4tunebest:


My dear, you are not wicked. You are only being realistic. People who haven't walked in same shoes under thesame conditions have no right to judge you, cos its easier said than done.

I have walked through these same shoes before; infact currently walking in same shoes, but from my experience, there is a mistake you're making which I want to point out.

You see, any scenario that happens in a matrimonial home, if not orchestrated by God, is allowed by God.
What does that mean? It means the solution lies in Him, not in any advice you receive here on NL. The good thing is that once you SINCERELY ask him to help you; the way and speed with which He'll step in, even you, will marvel.

Your responses are filled with 'Self'. Let go of self and submit to God's help. He is willing; just ask him, allow him and WAIT.

I am currently in the best place I've ever being in my marriage; enjoying my marriage more than I've ever done in the past. Is it because my experiences differ from yours? No. It is because instead of seeking for advice from mere mortals like myself(who might even be going through worse in their own lives), I asked the One who understood better than anyone els; and the way He spranged up, even I was surprised 'cos He did MUCH MORE than I asked for in that situation.

I hope you take a clue from this. I wish you all the best

God,God,God,God,God.......which God?
If you don't want to be realistic,kindly let her be.
That is the most useless advice a person can ever give.

Op is being honest and you people are terming her wicked.

Do you guys not see where her husband said family won’t live with them? I guess he said this so her siblings problem won’t fall on his shoulders.
So why should he bring in his sister and her kids without consulting with her, when he knows that they will look to the woman for food and other things, and it’s not like he provides for majority of these things himself.
He’s making it hard for her to provide for herself and her child, without seeming like a wicked sister-in-law to his sister. How is someone that earns 30k supposed to feed a family of 9?

Did you guys see where he ate before he came home when she texted him that there’s no food, and ignored her. So if she has food enough for just her child tomorrow, is she supposed to share it between the kids so she can answer good woman, or let her child go without so that she doesn’t seem like a bad person?
Why do you people reason like this?

Op your husband’s family are terrible people, for what they did to their dad’s wife, and I like the fact that you have seen them for who they are.
Do what you can for her kids as children are innocent, but do not go out of your way or overshoot your budget to do so.

Thank you so much for this. I decided to stop keeping friends or telling them things about me cos they have all been acting funny. Well except the ones who have sacrificed for me before. So I am not weird, thanks again.

Logobenz:
people come close to each other not for love,but for the things they can gain from one another.
The only way to keep that is to keep having that interest(mostly money out here) and keep being the stronger or better one!
Friends rarely have your back,family does.
Family won't sell you out when things go bad.friends will if the condition for exposing you favours them.
I could go on and on.....
Personally I don't keep friends anymore!it's a collosal waste of time,energy and resources.

missidy:
Thank you so much for this. I decided to stop keeping friends or telling them things about me cos they have all been acting funny. Well except the ones who have sacrificed for me before. So I am not weird, thanks again.

you are welcome.you are on the right path,keep at it and the sky go be your limit.
Goodluck

CanadianNaija:
Op is being honest and you people are terming her wicked.

Do you guys not see where her husband said family won’t live with them? I guess he said this so her siblings problem won’t fall on his shoulders.
So why should he bring in his sister and her kids without consulting with her, when he knows that they will look to the woman for food and other things, and it’s not like he provides for majority of these things himself.
He’s making it hard for her to provide for herself and her child, without seeming like a wicked sister-in-law to his sister. How is someone that earns 30k supposed to feed a family of 9?

Did you guys see where he ate before he came home when she texted him that there’s no food, and ignored her. So if she has food enough for just her child tomorrow, is she supposed to share it between the kids so she can answer good woman, or let her child go without so that she doesn’t seem like a bad person?
Why do you people reason like this?

Op your husband’s family are terrible people, for what they did to their dad’s wife, and I like the fact that you have seen them for who they are.
Do what you can for her kids as children are innocent, but do not go out of your way or overshoot your budget to do so.

Thanks Sis, it's the reason why I came to seek for advice here, most of the times, he will not drop feeding fee cos he knows I'll sort myself and the kids out before his return from work and now that his sis and kid is temporarily with us, I don't know how to go about the kitchen area especially for the kids, I'm a nursing mother, I can't eat well again, because of my budget..
This morning she came to me and asked what the children will put on the noodles they'll be taking to school, I told her to ask her brother, someone who didn't drop anything for dinner, did same this morning, he didn't drop anything likewise for breakfast, they both went to school without anything on their food to school... I was able to share the snacks I bought for the week for the both of them... She has gone to shop without eating, he is preparing to go out and I sure know he will sort himself out, I will as well go buy bread and tea and have that for breakfast,.... In the night, I'm sure same will be repeated, is this how ill continue, and the thing is her baby daddy usually gives them money for upkeep, but I think it's not usually enough for their both feeding, transport and upkeep.....
. I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, I wish I could tell her politely that I may not be able to do everything I do for myself and child to them, but how do I without being tagged WICKED AND MERCILESS...

Laeroy:


Scum bag, u say I don't love... But I do love Jesus, I love my siblings, and I love my kids......... Now SCrew yourself.... Bitch

I noticed you did not mention your husband as part of those you love.

Do you love your husband?

Inception:


I noticed you did not mention your husband as part of those you love.

Do you love your husband?

I do love my husband, but when issues like this happen, u refrain from using the word love on him, my husband is human. He has his strength and weaknesses, finance is majorly the cause of the conflict we encounter in this marriage, always telling me that I have to be support at the home front, which I have come to terms, now uve brought extra baggage for me and u expect me to deal with Dat, is that not looking for trouble......

BTW, he will never help out with any of the house chores..... Yet he wants u to help him out with his responsibilities... Cause the last time I checked, the man's duty is to provide for the family

Hummmmmm!!!!

After carefully reading through the write up and the comments, I now begin to see what women experience in their marriages.
Op, I would advise that you sit your husband down and have a heart to heart discussion as to how the family would be run. If your husband doesn't give you monthly income for the upkeep of the home, let him start doing so. Because this issue of him not dropping money for breakfast nor dinner most of the time is totally wrong of him. The Bible said a man that can't provide for members of his household is worst than an infidel. He is the head of the home, you are his helpmmate. Thanks to God he is working, if it's 30k he gives monthly as feeding allowance, then you should take it up from there when the money finishes before the next one comes.
And as for your sister in law, please don't treat her badly. Whatever you can afford to give her daughter please do, maybe once in a while. Because from your write up, you didn't state that she's giving you a you a tough time in your home. We don't do things because of today but because of tomorrow and for posterity sake. Who knows maybe it's the sister in law that will stand for you tomorrow should in case anything happens (God forbid).
I wish you all the best.
Cheers!!!!

missyojo:
Hummmmmm!!!!

After carefully reading through the write up and the comments, I now begin to see what women experience in their marriages.
Op, I would advise that you sit your husband down and have a heart to heart discussion as to how the family would be run. If your husband doesn't give you monthly income for the upkeep of the home, let him start doing so. Because this issue of him not dropping money for breakfast nor dinner most of the time is totally wrong of him. The Bible said a man that can't provide for members of his household is worst than an infidel. He is the head of the home, you are his helpmmate. Thanks to God he is working, if it's 30k he gives monthly as feeding allowance, then you should take it up from there when the money finishes before the next one comes.
And as for your sister in law, please don't treat her badly. Whatever you can afford to give her daughter please do, maybe once in a while. Because from your write up, you didn't state that she's giving you a you a tough time in your home. We don't do things because of today but because of tomorrow and for posterity sake. Who knows maybe it's the sister in law that will stand for you tomorrow should in case anything happens (God forbid).
I wish you all the best.
Cheers!!!!

Thank you sister!, like U rightly noted, his sister isn't a problem to me, I have to get to live with the fact that she is to stay with us temporarily and indefinitely, however my issue is with her brother, this guy freaks me out with his financial woes, we have fought financial battles about who should provide this and that for the family..... I have discussed with him severally that he should set aside a particular income for feeding purposes but he will not listen, he said the laundry business he created is for feeding, the money we make from laundry is not regular, he prefers to buy fuel in his car and drive to work than to provide for the family, He will always drum it in my ears that when his mother was alive, their father was responsible for schooling while their mum took care of feeding and I should likewise do same, when I was involved in the laundry work..... Doing 50percent of the job, despite that I was a nursing mother until I stopped recently, WE basically used all the money for feeding, that was literally me feeding myself, so I told him point blank that he should note that he doesn't feed me in this house, he flared up and said that I involved myself in laundry doesn't mean I feed myself, Dat I was only be supportive, so I stopped doing laundry when I had my second child, cos I felt the burden would be too much for me to bear and made him manage the business himself, since then it's been from one story to the other, he just feeds us when he feels like, not minding that his responsibility is to provide for the kids....He said his salary is for other projects like building house, schooling etc, and laundry is for feeding which isn't regular.....

Well said

mrAMG2:
Wow. See how hate is just flying here and there.

Madam OP, next time be careful with the sort of words you use. You probably may have typed with a lot of deep seated anger and in the process, used a lot of ugly words.

Now there are people saying you are wicked, bla bla, please ignore them, they’re most likely not married so they know NOTHING about what it feels like for your matrimonial home to be invaded, carefully planned and managed resources shared and promises broken.

Yesterday, today and tomorrow, it is still familiarity that will breed contempt.

There’s only so much good you can do.

Your husband broke a promise by allowing them stay, even longer than anticipated. It’s even more annoying that he’s complacent about the whole thing.

What happened to the house she was living in before? It didn’t collapse did it? No. She just decided that she doesn’t want to stay there alone and then your husband took her in and started making plans for renovations.

NIGERIANS ARE VERY GOOD AT OVER STAYING THEIR WELCOME; even worse, people that visit you without notifying you first.

No matter how much you try to be good and nice, no matter how much you smile with the woman and her kids, there will surely come a time when you can no longer do those things anymore.

Everyone at one point in their lives have had relatives who have come to spend holidays in their homes and after a while, you notice friction beginning to build and eventually, you just want them to go to their own houses.

The woman is only trying to earn more time and favor by being nice to your kids and I’m very sure she knows her continued presence there is just not right.

My dear, it is not wickedness. Do what you can do and don’t do what you cannot do. It’s not by force.

If it was an okay family, they’ll find somewhere to put her. Probably a single person or an older single person in the family or maybe even rent her another apartment.

WATCH, THE RICHEST MAN IN YOUR HUSBAND’S FAMILY WILL MOST LIKELY NOT TAKE HER BECAUSE THEY VALUE THEIR PRIVACY AND UNDERSTAND WHAT PLANNING RESOURCES AND STICKING TO THAT PLAN IS.

Besides, she can’t put her baby daddy duties on you and your husband. Abeg what’s that.

Please why on earth did they ask the widow to leave and then they kukuma left the house vacant after everything. Ko ye mi o. Do what you can. Be good to her and make up with your husband fast. He def cant be expecting you to feed the entire household on a long term basis. Learn to stoop to conquer. I never learn am finish but that's what our foremothers did. May God grant u wisdom.

Quite annoying... He's breeding resentment in you and i dont blame you but don't let anyone make you act in a way you will regret in future.

Laeroy:


however my issue is with her brother, this guy freaks me out with his financial woes, we have fought financial battles about who should provide this and that for the family..... I have discussed with him severally that he should set aside a particular income for feeding purposes but he will not listen, he said the laundry business he created is for feeding, the money we make from laundry is not regular, he prefers to buy fuel in his car and drive to work than to provide for the family, He will always drum it in my ears that when his mother was alive, their father was responsible for schooling while their mum took care of feeding and I should likewise do same, when I was involved in the laundry work..... Doing 50percent of the job, despite that I was a nursing mother until I stopped recently, WE basically used all the money for feeding, that was literally me feeding myself, so I told him point blank that he should note that he doesn't feed me in this house, he flared up and said that I involved myself in laundry doesn't mean I feed myself, Dat I was only be supportive, so I stopped doing laundry when I had my second child, cos I felt the burden would be too much for me to bear and made him manage the business himself, since then it's been from one story to the other, he just feeds us when he feels like, not minding that his responsibility is to provide for the kids....He said his salary is for other projects like building house, schooling etc, and laundry is for feeding which isn't regular.....

Op, those who haven't been in your shoes will crucify you.
I can feel your pain.
You aren't a bad person, na money dey cause this wàhálà. When money no dey, visitors are unwanted biko.
If you can, declare your stand to her to your husband's face. Tell both of them you can't feed her because you don't have the means. Be prepared for the uproar that will follow but have your reply handy. "should we comman collect monthly feeding allowance from you?" cos how am I supposed to cater for everyone with no money? "
Make sure you aren't hostile to her. Take care of her child and be nice to her but cook for yourself and your child and if there's some left over once in a while, please give her child some too.
Don't suffer in silence but also remember that things change.
Sometimes saying it out instead of acting or giving out vibes solves a lot of problem.

Gloriagee:
Please why on earth did they ask the widow to leave and then they kukuma left the house vacant after everything. Ko ye mi o. Do what you can. Be good to her and make up with your husband fast. He def cant be expecting you to feed the entire household on a long term basis. Learn to stoop to conquer. I never learn am finish but that's what our foremothers did. May God grant u wisdom.

Before his father died, the house wasn't fully completed, what I mean is that the house isn't painted and the floor of the sitting room, room, passage, kitchen isn't cemented and tiled. So they were literally living in a dusty house, now that baba is late, they said they want to convert the house to three self contained apartment with the rest of baba's pension when it is collected, mind you, he has four siblings from his mother side 1 of whom is late. And two siblings from his step mom...

So right now , they're in the process of collecting the rest money from the pension administors, after which they can renovate the house and she possibly moves back there..... The said house isn't too far from where we stay.....

When u say make up with my husband, I don't exactly know what I mean, we talk briefly and we greet each other.... Before he left for work, I asked him for money for dinner, he said he doesn't have money.... What do I do?

zaynie:
Op, those who haven't been in your shoes will crucify you.
I can feel your pain.
You aren't a bad person, na money dey cause this wàhálà. When money no dey, visitors are unwanted biko.
If you can, declare your stand to her to your husband's face. Tell both of them you can't feed her because you don't have the means. Be prepared for the uproar that will follow but have your reply handy. "should we comman collect monthly feeding allowance from you?" cos how am I supposed to cater for everyone with no money? "
Make sure you aren't hostile to her. Take care of her child and be nice to her but cook for yourself and your child and if there's some left over once in a while, please give her child some too.
Don't suffer in silence but also remember that things change.
Sometimes saying it out instead of acting or giving out vibes solves a lot of problem.

Mama Zaynie, I appreciate this,but be assured that if I'm being blunt about it, it will cause problems in the family, not that I can't tell her straight to her face that the times her brother refuses to drop feeding allowances then she should be responsible for the upkeep and that of her child, but she's someone who l don't wish we ever have an issue, and the relationship we have built over time is worth more than having to let it break over her brother's Attitude,
Yesterday while we eating during dinner, I took the last meat because sincerely hubby doesn't eat meat except on rare occasions because of his health conditions, as I was having the last bite, she in a low and polite tone said (" Bawo ni bale Ile ma se jeun Lai si nkankan ninu obe" ) meaning how will the head of the house eat without anything in the soup, my response was that but he doesn't eat meat and that's the last chunk in my plate, these observations I'm sure she will tell her sisters, one thing I know is they can't face me about that development but they sure will say some - ve things behind me..

I'm just praying that the money used for the house renovation can come quickly so Dat she can leave or better still I pray God blesses them more so that the problems we are encountering can be solved

I said make up with him cos in your initial post, u mentioned u were not speaking with each other. Have u tried drawing up a monthly budget so he can have an idea of your monthly expenses and ask him to give you at least 10k monthly. Or better still ask him how much he can contribute to the expenses. I must commend you for your discipline in saving money monthly for your kids. To boost your income, u can also try being a lesson teacher or selling on Instagram, maybe thrift stuff. The good thing is that she'll be leaving after the house is completed so try and go through it with a positive attitude.

Laeroy:


Before his father died, the house wasn't fully completed, what I mean is that the house isn't painted and the floor of the sitting room, room, passage, kitchen isn't cemented and tiled. So they were literally living in a dusty house, now that baba is late, they said they want to convert the house to three self contained apartment with the rest of baba's pension when it is collected, mind you, he has four siblings from his mother side 1 of whom is late. And two siblings from his step mom...

So right now , they're in the process of collecting the rest money from the pension administors, after which they can renovate the house and she possibly moves back there..... The said house isn't too far from where we stay.....

When u say make up with my husband, I don't exactly know what I mean, we talk briefly and we greet each other.... Before he left for work, I asked him for money for dinner, he said he doesn't have money.... What do I do?

N this is why women hate living with inlaws which guys can never understand. The endless judgements and subsequent spreading of their opinions that no one asked for. Oga was eating without meat, must she complain to his hearing. Anyway dear, be as wise as a dove...what doesnt kill u makes u stronger.

Laeroy:


Mama Zaynie, I appreciate this,but be assured that if I'm being blunt about it, it will cause problems in the family, not that I can't tell her straight to her face that the times her brother refuses to drop feeding allowances then she should be responsible for the upkeep and that of her child, but she's someone who l don't wish we ever have an issue, and the relationship we have built over time is worth more than having to let it break over her brother's Attitude,
Yesterday while we eating during dinner, I took the last meat because sincerely hubby doesn't eat meat except on rare occasions because of his health conditions, as I was having the last bite, she in a low and polite tone said (" Bawo ni bale Ile ma se jeun Lai si nkankan ninu obe" ) meaning how will the head of the house eat without anything in the soup, my response was that but he doesn't eat meat and that's the last chunk in my plate, these observations I'm sure she will tell her sisters, one thing I know is they can't face me about that development but they sure will say some - ve things behind me..

I'm just praying that the money used for the house renovation can come quickly so Dat she can leave or better still I pray God blesses them more so that the problems we are encountering can be solved

Laeroy:


Thank u bro..... Exactly what I will... I was just thinking what if I give my child this and I give her child same with mine, a time will come I can't continue the same gestures, how will it feel... Do I start this and continue enduring given my limited income, will I keep doing everything I do for my kid to her kid too... My dear, I looked at it and told myself



PEACE DON'T DECEIVE YOURSELF U CAN'T DO IT 100%....SHE is not my child...

..... 90% of Nigerians are hypocrites... They all know the right thing once it doesn't pertain to them.


The only Advice i will give you is to discuss with your husband how long she is going to stay with you... If the time is short... Extend same hand to her child same as yours... Time is the key here... But if she will be staying more days than u can handle then prepare your finances well....

AT the end of the day.... Most will pray what befelll thier fathers wife happen to you.

And pls stop being a nagging wife... Always communicate with your husband.

anungangampu:
..... 90% of Nigerians are hypocrites... They all know the right thing once it doesn't pertain to them.


The only Advice i will give you is to discuss with your husband how long she is going to stay with you... If the time is short... Extend same hand to her child same as yours... Time is the key here... But if she will be staying more days than u can handle then prepare your finances well....

AT the end of the day.... Most will pray what befelll thier fathers wife happen to you.

And pls stop being a nagging wife... Always communicate with your husband no matter the circumstances

Modified..

Had to read till last page.... Nne nothing do you... You are doing your best.... Your husband mumuiness willl one day come to hurt him....

Thus is a thread for single ladies to read and learn, they won't instead they will be criticizing op unreasonably. Those who understand what goes on in marriage will understand that Op is a warrior. Laroey, you are really trying. Do your best and leave the rest for God.

This is a thread for single ladies to read and learn, they won't instead they will be criticizing op unreasonably. Those who understand what goes on in marriage will understand that Op is a warrior. Laroey, you are really trying. Do your best and leave the rest for God.

Marriage is not for everybody, e remain small make she tell us which style her husband do her before she carry belly. Try tie ur tongue small no be everything person dey talk for outside.

U see poverty stricken family u still go marry their son n u are here ranting abt finances, abi did he Churchill u?

.

TonieLee:
Marriage is not for everybody, e remain small make she tell us which style her husband do her before she carry belly. Try tie ur tongue small no be everything person dey talk for outside.

U see poverty stricken family u still go marry their son n u are here ranting abt finances, abi did he Churchill u?

Idiot, I tell u say I no reason am before I marry am, abi who tell u say I be liability to am like u... Ode

This is really an eye opener for single LADIES, yes you ladies. Do not expect a man who never adored/respected you nor took care of you during dating/courtship to suddenly become 'An angel' in marriage. You'll only end up being bewildered as to what you got yourself into.

A sacrosanct reason why I fear marriage and the baggages it tags along. Forever is too long to mess up with my head or feel unhappy, if I'm not so feeling 'it, then I'm so getting 'outy. I really do not have any serious advice to render as I am not married and quite inexperienced, but you know what? Do not let anyone make you feel guilty or call you unprintable names because you wouldn't follow the sentimental society and the hogwash expectation(s) it places amongst women. This thing really irks me a lot, as in I'm really seething with pain like I'm in your stead, OP. I only hope you find the peace that you seek. You're a very strong woman, and I admire your radical honesty. To be honest, I'll do worse if I were in your stead. Sadly, the society will never understand your pains because of how debased and abased we, the 'womenfolk' have been reduced to.


I totally understand your bitterness and outbursts, infact it's condoned here, as far as I'm concerned. Ignore those petty people who threw snidely remarks at you and expect that you spin your head around a roller-coaster because you 'only have to please mere mortals' who'll never acknowledge whatever good you do/did for them. Switch places and you'll hear them cry foul.

As for your husband, I'm really sorry as to the kind of man you settled for. Of a truth, your husband doesn't love nor respect you. I wonder that sort of man who wouldn't provide for his family, and feels no remorse. Such man is headed for doom. Bitterness, strife and disaffection are only but the end products. You'll rise like the Phoenix.

To the single women out there, do not, I repeat, never ever lower your standards for choosing a spouse. You must come first! Do not be afraid to choose radically and without sentiments . Yeske, you think say love go feed you? I pity your wellbeing, you'll only end up as a frustrated dingbat. Marry able men who will care for you genuinely, respect your decision(s) at every time and adore you silly.
These men will do same too. I repeat, CHOOSE without guilt. Your happiness is paramount. E go be nau.

Wow. So this thread kept me up all night.
So many life lessons here.

Mrs Peace @laeroy. You are a blunt and realistic person and that's commendable. You also have foresight (being able to predict the outcomes and complexities of something before you even start it) and some basic financial education.
My suggestion
1) Accept reality and adjust accordingly
2) Somehow find a way to teach your husband Frugality, honesty, and (I strongly suspect that he's not being honest with you every time you ask him about money for home upkeep)

I'm sorry if my advice won't be effective but that's all I've got

Whew!

Trouble go dey sleep, yanga go dey wake am. Biko stop giving your kids all those things if you cannot afford two. Let everybody, including the kid, understands that things have changed briefly until they normalize again. Cheers.

Laeroy:


Thanks Sis, it's the reason why I came to seek for advice here, most of the times, he will not drop feeding fee cos he knows I'll sort myself and the kids out before his return from work and now that his sis and kid is temporarily with us, I don't know how to go about the kitchen area especially for the kids, I'm a nursing mother, I can't eat well again, because of my budget..
This morning she came to me and asked what the children will put on the noodles they'll be taking to school, I told her to ask her brother, someone who didn't drop anything for dinner, did same this morning, he didn't drop anything likewise for breakfast, they both went to school without anything on their food to school... I was able to share the snacks I bought for the week for the both of them... She has gone to shop without eating, he is preparing to go out and I sure know he will sort himself out, I will as well go buy bread and tea and have that for breakfast,.... In the night, I'm sure same will be repeated, is this how ill continue, and the thing is her baby daddy usually gives them money for upkeep, but I think it's not usually enough for their both feeding, transport and upkeep.....
. I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, I wish I could tell her politely that I may not be able to do everything I do for myself and child to them, but how do I without being tagged WICKED AND MERCILESS...

Aunty, this is getting simpler as your husband has been telling his sis indirectly. Let the night and some other days of no money no food continue to happen. Then call her, woman to woman, to pour out your mind. She will definitely understand and talk to her brother while planning her own exit.

For now, don't attempt to save the situation. Let it play out. Even your babies should be allowed to feel it ( give them food minus the toppings ) Everyone will be alright last last.

Laeroy:


I am on a budget oo my brother... I have priorities ooo my family members are there oooo, their brother no dey extend his gestures go there ooo... He is the first born.... He is the only one doing okay(when I mean okay I mean his salary is just a little above 100k)out of the 6 of them.......
They rest of them basically live on their brother... Despite that two of them are married.... I have siblings that need help too but none of them disturb me... Cos they understand the peculiarity of my family..... My package every month is 30k and I do 5k savings each for my 3 kids.... I'm left with 20k...out of which I send some money to my parents and the rest if for my pocket money which I use to take car eof my kids and I... As I can't be eating only eba and rice everyday with no good fish or meat...... So my dear any other baggage at this point in my life is not allowed....

After all Galatians 6:5 says each and every one will bear his burdens

I love this woman, she's real

Chai, that's how most Nigerian families are. Someone already mentioned allowing things play out on their own. To your husband's siblings now, he is the sole provider and he is the one feeding you 100% , well you just got the opportunity to change their views.

Atleast, one of them is living with you now. When you want to request money for feeding and other snacks the kids will take to school from your husband, let your sister-in-law be there so that she can always hear his reply and always ensure she is there to hear it herself each time.

Try send her to her brother to collect money for feeding as well. Let her hear 'no money' from his mouth directly too before they think you are the bad wife who doesn't want them to enjoy their brother's money.

Also, tell her subtly probably when you both are conversing so she knows what's happening.

Laeroy:


Idiot, I tell u say I no reason am before I marry am, abi who tell u say I be liability to am like u... Ode

See how frustration has turned u to a mad woman online . Only 1kid and u are running helter seketer . Asset

Laeroy, you're one hell of a woman .

When I read the earlier part of the thread, you almost blew my top off by the use of some words and expressions. But I understood that behind every outburst, there had to be some deep seated resentment or underlying issues fueling that resolve. So I scrolled .

Reading further, I saw the whole picture of your situation, and it would be an understatement if I said I understood your position. In fact, that was the very home I grew up in. Same scenario. It seems your husband was my Dad and you were my mum. So I don't know if I would be in a better position to offer you the advise you need, because I would definitely have some bias.

Right now, I don't need a prophet to tell me that you nag. You were in fact nagging through this thread . Excuse my excessive use of emoticons. I really do find it funny. So this is what you will do. Draw up a budget for monthly expenditure with you and your kids alone and give it to your husband. Draw up another budget including his sister and give same to him. Then ask him to come up with a solution on how the deficit would be managed. God knows he may not bat an eyelid . Those men are stubborn.

In order for any relationship to make an headway, communication is VERY important. If your idea of communicating is those things you say when you are tensed up, then please desist from it. You will not solve anything doing that. Talk when you both are in good mood and let every issue be addressed.

For your husband's sister, let her know everything you are putting up with. Let there be no holds bar. Then allow her advise herself and come up with a solution on how the home front would be managed. It would do you good if you are both able to reason together. Put away every form of hostility. That they sent their father's wife away is not your business. It's their tradition; let them live with their conscience. I know this is one of the major reason for your present resentment. Let it go.

For her child, treat her as you would treat yours. Discipline her as you would discipline yours. If you know you can't extend those small favours to her child, then refrain from doing same for your kids while they are in the know. It's just a temporary phase; they won't die. Discuss with hubby on how long sister in-law would be living with you, and see if you can come up with a time frame. There is a need for patience and perseverance here. You can't change him.

Peace!

TonieLee:


See how frustration has turned u to a mad woman online . Only 1kid and u are running helter seketer . Asset

Bitch! Get off my mentions....
By the way I have two kids...
Now Bleep off Lil brat..
No hard feelings.