Inside this LiFe

Elvis778:

were you also there?
Jumping in and believing the emotional and "not so true" story,
ofcourse, the pastor is wrong "MORALLY", no doubt, but
from what i read there,
busola only told a cut and join story, and as it is, the pastor can't defend himself cuz that will mean he has agreed he had an affair with her (which mostlikely is not rape)
so many things are missing,
the story is like a puzzle, which needs understanding (and not emotions) to arrange,
and after arranging it, you'll only find out it's not Rape, there was no force, no struggles, age is 17 and you still call it rape??
Man, you need to re-visit your dictionary.

You have a problem. Busola accused him of rape. Yet, the Pastor could not clear his name. He did not deny knowing her. He did not deny that he slept with her, or forcefully coerced and intimidated her into having sex with him.

So why are you holding brief for him, or defending a man who has not provided any defence for himself? Can you just listen to yourself?

When a woman does NOT consent to sex, it is rape. It doesn't matter if there is a struggle or not.

Another thing you need to do, is to talk to psychologists. Some women get frozen in shock or paralysed with fear in such situations like rape, that they cannot fight back or struggle.

bigiyaro:
take it easy. Everybody reaps what they sow.

These are d issues. Which one is take it easy? What was sown in this case that will b reaped?

Benekruku:



Please go read about rape before ypu make comments

You know nothing about.

Get the definition and types

What plays in the mind of the victims that make it a re occurring act.

Chai! Hurts when I see people who have no idea about something trying to paint a picture

if you are a disciple of Fatoyinbo, that's your business. Go back and read my post. I have never believed any was rape. All I said was that the ladies were taking advantage of. Even if it were to be consensual. A pastor can not be going about sleeping with ladies anyhow. That's bad

laudate:

You have a problem. Busola accused him of rape. Yet, the Pastor could not clear his name. He did not deny knowing her. He did not deny that he slept with her, or forcefully coerced and intimidated her into having sex with him.

So why are you holding brief for him, or defending a man who has not provided any defence for himself? Can you just listen to yourself?

When a woman does NOT consent to sex, it is rape. It doesn't matter if there is a struggle or not.

Another thing you need to do, is to talk to psychologists. Some women get frozen in shock or paralysed with fear in such situations like rape that they cannot fight back or struggle.

I believe Fatoyinbo addressed all these issues u raised in d statement he released

Mk12:

if it is not rape it means he did nothing wrong. all he did was have sex like anyone of us

so you are saying a pastor can be going about sleeping with ladies just like any other person?

laudate:

So now you are in her mind, to know she is hiding so many things? Were you there when it happened, that you are now jumping to this strange conclusion?

WE DONT NEED TO ATTACK OURSELVES, PLEASE ASK BUSOLA DID SHE TELL TIMI DAKOLO ABOUT THE RAPE BEFORE THEY GOT MARRIED? AM VERY SURE TIMI WILL NEVER MARRY HER IF HE HE HAD KNEW THE PASTOR HAD TASTED WANT HE TASTES AFTER SINGING PRACTICE. PLEASE FEAR WOMAN O . YOU NOW TELL US HOW YOU WERE BENT OVER LIKE THIS WITH YOUR HANDS AT THE BACK....SHE IS HIDING MANY THINGS i WILL SAY

lexy2014:
I believe Fatoyinbo addressed all these issues u raised in d statement he released

He did not. Go back and read his statement again. Where in that statement did he deny having sex with Busola,without her consent? Did he ever say she gave her consent to sleeping with him? Too many sexual controversies sorround the man....

buharitill2023:
they are not lying, the idiotic pig pastor actually has sex with more than 30 of them, but it was not rape

Well, if you admitted that he had sex with all 30 of them you can't say he didn't commit rape because in Bisola's case she was 17 hence she was below age of consent (18). As the law stands, anyone who sleeps with anybody below 18 is committing statutory RAPE.

I think that Nigerians have a very limited understanding of what constitutes rape and that is because the law enforcers and our courts are not treating this scourge with the attention it deserves.

laudate:

You have a problem. Busola accused him of rape. Yet, the Pastor could not clear his name. He did not deny knowing her. He did not deny that he slept with her, or forcefully coerced and intimidated her into having sex with him. So why are you holding brief for him, or defending a man who has not provided any defence for himself? Can you just listen to yourself?

Another thing you need to do, is to talk to psychologists. Some women get frozen in shock or paralysed with fear in such situations like rape that they cannot fight back or struggle.

God bless you for this point. They know nothing about rape and just talking from the Nolly movie perspective.

You can be raped and re raped several times. You are drenched in fear and later become a slave of the rapist.


Same Nairaland we have heard cases where children were abused by their very own father for years till it bursted out.

It destroys the victims sense of making decisions to stop it. It's a world where you can't easily decide whether to continue or opt out as consequences abound

NAwa oh when I saw the video o was like na who go dig this video out Nigerians eeeh

Godside:

WE DONT NEED TO ATTACK OURSELVES, PLEASE ASK BUSOLA DID SHE TELL TIMI DAKOLO ABOUT THE RAPE BEFORE THEY GOT MARRIED? AM VERY SURE TIMI WILL NEVER MARRY HER IF HE HE HAD KNEW THE PASTOR HAD TASTED WANT HE TASTES AFTER SINGING PRACTICE. PLEASE FEAR WOMAN O . YOU NOW TELL US HOW YOU WERE BENT OVER LIKE THIS WITH YOUR HANDS AT THE BACK....SHE IS HIDING MANY THINGS i WILL SAY

Nobody is attacking anyone here. And how do you know she did not tell Timi Dakolo before they got married? Are you inside their marriage? Do you know what they talked about before they got married?

Oga, park well and stop defending the indefensible.

lexy2014:


These are d issues. Which one is take it easy? What was sown in this case that will b reaped?

chairman! rape is a crime, if he truly raped her, he will pay for his crime, one way or another, wether she spoke out or not.

buharitill2023:
they are not lying, the idiotic pig pastor actually has sex with more than 30 of them, but it was not rape

you be truly buharitill 2023

laudate:

You have a problem. Busola accused him of rape. Yet, the Pastor could not clear his name. He did not deny knowing her. He did not deny that he slept with her, or forcefully coerced and intimidated her into having sex with him.

So why are you holding brief for him, or defending a man who has not provided any defence for himself? Can you just listen to yourself?

When a woman does NOT consent to sex, it is rape. It doesn't matter if there is a struggle or not.

Another thing you need to do, is to talk to psychologists. Some women get frozen in shock or paralysed with fear in such situations like rape, that they cannot fight back or struggle.

Am not defending him,
Like i said, he is morally wrong.
But then, am only trying to clear that word RAPE, most Nigerians don't know how to use it.

Ofcourse he might not come out to defend himself in terms of the rape allegation cuz that can only be done by accepting the fact that he did have an affair with her (i agree he really had an affair with her), but did not rape her.

This alone will end the man's career, he will loose alot.

Talk of being frozen and all that,
that's a lie from the pit of hell,
naturally, females hate being raped and will do anything in their power to escape when trapped, especially a virgin. Unless he did it at gun point (which she didn't mention).
She didn't even make mention of begging him or something like that,
like she said, she just froze and allowed him quietly? In her own house?
Oh man, use your brain na.

Elvis778:
Am not defending him,
Like i said, he is morally wrong.
But then, am only trying to clear that word RAPE, most Nigerians don't know how to use it.

Ofcourse he might not come out to defend himself in terms of the rape allegation cuz that can only be done by accepting the fact that he did have an affair with her (i agree he really had an affair with her), but did not rape her.

This alone will end the man's career, he will loose alot.

Oga, having sex with a woman who does NOT give her consent, is rape. It doesn't matter if she came to knock on your door. Once she has not invited you or given you permission to sleep with her in clear terms....it is rape. QED.

bigiyaro:
chairman! rape is a crime, if he truly raped her, he will pay for his crime, one way or another, wether she spoke out or not.

I didn't say rape isn't a crime. I asked u has she done d needful by initiating legal proceedings against him? Or is d police going to come to arrest d man in his house just based on social media frenzy? I also asked u, who else has accused him of rape? U couldn't answer

Las Las the matter go die down and the Pastor go become more bigger because there is no evidence

laudate:

You have a problem. Busola accused him of rape. Yet, the Pastor could not clear his name. He did not deny knowing her. He did not deny that he slept with her, or forcefully coerced and intimidated her into having sex with him.

So why are you holding brief for him, or defending a man who has not provided any defence for himself? Can you just listen to yourself?

When a woman does NOT consent to sex, it is rape. It doesn't matter if there is a struggle or not.

Another thing you need to do, is to talk to psychologists. Some women get frozen in shock or paralysed with fear in such situations like rape, that they cannot fight back or struggle.

YOU ARE RIGHT....WHAT DO YOU EXPECT THE MAN TO SAY. BUSOLA SHOULD ALSO TELL US THE REASON WHY SHE DECIDED TO SPEAK NOW . LIKE I SAID , THE MAN HIS GUILTY BUT WHY SPEAK NOW TO BRING HIM DOWN .WHERE IS FORGIVENESS? DO YOU KNOW THIS MIGHT LATER DESTROY HER MARRIAGE, TIMI DAKOLO WILL BE TOLD BY THE PART TO GO FOR A DNA TEST SOONER OR LATER....LETS DO THINGS WITH THE RIGHT MOTIVE

laudate:

Oga, having sex with a woman who does NOT give her consent, is rape. It doesn't matter if she came to knock on your door. Once she has not invited you or given you permission to sleep with her in clear terms....it is rape. QED.

even the subsequent ones? I will only term that seduction, he seduced her and had his way.
my dictionary defined rape with "Forcefully/with violence" boldly written as the main words,
i didn't spot any in her story,
maybe you've started producing your own dictionary sha,
who knows?

laudate:

He did not. Go back and read his statement again. Where in that statement did he deny having sex with Busola,without her consent? Did he ever say she gave her consent to sleeping with him? Too many sexual controversies sorround the man....

If u are talking about "sexual controversies", then u must b able to establish how "sexual controversies" constitutes a criminal offence.

If u say he didn't deny rape or deny having sexual relations with Mrs. Dakolo, then what was in d statement & what was d essence of a statement that didn't deny d accusations?

Elvis778:

even the subsequent ones? I will only term that seduction, he seduced her and had his way.
my dictionary defined rape with "Forcefully/with violence" boldly written as the main words,
i didn't spot any in her story,
maybe you've started producing your own dictionary sha,
who knows?

Oga, even legal ruling by courts in many countries, have stated that once a woman says No, or witholds consent for any reason to the sexual act, it is rape.

The force used can be physical or emotional (threat, intimidation, pressure, coercion). Go back to the dictionary and check the meaning of "force ."

Bossontop:

Jus came here to read comments

[img]https://media1./images/d8305dde14424a25518e862786161125/tenor.gif?itemid=5457118[/img]

u funny die

laudate:

Nobody is attacking anyone here. And how do you know she did not tell Timi Dakolo before they got married? Are you inside their marriage? Do you know what they talked about before they got married?

Oga, park well and stop defending the indefensible.

AM NOT DEFENDING ANYTHING. ALL AM SAYING IS THAT SHE IS DOING ALL THIS WITH THE WRONG MOTIVE . THE MAN IS GUILTY BUT REVEAL WHY YOU ARE SPEAKING NOW. PLEASE DO YOU THINK THEY JUST CAME ONLINE WITHOUT PLAN ? DO YOU THINK SHE CAME ONLINE CUZ OF TRAUMA. THIS IS A GAME PLAN , TAG WITH RAPE TO MAKE IT SELL .

laudate:

He did not. Go back and read his statement again. Where in that statement did he deny having sex with Busola,without her consent? Did he ever say she gave her consent to sleeping with him? Too many sexual controversies sorround the man....

lexy2014:


If u are talking about "sexual controversies", then u must b able establish how "sexual controversies" constitutes a criminal offence.

If u say he didn't deny rape or deny having sexual relations with Mrs. Dakolo, then what was in d statement & what was d essence of a statement that didn't deny d accusations?

Maybe I should b d one asking u if u actually read his statement.

lexy2014:
If u are talking about "sexual controversies", then u must b able establish how "sexual controversies" constitutes a criminal offence.

If u say he didn't deny rape or deny having sexual relations with Mrs. Dakolo, then what was in d statement & what was d essence of a statement that didn't deny d accusations?

Ask the person who made the statement. Nobody said sexual controversies constitues a criminal offence. You are the one that came up with that idea all on your own.

Common sense dictates that when a person accuses you of wrong doing and you are not guilty, you go all out to lay out the facts of the matter, in a bid to clear your name and reputation. Did he do so? No. Why? Only God knows. Yet, people are falling over themselves to launder his image....na wah o!

The Pastor was quenching their thirst...all na for the glory of gad

Godside:

AM NOT DEFENDING ANYTHING. ALL AM SAYING IS THAT SHE IS DOING ALL THIS WITH THE WRONG MOTIVE . THE MAN IS GUILTY BUT REVEAL WHY YOU ARE SPEAKING NOW. PLEASE DO YOU THINK THEY JUST CAME ONLINE WITHOUT PLAN ? DO YOU THINK SHE CAME ONLINE CUZ OF TRAUMA. THIS IS A GAME PLAN , TAG WITH RAPE TO MAKE IT SELL .

Go back and watch her video from begining to end. She has revealed why she is just speaking up now. Do that before you come back to misyarn on this thread....

laudate:

Oga, even legal ruling by courts in many countries, have stated that once a woman says No, or witholds consent for any reason to the sexual act, it is rape.

The force used can be physical or emotional (threat, intimidation, pressure, coercion). Go back to the dictionary and check the meaning of "force ."

she still didn't mention how he threatened her,
or did she?

There was no threat, violence or force,
why do you den term rape?

May i remind you that the word "SEDUCTION" means luring someone until he/she gives u his/her consent, which can be verbally, quietly, emotionally or physically (by playing along)

this is the only reasonable thing one can picture from that story,
it's a case of seduction not Rape,


if it's rape, then she should go ahead and sue him, that's how it's done in civilised countries.
For the fact she's yet to do so,
then i see no reason why you shud term the man a criminal.

Ofcourse having sex is not a criminal offence

laudate:

Ask the person who made the statement. Nobody said sexual controversies constitues a criminal offence. You are the one that came up with that idea all on your own.

Common sense dictates that when a person accuses you of wrong doing and you are not guilty, you go all out to lay out the facts of the matter, in a bid to clear your name and reputation. Did he do so? No. Why? Only God knows. Yet, people are falling over themselves to launder his image....na wah o!

Am I d one who made this up?

laudate:

Too many sexual controversies sorround the man....

And I didn't tell u that sexual controversies constitute a crime. If u are saying d above, then u must b able to establish it is a crime for u to bring it up. Pls read again. There's nowhere I said it is a crime

lexy2014:

If u are talking about "sexual controversies", then u must b able establish how "sexual controversies" constitutes a criminal offence.

At first u said he did not deny. Now u said he did not lay out d facts. So which one are u accusing him of?

Elvis778:
Talk of being frozen and all that,
that's a lie from the pit of hell,
naturally, females hate being raped and will do anything in their power to escape when trapped, especially a virgin. Unless he did it at gun point (which she didn't mention).
She didn't even make mention of begging him or something like that,
like she said, she just froze and allowed him quietly? In her own house?
Oh man, use your brain na.

You are the one that should use your brain. Did she say at any point, that she invited him to come and sleep with her inside her house, or anywhere? Did she give him express permission to do so? Let us hope the next post below, will answer your questions.

life2017:

Why many rape victims don’t fight or yell

By James W. Hopper June 23, 2015

James W. Hopper, PhD, is an independent consultant and part-time instructor in psychology in the Department of Psychiatry of Harvard Medical School. He has conducted research on the neurobiology of trauma, and trains investigators, prosecutors, judges, and higher-education professionals on its implications. Here, he offers his explanation of why people don’t always respond to an attack the way others might expect:

By James W. Hopper, PhD

In the midst of sexual assault, the brain’s fear circuitry dominates. The prefrontal cortex can be severely impaired, and all that’s left may be reflexes and habits.

In the Washington Post’s recent series on college sexual assault, many victims describe how they reacted – and did not react – while being assaulted. Another article also published this month, in the Harvard Review of Psychiatry, shows that some responses have been programmed into human brains by evolution.


Bringing together the accounts of those who have been assaulted with the neurobiology of trauma can play an essential role in supporting healing and the pursuits of accountability and justice.

For example, freezing is a brain-based response to detecting danger, especially a predator’s attack. Think deer in the headlights.

As one woman told the Post, “I didn’t say no, but I didn’t really know what to do. I just kind of froze.”

Freezing occurs when the amygdala – a crucial structure in the brain’s fear circuitry – detects an attack and signals the brainstem to inhibit movement. It happens in a flash, automatically and beyond conscious control.

Simultaneously with the freeze response, the fear circuitry unleashes a surge of “stress chemicals” into the prefrontal cortex, the brain region that allows us to think rationally – to recall the bedroom door is open, or that people are in the dorm room next door, for example, and to make use of that information.

But the surge of chemicals rapidly impairs the prefrontal cortex. That’s because, despite our dominant role on the planet now, we evolved as prey, and when a lion or tiger is upon us, stopping to think is fatal.

Indeed, no one understands better than the military that intense fear impairs our prefrontal cortex and capacity for reason.

When bullets are flying and blood is flowing, you had better have some really effective habit learning to rely upon.

That’s why combat training is rigorous and repetitive – to burn in habits of effectively firing weapons, executing combat formations, etc.

Most victims will freeze, if only briefly. Some will fight back, effectively. Some will resist in habitual, passive ways. Some will suddenly give in and cry. Others will become paralyzed, become faint, pass out or dissociate.

Few who have experienced these responses realize that they are brain reactions to attack and terror.

They blame themselves for “failing” to resist. They feel ashamed. (Men especially may see themselves as cowards and feel like they’re not real men.) They may tell no one, even during an investigation. Sadly, many investigators and prosecutors still don’t know some or all of these brain-based responses.

None of these responses – in women or men – entails consent or cowardice.

None is evidence of resistance too insufficient to warrant our respect and compassion.

They are responses we should expect from brains dominated by the circuitry of fear (just as we should expect fragmented and incomplete memories).

May the day come when everyone who knows someone who has been sexually assaulted – which is all of us, whether we know that yet or not – understands these basic ways that our brains can react to such attacks and uses this knowledge to foster healing and justice.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/grade-point/wp/2015/06/23/why-many-rape-victims-dont-fight-or-yell/?utm_term=.88d44a8a3377

lexy2014:
Am I d one who made this up?

And I didn't tell u that sexual controversies constitute a crime. If u are saying d above, then u must b able to establish it is a crime for u to bring it up. Pls read again. There's nowhere I said it is a crime

At first u said he did not deny. Now u said he did not lay out d facts. So which one are u accusing him of?

Yes, I said too many sexual controversies sorround the man. But did I say sexual controversy equals a crime? Must you lie to make a point?

I repeat: he did not deny knowing Busola Dakolo his accuser. He did not deny having sexual contact with her. He did not deny participating in any of the encounters she claims they had.

If he truly wanted to clear his name, he would have taken each of the allegations levelled against him, and addressed it clearly by laying out facts, to show how it could not have happened.

When Neymar was accused of something similar recently, what did he do? He laid out the facts and defended himself, and his accusers retreated and shut up. Did the same guy you are defending now, do so? No! So what are you going on about?