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My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally - Family (14) - Nairaland

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Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by Johnny1013(m): 7:31am On Jun 11, 2019
Try and have a heart to heart talk with him and if he persists with his childishness ............... DIVORCE HIM.
I always advice people to walk away from abusive marriages

1 Like

Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by adesbreath: 7:33am On Jun 11, 2019
SageMK:
You did this to yourself by marrying a complete stranger.
That was a deadly gamble and look at how it back fired.

Can your marriage still be savage?

Even if you birth his offspring, you'll still wake up to cook his meal, take care of the baby, open your legs for him and still receive absolutely no love from him.

I'd advise you to walk away but your post presents you as someone incapable of making good decisions, lack self esteem and give a too much shít about what people say. This here means there is a great chance you will walk into the same kind of relationship again. sad

I suggest you take the bull by the horns.

It seems you want to leave so threaten him with that.
Demand a change to his attitude. If you can't face him, just pack your bags. Life is too short to tolerate bullshít.




Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by vicfajeze: 7:33am On Jun 11, 2019
HitSong:
You're sick and needs help too just like the hope. Madam judge. This is one the reasons you people keep having problems in your marriage. Pride Disrespect Sharp mouth Selfishness And Carelessness May God save us from all these miserable women...
AMEN
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by Islie: 7:34am On Jun 11, 2019
Newbreed2018:
From all advice given to u, even the admonitions, u still sound so disrespectful to ur husband. I've seen all manner of unprintable names u've used on him, Animal! Stupid, ediot etc. U r very uncouth.
U r a problem and the solution begins with u.
Please fix urself first before u ever think of fixing that man. U think he's ur worst mistake but from all ur chatter I can tell u u r his worst mistake.
If u can Adress ur husband in such terms in public I can only but wonder what u do in private.
The world does not revolve around ur feet. U sound like a very lazy woman in ur responsibilities at home. In fact u r very lazy. I wonder how ur husband endured u upto this point.
Waking up by 7 to prepare a meal is a task to u? Huh? #spits.

Instead of u to seek the face of God, rather u opened this stupid thread to seek validation from NL for them to condemn ur husband so u can go home gloating.
Madam, go and fix ur self. U r not doing the man any good staying, if u wish to leave kindly leave ASAP so the man go see road remarry better person. I wish to see ur husband and encourage him to divorce u ASAP. Ur type kills a man quickly.
U no be wife atoll.


God bless you a zillion times for this post

1 Like

Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by adesbreath: 7:35am On Jun 11, 2019
Lovely comment here..
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by dowjones(m): 7:37am On Jun 11, 2019
This lady has said it all in her post

She had better relationships in the past but ended them because she was just too "unserious"

My ex ended an almost 5 year relationship with me. she is 31 years, currently dating no one. she left me in my prime because we argued a lot and most of the argument was about trying to make the relationship work. everybody is baffled as to her plan BUT I KNOW HER DEEPLY, SHE HAS NO PLAN... SHE WANTS TO ROLL THE DICE !

and like this lady, she is very stubborn, and will only tell one side of the story if she is opportuned to.

this woman first made it seem like the man and pastors chased her for marriage. no! women choose who they date MEN CHOOSE WHO THEY MARRY..... the sister wanted to get married quickly, the pastors made sure of that

NOW SHE WILL SEE HOW CRUEL LIFE CAN BE. i know people like the poster well.. i have read her posts and it was in the voice of my EX.

she simply wants out and at will not understand the man's wants. Men are very fragile. they cover up weaknesses with a hard front

call a third party with a background in psychology and you both should speak to him.

AND SISTER DONT FOOL YOURSELF THINKING GUYS ARE LINING UP FOR YOU ...WOMEN ARE LIKE ATHELETES...35 YEARS IS NO JOKE.MOST MEN DONT SEE AGE AS A NUMBER. don't let anyone fool you... plus you will add divorcee to your CV

women like you that usually frustrate men in their youth ALWAYS end up in a similar way. your husband might be emotionally abusive but trust me... it can be reduced and fixed through raw transparency and communication.

you both should learn to tell each other everything.. even the most shameful things.. your pasts.. aspirations and where you see each other helping out in the future. Men love transparent women. and watch your man slowly break down

you can train your man to be what you want him to be. this your foolish entitled behavior will leave you single at 60!

Men are born with Ego and pride, with age and experience women know how to trigger men. that man could marry a 20 year old girl if he wanted. YES ! there are ways to arrange that. YOU HAVE TO BE A RICH WOMAN TO PULL THAT STUNT !

and if you must divorce, DIVORCE HIM IMMEDIATELY AND STOP INVOLVING PASTORS IN YOUR MATTER.

1 Like

Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by ibkayee(f): 7:38am On Jun 11, 2019
GoTV:




It's easy to advice people undecided The same mistake she made is what many of you make. Ignore serious guys in your younger years for some fvck boys then get desperate to marry any demon in your 30's. I hope you don't experience this. Nonsense
You sound upset, is everything ok?
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by DeRay98(m): 7:39am On Jun 11, 2019
Blames won't solve this situation. You married an incompatible person hence he's not happy being with you. He's frustrated that he hurriedly married someone he just discovered that he does love.
While this is your own side of the story and as usual women are the ones who bring their complaints out but no one hears from the men or husbands. Therefore, lots of people especially fellow women takes sides with, sympathise with her and rush to blame the husband they heard nothing from.
Go and tell those pastors who encouraged you to stay with him but they can't help you now to work on him.
It's really a sorry situation which is common in many church arrange relationships. Lots of believers are relationship-naive because of certain teachings and how's presented.
May God help you
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by DavidEsq(m): 7:39am On Jun 11, 2019
mhizdebbygold:



Seeing him is not to resolve issues but to let him know that what he joined together is on the verge of collapsing and you ain't interested.
The bible tells me, it is God who joins together, not man. When man joins, this is wat happens. When u depend on pastor for everything and refuse to read ur bible or even listen to those who have read their bibles with a sincere heart, this is how u reason. Thats why I don't have pity for peeps duped by churches, cos many of them had the chance to know beta
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by dowjones(m): 7:39am On Jun 11, 2019
Islie:



God bless you a zillion times for this post

With age and experience any wise person will know she is the one triggering the man. trust me

all men are like bombs. they all have their weapons to use to make your life miserable, you just have to frustrate him enough for him to unleash it.

i dont even need to see her posts to know she will have a venomous attitude.. but has met someone who can dish out her poison plus beating to it

1 Like

Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by WHITELIGHTER: 7:40am On Jun 11, 2019
Hypocrites full this place too much.... Especially the ladies.

1 Like

Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by Nobody: 7:41am On Jun 11, 2019
ibkayee:

You sound upset, is everything ok?


The reply is in ur email.. Bye
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by yvelchstores(f): 7:42am On Jun 11, 2019
TSRC:

Entitlement? Is that a new word you learnt?
What exactly was I entitled about?

*it seems this night is not going to be boring after all. I have a clown on my tail *
as a "youth leader", I am taken aback by the way you speak
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by WHITELIGHTER: 7:42am On Jun 11, 2019
Newbreed2018:
From all advice given to u, even the admonitions, u still sound so disrespectful to ur husband. I've seen all manner of unprintable names u've used on him, Animal! Stupid, ediot etc. U r very uncouth.
U r a problem and the solution begins with u.
Please fix urself first before u ever think of fixing that man. U think he's ur worst mistake but from all ur chatter I can tell u u r his worst mistake.
If u can Adress ur husband in such terms in public I can only but wonder what u do in private.
The world does not revolve around ur feet. U sound like a very lazy woman in ur responsibilities at home. In fact u r very lazy. I wonder how ur husband endured u upto this point.
Waking up by 7 to prepare a meal is a task to u? Huh? #spits.

Instead of u to seek the face of God, rather u opened this stupid thread to seek validation from NL for them to condemn ur husband so u can go home gloating.
Madam, go and fix ur self. U r not doing the man any good staying, if u wish to leave kindly leave ASAP so the man go see road remarry better person. I wish to see ur husband and encourage him to divorce u ASAP. Ur type kills a man quickly.
U no be wife atoll.

Thank you, don't mine those foolish hypocrites here. They forget to see the part she also slapped the man, now she's looking for someone to encourage her to do what she has in mind already.
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by innobarca(m): 7:44am On Jun 11, 2019
You might have anger issues, you might also have sharp mouth.

2 bad Combo.

Marrying under 4 months or under 10 years means nothing.

Some of us married under 2 months and going stronger everyday.... 6 years and counting.

I do not take such writeup seriously when the Op did not say her own flaws.
You must have flaws too.

Advice.... Tell your family members, let your parents talk with his family, let them arrange a meeting for both of you, it works most times (note, during such meetings, do not talk too much or show too much anger).

Do not always depend on church and pastors especially in issues about marriage, show love to your spouse and receive love.

In all, if everything did not work then you can move on.

Sometimes the solution we seek is there with us.
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by happney65: 7:46am On Jun 11, 2019
BitmapStudios:

Please, divorce him sharply!
Never ever marry out of pity or Pastor's dictate, beg or manipulation. The truth is, those pastors never married that way. Sis, don't let him kill you (literally or insanely) before you have sense.
cool

Na so my brother..No wonder the brother reach age 40 before him marry..Na him stupid behavior cause am.But na Nigerian woman she no go get sense,I doubt if she would leave..Nonesense and Buhari!

1 Like

Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by dangoteinlaw: 7:47am On Jun 11, 2019
Biglittlelois:



Blaming her for what is happening in her marriage right now is as a result of whatever she did early in life is soo wrong, why not just advice her and go undecided
seems the question sounded just like you, don't worry keep playing with men too, your story will be worse.
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by ibkayee(f): 7:47am On Jun 11, 2019
GoTV:



The reply is in ur email.. Bye
Lmao bye
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by DavidEsq(m): 7:48am On Jun 11, 2019
OlawaleBammie:
Ahh, though i can't thoroughly judge him cus hearing a lady's side of a story to judge without listening to d other half's story is uncalled for.
But goin by ur story!! how could he b dis mean?? am taken aback i swear, this is too much to shoulder especially for women who are generally emotionally sensitive.
Op see, dont let anyone dciv u, u hav to face d truth here, wat u need is PRAYER, U NEED PRAYER, just turn to God since its Him dat joined u guys together throu His servants from d onset, pls pray to Him to help soften his heart, as a lady u need care,
U can as well(am sure u would hav informed dem) call d attentions of ur pastors to see into it and help u in prayer cus i cant advice u to elope from ur marriage




Last thin i want to say is... pls sorry to say this but it come to me as an observation..

U said u re good looking and as am seeing, u re educated, why were u unserious with ur previous relationships?? why did u choose nt to grow together with ur dream man but dumping dem??, i hope u re nt one of those ladies dat place schooling to acquire d last available certificate on der head as if that wil guarantee there brighter future?. why did u play with der emotions and let dem feel used and dumped by u??( cus man also use to feel used).
Because this marriage of urs happened under pressure as ur writeup hinted, age and health issues presured u to enter into such marriage and not affections, love, feelings, intimacy and d likes
What servants? Those scammers na e u dey call servants? Let me tell u what the bible says about God's servants. Matthew 24:44: "Who really is the faithful and discreet slave whom his master appointed over his domestics, to give them their food at the proper time". The food the bible is talking about here is proper guidance. The scriptures at proverbs 22:3 says: "The shrewd one sees the danger and conceals himself,But the inexperienced keep right on going and suffer the consequences". OP said she saw the signs but was begged by the pastors. Is that proper guidance, according to the scriptures? Those so called pastors are wat 2 Corinthians 2:17 describe as "peddlers of the word of God".
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by Mizwisdom(f): 7:53am On Jun 11, 2019
He's got low sperm count, that's the reason for his frustration, he should be focused on boosting it before he gets you pregnant
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by grandstar(m): 7:54am On Jun 11, 2019
Elesta:
Hello family, I have a long post about my terrible marriage. Please bear with me, I just have to pour everything out because it's killing me slowly.
I am in my mid 30's ,got married to this man in his mid 40's who has never been married before.We attend the same church although different branches, so the pastor of his branch and the pastor of my branch brought us together. We started dating and he seemed head over heels and started talking about marriage immediately. At first, the way he was talking and his reaction to things I wasn't interested and I even told him, but he begged me and the pastor begged me so I overlooked and continued especially considering my age. If I wasn't in my mid 30's and if I hadn't done fibroid operation and so, eager to take in, I won't have made this terrible mistake. We also work in the same place so everything seemed perfect.

Now we started making wedding plans just after one month of dating and we got married 4months after because of church process. It seemed blissful but I stumbled on his messages with a lady he was saying before me and eventually at the same time with me. I discovered he kept begging n begging her even while me n him were dating .he kept telling her to agree to attend his church or dey can be going to their separate churches but the girl kept insisting that they should attend the same church. I. e. he should leave his church and she will leave hers. Don't get me wrong, if this had happened before we started dating, I wouldn't have gotten angry. but all these happened while we were serious and even after he came to see my father, I discovered he was still pleading with her as per church matter. Who does that?? So what if she had agreed for the church matter, he would have dumped me n embarrassed my dad??

I brought it to his notice and he kept saying he never meant it, he was just using it as an excuse not to marry her.

Now in the marriage, emotional abuse never ends. Just fewonths into the marriage, he started behaving somehow bcoz I hadn't taken in. all kinds of insults oh. one day, he said if he knew I couldn't have children he won't have married me. this was just 4months into d marriage. any little thing he complains. on weekends, he expects me to get up by 7am m start preparing his breakfast oh. weekend which is supposed to b for resting since we work Monday to Friday. Every little thing, he keeps saying if he knew he won't have married me.
I still remember how he slapped me several times, he insulted me n i insulted him back, that was what caused d slap. even when he saw me crying he wasn't moved. I have complained to family members and friends ,they have spoken to him, he will change for a while and later go back to his terrible ways.
I have never seen this kind of acrimony between couple. I am not a bad looking person, I have dated people in d past, they didn't treat me half as badly as this one. I was just too unserious. I want to leave this torture. but we work in the same place and I am trying to avoid wagging tongues. I just tired. I have seen and experienced mutual love and it's not like this. I long to share love with someone that loves me just the way I am. I don't deserve to be with this animal. When it comes to food, he eats so angry if his food isn't ready on time.

Please I need advice. he went for test n it was discovered he has low sperm count. that made him humble for some fine but recently he started saying again that if he had married a younger lady, d lady would have been pregnant by now. just imagine this kind of torture. God knows I have absorbed so much from this man

You sound contemptuous and proud. This isn't good. You need to have deep respect for your husband and be submissive to him.

As for your husband, I sense a child in him. He seems he doesn't know what he wants. I gleaned that by him still texting a lady while serious with you.

The primary problem is that both of you married each other due to pressure from your church who did the marchmaking and also your advancing years.
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by Nobody: 7:55am On Jun 11, 2019
Abfinest007:
I got no sympathy for u .what were u doing before u got to ur mid thirties .I guess u chase d serious guys away

Shut up and stop the stereotype
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by OlawaleBammie: 7:57am On Jun 11, 2019
HitSong:

You must be very weak fellow.
Kid!
Very judgemental weak and senseless post
I am sure his is a lady, u dont even knw how sorry i am typing dos words as it pains me to see a valuable woman passing tru dat but u re here sayin trash, didn't u see wer i wrote sorry and observation ?? contrary to ur view, am nt judgmental oo,

wait, i tink u quoted the wrong person cus i didn't pass any judgement in my post outrightly
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by Nobody: 7:59am On Jun 11, 2019
Abfinest007:
I got no sympathy for u .what were u doing before u got to ur mid thirties .I guess u chase d serious guys away

You are the devil himself. You should be the person acting as Lucifer in the Netflix series, not Tom Ellis.

You think some women cross their legs and wait till they are in their mid 30s?

Is it not because of monsters like you that some of them stay unmarried till that age?

@Op, your story is a really sad one. This is the reason RCCG pastors never match make because you might think a brother or sister is spirit filled only to discover they are the devil themselves, however, you done enter this one.

That man is immature, even for his age and it is probably why he was also unmarried at that age. No sensible woman will see those red flags and jump in to marry a man like your husband or the one above me.

You also rushed into the marriage due to societal pressures mounted on a woman in her 30s. I've got a friend way older than me who got married when she was 33 and a virgin, this woman is enjoying her marriage and she looks younger than women who are 30 even tho she's 38 now.

Only you can decide if you want to stay and give it a try, you can also ho back to the pastor who match made you guys so he can see the end product of his handwork.

2 Likes

Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by sunkoye: 8:00am On Jun 11, 2019
Am sure you broke several heart during your slay days. Remember you said you were not serious then.
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by Ugosample(m): 8:04am On Jun 11, 2019
essenceplus:
What is wrong with our men. Why does this continent breed these kinds of men. Bukatyne lilmissfavvy pls answer me. I'm tired of reading such gawop daily. Ibkayee can you answer this question and help me out of this dilemma

Its not just the men

it's evryone that is mad in that country

The environment have conditioned people back in NiggerArea to be monsters and useless.

it takes effort to break free from that

2 Likes

Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by casperuk(m): 8:04am On Jun 11, 2019
Anyone who advises you to leave your marriage is probably not married.
The issue in your marriage is a small matter.
1. He is 40+, so you can imagine the pressure he is getting to have children. He is not getting any younger neither are you. When will he train his children? you want him to be doing school runs at 60? Well, it is non of you's fault. Try to see it from his side of view so that you can have understanding.
2. This issue of childlessness is what is making him depressed and regret the marriage. mark this ''No man marries a woman they don't love''. He married you didn't he? despite your age and the fact you had issues with fibroid. He took the risk. So in the matters of Love i know He loves you. The question is, do you love him? I am highly doubting that.
3. I want to be treated as a King in my own house by my wife, same as your husband. I am no different here. I want my wife to give me a massage after a day at work in bed, do my washing, pick what to wear to work daily, etc. The fact is that the man is indirectly telling you what he wants, what he wants from his wife. Try and satisfy that too. You can also tell him what you want too. I have never hit my wife but the day I aklmost did was the day she talked back to me when i insulted her.

Insults don't kill, it is just a way of venting anger by a man, get a tick skin for it. In fact, he is a lot older than you that, if he wasn't your husband, you will greet him when you see him on the street.

When I insult my wife when am angry, she stays quiet ('wise woman' becos anything outside my marriage may be the cause of the added anouyance so aggression maybe transfered), I do it because i have this sense of seniority. I have younger one older than my wife who will not even say a word back at me if i insult them. so you can see why a man may feel very angry if a wife talks back at him. learn your place as a wife to be quiet, and with subtlety correct him

If you dont love your husband, you cannot serve him. He is the King of the house! treat a man as such and you will never lose your husband to any woman outside. I wouldnt trade my wife with any woman no matter what, her serving is immaculate.

From your post I can see your dont serve him at home.

so 2 issues; 1 childlessnes which you can do nothing about; 2. You are not serving and sevicing him. NOTE: All men marry a woman to have children with and to serve them; give a man these 2 things, you have his heart and love forever!! Thats the way to a man's heart even if he doesnt love you, those 2 things will break him.
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by OlawaleBammie: 8:05am On Jun 11, 2019
DavidEsq:

What servants? Those scammers na e u dey call servants? Let me tell u what the bible says about God's servants. Matthew 24:44: "Who really is the faithful and discreet slave whom his master appointed over his domestics, to give them their food at the proper time". The food the bible is talking about here is proper guidance. The scriptures at proverbs 22:3 says: "The shrewd one sees the danger and conceals himself,But the inexperienced keep right on going and suffer the consequences". OP said she saw the signs but was begged by the pastors. Is that proper guidance, according to the scriptures? Those so called pastors are wat 2 Corinthians 2:17 describe as "peddlers of the word of God".

Ahahaha, @bolded, laff wan kill me, i dont knw why i find it difficult to beliv dos pastors tho.
That is d reason i told one man dat nobody should call me a descendant of Abraham cus am nt Israeli and Abraham would never b a nigerian, am black he was White, wat conect us together is JESUS CHRIST, stop telling me to compare myself to abraham wen i knw am nt him grin
u cant b living a solomonic life and b telling me to open d book of Job, na na na, kolewerk pls.
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by Ugosample(m): 8:10am On Jun 11, 2019
kennygee:


You are the devil himself. You should be the person acting as Lucifer in the Netflix series, not Tom Ellis.

You think some women cross their legs and wait till they are in their mid 30s?

Is it not because of monsters like you that some of them stay unmarried till that age?

@Op, your story is a really sad one. This is the reason RCCG pastors never match make because you might think a brother or sister is spirit filled only to discover they are the devil themselves, however, you done enter this one.

That man is immature, even for his age and it is probably why he was also unmarried at that age. No sensible woman will see those red flags and jump in to marry a man like your husband or the one above me.

You also rushed into the marriage due to societal pressures mounted on a woman in her 30s. I've got a friend way older than me who got married when she was 33 and a virgin, this woman is enjoying her marriage and she looks younger than women who are 30 even tho she's 38 now.

Only you can decide if you want to stay and give it a try, you can also ho back to the pastor who match made you guys so he can see the end product of his handwork.

Just so you know, women are the ones who cause problems for themselves as women

You want to tell me that you dont know that MOST of those mounting pressures on women to marry and all that are WOMEN like themselves?

how many times will a man do that undecided
it's often time women

And it's also women that largely raise their son's not to respect women
When a man tries to be good to his wife, and do chores and all that nice things that men do, who will be the first to revolt And say that "it's like this woman has jazzed my husband? "
You guessed right, his mum

most times, fathers have no time for such things

So you women have to look deep into yourselves and stop making life difficult for each other.
that's it

1 Like

Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by eagleonearth(m): 8:11am On Jun 11, 2019
Elesta:

God bless you
I bet you Elesta you're were emotionally blackmailed to marry a complete stranger, you have to learn how to love him cuz you've got no choice. If you divorce him you will then have to stay unmarried if you're a true christian.
Re: My Husband Is Torturing Me Emotionally by Nobody: 8:11am On Jun 11, 2019
Ugosample:


Just so you know, women are the ones who cause problems for themselves as women

You want to tell me that you dont know that MOST of those mounting pressures on women to marry and all that are WOMEN like themselves?

how many times will a man do that undecided
it's often time women

And it's also women that largely raise their son's not to respect women
When a man tries to be good to his wife, and do chores and all that nice things that men do, who will be the first to revolt And say that "it's like this woman has jazzed my husband? "
You guessed right, his mum

most times, fathers have no time for such things

So you women have to look deep into yourselves and stop making life difficult for each other.
that's it

This guy... grin

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