But where is lalasticlala sef

What was the old cargo of a guy doing as well? He married her in his late fourties when all his youthful strength is gone, and low sperm count/weak erection has set in.

Abfinest007:
I got no sympathy for u .what were u doing before u got to ur mid thirties .I guess u chase d serious guys away

Elesta:


Going to church is even like a burden to him. he isn't regular in church

Ok. This confirms to me that he probably knows about his condition long before approaching you for marriage. Which is why he used a pastor to get a wife. He knows if he married a young girl, it will even be more glaring that he is the problem. Which is why he probably settled for an older lady who was desperate and, who he can pin his *shame* on.

My dear, I think you should think carefully about this. I feel your husband is ashamed and afraid he will lose you and the marriage. Or that his secret will come out. Some stupid men’s reaction to their inadequacies is to blame their wives. I think you should have a very serious conversation with your husband.

You may need to involve both pastors that caused this Union. Table all the issues and ensure he commits to be better at helping in the house, reasonable expectations, absolutely no abuse and he must pursue further medical help with transparency or you can’t guarantee the marriage will last. This is if he will honor and respect the pastors since he has achieved his aim by marrying you. I also think you need to go and seek another fertility specialists opinion to make sure that he does not have more serious issues like no sperm count. I think there is more to this.

He’s trying to beat you down emotionally so you can never leave him. He is acting out, out of fear and frustration for his own inability. He knows you can easily get remarried and move on with your life. Please, I implore you to try to work it out and see if the child issue can be resolved. If not and he is still ungrateful and stupid, please take a walk.

baby124:

Ok. This confirms to me that he probably knows about his condition long before approaching you for marriage. Which is why he used a pastor to get a wife. He knows if he married a young girl, it will even be more glaring that he is the problem. Which is why he probably settled for an older lady who was desperate and, who he can pin his *shame* on.

My dear, I think you should think carefully about this. I feel your husband is ashamed and afraid he will lose you and the marriage. Or that his secret will come out. Some stupid men’s reaction to their inadequacies is to blame their wives. I think you should have a very serious conversation with your husband.

You may need to involve both pastors that caused this Union. Table all the issues and ensure he commits to be better at helping in the house, reasonable expectations, absolutely no abuse and he must pursue further medical help with transparency or you can’t guarantee the marriage will last. This is if he will honor and respect the pastors since he has achieved his aim by marrying you. I also think you need to go and seek another fertility specialists opinion to make sure that he does not have more serious issues like no sperm count. I think there is more to this.

He’s trying to beat you down emotionally so you can never leave him. He is acting out, out of fear and frustration for his own inability. He knows you can easily get remarried and move on with your life. Please, I implore you to try to work it out and see if the child issue can be resolved. If not and he is still ungrateful and stupid, please take a walk.

Thank you so much. Each time I threaten to pack out of the house, you need to see the way he will start begging and even call people to beg me. I think he has a serious psychological problem. Chronic inferiority complex has affected him so much, it's now psychological. He doesn't have parents anymore but his elder brother is very reasonable and always scolds him when I report him. I need to talk to him. but I am scared of raising children in such an environment .my parents don't want me to leave bcoz of what people will say. I wish I can just travel out. that might b d best option. but getting visa isn't easy. We work in the same place,thats why I haven't left him since bops of plenty talk

If he isn't beating you, I would have said you should stay married, and save money for IVF. How long can you condone a man hitting you in the name of marriage? He has low sperm count yet still maltreating a woman, he is a joke. Don't you ever quit your job. You aren't the first or last couple with a bitter marriage. wether you stay in the marriage or not, don't allow the issue of ''what colleagues will say'' to make you quit your source of livelihood, except you are sure of finding another job. No wonder he was single even in his fourties.

Elesta:

Thank you so much. Each time I threaten to pack out of the house, you need to see the way he will start begging and even call people to beg me. I think he has a serious psychological problem. Chronic inferiority complex has affected him so much, it's now psychological. He doesn't have parents anymore but his elder brother is very reasonable and always scolds him when I report him. I need to talk to him. but I am scared of raising children in such an environment .my parents don't want me to leave bcoz of what people will say. I wish I can just travel out. that might b d best option. but getting visa isn't easy. We work in the same place,thats why I haven't left him since bops of plenty talk

It’s the insecurity battling with him. My dear marriage takes patience and work. We all come in so imperfect. With our fears, health issues and bad/good upbringing. When you made that decision to be with him it was through good or bad. If you were worried about fertility you would have subjected him to fertility tests before marriage.

Just like me, you also lack patience. Imagine if you were in his situation will you not want someone in your corner helping you get through your issues? There is no excuse for what he has done to you. None, especially the abuse! He must make amends for that, seriously and it should never be repeated. If he hits you again, please leave him.

He is going about his issues the wrong way and refusing to be vulnerable with you. But trust me that he is in his own hell. Which is why he is acting out like this. Please have a very serious conversation with him and try to seek medical intervention on this child issue.

I know people going through it and it’s enough to cause psychological problems for them. Also, please work on your patience and temper. Goodluck.

[quote author=LilMissFavvy post=79205306]If he isn't beating you, I would have said you should stay married, and save money for IVF. How long can you condone a man hitting you in the name of marriage? He has low sperm count yet still maltreating a woman, he is a joke. Don't you ever quit your job. You aren't the first or last couple with a bitter marriage. wether you stay in the marriage or not, don't allow the issue of ''what colleagues will say'' to make you quit your source of livelihood, except you are sure of finding another job. No wonder he was single even in his fourties. [/quote
thank u so much. I don't intend to quit my job. I am just saying if I divorce him, and we work in the same place, how will it be?
I am seriously thinking of d divorce oh, I know I deserve better love than this.

My question is why are you still with him?

Deepfeel:
My question is why are you still with him?

Very good question oh. I have actually left several times but family members and pastors usually settle the matter,but I know I have had enough. d moment I able to rent an apartment, I will certainly leave and we will work out the divorce from there

baby124:

It’s the insecurity battling with him. My dear marriage takes patience and work. We all come in so imperfect. With our fears, health issues and bad/good upbringing. When you made that decision to be with him it was through good or bad. If you were worried about fertility you would have subjected him to fertility tests before marriage.

Just like me, you also lack patience. Imagine if you were in his situation will you not want someone in your corner helping you get through your issues? There is no excuse for what he has done to you. None, especially the abuse! He must make amends for that, seriously and it should never be repeated. If he hits you again, please leave him.

He is going about his issues the wrong way and refusing to be vulnerable with you. But trust me that he is in his own hell. Which is why he is acting out like this. Please have a very serious conversation with him and try to seek medical intervention on this child issue.

I know people going through it and it’s enough to cause psychological problems for them. Also, please work on your patience and temper. Goodluck.

I never treated him anyhow because of the condition. in fact if he treated me like a human being all along, d way I would have stuck by him, encouraging him ehn. but bros of what he said initially, that if he knew I couldn't have children, he won't have married me. when his result came(which he hid somewhere but I dug it out), d pain of d emotional torture towards me came back

Elesta:

Very good question oh. I have actually left several times but family members and pastors usually settle the matter,but I know I have had enough. d moment I able to rent an apartment, I will certainly leave and we will work out the divorce from there

Very good plan, look no pastor or whoever it is, should make you stay in an abusive marriage, " with that quote God hates divorce" See God is love and a marriage without love is not recognized by God, his using your delay to conceive as an excuse now, even if you have a child for him he will come up with something else to abuse you the more

Elesta:

I cooked rice d previous evening and I told him to please just warm it in d morning since he likes eating early, that was another problem ohmhe said, how can I b telling him to warm food.Imagine.I am living with a lunatic

He is not a lunatic. He is a stranger. You married a stranger and now he is doing very strange things.

Deepfeel:

Very good plan, look no pastor or whoever it is, should make you stay in an abusive marriage, " with that quote God hates divorce" See God is love and a marriage without love is not recognized by God, his using your delay to conceive as an excuse now, even if you have a child for him he will come up with something else to abuse you the more

my sentiments exactly oh. no b pikin go make this one stop e stupidity. God hates divorce yes, but the gift of God maketh rich and added no sorrow. This cannot be the gift of God

sisisioge:


Aunty! She is the one wearing the shoe! She knows what she's saying. Her description matches the tag fa! May God safe us from ndi ara!

You do realize that not everyone has your upbringing? She got married under 4 months. Are you expecting an angel? These are issues that people in relationships work through. But she’s now working through it in marriage. What works for A may not work for B.

Let me tell you! I take serious pride in waking up early to cook for my dear because he can cook and clean even pass me o! So, no shakara there and I am a feminist. But I hold him in esteem because even when we were dating the guy no send me at all for kitchen. So to make myself more important I try to cook what he cant . In fact I do it as competition now.

I come from a home where my dad was a good guy, but his mama spoiled him so my mum did everything for him with love because the guy de hustle die. I have seen both sides of that coin. So everyone has what works for them o!

What I am saying is that these issues did not just work themselves out! We figure out what works and we just adjust ourselves to it. I know it might sound outrageous but you may also find yourself in such peculiar situations while dating and, if you love the person enough! You will find a way to work through it!

[quote author=Elesta post=79203212]Hello family, I have a long post about my terrible marriage. Please bear with me, I just have to pour everything out because it's killing me slowly.
I am in my mid 30's ,got married to this man in his mid 40's who has never been married before.We attend the same church although different branches, so the pastor of his branch and the pastor of my branch brought us together. We started dating and he seemed head over heels and started talking about marriage immediately. At first, the way he was talking and his reaction to things I wasn't interested and I even told him, but he begged me and the pastor begged me so I overlooked and continued especially considering my age. If I wasn't in my mid 30's and if I hadn't done fibroid operation and so, eager to take in, I won't have made this terrible mistake. We also work in the same place so everything seemed perfect.

Now we started making wedding plans just after one month of dating and we got married 4months after because of church process. It seemed blissful but I stumbled on his messages with a lady he was saying before me and eventually at the same time with me. I discovered he kept begging n begging her even while me n him were dating .he kept telling her to agree to attend his church or dey can be going to their separate churches but the girl kept insisting that they should attend the same church. I. e. he should leave his church and she will leave hers. Don't get me wrong, if this had happened before we started dating, I wouldn't have gotten angry. but all these happened while we were serious and even after he came to see my father, I discovered he was still pleading with her as per church matter. Who does that?? So what if she had agreed for the church matter, he would have dumped me n embarrassed my dad??

I brought it to his notice and he kept saying he never meant it, he was just using it as an excuse not to marry her.

Now in the marriage, emotional abuse never ends. Just fewonths into the marriage, he started behaving somehow bcoz I hadn't taken in. all kinds of insults oh. My dear lets chat. I just sent u a mail

Don't let that bother you. People know these things happen in marriage. Keep your head high, continue with your job, look good. If your decision is to divorce him, tell the pastor and your parents your reasons: which are the beatings he gives you, and his low sperm count issue, where he turns around to blame you.speak up, before he turns around to tell people you are barren. If only he can stop beating you, the beating aspect is the major problem. [quote author=Elesta post=79205490][/quote]

baby124:

You do realize that not everyone has your upbringing? She got married under 4 months. Are you expecting an angel? These are issues that people in relationships work through. But she’s now working through it in marriage. What works for A may not work for B.

Let me tell you! I take serious pride in waking up early to cook for my dear because he can cook and clean even pass me o! So, no shakara there and I am a feminist. But I hold him in esteem because even when we were dating the guy no send me at all for kitchen. So to make myself more important I try to cook what he cant . In fact I do it as competition now.

I come from a home where my dad was a good guy, but his mama spoiled him so my mum did everything for him with love because the guy de hustle die. I have seen both sides of that coin. So everyone has what works for them o!

What I am saying is that these issues did not just work themselves out! We figure out what works and we just adjust ourselves to it. I know it might sound outrageous but you may also find yourself in such peculiar situations while dating and, if you love the person enough! You will find a way to work through it!

how early? do u work 8 to 5 Monday to Friday and still have to wake early on weekends?

Elesta:
my sentiments exactly oh. no b pikin go make this one stop e stupidity. God hates divorce yes, but the gift of God maketh rich and added no sorrow. This cannot be the gift of God

Hmm am glad you know all these, don't worry you will be fine without him

[quote author=adontcare post=79205903][/quote] ok

Elesta:

I never treated him anyhow because of the condition. in fact if he treated me like a human being all along, d way I would have stuck by him, encouraging him ehn. but bros of what he said initially, that if he knew I couldn't have children, he won't have married me. when his result came(which he hid somewhere but I dug it out), d pain of d emotional torture towards me came back

He’s always known he has this issue. Smh. Just talk to him and try some counseling.

baby124:

You do realize that not everyone has your upbringing? She got married under 4 months. Are you expecting an angel? These are issues that people in relationships work through. But she’s now working through it in marriage. What works for A may not work for B.

Let me tell you! I take serious pride in waking up early to cook for my dear because he can cook and clean even pass me o! So, no shakara there and I am a feminist. But I hold him in esteem because even when we were dating the guy no send me at all for kitchen. So to make myself more important I try to cook what he cant . In fact I do it as competition now.

I come from a home where my dad was a good guy, but his mama spoiled him so my mum did everything for him with love because the guy de hustle die. I have seen both sides of that coin. So everyone has what works for them o!

What I am saying is that these issues did not just work themselves out! We figure out what works and we just adjust ourselves to it. I know it might sound outrageous but you may also find yourself in such peculiar situations while dating and, if you love the person enough! You will find a way to work through it!

Madam, your own is a dear. The guy apparently loves and cares about you, unlike hers. Biko let me not put my single mouth in your marital issues. It is well.

Deepfeel:

Hmm am glad you know all these, don't worry you will be fine without him

very very well without him. I am not ugly, I am not a bad person, neither am I eating from hand to mouth. I really can't wait to divorce him

Elesta:

how early? do u work 8 to 5 Monday to Friday and still have to wake early on weekends?

8 to 6pm or longer... yes, I wake up early and I plan meals in advance so it’s a quick preparation. Talk to him and with time he will wake up to help you out too.

baby124:

8 to 6pm or longer... yes, I wake up early and I plan meals in advance so it’s a quick preparation. Talk to him and with time he will wake up to help you out too.

you married a reasonable person, I didnt

Elesta:

very very well without him. I am not ugly, I am not a bad person, neither am I eating from hand to mouth. I really can't wait to divorce him

Good luck hun

Elesta:

you married a reasonable person, I didnt

Do you want solutions you can try to improve things or do you want NL to help you hang your husband?

bukatyne:


Do you want solutions you can try to improve things or do you want NL to help you hang your husband?

with or without NL,i am the one wearing d shoes. Thanks for your concern but it's just a matter of time, I know I can't stay in such a marriage nits affecting all areas of my life, physically, psychologically, spiritually

LilMissFavvy:
Don't let that bother you. People know these things happen in marriage. Keep your head high, continue with your job, look good. If your decision is to divorce him, tell the pastor and your parents your reasons: which are the beatings he gives you, and his low sperm count issue, where he turns around to blame you.speak up, before he turns around to tell people you are barren. If only he can stop beating you, the beating aspect is the major problem.

Emotional abuse not physical, emotional abuse most times is worse than physical beatings

Since you don't yet have children together, please leave. You don't have to continue living in hell.

theButterfly:
Since you don't yet have children together, please leave. You don't have to continue living in hell

Yes oh

@OP

If not that you don't seem ready to hear the truth or make the marriage work, I'd have given you a feasible solution. Both of you are wrong.

LordKO:
@OP

If not that you don't seem ready to hear the truth or make the marriage work, I'd have given you a feasible solution. Both of you are wrong.

never mind. this has passed that stage. read my post well plus there are other things I couldn't type