You are just wicked!

Before mine grand father died he told me that it is impossible to love all your children equally. And the only thing you should strife for is to pretend you love all of them equally.

OP that boy you claim to love so much will abandon you in old age. He will marry and devote all of his attention to his wife and her family. Mark my words!
You love him more because he is male right? I pity you.

MissRaine69:
Those poor children will grow up with a complex because one of their parents made sure they had low self esteem on account of preference. Please do this, every month put some money away so that your children can access psychotherapy later in life. They will need it.
This is how young girls seek love in the wrong places and end up with men who mistreat them because they are looking for love they never got at home.
Your child knows you love them less and that is so so sad.

Pls where in Nigeria can we find a reliable psychotherapy centers..ild like to know

It's okay to love one more than the other as long as you give all equal treatment. My dad loved my junior brother more despite me being the first born because my junior brother had his exact body framework and posture. It was obvious but it didn't matter since we all got equal treatment.

It seems parents feel more connected to children that resemble physically and personally.

gabazin080:
I spend plenty of quality time with them during weekends. we go out but not together most times because am someone who doesn't like attention. whenever we go shopping together, I always feel like the center of attraction because of the numbers I took with me.
so most times I only go out shopping with my son and buy things for those at home.


am not enjoying it but I just find it hard to love them equally.
I need help

Bros, love is a sacrifice and not always a feeling. God demonstrated His love for us by making a sacrifice.
For your son, loving him may come naturally but for the other twin girl, it may be a sacrifice. Keep making that sacrifice for the sake of her joy and happiness. Force yourself to do it, even when you may not feel like. Same with your wife. Love her even when it appears she doesn't merit it. In all sincerity, you shouldn't love your son more than your wife.
In the future, it may be that same girl you don't cherish that will bring you the greatest joy as a father. God has a way of often choosing the rejected people and things for His glory.

Mizwisdom:



Contrary to your opinion, he's not a representation of African men. How come my own father loved me and my sister more than my brothers? he said and did things that made us know it. Pips chose reasons to love or hate, sometimes I think they are excuses. I have a bro that obviously likes his first born a lot (female) because she's the first sometimes I call him out on this. It's glaring and unfair so pips just pick various reasons. I pray parent learn to at least treat all equally despite having a favorite

Thank you for letting me know this because i was a tad disappointed, adding to how a lot of men speak about women on this forum i couldn't help but draw conclusions, but its well, may God help us all to live the right way because the young ones learn from the elders.

I know your type. You're so full of yourself. So you and your mother are so great that anybody that looks like you is a marvel. Local mentality boy, I can imagine your type of background, you were raised very poorly, see how it's affecting your life now.
I've not met your wife but I already understand why you don't rate her, she's a local domesticated girl with very low self esteem, equally from a faulty background just like you, and your daughters fate is similar going by the misfortune you narrated here.
In the city of blind men, the one eyed man is king, if to say you marry correct babe, your head for correct, you go dey on your toes to be better. But you need an insecure, unintelligent woman so that your exaggerated sense of worth can be preserved and that's Y you picked that woman. I'm a Relationship therapist and psychologist, lok no further. Develop sense, olopolo riri

Kokaine:
honestly till date my siblings don't like me because they feel my parents liked me more.

They might have a point and because you did not see the things they did or experience not being the “favoured” one it’s hard to see their point of view but as as adults you have to work on conflict resolution.

MrHighSea:

U r a Mum?

Why do you ask?

gabazin080:
I have heard people saying one has to love his kids equally or don't show it even if you love one more, but I find it hard to pretend .

I have 3 kids, a boy and twin girls. I love the 1st born more than the rest because he is a boy and love one of the twins more than the other.
I place the male as the number in the home even ahead of the mom. he is very smart for his age and resembles me 100 percent. and for the twins, I love the one that looks like my late mom and very smart than the other.


help I find it hard to love them equally or even pretend to love them equally and it's causing division in my home

You are sick in the head.. that's all I can state about it.

: It is not uncommon for parents to find a particular child easier to relate to than another. But do not mistake ease for "lovability."
Your problem may lie in your comparison of your three children, rather than your love for them. Perhaps it is not that you find your son more lovable, but simply easier for you to parent at this time. And you may expect your love to feel the same, when in fact your love for each is quite distinct by nature.
Perhaps this was an issue in your own childhood. Your parents may have found it necessary to assure you and your siblings that you were all loved equally. Your parents may have equated loving you equally with being treated the same.
Keep in mind that you will always love each child differently, because they are different people. And you will not treat them the same because their needs are unique. Your tendency to compare them may be inherited from previous generations. The good news is that you do not have to continue to approach fatherhood in this way. Instead, consider each child from their own perspective.
For starters, let's take a look at birth order to help you begin this process. Your daughters have the advantage of an older sibling in their environment, which is, itself, highly entertaining! And they enjoy the confidence of an experienced mother to boot.
Spend one on one time with your daughters on a daily basis. And ask their mother do the same. Over the next six months you may find that she gradually becomes more independent. It may be that she just needs some extra time to adjust and be assured of her place in the family, once more.
Reflect on your own relationship with your mother as it may also bear on your expectations with your daughters. You may be disappointed if she is different from yourself, for example, if your own mother and you felt a bond of alikeness to one another. Or, an emotional distance from your own mother may replicate itself in the next generation.
Work toward achieving a separate experience with your three children, as you would experience a rose differently from an orchid. One is no more beautiful or lovable, but depending on your climate, a rose can be a lot easier to care for than an orchid. Or you may be familiar with the rose, but need to learn how to nurture an orchid before it will bloom!
Talk with your wife about your feelings and identify your daughters attributes, as well as their insecurities. Use your honesty as a springboard for growth. Give yourself time with your daughters to explore more of who she is and who she can become. It may be that it is the father-daughter relationship that needs time to blossom in order to feel a special love that is reserved just for her!

gabazin080:
I spend plenty of quality time with them during weekends. we go out but not together most times because am someone who doesn't like attention. whenever we go shopping together, I always feel like the center of attraction because of the numbers I took with me.
so most times I only go out shopping with my son and buy things for those at home.


am not enjoying it but I just find it hard to love them equally.
I need help

I felt like crying when i read your writeup. Dose twins ought to be loved even more than your only son..you are really bringing destruction to your home..or do you feel that those twice don't know that you love your son more than them.pls correct that make it else you will regret it in future.

gabazin080:
I spend plenty of quality time with them during weekends. we go out but not together most times because am someone who doesn't like attention. whenever we go shopping together, I always feel like the center of attraction because of the numbers I took with me.
so most times I only go out shopping with my son and buy things for those at home.


am not enjoying it but I just find it hard to love them equally.
I need help

Start taking the least favourite one out for shopping. Get to know her

A child with complete functioning body part is already considered "not smart" according to the op. What if she is physically challenged what would you have done? The op sounds selfish...i couldn't believe my eyes while reading what he wrote.
mind you...In future those girls are the ones that will take care of you. I bet you don't understand the importance of girl child.

We are human. It's possible to love one child more than the other. What's unforgivable however is showing it, and making it obvious.
Whether you like one more than the other is your beeswax dear. Just treat them equally. Equal opportunites. Take them all out together, buy then similar stuffs, listen to all attentively and try to be there for them like a dad should.
Your punishment for naughtiness should be similar for all. Dont beat one, and just reprimand the other for similar offence. Dont ignore one either.
The one that isn't as brilliant obviously needs extra tutoring. Invest your time on her, and help her with her school work. Perhaps, you can get to know her better while at it.
You can get a tutor for them all too, to pay particular attention to the one struggling. Her success in life is equally yours ,Oga Ade.
If she becomes Nigeria's richest woman tomorrow, you will gladly claim her as yours despite her not looking like your family.
Goodluck to them all, cos they need it.

gabazin080:
I have heard people saying one has to love his kids equally or don't show it even if you love one more, but I find it hard to pretend .

I have 3 kids, a boy and twin girls. I love the 1st born more than the rest because he is a boy and love one of the twins more than the other.
I place the male as the number in the home even ahead of the mom. he is very smart for his age and resembles me 100 percent. and for the twins, I love the one that looks like my late mom and very smart than the other.


help I find it hard to love them equally or even pretend to love them equally and it's causing division in my home

can u sell the one u don't love? I know one herbalist looking for a girl child for ritual purposes.

Nonsense

Oluromantic:

Pls where in Nigeria can we find a reliable psychotherapy centers..ild like to know

Very few. There is one in Lekki, I think BTH Therapy.

samysmoothfresh:



Him going for psychotherapy would be a better option, don't you think?



From his public cry for help, he definitely needs it more cos its pretty obvious he can't control his urge to prefer and favour one child over the other.


Op, seek medical help before you harm your children (or child----the other twin) in more terrible ways than you can imagine..

He's already harmed them. The other twin, if a girl, will soon start seeking validation from men outside the home and that's how gangbanging her starts, and knowing him, he will blame the wife not knowing it's his stupidity!

FOLKS THIS IS WHY YOU HAVE TO BE MATURED BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED.

Oluromantic:

Pls where in Nigeria can we find a reliable psychotherapy centers..ild like to know

What age group?

verycheese:
I know your type. You're so full of yourself. So you and your mother are so great that anybody that looks like you is a marvel. Local mentality boy, I can imagine your type of background, you were raised very poorly, see how it's affecting your life now.
I've not met your wife but I already understand why you don't rate her, she's a local domesticated girl with very low self esteem, equally from a faulty background just like you, and your daughters fate is similar going by the misfortune you narrated here.
In the city of blind men, the one eyed man is king, if to say you marry correct babe, your head for correct, you go dey on your toes to be better. But you need an insecure, unintelligent woman so that your exaggerated sense of worth can be preserved and that's Y you picked that woman. I'm a Relationship therapist and psychologist, lok no further. Develop sense, olopolo riri

But u are so correct. The op is likely the picture u just painted.

Ds is weird to me.

gabazin080:
I have heard people saying one has to love his kids equally or don't show it even if you love one more, but I find it hard to pretend .

I have 3 kids, a boy and twin girls. I love the 1st born more than the rest because he is a boy and love one of the twins more than the other.
I place the male as the number in the home even ahead of the mom. he is very smart for his age and resembles me 100 percent. and for the twins, I love the one that looks like my late mom and very smart than the other.


help I find it hard to love them equally or even pretend to love them equally and it's causing division in my home

ask your wife very well, not all are your children. blood is thicker than water, if you know you know.

eyinjuege:
We are human. It's possible to love one child more than the other. What's unforgivable however is showing it, and making it obvious.
Whether you like one more than the other is your beeswax dear. Just treat them equally. Equal opportunites. Take them all out together, buy then similar stuffs, listen to all attentively and try to be there for them like a dad should.
Your punishment for naughtiness should be similar for all. Dont beat one, and just reprimand the other for similar offence. Dont ignore one either.
The one that isn't as brilliant obviously needs extra tutoring. Invest your time on her, and help her with her school work. Perhaps, you can get to know her better while at it.
You can get a tutor for them all too, to pay particular attention to the one struggling. Her success in life is equally yours ,Oga Ade.
If she becomes Nigeria's richest woman tomorrow, you will gladly claim her as yours despite her not looking like your family.
Goodluck to them all, cos they need it.

don't mind him. Let him keep showing his foolishness until the unloved child develops dangerous psychological issues and poison her siblings out of jealousy.

Offpoint:
You just indirectly told me you don't love your wife.... divorce please. The issue is not with the kids, you don't love 'em equally because some took their mother resemblance.


I know you're avoiding the main issue here, divorce the poor woman if you're tired of the marriage.

You are very intelligent. In any marriage that lacks love among the parents, that is what you see. He hates the other twin because she look like her mum, then love the other ones because they resemble him and his mother. Irony of life

You are playing with fire.

Yes, you can't love everybody equally but yours is too extreme.

Your own girls for that matter. The day I become a father, it would break my heart for my girls to know I love them less.

Bad boys go finish them. I just won't allow such a scenario.

gabazin080:
I spend plenty of quality time with them during weekends. we go out but not together most times because am someone who doesn't like attention. whenever we go shopping together, I always feel like the center of attraction because of the numbers I took with me.
so most times I only go out shopping with my son and buy things for those at home.


am not enjoying it but I just find it hard to love them equally.
I need help

i will advise to pay more attentiin and show more love to girls,pamper them. tell your son, that girls and women deserve love and respect. you are teaching him a lesson.

Biscuits:


Thank you for letting me know this because i was a tad disappointed, adding to how a lot of men speak about women on this forum i couldn't help but draw conclusions, but its well, may God help us all to live the right way because the young ones learn from the elders.

I understand how one can draw up a lot of wrong conclusions from here but majority of people you find here happen to be young boys who pour out frustrations on females a lot. There's a tribe called "the Igbos" they are quite loud and flamboyant, they seem to value male over female but they are just one tribe out of over 200. Most of their culture is what you watch in Nigerian English village movies. Many other tribes I know give both genders relatively equal rights. The Igbos are loud so you might think their culture represents the entire cultures in Nigeria/Africa but I assure you that it doesn't. Africa has more than 1000 different tribes, Nigeria alone has about 250

I don't think it's possible to love equally.

The most important thing is to "Love Equitably"

MissRaine69:

What age group?

28-40 and a person of age 60

stupid people every where...

sons= sara daughters= loads of money.. quote me anywhere

Pavore9:

Very few. There is one in Lekki, I think BTH Therapy.

That's the issue. Nigeria does not have provisional help for psychic patients. To even mention it sound insulting to some people because they think you're accusing them of madness.