I have heard people saying one has to love his kids equally or don't show it even if you love one more, but I find it hard to pretend .

I have 3 kids, a boy and twin girls. I love the 1st born more than the rest because he is a boy and love one of the twins more than the other.
I place the male as the number in the home even ahead of the mom. he is very smart for his age and resembles me 100 percent. and for the twins, I love the one that looks like my late mom and very smart than the other.


help I find it hard to love them equally or even pretend to love them equally and it's causing division in my home

Daddy is that why you collected my sweet and na gave it to Adanna

Those poor children will grow up with a complex because one of their parents made sure they had low self esteem on account of preference. Please do this, every month put some money away so that your children can access psychotherapy later in life. They will need it.
This is how young girls seek love in the wrong places and end up with men who mistreat them because they are looking for love they never got at home.
Your child knows you love them less and that is so so sad.

Same issue I'm battling right now, and it's affecting me negatively. My dad loves my brother more than everyone in my house; he believes him more than my mother (imagine)

And you don't like the other Twin because she looks like your wife, and you hate your wife You like your son because he looks 100% like you, and you like the other twin, because she looks like your late mom. The other twin is dull, just like her mum, your wife. It's so obvious.

But, I'll urge you to love them equally irrespective of their short comings, and always try to make them feel loved. Raise them right and forget this comparison.

Shalom.

pls just try everything within ur possible best to love them equally.I was also a victim of shared love in the family.

gabazin080:
I have heard people saying one has to love his kids equally or don't show it even if you love one more, but I find it hard to pretend .

I have 3 kids, a boy and twin girls. I love the 1st born more than the rest because he is a boy and love one of the twins more than the other.
I place the male as the number in the home even ahead of the mom. he is very smart for his age and resembles me 100 percent. and for the twins, I love the one that looks like my late mom and very smart than the other.


help I find it hard to love them equally or even pretend to love them equally and it's causing division in my home

it is quite hard to love children equal because they are different individuals. So love them for who they are and their qualities,not who they look like. Make it your duty to spend equal time with each of them. And tell them that they are beautiful everyday. Start from there.

funmisticqueen:
it is quite hard to love children equal because they are different individuals. So love them for who they are and their qualities,not who they look like. Make it your duty to spend equal time with each of them. And tell them that they are beautiful everyday. Start from there.

I spend plenty of quality time with them during weekends. we go out but not together most times because am someone who doesn't like attention. whenever we go shopping together, I always feel like the center of attraction because of the numbers I took with me.
so most times I only go out shopping with my son and buy things for those at home.


am not enjoying it but I just find it hard to love them equally.
I need help

gabazin080:
I spend plenty of quality time with them during weekends. we go out but not together most times because am someone who doesn't like attention. whenever we go shopping together, I always feel like the center of attraction because of the numbers I took with me.
so most times I only go out shopping with my son and buy things for those at home.


am not enjoying it but I just find it hard to love them equally.
I need help

it is not that difficult to take 3 children shopping. You are not ready to help yourself

this life x really funny, some folks r busy bombarding heaven wiv prayers crying for children, while u v yuhs n choose to love some more than d others,u can mark dis quote n remember Dix very day, that kid whom u see as not so bright,x gonna b d one that does d huge things tomorrow,more than yuh Oda kids,d lack of adequate love,wld gv em some unnatural energy that would drive em to prosper... Just watch n c

It's not easy but it doesn't have to be obvious. It's because of issues like these that most African parents usually treat the last child as the favourite, so as to deflect whatever negativity that might come from picking one based on particular traits as you have done. You can't love all of them the same but never make anyone feel different from the other

MissRaine69:
Those poor children will grow up with a complex because one of their parents made sure they had low self esteem on account of preference. Please do this, every month put some money away so that your children can access psychotherapy later in life. They will need it.
This is how young girls seek love in the wrong places and end up with men who mistreat them because they are looking for love they never got at home.
Your child knows you love them less and that is so so sad.

Him going for psychotherapy would be a better option, don't you think?



From his public cry for help, he definitely needs it more cos its pretty obvious he can't control his urge to prefer and favour one child over the other.


Op, seek medical help before you harm your children (or child----the other twin) in more terrible ways than you can imagine..

How do parents do these things without guilt and compassion? This is truly wickedness at its peak. Very partial of you.

Personally, I don't care which parent loves who or the other better, it has never added nor subtracted anything from me. I'm just indifferent to it, also, no matter the circumstance, I've made a promise to love my KIDS equally. I just can't imagine loving one less than the rest.

OP. You're not helping matters at all. I just hope you realise that this will cause nothing than enmity and spite between the kids, if they ever find out. I don't blame you. You're human, but start trying to love unconditionally. You'll hate its outcome if you continue like this.

Most especially the twins. Don't create an enmity between them now. They still have a long way to go.

MissRaine69:
Those poor children will grow up with a complex because one of their parents made sure they had low self esteem on account of preference. Please do this, every month put some money away so that your children can access psychotherapy later in life. They will need it.
This is how young girls seek love in the wrong places and end up with men who mistreat them because they are looking for love they never got at home.
Your child knows you love them less and that is so so sad.

He asked for help. I don't see any on this comment

Foodforthought:

He asked for help. I don't see any on this comment

What did you advise Nairaland comment monitor?
Favouritism is a form of child abuse and he is actually justifying it. Castigation is a push for him to look at how he treats his children and address it but then you wanted a full Dr Phill session alas I failed miserably in the execution of my duties.

Op, first, congratulations to you on being able to admit this. Many won't. My take is, it's true you can't love all of them the same way because of disparities in their behaviors and your beliefs. Try to see where the one you like the least excels. Everyone has a strong point. I'm also a twin and my mom is doing her best to bring in equality. May God help you...

I can't love ur children equally. u will always have favourite among them....the only thing a parent can do is to hide the favouritism away from the children by not making them see sign of such....to them daddy likes us thesam way but to u, u have favourite... na wetin happen to Jacob in the Bible when he favoured Joseph and his junior ahead of the others....it can shatter homes ooooo.....

UyaiIncomparabl:
How do parents do these things without guilt and compassion? This is truly wickedness at its peak. Very partial of you.

Personally, I don't care which parent loves who or the other better, it has never added nor subtracted anything from me. I'm just indifferent to it, also, no matter the circumstance, I've made a promise to love my KIDS equally. I just can't imagine loving one less than the rest.

OP. You're not helping matters at all. I just hope you realise that this will cause nothing than enmity and spite between the kids, if they ever find out. I don't blame you. You're human, but start trying to love unconditionally. You'll hate its outcome if you continue like this.

na person were get pikin go talk o
get first then u go know say e no easy

You just indirectly told me you don't love your wife.... divorce please. The issue is not with the kids, you don't love 'em equally because some took their mother resemblance.


I know you're avoiding the main issue here, divorce the poor woman if you're tired of the marriage.

MissRaine69:

What did you advise Nairaland comment monitor?
Favouritism is a form of child abuse and he is actually justifying it. Castigation is a push for him to look at how he treats his children and address it but then you wanted a full Dr Phill session alas I failed miserably in the execution of my duties.

What's all this lamentation for? I didn't hurt you. I just asked you to stop being judgemental. He asked for help, not scolding. Keep your emotions in check biko

shegzy0514:

na person were get pikin go talk o
get first then u go know say e no easy

Pure lie, bro!

Foodforthought:

What's all this lamentation for? I didn't hurt you. I just asked you to stop being judgemental. He asked for help, not scolding. Keep your emotions in check biko

The emotional person here is you actually.
It’s a forum
You comment.
There is no mandate that stipulates you have to agree with a post neither do I have to mince my words because the likes of you will get offended.

gabazin080:
I have heard people saying one has to love his kids equally or don't show it even if you love one more, but I find it hard to pretend .

I have 3 kids, a boy and twin girls. I love the 1st born more than the rest because he is a boy and love one of the twins more than the other.
I place the male as the number in the home even ahead of the mom. he is very smart for his age and resembles me 100 percent. and for the twins, I love the one that looks like my late mom and very smart than the other.


help I find it hard to love them equally or even pretend to love them equally and it's causing division in my home

let me help you as someone looking into a different culture and nationality than mine

i am a zimbabwean and been fancinated about nigerians as due to culture, attitude, mind set etc

and i was lucky to damp into this forum it give me a rough idea of nigerians culture etc

So it seems like a male child is a very sensetive matter in most nigerians, and you guys you are very proud of family name that a male child is a must in a family

So as for you you were lucky to say your 1st child is a male so, you it was like striking gold. Your brains and culture has more respect to boys and they will carry on with family name so pride in everything is on the male child, this is to due to how you made brought to believe and its cultural thing around you

thats how i see it as an outsider

MissRaine69:

The emotional person here is you actually.
It’s a forum
You comment.
There is no mandate that stipulates you have to agree with a post neither do I have to mince my words because the likes of you will get offended.

I'm not arguing with you. I'm not the one who needs advice. You simply have no advice to give. That's my take,you don't have to agree

gabazin080:
I have heard people saying one has to love his kids equally or don't show it even if you love one more, but I find it hard to pretend .

I have 3 kids, a boy and twin girls. I love the 1st born more than the rest because he is a boy and love one of the twins more than the other.
I place the male as the number in the home even ahead of the mom. he is very smart for his age and resembles me 100 percent. and for the twins, I love the one that looks like my late mom and very smart than the other.


help I find it hard to love them equally or even pretend to love them equally and it's causing division in my home

hmmmm this is a very big problem stemming from the fake stereotyle of the 'male child' african culture which you imbibed. Education is meant to remove this kind of things but what do i know. If care is not taken you will create a toxic environment in your home. You have to kneel and talk to Jesus to give you the real love not this fake love you claim. Fake love that is based on primordial reasons.

gabazin080:
I have heard people saying one has to love his kids equally or don't show it even if you love one more, but I find it hard to pretend .

I have 3 kids, a boy and twin girls. I love the 1st born more than the rest because he is a boy and love one of the twins more than the other.
I place the male as the number in the home even ahead of the mom. he is very smart for his age and resembles me 100 percent. and for the twins, I love the one that looks like my late mom and very smart than the other.


help I find it hard to love them equally or even pretend to love them equally and it's causing division in my home

I have 6 siblings and up till today I don't know which one of us my parents love the most

And you see well but not far... thanks

ZIMDRILL:


let me help you as someone looking into a different culture and nationality than mine

i am a zimbabwean and been fancinated about nigerians as due to culture, attitude, mind set etc

and i was lucky to damp into this forum it give me a rough idea of nigerians culture etc

So it seems like a male child is a very sensetive matter in most nigerians, and you guys you are very proud of family name that a male child is a must in a family

So as for you you were lucky to say your 1st child is a male so, you it was like striking gold. Your brains and culture has more respect to boys and they will carry on with family name so pride in everything is on the male child, this is to due to how you made brought to believe and its cultural thing around you

thats how i see it as an outsider

I don't think it is possible to love one's children equally, just don't show it outwardly so as not to create enimity amongst the siblings