DonroxyII:
You are a Nairaland bot You don't need any help

Anyway, we should all know our kids are our responsibilities, you will definitely love one more than the rest I.e. Their is usually heirachy of love for the kids, irrespective of qualities but we should understand that they must all be raised with equal standards and attention ..... They must all receive the same level of discipline and attraction ........

I think their is need to create school of child raising so as to avoid psychoskanskan kids in the future ..... Op is already creating psychological disorder for his perceived kids ..... and the first born is gonna be the most failed amongst them all ..... Spoiltbrat !!!

Nonetheless, The Op is a lie

Which one be psychoskanskan?

You're right the boy is likely going to grow up with a sense of entitlement.

gabazin080:
I have heard people saying one has to love his kids equally or don't show it even if you love one more, but I find it hard to pretend .

I have 3 kids, a boy and twin girls. I love the 1st born more than the rest because he is a boy and love one of the twins more than the other.
I place the male as the number in the home even ahead of the mom. he is very smart for his age and resembles me 100 percent. and for the twins, I love the one that looks like my late mom and very smart than the other.


help I find it hard to love them equally or even pretend to love them equally and it's causing division in my home

Please don't do this to that poor girl, she'll grow up feeling unlovable because she believes her Dad doesn't love her and this would ruin all her future relationships with men. I'm speaking from experience. She's going to pursue men a lot trying to find the love you didn't give her and this would even make her susceptible to abusive relationships.
Make a conscious effort to spend time with her, take your girls out more frequently. Those girls would probably be the ones to take care of you when you're old and not the boy because of either of these two reasons
1) You're creating a sense of entitlement in him which would make him likely to pass off the task to his sisters because he feels it's beneath him as a man and it should be his sisters' duty as women.
2) Your Son might marry an intolerant woman who wouldn't want her husband sharing his resources with you or wouldn't want you to stay in her home.
Buy similar gifts for all of them and in equal quantities when you go out. Never call any of them to give them any gifts or advantage secretly because the others will always find out. Children are not stupid and are more observant than you think. Finally, pray to God to teach you how to be a better parent to your children.

gabazin080:
I have heard people saying one has to love his kids equally or don't show it even if you love one more, but I find it hard to pretend .

I have 3 kids, a boy and twin girls. I love the 1st born more than the rest because he is a boy and love one of the twins more than the other.
I place the male as the number in the home even ahead of the mom. he is very smart for his age and resembles me 100 percent. and for the twins, I love the one that looks like my late mom and very smart than the other.


help I find it hard to love them equally or even pretend to love them equally and it's causing division in my home

U just have a psychological problem.

U can only iron it out in ur head.

chara019:
you know its causing division, yet you still doing it. Those kids would grow up hating themselves,if you keep hiving preferential treatments to the ones you love.
What would you do if the least loved one becomes more successful than the others?

come am I not going to eat tonight? You're here dabbling to other people's problems while I'm hungry

enemyofprogress:
so you have burned a children. My love for you is over from today

lol. Yes I don born. I don marry. Abeg change that Ur name

First things first, you have a complex problem. You like the boy because he looks like you and he's smart, then you like the other girl because she looks like your mother. You are apparently telling us that your wife is not good looking neither is she intelligent and that your family is more good looking and intelligent than that of your wive's. So treat that one first before you come to the public to ask for help

gabazin080:
I have heard people saying one has to love his kids equally or don't show it even if you love one more, but I find it hard to pretend .

I have 3 kids, a boy and twin girls. I love the 1st born more than the rest because he is a boy and love one of the twins more than the other.
I place the male as the number in the home even ahead of the mom. he is very smart for his age and resembles me 100 percent. and for the twins, I love the one that looks like my late mom and very smart than the other.


help I find it hard to love them equally or even pretend to love them equally and it's causing division in my home

I don't like topics like this cause at my age I still find it difficult to understand why parents still do this. I'm trying to build a relationship with my mom now because we were never close during my formative years. My mom loves,likes,adores my elder brother than all of us including my dad. I don't blame her cause she lost her first son 3days after birth (after her in-laws humiliated her for the first 2yrs of marriage). After she gave birth again to my elder brother everything changed. my mum didn't hide the fact that she loves my brother more, infact I was the most "hated" child cause I was stubborn, difficult and fearless. So I suffered more. I got all the love from my dad(he calls me his mother cause I look like her). I don't even love my mum as I do my dad. I can't begin to explain how I saw my mum but just know you're creating issues amongst your kids and you won't be able to put out the "fire" later. Siblings rivalry is not something you will want to settle trust me. My mum is treating to correct her errors with me but I don't see it as normal,I told her she has always made me feel like I wasn't part of the family but my dad's love covered for her and I didn't grow up a bitter child neither did I lose my self esteem. Get to work with your kids and love them equally (it's a mind thing).

funmisticqueen:
it is quite hard to love children equal because they are different individuals. So love them for who they are and their qualities,not who they look like. Make it your duty to spend equal time with each of them. And tell them that they are beautiful everyday. Start from there.

it's impossible to love everyone equally ,but keep it to your self , it shouldn't be obvious.

enemyofprogress:
come am I not going to eat tonight? You're here dabbling to other people's problems while I'm hungry

who is you?
if i feed enemyofprogress,na im be say my own don finish na,find another person.I rebuke you.

MissRaine69:
Those poor children will grow up with a complex because one of their parents made sure they had low self esteem on account of preference. Please do this, every month put some money away so that your children can access psychotherapy later in life. They will need it.
This is how young girls seek love in the wrong places and end up with men who mistreat them because they are looking for love they never got at home.
Your child knows you love them less and that is so so sad.

it's like that everywhere madam. It's not possible to love them equally maybe for men sha. Even God doesn't love us all equally. So it has been and so shall it be till eternity. We can't love kids equally Op stop disturbing yourself on that.

gabazin080:
I spend plenty of quality time with them during weekends. we go out but not together most times because am someone who doesn't like attention. whenever we go shopping together, I always feel like the center of attraction because of the numbers I took with me.
so most times I only go out shopping with my son and buy things for those at home.


am not enjoying it but I just find it hard to love them equally.
I need help

Start with this: while shopping, take them one after the other. If u take the first one to shopping today, next time take one of the twins, next time the second twin.
Most importantly, make justice and fair play your watchword. When they quarrel, blame the right person and sympathize with the victim. Always hug them individually and always emphasis that u love them. Let peace reign in your home brother

Eehya sorry my elder mana esabelu ahu. Jee godu saa ahu

Offpoint:


"An elder words make no sense to a child until he grows up"....offpoint 2019

chara019:

who is you?
if i feed enemyofprogress,na im be say my own don finish na,find another person.I rebuke you.

ok borrow me your pant

enemyofprogress:
ok borrow me your pant

winch I don't wear pant.

chara019:

winch
I don't wear pant.

OK come make we do that thing wey we do for latrine that day

BarrElChapo:
Eehya sorry my elder mana esabelu ahu. Jee godu saa ahu

ana m asi gi nnoo

This is why I prefer that instead of shouting that people should get married and have kids they should teach people how to actually raise kids and remind them that that children aren't dolls

Wicked Narcissistic parent.
You put a child above your wife.
You love the child more than all your kids all because he resembles you 100%
narcissism at it's finest.
I pity him the day you notice anything that makes him stop resembling you 100%, he will hear it from you.
Not only that you like him because he is a boy? misogynist.

Then you love one twin girl because she resembles your late mum?
Your narcissism no dey hide sef.

Instead of you to consider how you are going to wreck the lives of the children you're raising with this your attitude. You have refused, using the stupid excuse that you can't pretend.
It's all about you abi?

Your twin girls will grow to hate and despise you, most especially the one you love the least. That is, if they don't hate you already.

You love your first son and the girl because they are very smart. The other girl is very what now?

Try and love your kids for them. Not because they resemble you 100%, Not because they resemble your late mum, not because they are very smart, just for the fact that they are your children and you brought them to this world, treat them equally, help them.

And try and Get help for your narcissism
[s]

gabazin080:
I have heard people saying one has to love his kids equally or don't show it even if you love one more, but I find it hard to pretend .

I have 3 kids, a boy and twin girls. I love the 1st born more than the rest because he is a boy and love one of the twins more than the other.
I place the male as the number in the home even ahead of the mom. he is very smart for his age and resembles me 100 percent. and for the twins, I love the one that looks like my late mom and very smart than the other.


help I find it hard to love them equally or even pretend to love them equally and it's causing division in my home

[/s]

gabazin080:
I spend plenty of quality time with them during weekends. we go out but not together most times because am someone who doesn't like attention. whenever we go shopping together, I always feel like the center of attraction because of the numbers I took with me.
so most times I only go out shopping with my son and buy things for those at home.


am not enjoying it but I just find it hard to love them equally.
I need help

Wicked man it's always about you.

dominique:
I don't think it is possible to live one's children equally, just don't show it outwardly so as not to create enimity amongst the siblings

The reason the op gave were very shallow

MissRaine69:
Those poor children will grow up with a complex because one of their parents made sure they had low self esteem on account of preference. Please do this, every month put some money away so that your children can access psychotherapy later in life. They will need it.
This is how young girls seek love in the wrong places and end up with men who mistreat them because they are looking for love they never got at home.
Your child knows you love them less and that is so so sad.

honestly till date my siblings don't like me because they feel my parents liked me more.

gabazin080:
I have heard people saying one has to love his kids equally or don't show it even if you love one more, but I find it hard to pretend .

I have 3 kids, a boy and twin girls. I love the 1st born more than the rest because he is a boy and love one of the twins more than the other.
I place the male as the number in the home even ahead of the mom. he is very smart for his age and resembles me 100 percent. and for the twins, I love the one that looks like my late mom and very smart than the other.


help I find it hard to love them equally or even pretend to love them equally and it's causing division in my home

Try to love the one you love less not because of her, but because you are who you are and you brought her to this world. Don't make her feel you hate her for no just cause. You might end up regretting it and it will also affect her disposition towards her siblings.

gabazin080:
I have heard people saying one has to love his kids equally or don't show it even if you love one more, but I find it hard to pretend .

I have 3 kids, a boy and twin girls. I love the 1st born more than the rest because he is a boy and love one of the twins more than the other.
I place the male as the number in the home even ahead of the mom. he is very smart for his age and resembles me 100 percent. and for the twins, I love the one that looks like my late mom and very smart than the other.


help I find it hard to love them equally or even pretend to love them equally and it's causing division in my home

Shame on you.
Maya Angelou already pronounced judgement on your type..
" You'll only ever be happy as your least loved child"

androidroot:
Same issue I'm battling right now, and it's affecting me negatively. My dad loves my brother more than everyone in my house; he believes him more than my mother (imagine)

Are you sure OP is not your father?

@gabazin080 please try this trick. My dad used to take all of 3 of us out and would buy everything equally for us. As we grew up he changed it to monthly stipends of 20k each. It brought us closer and made us corporate more cos we felt we were treated equally.

It was at mature age we realized my dad loved my elder brother and younger sister more. But it doesn't change anything. It would've affected us if we realized it when we were younger.

Try to treat them equally. Try to hide the ones you'll do special for sometimes

Foodforthought:

I'm not arguing with you. I'm not the one who needs advice. You simply have no advice to give. That's my take,you don't have to agree

Or you could have just continued to scroll instead of masquerading as a comment monitor. It’s that simple.

My take is you are a partial human being. Believe it or not I love everybody in my house equally, ve it a house help or my kids. It is unthinkable for me to love anyone less.

Biscuits:
Lol, Nigerians are funny, showed my brother this thread and mock tears rolled down his checks and nutty him says he wished he was born and brought up here maybe he wouldn't have had any need to extremely self sufficient and independent and would have been dads favorites since African men carry male kids on their heads, unfortunately our dad is westernized and bundled him out of the house at 18 to go be a man , the ladies??...

So Op, keep treating your kids with obvious dislike, disdain, inequality and comparison, you would get old one day so whatever seed you sow today so shall you reap.

PS- I always hear of families, brothers, sisters, who hate themselves and don't mind poisoning and killing each other (aka village ppl) so this is how the seeds of envy and hate where sown.

Contrary to your opinion, he's not a representation of African men. How come my own father loved me and my sister more than my brothers? he said and did things that made us know it. Pips chose reasons to love or hate, sometimes I think they are excuses. I have a bro that obviously likes his first born a lot (female) because she's the first sometimes I call him out on this. It's glaring and unfair so pips just pick various reasons. I pray parent learn to at least treat all equally despite having a favorite

UyaiIncomparabl:


Pure lie, bro!

U r a Mum?

gabazin080:
I have heard people saying one has to love his kids equally or don't show it even if you love one more, but I find it hard to pretend .

I have 3 kids, a boy and twin girls. I love the 1st born more than the rest because he is a boy and love one of the twins more than the other.
I place the male as the number in the home even ahead of the mom. he is very smart for his age and resembles me 100 percent. and for the twins, I love the one that looks like my late mom and very smart than the other.


help I find it hard to love them equally or even pretend to love them equally and it's causing division in my home

I cry for your kids

gabazin080:
I have heard people saying one has to love his kids equally or don't show it even if you love one more, but I find it hard to pretend .

I have 3 kids, a boy and twin girls. I love the 1st born more than the rest because he is a boy and love one of the twins more than the other.
I place the male as the number in the home even ahead of the mom. he is very smart for his age and resembles me 100 percent. and for the twins, I love the one that looks like my late mom and very smart than the other.


help I find it hard to love them equally or even pretend to love them equally and it's causing division in my home

@bolded ,this is the beginning of segregation among your children. Gender bias is your problem and no one can fix it except you. Its a thing of the mind.In your subconscious, you have already rated the male gender above the other ,and also probably love your mum more than your wife, and now it is manifesting in how you treat your children to the extent that even they will notice. I hope it doesn't get to the kind of sibling rivalry I have seen . Its not a sight you want to witness as a parent when you are old.

Op don't mind all these posters.

You are doing the right thing just continue.

Leave the "dull" child alone, after all she took after her mother.




Na for old age you go see result of this terrible seed you are sowing.
By that time, you will be too weak and powerless to do anything.

IntrovertedK:
it's like that everywhere madam. It's not possible to love them equally maybe for men sha. Even God doesn't love us all equally. So it has been and so shall it be till eternity. We can't love kids equally Op stop disturbing yourself on that.

Just because you advocate shyte parenting that does not make it universal.
EVEN if it’s widespread good parents try to be impartial instead of trying to justify how the children are being treated.