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Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by ImaIma1(f): 6:49am On Jun 11, 2019 |
Rather than dwell in the past of how you lost some good men, focus on the future and how you want to move forward with your life and make better choices. Forget all the people here blaming you for being unserious when you were younger. Thank God they are not God that decides your future. It's still possible to meet a good man. You don't have to make hasty decisions because of age. All the best 3 Likes |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by aytuns(m): 6:49am On Jun 11, 2019 |
baby124: Wow.. Beautiful testimony... Thanks |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by Etuagievin(m): 6:50am On Jun 11, 2019 |
Hmn! Coming to nairaland for advise, how are you sure you won't get more problems when you heed their suggestions |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by Islie: 6:50am On Jun 11, 2019 |
Elesta: Why bringing the thread up when you have concluded in divorcing him. Do the needful and stop disturbing the airspace Like baby124 says.....you also need to discover yourself because from your post, you did have attitude problem which could have trigger the lion in the man couple with the infertility problem he has....... He wanted to use reverse psychology on you which was reverse because of the discovery of the test results. As he has to work on himself.....so also you have to work on yourself if indeed you want a happy home with him or someone else when you do divorce.... |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by HitSong: 6:51am On Jun 11, 2019 |
sisisioge:You're sick and needs help too just like the op Madam judge. This is one the reasons you people keep having problems in your marriage. Pride Disrespect Sharp mouth Selfishness And Carelessness May God save us from all these miserable women... |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by cedricksly: 6:52am On Jun 11, 2019 |
Inasmuch As I'm not in support of beating a woman, he is wrong....... But saying alone he insulted you and you insulted him back makes you deserve those slaps you got, and your tears meant nothing to him because he was angry.... WHERE IS THE SUBMISSIVENESS YOU WERE THOUGHT IN CHURCH BEFORE THE MARRIAGE? and you think there was no better way to Err your grievances instead of engaging in tongue battle with him to show your ability to insult?? Reading your text alone, I can easily say you don't even love this guy. You simply married him because Pastors were INVOLVED & bcoz of your health issue(Operated Fibroid)... Else you won't want to run off very fast, when he isn't a threat to your life.... You just feel breaking the marriage is the first and only option you've got right LEAVE AND MARRY SOMEONE ELSE, YOU WILL LIVE TO REGRET IT EVERYDAY OF YOUR LIFE, WHEN YOU FINALLY REALIZE THERE IS NO SAINT ANYWHERE IN MARRIAGE..... And we have no right to judge or condemn your husband actions... Bcoz there are 3 Parts of a story. YOUR PART HIS PART THE TRUTH 2 Likes |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by frozen70(f): 6:55am On Jun 11, 2019 |
Elesta: Thanks too That's a good move Keep planning until you achieve your aim Some of them don't worth dying for 1 Like |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by Stillthebest: 6:56am On Jun 11, 2019 |
And you think there is nothing you too , are doing wrong? |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by Islie: 7:01am On Jun 11, 2019 |
MissR69: I do hope @ Elesta reads this. I spoke so soon without reading this |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by luvyaself95(m): 7:01am On Jun 11, 2019 |
That Why Am Always Afraid Of Church Things Most Of Them Are Evil... |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by helpee(m): 7:01am On Jun 11, 2019 |
Elesta:See the way this one just turned husband to demon on nairaland as if she is faultless. Your age and previous fibroid operation gave me the clue.Two things....did you tell him you had a fibroid operation before getting married? From experience, most women that had a fibroid operation done prior to marriage usually had a very big fibroid that would have been impossible to get pregnant without removing it first. So they usually remove it first without telling the prospective man else most men would be scared at least in Africa. And they usually come down with adhesion meaning even the menses may no longer be coming. And they usually tell them to marry fast else the fibroid would grow back. So...it is you rather than the pastor or the man that forced the man into the marriage. Being in his mid forties, age is not also on his side, so having visited a doctor with you, he learnt about all these and became naturally anxious. His low sperm count is a late finding. Usually at his age, the sperm count may be a little low but with medical support he can impregnate. However, a combination of a woman with post myomectomy adhesion and low sperm at mid thirties and forties respectively is a tight one especially when the marriage was that of convenience. Stop demonising this man. You know what you did. Leave him for his own good. NB The fact that you are seriously looking for visa means you understand perfectly what I am saying. If you divorce him, getting a partner in Nigeria will be a challenge and you know it. Married @ 35yrs, previous fibroid operation, no pregnancy being the major reason for the divorce...every other thing na cover up. Risk of fibroid recurrence within 3yrs. Madam, be humble for once. While I am not saying you should die in a loveless marriage, stop making it look like you are the best woman the man can get and that he is not appreciating you. For Christ sake you are also abusing him emotionally. Your rant here shows it. By the way, I am a medical doctor who have counselled several couples in similar situation so I know exactly what I am saying. 10 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by tunwumi: 7:01am On Jun 11, 2019 |
Elesta: Call the pastors that were responsible for your getting together to a meeting with him. Don't give him a hint of what they want to see you guys for. Cos I noticed you are a sanguine too. In the meeting ask for space from him so both of you can rethink the vow. Tell them you will rather divorce and be alive and died married to someone who doesn't care about you. Tell them exactly what he has been doing with another lady and how he has physically abused you. Tell them you love him and adore him, also you are not perfect which you also made some mistakes but you will rather let him have his heart rub that struggle for his heart and loose yours. In this meeting what ever they say don't raise you voice just behave like a computer repeat what you have said for them to know you are serious. You can stay away for 2-4 weeks to know how well you both desire each other. |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by HitSong: 7:01am On Jun 11, 2019 |
Elesta:You're the loser. He'll definitely find someone YOUNGER and BETTER. 2 Likes |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by UjuJoan2: 7:02am On Jun 11, 2019 |
Elesta: In the first few years or my marriage, I felt like walking away. Trust me, if I hadn't had my child by then I probably would have. And that would have been a big mistake. Every marriage goes through this stage. Its called 'teething'. Remember you guys didn't even date and get used to each other's weaknesses before getting married. I don't support domestic violence and I don't think it should ever be condoned. But you know your husband better, is he an abuser or did you push him to the wall that day? Your husband lied to you and deceived you into marrying him when he probably knew about his low sperm count. But think of it this way, he could have married a younger woman and have better chances of conceiving over time, even with his LSC. But he chose you. You are in your mid 30s and already gone through a fibroid operation, let's face it, you are not the premium choice here. There are some things my husband said and did to me back then that made me so hurt and angry . . . resentment set in And I felt I made the wrong choice. But looking back now, I realize I could have acted better myself. In a bid to get back at him I did somethings which were both unfair to him and wrong, and that was what made me turn around and decide to put in the work required to make my home peaceful. But once you cross a line, it's too late to take it back. Love is not magical like people think. It takes time to plant, nurture and grow . . and only marriage creates such a perfect opportunity for love to thrive. Forget what you must have experienced in your past relationships, it wasn't love. Only with your husband can true love emerge and sustain. But it takes time, and a lot of work. Your husband has a fundamental character problem, but he can change. I changed and my husband too. You also need to examine yourself and try to figure out ways you need to change and grow. Trust me, the grass is not greener on the other side. 4 Likes |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by richardbola: 7:03am On Jun 11, 2019 |
Pls pray very well because d heart of a king is in God`s hand then never argue with him or insulted him and have faith dat u a mother already |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by Nnemuka(f): 7:08am On Jun 11, 2019 |
... |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by wifeesnatcher(m): 7:09am On Jun 11, 2019 |
youngest85: my heart started melting not until I got to that stage. I'm even happy you're a scape goat of this my pastor said this, my pastor said that that's how a lady said her pastor tell her not to married one man she has been with for long, she left him bring in another guy, the pastor said he's the one, only for the guy to got married to her and started beating her, the foolish guy even beat the wife mother to know how cruel some men can be |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by Lumidee007(m): 7:10am On Jun 11, 2019 |
Just give him time. Give him children and im sure you will see his love and caring side. The man I guess is frustrated, afraid and eager to have children. |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by TonyeBarcanista(m): 7:13am On Jun 11, 2019 |
Elesta: 1. You were unserious with guys that "loved you" in the past 2. You painted yourself all saintly and your husband beastly like you are devoid of fault. While I don't comment on one sided issue, I believe that you are concealing some fundamental truth in the episode but that's by the way. Only you know the truth and only you can fix it irrespective of the social media validation you seek/get. BTW The emboldened shows the kind of a woman that your man is married to and even if all you wrote of him are the truth, my question is, are you in any way different? If you can call him insane in an anonymous forum, how much more will you inside the privacy of your bedroom? 5 Likes |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by Gkemz: 7:13am On Jun 11, 2019 |
youngest85: I see nothing wrong about decision taken by the pastors to connect two people so as to bring them together for marriage. This is not the first time pastors have assisted to bring people together to become couples. The problem is from the husband whose impatience and immaturity is playing a role here despite having his own weakness of low sperm count. My advice to the madam don't divorce him yet except the union has turned violent. It's not easy to remarry after divorce. Don't be too quick to respond to him when he starts misbehaving. Treat him well and nice. Be submissive to him with love and respect. Cook his favorite meal, treat him like a king. He will surely love you and respect you and treasure you as his queen but if he doesn't respond your kindness, allow his conscience to prick him. Your marriage is your home. A good woman builds and sustains her home. 1 Like |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by imitateMe(m): 7:14am On Jun 11, 2019 |
You see yourself? When you could have married the serious ones, you dey do shakara. This is why I call women fish brain: They marry anybody for stupid reasons or no reason at all. |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by balonaija(f): 7:18am On Jun 11, 2019 |
that is how it goes...... |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by EasterDell: 7:20am On Jun 11, 2019 |
Lollz 7am... u aren't even awake for breakfast? I smell massive laziness. That detail shouldn't make social media. Prepare something at night, that can be microwaved, with warm water in a flask. This is very contradictory ...... "If I wasn't in my mid 30's and if I hadn't done fibroid operation and so, eager to take in, I won't have made this terrible mistake. We also work in the same place so everything seemed perfect." As for the man, I cannot judge him until I hear his part of the story. I have seen many women like this, and they are parmenently unhappy. Filled with excuses, complaints and lack of self responsibility. NOBODY IS RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR HAPPINESS. Leave that marriage immediately. Since you have more than enough reasons to do so. . . . Elesta: |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by vicfajeze: 7:20am On Jun 11, 2019 |
babyfaceafrica:D HEART |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by Nobody: 7:23am On Jun 11, 2019 |
ibkayee: It's easy to advice people The same mistake she made is what many of you make. Ignore serious guys in your younger years for some fvck boys then get desperate to marry any demon in your 30's. I hope you don't experience this. Nonsense |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by bryanyaouh581: 7:23am On Jun 11, 2019 |
May God help us...sister go into prayers..it is well |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by vicfajeze: 7:24am On Jun 11, 2019 |
[quote author=UjuJoan2 post=79213776] In the first few years or my marriage, I felt like walking away. Trust me, if I hadn't had my child by then I probably would have. And that would have been a big mistake. Every marriage goes through this stage. Its called 'teething'. Remember you guys didn't even date and get used to each other's weaknesses before getting married. I don't support domestic violence and I don't think it should ever be condoned. But you know your husband better, is he an abuser or did you push him to the wall that day? Your husband lied to you and deceived you into marrying him when he probably knew about his low sperm count. But think of it this way, he could have married a younger woman and have better chances of conceiving over time, even with his LSC. But he chose you. You are in your mid 30s and already gone through a fibroid operation, let's face it, you are not the premium choice here. THANK U MA. |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by Nobody: 7:25am On Jun 11, 2019 |
[quote author=SageMK post=79203682]You did this to yourself by marrying a complete stranger. That was a deadly gamble and look at how it back fired. Can your marriage still be savage? Even if you birth his offspring, you'll still wake up to cook his meal, take care of the baby, open your legs for him and still receive absolutely no love from him. I'd advise you to walk away but your post presents you as someone incapable of making good decisions, lack self esteem and give a too much shít about what people say. This here means there is a great chance you will walk into the same kind of relationship again. I suggest you take the bull by the horns. It seems you want to leave so threaten him with that. Demand a change to his attitude. If you can't face him, just pack your bags. Life is too short to tolerate bullshít. Miss life is a bed of rose keep fooling yourselves, saying or expecting a perfect marriage is like opting for rain nor sun not to beat you. Every marriage,even relationships av issues, marrying a stranger might sound but what is worst is not allow yourselves all in love therein after... our mamas,fathers,brothers,uncles were once strangers tew what they are both doing is creating excuses for each other not to fall in love .... its too early to advice divorce when obviously they havent tried to love, from the way the lady spoke sef,no emotion,no love,her words void of feelings only God knows how bitter the 45yrs old man go sound i don't think both are bad to be a couple there problem is they are not ready to fall in love |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by dowjones(m): 7:26am On Jun 11, 2019 |
TonyeBarcanista: You are blessed with wisdom ! 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by papyskinsy: 7:29am On Jun 11, 2019 |
I believe stories like this are made up by media students in de University as a social experiment just to see people's point of view... and nairaland is a perfect place fr that. |
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by akiOYIBO: 7:29am On Jun 11, 2019 |
Elesta:Since u want to avoid wagging tongue, Stay there and wait the day he kills u. The man is giving u signs to quit but u said u dnt want to wag tongues. My advice is simple: Quit! Marriage is nt ultimate, u can make a child outside marriage. U can be happy, rich, enjoy sexual relationship without marriage. My dear pls, Quit the marriage, he's gonna harm u one day. |
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