smileing:
@richy

this isn't a bad scripted movie as you think
true he forcefully had sex with me and I'm hurt
I need to help myself first before thinking of what to do to him and that's why I'm here

did you read were I wrote that we were courting? we were working towards marriage but I indicated some of the hurdles I see

but things turned sour the moment he displayed this act.
you are right cos I visited. I shouldn't have and I blame myself .i wish I can rewind the
hands of time

thanks

So reporting him will bring your virginity back. Nonsense. I really dislike all this self-righteous girls who after having consensual sex start to feel guilty and scream rape. So when he was removing your pant, you were enjoying it abi. Now the deed is done you are having second thoughts and saying he raped you. You better move on and marry him if he loves you and you love him. Stop all this nonsense especially saying 5 people saw vision he is not your husband.

moneychannel:


From my understanding, most people here didn't understand you. What he did from the way you presented the issue wasn't rape, reason why you didn't report him to officials or your parents. Even though you weren't ready for the act, he led you into it.
One question you asked no one has answered, "those that married non virgin how their spouse took it"? To be honest with you dear, no one cares about virginity in marriage to the best of my knowledge. What men need is a woman that can respect them, love them, understand them, don't nag. No one has ever mentioned virginity as one of the qualities in a woman he wants to marry in my over 30 years in Nigeria.
So live your life and go ahead and marry that guy if you love him. Forget God fearing, God will use because of you and have mercy on him if you're God fearing. (It's biblical).
Finally, in as much as I hate to say this but I have to, virginity is over rated.
Committing suicide cuz you got disvirgined is worst than prostitution.

Na only you get sense in this thread. With the way it was presented it wasn't rape. One thing lead to the other and you know this muscles are involuntarily

OP is just a child who doesn't have the mind of her own. Prophesies ke prophe ni

She still love the guy. Prophesies is actually making her have a rethink. Go for what you love mehn, if they cannot show you the picture of your husband, they are saying nonsense.

Lekozy:
hello please listen to the story critically this is not some random rape....or some....stranger.....u called him your boyfriend.....am I right... well...am not saying he didn't rape you.....am not just buying d idea he did....because the way u described him. u said...he wants to marry you...and...to me the guy does not seem like a tout or something..... he cant just throw u on d bed and start tearing your cloth. nd start rapeing are u Sure u didn't allow him to have is way.....or while having fore play.. u were in d mood then he took d advantage.

Exactly... It was consensual at the time. The guy remove pant, did pre-intimacy and sister was enjoying it and got in the mood for sex. After sex, when she remembered she has lost her virginity, she started having second thoughts about the act and is now calling it rape. Person wey she date for over a year and them no be pikin oh.

smileing:
Please I need responsible advice

Many were coming as suitors but I don't know why I let him come closer.

He forcefully took away my pride and I was hurt. He said he did that cos he doesn't want to lose me

I wanted to leave but I couldn't cos I love him.
I don't offer sex cos I'm religious and I believe it's a sin. Told him to wait till marriage but he wouldn't.
for almost a year we ve been courting I didn't allow him touch me.

Till this day he forcefully had sex with me .
He wants to come pay my dowry but I'm not sure that my people will let me marry him. I too went and prayed about him and they told me that he is not my husband (about 5 different people said it)

He is OK, financially, is educated and promising.
But not God-fearing as I wanted.

Now I'm pained for what he did to me .I'm grieved cos I wanted to lose my pride on my wedding night.
and I'm thinking of leaving him cos I'm hurting so much now.

I feel less of myself and sinful too


Please what should I do?


those that married non Virgin how did your spouse take it. I need to know cos it ll help reshaping my mindset

You have to get yourself together, and know what you actually want. Nobody sees or knows tomorrow, and our prayers guide us... Once you have prayed sincerely you don't need to disturb yourself again you just leave everything to God. Don't base your decision on what people say or what you feel. Pray more and free your mind... He may and may not be your man. Speak with God

StudentsNG:


Marry this guy now or regret later.
All the people here condemning him ain't better.
Yes he forced you, but he didn't walk. He's there to stay and you are busy making a thread.
"But not God-fearing as I wanted" really? Don't let "god of men" rob your destiny. I can see you have consulted 5 people already who told you he's not your husband. Funny that 'people' are the ones telling you instead of the God you said your hubby-to-be doesn't fear enough. That guy might be holier than you are in my opinion.

Don't mind the girl jare.

Some guys are desperate........Never visit a guy alone, even if it is an open place to avoid stories that touch. they can do and undo. Meanwhile.......how will he force u?

Over 99 percent of Nigerian girls claim to have lost their Virginity through force/rape.







They can never say the truth

BIXYBABE:
Some guys are desperate........Never visit a guy alone, even if it is an open place to avoid stories that touch. they can do and undo. Meanwhile.......how will he force u?

That's true, some ladies are desperate too, that they force a guy to impregnate them to tie him down.

oyetpel:


That's true, some ladies are desperate too, that they force a guy to impregnate them to tie him down.

Can a lady rape a man? Will she force his Kondo to
rise. I'm not understanding.

BIXYBABE:

Can a lady rape a man? Will she force his Kondo to
rise. I'm not understanding.

Hard truth cut both ways.

A lady can rape a guy.(so you don't know)?

But concerning what you said about being desperate. A lady can also be desperate by getting a guy to impregnate him with intention to tie him down, so also a man can fúck a girl to make her loyal and be his own. And to be able to control her, once you Bleep a virgin or a girl, you become her god, because she will always come for more.
Besides this op was not raped, she was fücksd but the guilt that Religion created is killing her

smileing:
Please I need responsible advice

Many were coming as suitors but I don't know why I let him come closer.

He forcefully took away my pride and I was hurt. He said he did that cos he doesn't want to lose me

I wanted to leave but I couldn't cos I love him.
I don't offer sex cos I'm religious and I believe it's a sin. Told him to wait till marriage but he wouldn't.
for almost a year we ve been courting I didn't allow him touch me.

Till this day he forcefully had sex with me .
He wants to come pay my dowry but I'm not sure that my people will let me marry him. I too went and prayed about him and they told me that he is not my husband (about 5 different people said it)

He is OK, financially, is educated and promising.
But not God-fearing as I wanted.

Now I'm pained for what he did to me .I'm grieved cos I wanted to lose my pride on my wedding night.
and I'm thinking of leaving him cos I'm hurting so much now.

I feel less of myself and sinful too


Please what should I do?


those that married non Virgin how did your spouse take it. I need to know cos it ll help reshaping my mindset

Give me your no. Let me call you or call the no. On my signature

On another note when you are warned by people concerning a person for marriage. Better run.

I have seen people warned who neglected the warning and today it is only regret they are filled with. A pastor, relation may see Something you cannot see because of infatuation.

That's why I think people should enter marriage with clear eyes. And this guy's behavior has justified that. So be careful with the kind advice they give you here.

Pls sister I don't know if you will hear my advice.pleas go on with your marriage wit him, try resect your mind so you can love him again.if you marry another person these rape truma will not go out from your mind, there are times he will still come around you even when you are in marriage, then how are you going to feel at that moment? This is something that you will never forget true out your entire life, since these guy is OK by you go on and marry him and also be fast about the marriage.

@smileing Really I wouldn't want to talk much on this but If I may ask, is it recently that he did what he did to you?

I can feel that you are filled with regrets and resentment, I'm sure you loved him that's why you let him have his way and because you can't marry him due to what you've heard or think about him then you are filled with regrets and resentment for him because he took your pride which you were determined to give to your husband on your wedding night.

I also have someone I'm courting, but no matter what may her No is her No, you should have stand your ground seeing that marriage is no where near, well that's by the way, what has been done has been done, however he may still have genuine love for you seeing that he disvirgined you and at times like this guys can be so interested in marrying a lady they disvirgined because they feel they are her first point of contact in intimacy, so they feel good about it.

I believe you can think about it. And the fact that he's not even a good Christian like you mentioned yet you rolled with him it's quite alarming, you should have seen what is coming, will a genuine Christian brother do that to you? yet you ladies in church complain about such brothers in church that they are not this or that, now you can see the ones that you have feelings for and see what he has done to you!

It's not easy to keep one's virginity and at the closest moment into marriage someone else then take it, that memory is going to linger on for years, anyways he's still sticking around, you can roll with him and marry him but if you want to report him to the authorities as a rapist be sure you have a concrete evidence! Stay strong.

Losing ur virginity is nothing compared to what you will pass through if you marry the wrong person. If you don't love him or you are sure he isn't the right man for you, please walk away. My wife isn't a Virgin but I accord her all the respect, I married the qualities I found in her not virginity. No man is marrying a lady cos she's a Virgin rather her personality. Not being a Virgin doesn't change ur worth.
My advice, please marry the right man not who took ur virginity.

He wants to marry u... Y? Out of pity? Or regret?

Truth is., virgin or not... Doesn't stop u from getting the right husband or being loved...

I can't advice, him raping u is sth serious... Despite ur refusal. U r sure u truly know his guy well??

Avoid advises here... Talk to a pastor, or sth

smileing:
@richy

this isn't a bad scripted movie as you think
true he forcefully had sex with me and I'm hurt
I need to help myself first before thinking of what to do to him and that's why I'm here

did you read were I wrote that we were courting? we were working towards marriage but I indicated some of the hurdles I see

but things turned sour the moment he displayed this act.
you are right cos I visited. I shouldn't have and I blame myself .i wish I can rewind the
hands of time

thanks

Sorry for all you're going thru, but you're been too hard on urself n ur bf. Yes he was wrong to forcefully have sex wit u, but for once try to c things from his angle. Let me play d devil's advocate here, cos I've been in such situation b4. True story: dated a girl while in school, a virgin, made me promise to wait till our wedding, I agreed, only for her to lose her virginity to some1 else, n rub salt on injury by going ahead to date d guy. Later heard from her friends she said I'm not sharp, can u imagine that? We used to romance n smoosh, but wen I tried going down there she'd refuse, so I respected her but c how it backfired!
So going to his place, engaging in romance with him, he might see it as green light, u ladies confuse men alot, u say 1 thing n give different signals with ur body language. Plz talk it over wit him n forgive after due apologies from him. D fact he wants to marry u shows he's serious, n u love him, u just need to forgive him n urself. I'm in my 40s, talking from experience, most people shouting live him, report him here are kids wit little experience. I'll advice u live him if he's violent with temper issues, else, stay, let him no how hurt u are n he shld b involved in ur healing process, but your healing is 90% in ur hand, start by letting go, forgive. By d way, as good a virtue as virginity is, losing it on d wedding night is a bit over rated/old fashioned, important thing is u lost it to who u love, ur fiancé, n he wants to marry u, cheer up dear.

madgoat:


Keep quiet and go and sit down somewhere. Any small consensual act una go dey shout rape.... Smmmhhhhhh

Mad rapist.
Don't worry,the long arm of the law will catch up with you soon.

Tozara:
That's gone. What evidence would she provide? The moment she failed to report him immediately after it happened, she had lost the ability to get justice within the framework of our judicial system. There's no way to prove he raped her. She can't prove it to anybody.

And the OP seems confused and fücked up upstairs. I don't understand her.

Yes that's when she should have reported.It's hard now to substantiate the rape allegation.

PrecisionFx:

did she say she was raped

Did you read the Op?

an eye for an eye... scatter his life.. report him and take it up to court or take his lide savings.. do whats gonna hurt him cos he didn't care about you

Only one question for you dear.

After the rape, have you had sex with him again?

Your response will determine your solution

smileing:
Please I need responsible advice

Many were coming as suitors but I don't know why I let him come closer.

He forcefully took away my pride and I was hurt. He said he did that cos he doesn't want to lose me

I wanted to leave but I couldn't cos I love him.
I don't offer sex cos I'm religious and I believe it's a sin. Told him to wait till marriage but he wouldn't.
for almost a year we ve been courting I didn't allow him touch me.

Till this day he forcefully had sex with me .
He wants to come pay my dowry but I'm not sure that my people will let me marry him. I too went and prayed about him and they told me that he is not my husband (about 5 different people said it)

He is OK, financially, is educated and promising.
But not God-fearing as I wanted.

Now I'm pained for what he did to me .I'm grieved cos I wanted to lose my pride on my wedding night.
and I'm thinking of leaving him cos I'm hurting so much now.

I feel less of myself and sinful too


Please what should I do?


those that married non Virgin how did your spouse take it. I need to know cos it ll help reshaping my mindset

Ok

No no, even the one that Pastors said God had ordained are sometimes full of trouble, pain and regret. I don't think its maturity basing your decision on what 5 people said, people you are not even sure are closer to God than you, you don't know what they do in secret. You are the one that spends time with him so pray that God should give you wisdom and discernment to know what you can cope with and what you can't cope with. Every marriage has its own challenges and issues.

vululadilolo:
He raped you to coerce you into marrying him? He violated your body to achieve his "goal" of "keeping" you for himself? Very sick, manipulative and pervert way of thinking!

I would not advise you to marry someone who doesn't respect your boundaries and can commit such a vile act (rape). I would however advise you to seek therapy/counselling/help for what he did to you. Did you report him to the authorities?

If he is raping you now, how do you think he is going to behave when you are going to be married to him? Marital rape exists in case you don't know.
His behaviour ( the rape) shows that he seems to be ready to do anything ( even the worst) to achieve what he wants and doesn't value his partner's opinions/beliefs or feelings. Do you really want to be married to someone like that?

There are ton of people who were not virgins when they got married and are happy in their marriage. Being a virgin (or not) does not guarantee a "good" marriage. Your husband should be interested in you as a person and not just your hymen. You should also bring more than "just" your body in your marriage.

You need to reshape your mind: Your "pride" should be in who you are as woman and not what you can "offer" in bed( Virginity). Your "value" as a person did not/should diminish because of the rape( or even if you had sex voluntarily). That's why I said seek therapy or talk about it to someone you trust.

Don't feel guilty for what happened or not being a "virgin" (easier said than done). Stay strong and good luck in whatever you decide to do!

I

vululadilolo:
He raped you to coerce you into marrying him? He violated your body to achieve his "goal" of "keeping" you for himself? Very sick, manipulative and pervert way of thinking!

I would not advise you to marry someone who doesn't respect your boundaries and can commit such a vile act (rape). I would however advise you to seek therapy/counselling/help for what he did to you. Did you report him to the authorities?

If he is raping you now, how do you think he is going to behave when you are going to be married to him? Marital rape exists in case you don't know.
His behaviour ( the rape) shows that he seems to be ready to do anything ( even the worst) to achieve what he wants and doesn't value his partner's opinions/beliefs or feelings. Do you really want to be married to someone like that?

There are ton of people who were not virgins when they got married and are happy in their marriage. Being a virgin (or not) does not guarantee a "good" marriage. Your husband should be interested in you as a person and not just your hymen. You should also bring more than "just" your body in your marriage.

You need to reshape your mind: Your "pride" should be in who you are as woman and not what you can "offer" in bed( Virginity). Your "value" as a person did not/should diminish because of the rape( or even if you had sex voluntarily). That's why I said seek therapy or talk about it to someone you trust.

Don't feel guilty for what happened or not being a "virgin" (easier said than done). Stay strong and good luck in whatever you decide to do!

Wow, you could not have said it better. Well done!

smileing:
@vululadilolo

thank you so much. I have not reported to anyone yet
hurt, pains and disdain on myself have left me discouraged.

all these while, I have been offering him all I could (companionship, encouragement, emotional support, friendship, spiritual assistance ,inspiration ) except for my body. and he made me love him so much little did I know he would come for my body .

my worth is not based on the hymen but yet I value my chasity.
I'm broken cos I encouraged people to be chaste. who do I talk to. the therapist I tried talking to tried molesting me too

I'm deformed now as I am feeling suicidal
what I built in years just crashed within a twinkling of an eye

call me I can be of help by Gods grace to link you up to whom you would talk to for counselling. 07031289616 chijioke

Losing your virginity shouldn't be the end of your life mind you, Some people in parenthesis men can go extra miles just to get what they really want and make it their own and even using a wrong and negative means to get it,
and that does not necessarily means that after such act that their Love for that particular thing will diminish, NO. In Sexuality one thing people need to understand is this: That there's a spirit attacked to sex, practical speaking , when you are sexually motivated believe me thou you, that you will act unimaginably, doing things that ordinarily you wouldn't have done in a normal sense of human simply means that there would be a FORCE (negative force) in you to act even unbearable and unexpectable things.
and is then when the act is done, that a normal sense of human will come back to you and it's then you begins to feel remorseful and guilty over your acts.
So what am saying in essence is that if the Man is remorseful and have pleaded to you for forgiveness then you ought to forgive him and move on with him He might be the best in the world for you.
Dont conclude on him because he did a wrong thing to you. Understanding and Love matters.

Respect55:
Over 99 percent of Nigerian girls claim to have lost their Virginity through force/rape.







They can never say the truth

I may laff to this but it is the truest shittt breh...

@tiwiex
@XiantJoel20
@smilein

Virginity in most popular terms refers to the state of not having had sexual intercourse with someone else, and for the female folk, not having a broken hymen.

Sexual purity is not having had anything to do with sex, ever.

I'll explain with practical terms now.

A person may be a virgin but has participated in MouthAction, anal sex, masturbation, naked smushing without penetration, kissing. This person is a virgin, but not sexually pure.

I hope this was explanatory enough.

smileing:


why ll I make this up cos of front-page.
ll front-page add anything thing to my broken hymen
why I'm actually concerned about the prophets is that the 5 of them don't know each other. I kept them in the dark. I just told them to pray about him and they all came up with the same thing

Were u expecting one of them to tell you he is the one before? These prophets are usually sadists, dubious and manipulative. If the man isn't a member of their church they can never approve him, never! You better shine your eyes, religion is scam and they are run by con artists in this country.

smileing:
@vululadilolo

thank you so much. I have not reported to anyone yet
hurt, pains and disdain on myself have left me discouraged.

all these while, I have been offering him all I could (companionship, encouragement, emotional support, friendship, spiritual assistance ,inspiration ) except for my body. and he made me love him so much little did I know he would come for my body .

my worth is not based on the hymen but yet I value my chasity.
I'm broken cos I encouraged people to be chaste. who do I talk to. the therapist I tried talking to tried molesting me too

I'm deformed now as I am feeling suicidal
what I built in years just crashed within a twinkling of an eye

You should thank your GOD he did it if not you could have given that pussy to one mugu in the church dickhead