is risky. Very risky. What if I don't get to love the person?

You will..its a mystery but you will with time and such feeling is usually stronger.

Lalasticlala let's see more contributions.

Hope preparations are in top gear..happy married life bro.

NightHound:
Two people must first come together in love before they can grow in love. It is a substance that grows. A seed grows into a plant; and if that seed is not there, there will be no growth of anything; it doesn't matter how hard you water the ground . Not every coming together of two people has the potential of growing into a loving marriage. Compatibility is important. That's why the Bible talk about the dangers of being unequally yoked.

As long as both of you believe in same GOD and doctrines then you are not unequally yoked...tbis has nothing to do with compatibility.

When you want to wait for everything to fall in place before you marry then you stand the risk of taking that affair for granted cos whilst you are observing,You are also engaging in marital activities together so it is only natural for complacency to creep in and because there is no commitment,You could easily do away with each other over issues that could be worked on....

MissJoy29:

All the bolded are true. Recently, I was faced with a tough decision about marriage. I used to think that it's easy to be with a good man who you are sure of his character (by God's Grace). Hopefully, you will grow to love him. A lot of things are easier said than done. I understood that statement perfectly when I was faced with living with a good man who I don't have any form of romantic affection for. I suddenly realised that this is a lifelong commitment. It's too risky for such a costly gamble. My thoughts were, "what if I never get to love this person? He's a good man but if I don't get to love him, I will be miserable and make him same too.

I refuse to believe that love is just a "passing feeling" that fades easily. So I know that love is important in marriage. How else will I be tolerant, affectionate & overlook some things he does?

Maybe I'm getting things all wrong & I'm seriously open to corrections.

In fact you have gotten everything terribly wrong...A lady has no right to use her feelings as a prerequisite to be with a man..its a lie from the pits of hell...

In marriage your feeling as a woman is secondary but it is the way the guy feels towards you that is most paramount..

If he treats you well YOU MUST DEVELOPE STRONG FEELINGS IN A SHORT WHILE...This is a mystery...wonen are emotional creatures and they can't help but fall in love with a man who treats them like a queen even if he is a broke was.

What if you have feelings for a jerk who treats you like poo? Trust me,that feeling will fly out through the windows.

Give it time and AS LONG AS HE TREATS YOU WELL..you will develop strong likeness for him.

Toks2008:


In fact you have gotten everything terribly wrong...A lady has no right to use her feelings as a prerequisite to be with a man..its a lie from the pits of hell..

In marriage your feeling as a woman is secondary but it is the way the guy feels towards you that is most paramount..

If he treats you well YOU MUST DEVELOPE STRONG FEELINGS IN A SHORT WHILE...This is a mystery...wonen are emotional creatures and they can't help but fall in love with a man who treats them like a queen even if he is a broke was.

What if you have feelings for a jerk who treats you like poo? Trust me,that feeling will fly out through the windows.

Give it time and AS LONG AS HE TREATS YOU WELL..you will develop strong likeness for him.

@bolded? Seriously?

Hmmmm...this is all confusing.
What if physically, he isn't what you desire? You should be able to feel a sort of attraction for your partner right? And something should sustain it. What if that thing isn't there?

@second to the last paragraph, I'd rather marry a good man I have no feelings fir than a bad man I have feelings for. So that's out of the way.

MissJoy29:

@bolded? Seriously?

Hmmmm...this is all confusing.
What if physically, he isn't what you desire? You should be able to feel a sort of attraction for your partner right? And something should sustain it. What if that thing isn't there?

@second to the last paragraph, I'd rather marry a good man I have no feelings fir than a bad man I have feelings for. So that's out of the way.

if he is a good man and you are not physically attracted to him nor love him..please leave him because you will likely cheat on him in the future with someone you can't resist physically!!... that said you should look beyond this physical attributes ..as long as he is presentable,godfearing and hardworking.All this fine boy ..no pimples is not the way o.......as one grows older...the fine will disappear.. but behaviour will not o

Colourich:
To marry who I love cos am demisexual.

What does this mean?

pryme:

What does this mean?

A demisexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a emotional connection.

pryme:

What does this mean?

A demisexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a emotional connection.

Colourich:
A demisexual is a person who does not experience
sexual attraction unless they form a emotional
connection.

Then I guess we are many.

.

Marry who you love, and if you are married then love who you are married to

Please nairalanders,
I need a job. I am a graduate of Mechanical Engineering. I am a serving Corp member in kwara state, will be passing out at first week of July 2018. Please I need your help as I am willing to work in any film within or outside the state.
Please help a brother. I have experienced in operations and maintenance various of machines, with a required knowledge of AutoCAD design.

PLEASE HELP BROTHER HERE.

HERE IS MY EMAIL: abraham20john20@gmail.com

Worefaaaa.... If you like, marry who you love or love who you marry. Marriage wey go last the test of time go last and d one wey go scatter like a broken clay pot go scatter yamayama.

Just use ur head. Marriage involves sweetness, bitterness, pain, pleasure, you decide how you manage it all. Love is sweet but fades.

To lovers and haters, use ur head.

To love who you marry.

For a Christian you don't usually have a choice. God brings the person and you have to build a relationship.

Those are the relationships that last.

Toks2008:


Unfortunately, those things that make us fall in love are the things married couples do so in most cases after you experience It, you get tired and break up just to start same circle with someone else.

So why not just marry the person and grow in love with such.

What if after you got married, the love refuse to grow? What do you do?

dingbang:
Toks is right, love is a process..it never ends.

You people should read the definition of love in the bible..

It starts with love is patient.

You can never completely fall in love with someone..its not possible.. Its a renewable energy. It regenerates itself.

The only thing you need to do before getting married is to Ascertain compatibility.

you my friend IS a wise person...this post here has answered the OP..that butterfly feeling in your stomach you get for your partner when you were dating or newly married isn't really love..that butterfly feeling eventually fades after years of familiarity...it is better to look for compatibility and friendship in the person you want to settle down with...then learn and grow in love..this love is patient,long-suffering,kind and not selfish..

mekuso89:
Marry who you love, and if you are married then love who you are married to

How can you marry who you love when love is not a switch but a house that is built brick by brick. That means you will have lived a lifetime with the person before marrying, because love grows until death.

I suspect you confuse lust with love.

Is to love who we married

determine compatibility, look at ur visions, ur values, ur spirituality...you may now agree to marry...waiting for a butterfly to escape from each others tummy is a yummy dummy sold to infatuated minds

babyfaceafrica:
you have a point though, however its is not entirely feasible. how can I marry someone I don't love?.. are you telling people to take a gamble?.. marriage itself is black market..why should we now enter a black market with dark shades?....,the definition of love itself has grey areas... some is looks,behaviour, money e..t.c....love overtime has change its form.. so you can't actually say it is this or that...my advise do what works for you... most of us know what is good for us but choose to ignore it for selfish reasons.you know that guy is a player..but you hope he will change in the future....you know shade sleeps around but you think with age she will stop..............marry people with their deficiency (all of us get am) not hoping they will change.

Toks2008:

The phrase falling in love does not make any logical sense but it makes mor sense to grow in love which has a stronger effect.

In The Bible in Genesis its recorded jacob loved Rachel and even tho he was made to falsely work for laban(her father) and marry leah 1st, jacob due to his love for Rachel worked 2ce as much just so he cud eventually marry his love Rachel ... vs25

Genesis 29

And jacob served 7 years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had for her. .... vs20

It was Rachel that gave birth to joseph.


My verdict is there is absolutely nothing wrong in falling inlove before marrying it is one of the most beautiful things bt if it doesn't happen that way its doesn't mean it can't be good. It can be great with the right principles.

Don't make people feel guilty or wrong for falling inlove b4 marriage tho its not a must bt there must be an attraction to grow love... It is also wrong to use scriptures to cajole or jolt a lady into marriage. If u can't convince her satisfactorily let her be sm1esle will want u for u.

Stycon:



What if after you got married, the love refuse to grow? What do you do?

You have a responsibility to build, to nuture love. True love can only be understood and appreciated with the training only God gives. Quite often the reason why love doesn't grow is because of the weeds of lust. Just as weeds soak up the resources of love and choke it, lust disguises and confuses those who invest in it.

To uproot lust to let love grow the man and the woman must of necessity shut down their emotions, sight, sounds, touch, smell... and rather focus on the objectives of the union. I tell people, if you want to build a relationship you have to think long term in acting short term. Ask yourself what you will feel towards that person in 50 years when typically the woman's bosom is flat and the man has retired, no longer a Genwral in the military or Director of the CBN because folks these days make life's choices on such maundane issues and simply cannot see beyond them.

They 'love' conditionally.... also known as lust.

MissJoy29:

This is risky. Very risky. What if I don't get to love the person?

it is not risky..I've noticed that it is mostly women who don't believe in the "marrying the one you love " school of thought..I do not mean that as a disrespect, but most humans are not truly capable of true love..if you are a Christian then you will notice that the Bible only charged the men to love their wives but it didn't for the women..the Bible rather adviced women to honor and respect their husbands..the man is given the greater responsibility to love..a woman can be happy in her home if she honors and respects her husband and the man will be happy if he loves his wife..so the man gives love and the woman gives respect..and if you think about it, that is what most men want in their marriage..respect...

i used to ponder on this issue too. Most of our parents didn't go through the whole dating thing, and their marriages do last, now, we marry for love, date for a year or 2, yet divorce rate is increasing.

Toks2008:


In fact you have gotten everything terribly wrong...A lady has no right to use her feelings as a prerequisite to be with a man..its a lie from the pits of hell...

In marriage your feeling as a woman is secondary but it is the way the guy feels towards you that is most paramount..

If he treats you well YOU MUST DEVELOPE STRONG FEELINGS IN A SHORT WHILE...This is a mystery...wonen are emotional creatures and they can't help but fall in love with a man who treats them like a queen even if he is a broke was.

What if you have feelings for a jerk who treats you like poo? Trust me,that feeling will fly out through the windows.

Give it time and AS LONG AS HE TREATS YOU WELL..you will develop strong likeness for him.

you're wise! it is this same mystery that the Bible revealed when it charged the man to love but charged the woman to respect..because in the long run they both will be better for it and the love will eventually grow( for the woman) and that kind of love stands the test of time...not the mushy butterfly feeling in the gut kind of love that you see on telemundo..

To love who you marry

or


to marry who you love?



The reigning core value among naija babes is Money+Some Money+ More Money. They become blindly attached to money that they neglect love whether true or half-baked.

Be it before or after marriage, Naija babes don't understand the concept of love talk more of caring about it.


My advice to guys, especially the broke who ones who are very sure of making it, is to run off to Spain (where true-telemundo-love is made) and settle down ones they make it.

#No love lost.

babyfaceafrica:
if he is a good man and you are not physically attracted to him nor love him..please leave him because you will likely cheat on him in the future with someone you can't resist physically!!... that said you should look beyond this physical attributes ..as long as he is presentable,godfearing and hardworking.All this fine boy ..no pimples is not the way o.......as one grows older...the fine will disappear.. but behaviour will not o

are you not contradicting yourself lol..check your first summation and the second one

It really doesn't matter actually as I've been married before I have seen how marriage changes people, the one you love today may become your biggest enemy tomorrow.

Reference:


You have a responsibility to build, to nuture love. True love can only be understood and appreciated with the training only God gives. Quite often the reason why love doesn't grow is because of the weeds of lust. Just as weeds soak up the resources of love and choke it, lust disguises and confuses those who invest in it.

To uproot lust to let love grow the man and the woman must of necessity shut down their emotions, sight, sounds, touch, smell... and rather focus on the objectives of the union. I tell people, if you want to build a relationship you have to think long term in acting short term. Ask yourself what you will feel towards that person in 50 years when typically the woman's bosom is flat and the man has retired, no longer a Genwral in the military or Director of the CBN because folks these days make life's choices on such maundane issues and simply cannot see beyond them.

They 'love' conditionally.... also known as lust.

any woman or man looking forward to settling down should do well to engrave this advice on their hearts.