Hello family, I have a long post about my terrible marriage. Please bear with me, I just have to pour everything out because it's killing me slowly.
I am in my mid 30's ,got married to this man in his mid 40's who has never been married before.We attend the same church although different branches, so the pastor of his branch and the pastor of my branch brought us together. We started dating and he seemed head over heels and started talking about marriage immediately. At first, the way he was talking and his reaction to things I wasn't interested and I even told him, but he begged me and the pastor begged me so I overlooked and continued especially considering my age. If I wasn't in my mid 30's and if I hadn't done fibroid operation and so, eager to take in, I won't have made this terrible mistake. We also work in the same place so everything seemed perfect.

Now we started making wedding plans just after one month of dating and we got married 4months after because of church process. It seemed blissful but I stumbled on his messages with a lady he was saying before me and eventually at the same time with me. I discovered he kept begging n begging her even while me n him were dating .he kept telling her to agree to attend his church or dey can be going to their separate churches but the girl kept insisting that they should attend the same church. I. e. he should leave his church and she will leave hers. Don't get me wrong, if this had happened before we started dating, I wouldn't have gotten angry. but all these happened while we were serious and even after he came to see my father, I discovered he was still pleading with her as per church matter. Who does that?? So what if she had agreed for the church matter, he would have dumped me n embarrassed my dad??

I brought it to his notice and he kept saying he never meant it, he was just using it as an excuse not to marry her.

Now in the marriage, emotional abuse never ends. Just fewonths into the marriage, he started behaving somehow bcoz I hadn't taken in. all kinds of insults oh. one day, he said if he knew I couldn't have children he won't have married me. this was just 4months into d marriage. any little thing he complains. on weekends, he expects me to get up by 7am m start preparing his breakfast oh. weekend which is supposed to b for resting since we work Monday to Friday. Every little thing, he keeps saying if he knew he won't have married me.
I still remember how he slapped me several times, he insulted me n i insulted him back, that was what caused d slap. even when he saw me crying he wasn't moved. I have complained to family members and friends ,they have spoken to him, he will change for a while and later go back to his terrible ways.
I have never seen this kind of acrimony between couple. I am not a bad looking person, I have dated people in d past, they didn't treat me half as badly as this one. I was just too unserious. I want to leave this torture. but we work in the same place and I am trying to avoid wagging tongues. I just tired. I have seen and experienced mutual love and it's not like this. I long to share love with someone that loves me just the way I am. I don't deserve to be with this animal. When it comes to food, he eats so angry if his food isn't ready on time.

Please I need advice. he went for test n it was discovered he has low sperm count. that made him humble for some fine but recently he started saying again that if he had married a younger lady, d lady would have been pregnant by now. just imagine this kind of torture. God knows I have absorbed so much from this man

story that touches

I stopped reading when I read ' he begged me and pastor begged me'
They begged you to embark on a life time journey in which you are not interested in partner?

I got no sympathy for u .what were u doing before u got to ur mid thirties .I guess u chase d serious guys away

This is so sad. You married somebody you know absolutely nothing about, and whose lifestyle is obviously not compatible with yours.

You don't even sound like you like this dude, so, I don't know what you thought was going to happen. This is desperation mixed with foolishness and timidity.

Good news is you can always divorce him. Nothing will happen. Heaven will not fall.

What I find most disturbing, however, is the weakness of your will and character. In this day and age, societal and biological pressure is the last reason you should get married. Perhaps, you've lost your self esteem, perhaps you never had it.

One wonders

please don't have children for him
they will suffer in such an environment

My love, am still telling people one thing you are not supposed to take in marriage is insults and beatings.
Don't let him give you flowers on your funeral.

This church combination of a marriage are usually scam, you should know that. how will you get married to someone just after 4 months you met?!

My dear give your self brain... Go and meet that pastor that joined the two of you and explain things to him.
Oga has low sperm count and he's still blaming you like he doesn't have his own problem abi?!
Hey! Don't also forget to pray.

Love ya

mhizdebbygold:
My love, am still telling people one thing you are not supposed to take in marriage is insults and beatings.
Don't let him give you flowers on your funeral.

This church combination of a marriage are usually scam, you should know that. how will you get married to someone just after 4 months you met?!

My dear give your self brain... Go and meet that pastor that joined the two of you and explain things to him.
Oga has low sperm count and he's still blaming you like he doesn't have his own problem abi?!

Hey! Don't also forget to pray.

you want her to see the same pastor who helped her get into this mess? seriously?

Love ya

no, you don't

You did this to yourself by marrying a complete stranger.
That was a deadly gamble and look at how it back fired.

Can your marriage still be savage?

Even if you birth his offspring, you'll still wake up to cook his meal, take care of the baby, open your legs for him and still receive absolutely no love from him.

I'd advise you to walk away but your post presents you as someone incapable of making good decisions, lack self esteem and give a too much shít about what people say. This here means there is a great chance you will walk into the same kind of relationship again.

I suggest you take the bull by the horns.

It seems you want to leave so threaten him with that.
Demand a change to his attitude. If you can't face him, just pack your bags. Life is too short to tolerate bullshít.

desvi:


you want her to see the same pastor who helped her get into this mess? seriously?



no, you don't

Seeing him is not to resolve issues but to let him know that what he joined together is on the verge of collapsing and you ain't interested.

have dated people in d past, they didn't treat me half as badly as this one. I was just too unserious.....
ur statement above was one of ur greatest undoing. I still don't understand wat u ladies gain from being not serious with those who wanted u. Guys r wising up now, u do shakara as a woman to a serious man, u end up being a laughing stock to the serious men u rejected.. So sad!!!!

Ahh, though i can't thoroughly judge him cus hearing a lady's side of a story to judge without listening to d other half's story is uncalled for.
But goin by ur story!! how could he b dis mean?? am taken aback i swear, this is too much to shoulder especially for women who are generally emotionally sensitive.
Op see, dont let anyone dciv u, u hav to face d truth here, wat u need is PRAYER, U NEED PRAYER, just turn to God since its Him dat joined u guys together throu His servants from d onset, pls pray to Him to help soften his heart, as a lady u need care,
U can as well(am sure u would hav informed dem) call d attentions of ur pastors to see into it and help u in prayer cus i cant advice u to elope from ur marriage




Last thin i want to say is... pls sorry to say this but it come to me as an observation..

U said u re good looking and as am seeing, u re educated, why were u unserious with ur previous relationships?? why did u choose nt to grow together with ur dream man but dumping dem??, i hope u re nt one of those ladies dat place schooling to acquire d last available certificate on der head as if that wil guarantee there brighter future?. why did u play with der emotions and let dem feel used and dumped by u??( cus man also use to feel used).
Because this marriage of urs happened under pressure as ur writeup hinted, age and health issues presured u to enter into such marriage and not affections, love, feelings, intimacy and d likes

Lol. Pastors strike again! My dear take some time to really think of you can survive being married to this guy for 20-40yrs. Observe him closely and see if there are places you can work on your marriage. It seems like you can have conversations with him. It also seems he can show remorse, like after you caught him cheating.

You stayed with him after the slap. Though I suspect your recent thoughts and actions towards him are,as a result of your resentment of him for the slap. Have you tried to talk to him about how you feel? Plus how he should never lay his hands on you ever again? Please address that situation and grow from it.

As for weekend waking up, if you can afford it, get a maid or a cook. If you can’t, just go and buy moi moi and rest the matter or you cook the breakfast Friday evening and freeze. It’s because you dated for one month that you people are going through relationship struggles in marriage.

If you took your time to get to know this man, you will have discovered all these before marriage. As for the insults due to a lack of children, advise him to go and seek help for his issue.

It could even be that he knows he has this issue, which is why he was looking for pastor to link him up with marriage. Most men do this if they have a problem. The Only men who can get away with this in my books, are fellow pastors and church workers. You really need to talk to him about hitting you and the verbal abuse. Talk calmly. If he insults you again, make sure you remind him that he has low sperm count! If he hits you again, please run away from the situation. Goodluck. No need wasting your time with an ungrateful person who puts his shortcomings on others. Even an 18yr old virgin will not get pregnant from low sperm count issues.

Divorce him
The fertility issue is his fault and he still has the effrontry to be threatening you and insulting you.
If the fertility issue had been your fault he would have gone outside since.
Divorce him and be happy life is too short to spend it in sorrow

[quote author=OlawaleBammie post=79203838]Ahh, though i can thoroughly judge him cus hearing a lady's side of a story to judge without listening to d other half's story is uncalled for.
But goin by ur story!! how could he b dis mean?? am taken aback i swear, this is too much to shoulder especially for womens who are generally emotionally sensitive.
Op see, dont let anyone dciv u, u hav to face d truth here, wat u need is PRAYER, U NEED PRAYER, just turn to God since its Him dat joined u guys together throu His servants from d onset, pls pray to Him to help soften his heart, as a lady u need care,
U can as well(am sure u would hav informed dem) call d attentions of ur pastors to see into it and help u in prayer cus i cant advice u to elope from ur marriage




Last thin i want to say is... pls sorry to say this but it come to me as an observation..

U said u re good looking and as am seeing, u re educated, why were u unserious with ur previous relationships?? why did u choose nt to grow together with ur dream man but dumping dem??, i hope u re nt one of those ladies dat place schooling to acquire d last available certificate on der head as if that wil guarantee there brighter future?. why did u play with der emotions and let dem feel used and dum
ped by u??( cus man also use to feel used).
Because this marriage of urs happened under pressure as ur writeup hinted, age and health issues presured u to enter into such marriage and not affections, love, feelings, intimacy and d likes[/quote
I didn't play with anyone's emotions. I wasn't just serious with anything then. Maybe youthful exuberance but I never used anyone's emotions intentionally

maybe if you were serious during the fruitful time of your life, you wouldn't have been in this situation

one thing that irritates me is unserious girls

anyways, its your burden, figure it out

cus no matter what people tell you here, whatever your minds says, you'll do

they're good lessons to learn from this though

baby124:
Lol. Pastors strike again! My dear take some time to really think of you can survive being married to this guy for 20-40yrs. Observe him closely and see if there are places you can work on your marriage. It seems like you can have conversations with him. It also seems he can show remorse, like after you caught him cheating.

You stayed with him after the slap. Though I suspect your recent thoughts and actions towards him are,as a result of your resentment of him for the slap. Have you tried to talk to him about how you feel? Plus how he should never lay his hands on you ever again? Please address that situation and grow from it.

As for weekend waking up, if you can afford it, get a maid or a cook. If you can’t, just go and buy moi moi and rest the matter or you cook the breakfast Friday evening and freeze. It’s because you dated for one month that you people are going through relationship struggles in marriage.

If you took your time to get to know this man, you will have discovered all these before marriage. As for the insults due to a lack of children, advise him to go and seek help for his issue.

It could even be that he knows he has this issue, which is why he was looking for pastor to link him up with marriage. Most men do this if they have a problem. The Only men who can get away with this in my books, are fellow pastors and church workers. You really need to talk to him about hitting you and the verbal abuse. Talk calmly. If he insults you again, make sure you remind him that he has low sperm count! If he hits you again, please run away from the situation. Goodluck. No need wasting your time with an ungrateful person who puts his shortcomings on others. Even an 18yr old virgin will not get pregnant from low sperm count issues.

I cooked rice d previous evening and I told him to please just warm it in d morning since he likes eating early, that was another problem ohmhe said, how can I b telling him to warm food.Imagine.I am living with a lunatic

lilmax:
maybe if you were serious during the fruitful time of your life, you wouldn't have been in this situation

one thing that irritates me is unserious girls

anyways, its your burden, figure it out

cus no matter what people tell you here, whatever your minds says, you'll do

they're good lessons to learn from this though

Thank you

Abfinest007:
I got no sympathy for u .what where u doing before got to ur mid thirties .I guess u chase d serious guys away

Blaming her for what is happening in her marriage right now is as a result of whatever she did early in life is soo wrong, why not just advice her and go

[quote author=Elesta post=79203946][/quote]

I can share ur plight ma'am, but u hav to shoulder majority of d blames as u let d exuberance take over u, why wait till mid thirties?? ahh, too much na

But dat is nt d issue here, thank goodness u av nt taken in but u re stil in d marriage either pregnant or nt, i hat divorcing, thank God the wedding is stil embryonic soo u and ur family can stil fix tings up, i tink u need a round table discussions to call him to order, cus i dont knw how a sensible man wil raise his hand against his newly wedded wife, chai, that is barbaric,
see this issue is beyond u naw, i tink u guys need a prayer and most importantly a round table family discussion and extended one.

Who pays the bill in the house?

Sad but why will a pastor dictate your kind of man to marry.... Talk to his parents bout this... If is still misbehaving you're still a young lady.... let no one deceive you go to court and divorce the man. No be sin

Theglobalman:
Who pays the bill in the house?

He does

What is wrong with our men. Why does this continent breed these kinds of men. Bukatyne lilmissfavvy pls answer me. I'm tired of reading such gawop daily. Ibkayee can you answer this question and help me out of this dilemma

kingemzy5:
Sad but why will a pastor dictate your kind of man to marry.... Talk to his parents bout this... If is still misbehaving you're still a young lady.... let no one deceive you go to court and divorce the man. No be sin

My sentiments exactly. he behaves like a craisy fellow. not just to me sef

Abfinest007:
I got no sympathy for u .what where u doing before got to ur mid thirties .I guess u chase d serious guys away

We aren't talking about your mother here don't get it twisted

Elesta:

I cooked rice d previous evening and I told him to please just warm it in d morning since he likes eating early, that was another problem ohmhe said, how can I b telling him to warm food.Imagine.I am living with a lunatic

Tell him since you both work, he will have to help out around the house as a responsible husband. Did you guys do any marriage counseling and is he really a Christian? Or he just goes to church because he wants to get married.

Madam! Don’t call your husband a lunatic! I know you are angry but it’s not good. It shows you have anger issues and you have a sharp mouth! Remember you are both from different upbringing. You have to make it work for you.

Dearest Lord in heaven...show this lady mercy!

Aunty, don't let him kill you, don't let him waste you time. In fact, why would you still wanna have children with him sef? Well, think really hard. This is your mess.

baby124:

Tell him since you both work, he will have to help out around the house as a responsible husband. Did you guys do any marriage counseling and is he really a Christian? Or he just goes to church because he wants to get married.

Madam! Don’t call your husband a lunatic! I know you are angry but it’s not good. It shows you have anger issues and you have a sharp mouth! Remember you are both from different upbringing. You have to make it work for you.

Going to church is even like a burden to him. he isn't regular in church

baby124:

Tell him since you both work, he will have to help out around the house as a responsible husband. Did you guys do any marriage counseling and is he really a Christian? Or he just goes to church because he wants to get married.

Madam! Don’t call your husband a lunatic! I know you are angry but it’s not good. It shows you have anger issues and you have a sharp mouth! Remember you are both from different upbringing. You have to make it work for you.

Aunty! She is the one wearing the shoe! She knows what she's saying. Her description matches the tag fa! May God save us from ndi ara!

Ohhhhh

Beating you already

Madam, chose wisely may be he prefers the other lady

sisisioge:


Aunty! She is the one wearing the shoe! She knows what she's saying. Her description matches the tag fa! May God safe us from ndi ara!

God bless you