nwanneni:
yes,I am in Nigeria.
Where men and women don't share rents!

Well, this is Nairaland, an alternate universe.

bukatyne:


My question would give you the answer you seek.

Have you seen a wife who thinks she is better than her husband or seeks to control her husband because she cooks and cleans? earns more money?

Fixed.

Yes!


Have you seen a man who thinks he is better than his wife or seeks to control his wife because he cooks and cleans?

bukatyne:


Well,

What works for the women you have met necessarily doesn't apply to all women.

Money is such a transient value to build your self esteem on and that's why a lot of men are only as good as their money.

I wanted a husband who was thoughtful, kind, loves me, has a great deal of self-esteem and provide me with things that I can't for myself.

In all five pages of this thread, all you seem able to provide is money, money, money.

If money was all there is, the Dangotes of this world would not be divorced.

I like that you are honest.
Who said I won't love and cherish my woman?
Some of them know I do that a lot tbh,that is if they will admit it.

Omoluabi16:
Nahzyla, even if you share the safe office desk with your husband, an irresponsible man will still cheat. The talk of him cheating because you were not there is a very silly excuse some randy men use.
I'd advise you take the job and move your children along with you.Opportunities are rare these days, so don't limit yourself.
Since your husband's job is off and on, considering close proximity (JUST 3 hours), he can be with you and the kids in his off days. Maintain your humility still and don't bruise his ego..and even if you leave make sure you do with his blessings.Who knows, he might get a job there?by

P.s...Your use of the word PERMANENT and thoughts of your husband VISITING ..e get as e be.

Thank you for the kind advice

I never had any intention of disrespecting him, I myself I really hate being disrespected so I wouldn't do it unjustly to others.

bukatyne:


Well, this is Nairaland, an alternate universe

you want come my house?

ibkayee:

According to who/what?

Women naturally want a man they can submit to...even in bed.

The problem is, many look for the wrong reasons to "submit". Genuine submission comes only from loving genuinely.

nwanneni:
I like that you are honest.
Who said I won't love and cherish my woman?
Some of them know I do that a lot tbh,that is if they will admit it.

I knew you would capitalize on that.

I work so I can provide money for myself.

Let me look for a post I wrote on a man's provision earlier to give you a context.

AntiBrutus:


Men are confused.
They don't even know what they want.

Look around you, so many jobless women that are submissive. Pick one and marry.

Love (romantic/marital/the big love) isn't a woman's forte - submissiveness is. Truth is that most of you who usually feel irritated on hearing the word "submission" - I still prefer its euphemism submissiveness for some reasons - don't seem to understand what it entails, knowing about it formally isn't enough. Maybe one has to blame this misconception and misinterpretion on its ambiguity in particular and how small-minded men have mistaken it for servility in general.

The core attributes of submissiveness are meekness, selflessness and conscientiousness. Therefore, most of you are/can actually be submissive without knowing it. However, a conceited or self-centered woman can't offer it to her man, just as a conceited or self-centered man can't offer genuine love to his woman.

Meanwhile, love - the big love that is variant of submissiveness but only differs in nomenclature and application - as I said above, isn't a woman's forte. It's a man's forte. The core attributes of love are thoughtfulness, kindliness, conscientiousness and tactfulness.

So, behind any true non-submissive woman is a conceited and/or self-centered woman.

Neither love nor submissiveness is a sign of weakness. They breed understanding, and understanding is the bond that always hold any healthy and harmonious relationship together.

nwanneni:
you want come my house?

And your house (1 out of 6,000,000,000) is a yardstick of how things are done everywhere.

bukatyne:


And your house (1 out of 6,000,000,000) is a yardstick of how things are done everywhere.

we all know I was talking majority here.
Show me one house where rents are shared b/w both parties in Nigeria,I'll count ten.
That's what I meant.

Acidosis:

Fixed.

Yes!


Have you seen a man who thinks he is better than his wife or seeks to control his wife because he cooks and cleans?

i clean. not as much as i used to, but i still washed pots this morning. laundry , dishes etal do not and cannot make you feel better than anyone or even accomplished - as they are just chores that never end. earning and providing however can bring out the asshole in you very very quickly,

Acidosis:


Women naturally want a man they can submit to...even in bed.

The problem is, many look for the wrong reasons to "submit". Genuine submission comes only from loving genuinely.

Ok so it’s just your own personal version of love that you’ve convinced yourself of.

The want to submit may be influenced by love for SOME women however they are NOT mutually exclusive.

Submission is not necessarily the definition of love, it’s just something that may come with it for some people. Plenty of women who don’t want to be submissive and aren’t but it doesn’t take away from the love they have for their partner

@nwanneni

When I talk of provision:

As per provision, apart from financial provision (where they decide what they want), it is the duty of the husband to lead his family to Christ through prayers, teaching the word, his stainless conduct, constant discipline (in love) so they are not frustrated and impeccable attitude. He should also provide emotional stability, mental stability and his genuine show of love which will naturally boost the family's self esteem.

He should also be able to provide sound advice and decisions for the good of the home.

He also provides security of love, affection etc. which helps their emotional growth.
https://www.nairaland.com/5158349/dear-woman-man-head-home#77935517

nwanneni:
we all know I was talking majority here.
Show me one house where rents are shared b/w both parties in Nigeria,I'll count ten.
That's what I meant.

You mean for every one house bills are split, you will count 10 houses they are not?

I beg to disagree.

bukatyne:
@nwanneni

When I talk of provision:

As per provision, apart from financial provision (where they decide what they want), it is the duty of the husband to lead his family to Christ through prayers, teaching the word, his stainless conduct, constant discipline (in love) so they are not frustrated and impeccable attitude. He should also provide emotional stability, mental stability and his genuine show of love which will naturally boost the family's self esteem.

He should also be able to provide sound advice and decisions for the good of the home.

He also provides security of love, affection etc. which helps their emotional growth.
https://www.nairaland.com/5158349/dear-woman-man-head-home#77935517

what do you really mean by emotional and mental stability in lay man's terms?

bukatyne:


You mean for every one house bills are split, you will count 10 houses they are not?

I beg to disagree.

haha.this one go long o.

nwanneni:
what do you really mean by emotional and mental stability in lay man's terms?

Words of encouragement, support for their endeavors, courage, knowledge that he has their back literally.

Investment in the marriage, child-parent bond etc.

Dear OP, I know a woman but not personally that retired as a level 16 Federal Pay Officer last year. She worked in Ibadan and the hubby was in Lagos with the children. She visited often and she did this till her retirement. You both should come to an agreement as the kids you're emphasising on are the products of the LOVE you share with your spouse therefore he ought to come first. This is what a friend who is married for close to 15 years taught me.

bukatyne:


Words of encouragement, support for their endeavors, courage, knowledge that he has their back literally.

Investment in the marriage, child-parent bond etc.

I think I can do all that except that I am really uncertain about the bolded.
Scares me every time.
I hope I find a wife that can be good at that.

ibkayee:

Ok so it’s just your own personal version of love that you’ve convinced yourself of.

The want to submit may be influenced by love for SOME women however they are NOT mutually exclusive.

Submission is not necessarily the definition of love, it’s just something that may come with it for some people. Plenty of women who don’t want to be submissive and aren’t but it doesn’t take away from the love they have for their partner

How do you define love?




[s]
I really hope you won't end up defining self-centredness and selfishness[/s]

Esthered:
Dear OP, I know a woman but not personally that retired as a level 16 Federal Pay Officer last year. She worked in Ibadan and the hubby was in Lagos with the children. She visited often and she did this till her retirement. You both should come to an agreement as the kids you're emphasising on are the products of the LOVE you share with your spouse therefore he ought to come first. This is what a friend whose married for close to 15 years taught me.

You're blessed. Are you married/engaged?

nwanneni:
I think I can do all that except that I am really uncertain about the bolded.
Scares me every time.
I hope I find a wife that can be good at that.

Your wife can only be good teaching your kids how to be a good woman and mother.

You have to teach them how to be a good father & man.

It will help your sons to be upright men and husbands and teach you daughters what to look out for in a man & future father of her kids.

ornicus:


i clean. not as much as i used to, but i still washed pots this morning. laundry , dishes etal do not and cannot make you feel better than anyone or even accomplished - as they are just chores that never end. earning and providing however can bring out the asshole in you very very quickly,

Yes, it will bring out the asshole in one, when there is no true/genuine relationship.

Acidosis:

You're blessed. Are you married/engaged?

I'm currently courting. Amen o.

Esthered:

I'm currently courting. Amen o.

You're a wise woman. Wish you the very best in your relationship

Acidosis:


You're a wise woman. Wish you the very best in your relationship

Thanks a lot.

Esthered:
Dear OP, I know a woman but not personally that retired as a level 16 Federal Pay Officer last year. She worked in Ibadan and the hubby was in Lagos with the children. She visited often and she did this till her retirement. You both should come to an agreement as the kids you're emphasising on are the products of the LOVE you share with your spouse therefore he ought to come first. This is what a friend who is married for close to 15 years taught me.

@bold:

Very true.

Not conventional in our society though.

LordKO:


Love (romantic/marital/the big love) isn't a woman's forte - submissiveness is. Truth is that most of you that usually feel irritated on hearing the word "submission" - I still prefer its euphemism submissiveness for some reasons - don't seem to understand what it entails, knowing about it formally isn't enough. Maybe one has to blame this misconception and misinterpretion on its ambiguity in particular and how small-minded men have mistaken it for servility in general.

The core attributes of submissiveness are meekness, selflessness and conscientiousness. Therefore, most of you are/can actually be submissive without knowing it. However, a conceited or self-centered woman can't offer it to her man, just as a conceited or self-centered man can't offer genuine love to his woman.

Meanwhile, love - the big love that is variant of submissiveness but only differs in nomenclature and application - as I said above, isn't a woman's forte. It's a man's forte. The core attributes of love are thoughtfulness, kindliness, conscientiousness and tactfulness.

So, behind any true non-submissive woman is a conceited and/or self-centered woman.

Neither love nor submissiveness is a sign of weakness.

I do not feel irritated hearing it, I just do not understand it when coming from most Nigerian men. My man has never mentioned it. I respect him as the first among EQUALS and we are very good. That is all that matters.

Every mallam with im own kettle.

bukatyne:


@bold:

Very true.

Not conventional in our society though.

Very unfortunate.
You're one of the few people on this forum whose post/comments on threads makes me go to the 1st page to follow the story from the beginning. Well done.

AntiBrutus:


I do not feel irritated hearing it, I just do not understand it when coming from most Nigerian men. My man has never mentioned it. I respect him as the first among EQUALS and we are very good. That is all that matters.

Every mallam with im own kettle.

nahzyla:

Thank you for the kind advice

I never had any intention of disrespecting him, I myself I really hate being disrespected so I wouldn't do it unjustly to others.

You're welcome. Whatever you decide, good luck to your family.

Esthered:


Very unfortunate.
You're one of the few people on this forum whose post/comments on threads makes me go to the 1st page to follow the story from the beginning. Well done.

Thanks for the accolades.

All the best in your upcoming nuptials.