make I unfollow this thread joor...

Codes151:
He wants to marry u... Y? Out of pity? Or regret?

Truth is., virgin or not... Doesn't stop u from getting the right husband or being loved...

I can't advice, him raping u is sth serious... Despite ur refusal. U r sure u truly know his guy well??

Avoid advises here... Talk to a pastor, or sth

Which pastor? Suleman will do part 2 of this hardcore movie

Losing your virginity shouldn't be the end of your life mind you, Some people in parenthesis men can go extra miles just to get what they really want and make it their own and even using a wrong and negative means to get it,
and that does not necessarily means that after such act that their Love for that particular thing will diminish, NO.

In Sexuality one thing people need to understand is this: That there's a spirit attacked to sex, practical speaking , when you are sexually motivated believe me thou you, that you will act unimaginably, doing things that ordinarily you wouldn't have done in a normal sense of human simply means that there would be a FORCE (negative force) in you to act even unbearable and unexpectable things.
and is then when the act is done, that a normal sense of human will come back to you and it's then you begins to feel remorseful and guilty over your acts.

So what am saying in essence is that if the Man is remorseful and have pleaded to you for forgiveness then you ought to forgive him and move on with him He might be the best in the world for you.

Dont conclude on him because he did a wrong thing to you. Understanding and Love matters.

The Guy may not be blamed since he had intention to marry her,men are move by what the see, sometimes ladies used to lie that they Virgin why the are not,moreover,any girl whom u v not had sex with don't take relationship serious. Guy the chance to marry u cos he love u and u love him too.even if u don't want him to marry is not enof to report him cos what u v lost can never come back to u again. Remembered vengeance is of the lord as a Christian

smileing:
Please I need responsible advice

Many were coming as suitors but I don't know why I let him come closer.

He forcefully took away my pride and I was hurt. He said he did that cos he doesn't want to lose me

I wanted to leave but I couldn't cos I love him.
I don't offer sex cos I'm religious and I believe it's a sin. Told him to wait till marriage but he wouldn't.
for almost a year we ve been courting I didn't allow him touch me.

Till this day he forcefully had sex with me .
He wants to come pay my dowry but I'm not sure that my people will let me marry him. I too went and prayed about him and they told me that he is not my husband (about 5 different people said it)

He is OK, financially, is educated and promising.
But not God-fearing as I wanted.

Now I'm pained for what he did to me .I'm grieved cos I wanted to lose my pride on my wedding night.
and I'm thinking of leaving him cos I'm hurting so much now.

I feel less of myself and sinful too


Please what should I do?


those that married non Virgin how did your spouse take it. I need to know cos it ll help reshaping my mindset

Sorry about the loss of your priceless virginity.

However, you need to move on. (Read Eccl 3:6) and don't let your heart condemn you (1 John 3:20)

It is best to have a female chaperon around to either prevent any molestation or discourage immorality (Read Proverbs 27:12,Eccl 7:16).

I don't think you should marry such a man. He lacks self control and has an esau like attitude to something priceless. Just thought of himself. The decision to marry him is yours to make and not his.

Whoever you want to date, open up to him at the appropriate time about the loss and confirm from him if he is okay with it(Eccl 3:1). Confirm through his words and body language. Also set barriers early.

Wish you the best

weyreypey:

Beautiful, amazing, undiluted sexy, energetic, adventurous but unforgiving...

Wow!

Well life experiences taught her to be unforgiving, that's why

I don't blame her. She must have been hurt deeply and at this level, why forgive when such creeps are not ready to change?
I like her.. I bet she's more strong and alert with any guy coming close.

What should u do...
The first thing u can do is to forgive him and also forgive urself. Virginity is a pride of a lady but u don't need to be a virgin before u can have happy home(I mean virginity does not guarantee you happy home). 2ndly, open up to your spiritual father or mother or somebody you can confide with..tell him or her your predicament (don't kill yourself or die in silent) as it is now, u need help u can no longer help your self. As regards to d guy, forget about him and move on with your life . He is not your husband, he just took advantage of u and ur weakness, if u give him second chance or allow him into your life again, he will ruin your life completely and cause more damage to ur injury(I wonder why u said u still love him). Please run for your life. Lastly, rededicate your life to Jesus Christ, allow Him to pilot and take complete control of ur life, listen to music and christian sermon. Observe your quiet time and tell God to connect you with a right man. Peace be unto you.

smileing:
@richy

this isn't a bad scripted movie as you think
true he forcefully had sex with me and I'm hurt
I need to help myself first before thinking of what to do to him and that's why I'm here

did you read were I wrote that we were courting? we were working towards marriage but I indicated some of the hurdles I see

but things turned sour the moment he displayed this act.
you are right cos I visited. I shouldn't have and I blame myself .i wish I can rewind the
hands of time

thanks

I know of someone that this happened to... She didn't talk about it until 6 years into her marriage. Her husband forced himself on her when she was 19, took away her virginity. Like you she was afraid Ns couldn't report him but she cut him off and tried to move on with her life. 5 years later, their paths crossed again, he begged for forgiveness, and the healing was a slow painful process.

They have been married almost 10 years now but I don't think she has really gotten over the hurt

smileing:


please sir throw more light to your statement

Virginity is the evidence of lack of vaginal penetration. What if she's been getting it up her bunghole? Or giving head? Or she's a lesbian?

Someone might not be a virgin but has been chaste for years.

How you see am?

smileing:
@vululadilolo

thank you so much. I have not reported to anyone yet
hurt, pains and disdain on myself have left me discouraged.

all these while, I have been offering him all I could (companionship, encouragement, emotional support, friendship, spiritual assistance ,inspiration ) except for my body. and he made me love him so much little did I know he would come for my body .

my worth is not based on the hymen but yet I value my chasity.
I'm broken cos I encouraged people to be chaste. who do I talk to. the therapist I tried talking to tried molesting me too

I'm deformed now as I am feeling suicidal
what I built in years just crashed within a twinkling of an eye

Who will I talk to? what I've built for years crashed within a twinkling of an eye, I guess the person you referred the above message has said it all. The devil wanted an opening to attack you,and he got you falling in love with that person also to the extend of believing he was harmless, which led to you careless yourself by allowing yourself be with him in a sexually conducive atmosphere ,which led to you been raped, Now you are no longer a virgin this made you depressed, you are thinking of committing suicide because of the stigmatized feeling. May be you have a vision of helping young girls keep their virginity until the marry , you are now feeling you are not fit for the task . Dear if you continue being depressed about this, I believe you won't serve God wholeheartedly. Just dust off and Brace up,what has happened has happened, Paul persecuted the church and did the most labour of all the apostles, rather than it hurting you , it should propel you to sensitizing others on the possible ways to avoid being raped or avoid sexual immorality. Carry on with your vision and don't give the devil more opening to damaging your life. And for the marriage proposal, listen to your heart ,ask God to speak to you concerning the issue, if you follow peoples advice without deciding yourself, you will forever live a life of regret and blaming others in your marital home but if by conviction from the Holy spirit you decide yourself, God will always help you overcome misfortunes. Your greatest testimony is that you are still alive, others were raped to death.

Op, how old are you?

Let me say something about your religious stand. You are a self righteous person, our righteousness is of the Lord. The suicidal feeling is coming cos of your self righteous nature. I'll advice you to pray to God and confess what you did cos you can't cleanse yourself from your sin.
Read 1 John1:9.

I don't want to talk about what happened between you and the guy cos my view will not be too pleasant to your eyes to read.

We all lost our virginity at one point in life...

Are you sure you were really and truly a virgin?

I ask because I heard disvirgining a virgin is never an easy task

It takes a lot of time and hard work, so to speak

What type of rapist will have all the time to be trying to break through the hymen?

Well sha, na only you sabi how e take happen

[quote author=smileing post=70185953]Please I need responsible advice

Many were coming as suitors but I don't know why I let him come closer.

He forcefully took away my pride and I was hurt. He said he did that cos he doesn't want to lose me

I wanted to leave but I couldn't cos I love him.
I don't offer sex cos I'm religious and I believe it's a sin. Told him to wait till marriage but he wouldn't.
for almost a year we ve been courting I didn't allow him touch me.

Till this day he forcefully had sex with me .
He wants to come pay my dowry but I'm not sure that my people will let me marry him. I too went and prayed about him and they told me that he is not my husband (about 5 different people said it)

He is OK, financially, is educated and promising.
But not God-fearing as I wanted.

Now I'm pained for what he did to me .I'm grieved cos I wanted to lose my pride on my wedding night.
and I'm thinking of leaving him cos I'm hurting so much now.

I feel less of myself and sinful too


Please what should I do?


those that married non Virgin how did your spouse take it. I need to know cos it ll help reshaping my mindset


leave him na.

smileing:
Please I need responsible advice

Many were coming as suitors but I don't know why I let him come closer.

out of many you allow him come closer. There is something special about him or positive feeling you felt for him.

He forcefully took away my pride and I was hurt. He said he did that cos he doesn't want to lose me

he did that! is he an animal? you are hurt, sorry for that. What next report him or let it go depending on how hurt you are, but the deed has be done.


I wanted to leave but I couldn't cos I love him.

did I hear you say "you love him" that is what make you allowed him closer initially.


I don't offer sex cos I'm religious and I believe it's a sin. Told him to wait till marriage but he wouldn't.
for almost a year we ve been courting I didn't allow him touch me.
I have nothing to say hear sorry.

Till this day he forcefully had sex with me .

you mean it s not once not twice but continually. He may be bad hubby can't say for now but be wise and take action now be it's too late.

He wants to come pay my dowry but I'm not sure that my people will let me marry him. I too went and prayed about him and they told me that he is not my husband (about 5 different people said it)

some vision are shown to us in order to change them.
1 make him who you want him to be
2 if that is not possible end it now and let go

He is OK, financially, is educated and promising.
But not God-fearing as I wanted.

He is not educated but may be promising as you said. education should not be by certificate only.

Now I'm pained for what he did to me .I'm grieved cos I wanted to lose my pride on my wedding night.
and I'm thinking of leaving him cos I'm hurting so much now.

With you continual pain and grievance you can't leave with him happy but if you think you can forget the past and let go, think otherwise.

I feel less of myself and sinful too

God forgive us our sin

Please what should I do?


those that married non Virgin how did your spouse take it. I need to know cos it ll help reshaping my mindset

the final ball is in your court play it the way you want your life to be.

Thank you. Sorry if I might be wrong in my saying because I might have talk too much.
[b]

smileing:
Please I need responsible advice

Many were coming as suitors but I don't know why I let him come closer.

out of many you allow him come closer. There is something special about him or positive feeling you felt for him.

He forcefully took away my pride and I was hurt. He said he did that cos he doesn't want to lose me

he did that! is he an animal? you are hurt, sorry for that. What next report him or let it go depending on how hurt you are, but the deed has be done.


I wanted to leave but I couldn't cos I love him.

did I hear you say "you love him" that is what make you allowed him closer initially.


I don't offer sex cos I'm religious and I believe it's a sin. Told him to wait till marriage but he wouldn't.
for almost a year we ve been courting I didn't allow him touch me.
I have nothing to say hear sorry.

Till this day he forcefully had sex with me .

you mean it s not once not twice but continually. He may be bad hubby can't say for now but be wise and take action now be it's too late.

He wants to come pay my dowry but I'm not sure that my people will let me marry him. I too went and prayed about him and they told me that he is not my husband (about 5 different people said it)

some vision are shown to us in order to change them.
1 make him who you want him to be
2 if that is not possible end it now and let go

He is OK, financially, is educated and promising.
But not God-fearing as I wanted.

He is not educated but may be promising as you said. education should not be by certificate only.

Now I'm pained for what he did to me .I'm grieved cos I wanted to lose my pride on my wedding night.
and I'm thinking of leaving him cos I'm hurting so much now.

With you continual pain and grievance you can't leave with him happy but if you think you can forget the past and let go, think otherwise.

I feel less of myself and sinful too

God forgive us our sin

Please what should I do?


those that married non Virgin how did your spouse take it. I need to know cos it ll help reshaping my mindset

the final ball is in your court play it the way you want your life to be.

Thank you. Sorry if I might be wrong in my saying because I might have talk too much.
[/b]

smileing:
Please I need responsible advice


Please what should I do?


those that married non Virgin how did your spouse take it. I need to know cos it ll help reshaping my mindset

Many were coming as suitors but I don't know why I let him come closer.

out of many you allow him come closer. There is something special about him or positive feeling you felt for him.

He forcefully took away my pride and I was hurt. He said he did that cos he doesn't want to lose me

he did that! is he an animal? you are hurt, sorry for that. What next report him or let it go depending on how hurt you are, but the deed has be done.


I wanted to leave but I couldn't cos I love him.

did I hear you say "you love him" that is what make you allowed him closer initially.


I don't offer sex cos I'm religious and I believe it's a sin. Told him to wait till marriage but he wouldn't.
for almost a year we ve been courting I didn't allow him touch me.
I have nothing to say hear sorry.

Till this day he forcefully had sex with me .

you mean it s not once not twice but continually. He may be bad hubby can't say for now but be wise and take action now be it's too late.

He wants to come pay my dowry but I'm not sure that my people will let me marry him. I too went and prayed about him and they told me that he is not my husband (about 5 different people said it)

some vision are shown to us in order to change them.
1 make him who you want him to be
2 if that is not possible end it now and let go

He is OK, financially, is educated and promising.
But not God-fearing as I wanted.

He is not educated but may be promising as you said. education should not be by certificate only.

Now I'm pained for what he did to me .I'm grieved cos I wanted to lose my pride on my wedding night.
and I'm thinking of leaving him cos I'm hurting so much now.

With you continual pain and grievance you can't leave with him happy but if you think you can forget the past and let go, think otherwise.

I feel less of myself and sinful too

God forgive us our sin


the final ball is in your court play it the way you want your life to be.

Thank you. Sorry if I might be wrong in my saying because I might have talk too much.

smileing:
Please I need responsible advice

Many were coming as suitors but I don't know why I let him come closer.

He forcefully took away my pride and I was hurt. He said he did that cos he doesn't want to lose me

I wanted to leave but I couldn't cos I love him.
I don't offer sex cos I'm religious and I believe it's a sin. Told him to wait till marriage but he wouldn't.
for almost a year we ve been courting I didn't allow him touch me.

Till this day he forcefully had sex with me .
He wants to come pay my dowry but I'm not sure that my people will let me marry him. I too went and prayed about him and they told me that he is not my husband (about 5 different people said it)

He is OK, financially, is educated and promising.
But not God-fearing as I wanted.

Now I'm pained for what he did to me .I'm grieved cos I wanted to lose my pride on my wedding night.
and I'm thinking of leaving him cos I'm hurting so much now.

I feel less of myself and sinful too


Please what should I do?


those that married non Virgin how did your spouse take it. I need to know cos it ll help reshaping my mindset

There's something fishy here. I believe u know the meaning of RAPE. Now, Did he Rape u?
If yes, what made u fall in love with him?
If No, you need not to report him. If u love him and U know he does the same to u but u re not ready for marriage now, tell him to exercise patient.
As for ur family as to whether they would support or not is not the problem now. And ur Virginity, it doesn't guaranty holiness so keep that aside.
He is not God-fearing right? He can be soon!

AsianLoyalist:


Does she have any evidence to prove he really raped her?? This is one of the reasons I want DNA test facilities and other facilities that can help in determining whether a rape case is true or false in Nigeria . So many men have got their reputation destroyed because of false rape and sexual harassment accusations. I hardly believe a rape case if the lady say it didn't happen at the time she's reporting it. If we should interrogate this lady now she'll start counting months and years here so how will DNA or any judge know whether she was really raped or not

She should have reported when it just happened.She apparently lost the opportunity.

thorpido:
Did you read the Op?

No.
I read the P.O

PrecisionFx:





No.

I read the P.O

No wonder.

Are you feeling guilty because you may have contributed to it? If you were raped, it has nothing to do with your chastity as your chastity is still intact. Women have been known to break their hymen during excessive exercise, will they kill themselves cos of it. I think we are placing too much value on virginity so much so that we may hold it over our husbands head if we marry as virgins.

smileing:
@vululadilolo

thank you so much. I have not reported to anyone yet
hurt, pains and disdain on myself have left me discouraged.

all these while, I have been offering him all I could (companionship, encouragement, emotional support, friendship, spiritual assistance ,inspiration ) except for my body. and he made me love him so much little did I know he would come for my body .

my worth is not based on the hymen but yet I value my chasity.
I'm broken cos I encouraged people to be chaste. who do I talk to. the therapist I tried talking to tried molesting me too

I'm deformed now as I am feeling suicidal
what I built in years just crashed within a twinkling of an eye

Rcrown:
A single man can not rob a man. It means you actually wanted him to rob you because I hate it when I hear that just one man robbed a man. You wanted to be robbed and now you want to make it look like you never agreed.

fixed

IntrovertedK:
Please let it go for the sake of the love you have for him.. Don't bother reporting him. I know it's rape, buh please let it go. At least for your pride. And i know you don't know that's why he wants to pay your bride price now. It's really not easy to date without sex. Especially when the lady is claiming virgin, you have no idea what our Edo sisters has done to that word 'Virgin'. So please forgive him. Don't press further. As a religious person, when the right person comes your way, he can't won't pass you by or leave because you are not a virgin. My only advice is that, make sure to reveal to whosoever you think deserves to know when he comes your way, explain it all to him and make sure to stand your ground you are not doing anything till your wedding night. If he can stay, let him buh if he can't let him go. Like i said earlier, you being the religious type will help you to know the right one when the time is right. Leave your present one, he isn't your husband, you know that yourself. Let it go. Stop holding on becasue he took your virginity 'forcefully'.

Op please don't take this advice. According to your logic, se she also "made sure to reveal to whosoever you think deserves to know when he comes your way, explain it all to him and make sure to stand your ground you are not doing anything till your wedding night." But yet the man still tried her, then you want her to do the same for the next guy, what is the guarantee that he will not do the same like this guy.

kabillion:
Though his hormones failed him. He might still turned out to be a good husband. You can count your loss but reporting him to any authority will further dent your image as it will blown the matter open. Take consolace in the God u serve. It the deflowering(forcefully) happened in his house the authority will close the case right there. You have been violated by someone u trust but don't violate yourself by making it any authorities case.

He might still turn out to be a good husband?? loool a rapist WTF

TimeManager:

Why would you demonize men by your shallow & myopic reasoning?.. Did you skip the part she admitted she still loves him inspite?
Why not address the issue rather than draw a gender line?
I'm sick of NL dumbheads.

kiss the truth!

No be honest, some men also demonised men here by telling her she was foolish to go and see a man at all. Check the previous comments.

How did he forcefully have sex with you? Physical overpowering, drugging or breaking your will with romance?let us know

eezeribe:

My dear, never you allow nairaland rapists to twist your mind and blame yourself while exonerating the rapist...
Rape is rape and the victim should never be blamed...
If I were you, I will end the unhealthy relationship and take legal action against him.

AkpatiOzu1:
do you know the meaning bro?
are you igbo?

I amm

Courting for a year.......waoooo here in naija
You love him..lol
He raped you after a year......really? what if you made him[b][/b][color=#006600][/color]
He's not God fearing........for real
You prayed .......hmmmm
5 people like you said he's not your husband......did u check their homes


Sister please how old are you cos am seeeing you at d veige of making grave mistake.
You better pray harder for a changed man and a happy home.

MarieSucre:


Op please don't take this advice. According to your logic, se she also "made sure to reveal to whosoever you think deserves to know when he comes your way, explain it all to him and make sure to stand your ground you are not doing anything till your wedding night." But yet the man still tried her, then you want her to do the same for the next guy, what is the guarantee that he will not do the same like this guy.

aunty, i said she should explain to her next 'Fiance' how her ex forcefully disvirgined her against her wish and how she'd still wait till her wedding night till she'd have sex again without minding she's no more a virgin.. It's that simple, and she should becareful with her new cause of past experience. There are only few fools left of men, hun. Only those few would believe a ladys' word and never try to confirm. As a religious person, was she even supposed to be there at first? She claim to be religious, yet she doesn't know dating is in every way wrong. She doesn't know that dating begets immoralities, pre marital sex and all? She doesn't know dating is only meant for the non practicing believers? If truly she's spriritual as claim, was she not supposed to know the said man isn't her husband abinitio? Was she not supposed to pray about the relationship first before going into it? If not for the fact that the said guy is not her 'appointed' husband, she wouldn't feel this bad i know. The feeling that her real husband (Which she ought to search for instead of dating) won't meet her a virgin is her major pain nothing else. If she continue doing wordly thing (Dating) buh yet claiming religious then she should expect more rape in the future. And the husband might not come even after ten 'rapes'. She's forming love at the same time claiming religious. She ought to know better. See come, don't vex me this afternoon oooo.

Zevihor:


There's something fishy here. I believe u know the meaning of RAPE. Now, Did he Rape u?
If yes, what made u fall in love with him?
If No, you need not to report him. If u love him and U know he does the same to u but u re not ready for marriage now, tell him to exercise patient.
As for ur family as to whether they would support or not is not the problem now. And ur Virginity, it doesn't guaranty holiness so keep that aside.
He is not God-fearing right? He can be soon!

God bless you
You actually read my mind

weyreypey:

Beautiful, amazing, undiluted sexy, energetic, adventurous but unforgiving...

Please who is behind this user

The rape culture in Nigeria is terrible.You were raped,and that is a serious crime.It is not your fault it happened,you are not wrong to still love him.There is no set way to behave after a rape.Do not let anyone diminish it for you.You were raped.That man is a rapist.Many Nigerian men are sexual assaulters.No means no.Even if you didn't struggle while it happened,as long as you never gave consent,that is rape.A high percentage of rape victims know and have a relationship with their rapists.Most cases don't get reported.The culture of silence is why many rapists are still walking around free.Please,get help.Getting over the trauma of getting raped by someone you love should be the most important for now.