Hi, guys just want your opinion on this as I don't want to sound harsh.
My immediate younger brother is 36 and wants to settle down by next year March. He is a graduate but currently into business as he hasn't been able to secure any job since graduated from University for like 3 to 4 years now. He has been living with me with other younger ones since 2003 in my one-room apartment until I relocated from Lagos and left the room for them while I keep paying the rent till date.

The issue now is that he has been searching for accommodation and he wants me to assist him with it. The first one he got was Two-room self-contain 250k per annual, to pay for 2yrs, Which I said No, because I know considering his present condition he would struggle with the rent after the first 2yrs. Though he said he will be able to pay subsequent rents, I don't deceive myself, I know he can't unless a miracle happens.
He just informed me that he has got another 2 rooms for 150k p/y to pay for 2yrs and agreement and commission going to 400k. He has asked me for 300k to bear the rest himself.

My problem now is that my brother might go bankrupt even before the wedding, judging from the cost ahead of him and his financial capability.

NB.. From 2016 still date I have given my brother more than 300k to support his business, but he seems that he keeps cash instead of using all the money to buy goods and he is not that

This is the same business I did to send him and three others to higher Institution. The same office (Warehouse) I used, so I know the business is lucrative though not as it was in the last ten years.

So, pls what Advice can I give my brother and for how long will I continue to take this hung responsibility of his?

We are seven from our parent, I am the third. Our parents are not active anymore so we are responsible for their upkeep.

I can understand the situation in the country at the moment but these are responsibilities I have taken up since 2001 and want to get them off my neck.

I hustle well but I haven't really enjoyed money myself because of all these responsibilities. Built house for my parents, I haven't even built my own just left it at foundation level, even car I didn't buy but could afford it ever since 2005. I have really seen and experienced poverty while growing up the more reason am not living a flamboyant lifestyle.

Pls, I need advice as I don't want to sound harsh to him because If I were him, I would marry in a room and add the money to my business and when my business grows I will go for a bigger accommodation. But it seems we are not thinking the same way.

Even the room I left is bigger than 12:12 in size and only share toilet, bathroom and kitchen with just one tenant. He currently lives there with our last born (doing great in the same business) and two of their friends. I can ask them to vacant the room for him.

The only setting down I see happening is 6ft.
Marriage at this time and age is a luxury for a very few % of Nigerians.

Please tell him to 'cut his cloth' according to his 'material'.

The marriage ministry is no child's play.

The main thing now is getting a good woman who truly understands the beauty of humble beginnings.

It's well with him.

To be candid ,I have no issues with him wanting to be alone ,but trust me ,he needs to face life the hard way,let him struggle to become what he wants ,ask yourself this question ,what would he do if you were not alive,God forbid but what if it happens ....No body helps but yet you help them ,what happens if he is all alone and by himself won’t he survive ?let him face his fear bro.

So what happen next in d movie eyan blogger blogger?

ok

Mr tobaseye ... do u knw why ur brother is nt tinkin d way u think is cus u ve always got his back, am sure if u discharge him and cut ties for a period of two years he wil tink normal,..

@36?? habaaa!!!

abeg wait, wat is wrong in him getting a low but manageable apartment for now wich can contain him and his wife provided he doesnt want to marry into d existing one?

no b yab but person wey never balance financially no dey too get Choosey and dem dey always try to downsize.
U no get a fixed account of 500k and u re planning to rent an apartment of 400k?? dat is insanity!!!

Better tell him to downsize, get a room self contain with low price, find a virtuous lady out der who beliv in d days of little beginning, get to knw her parent and d the proper on her, doesnt necessarily mean a high class ceremonious wedding (after all na dowry my Bible comand me say i must pay, av nt read d place where wedding gown and suit, reception, gigantic makeup and expensive ring is a must for wedding)

No go dey do pass urself oo

with all u said your bro need a room self contain ,
get him a room self con

use the remaining , let the wife use it start business ( provision shop) etc

Someone is renting an apartment that cost 400k and want you to support him with 300k.

That your brother hold your mumu switch oh.

Your brother could be a miser and probably has a secret account somewhere but want to fleece you until your eye open. He is taking advantage of your generosity.

If you give him the 300k, which is 75% of the total rent,then be ready to pay 75% of his wedding expenses and also the next rent after the two year expiration. Better start complaining to him how broke you are too and focus more on yourself.

Don't give people money for food or house rent, rather give for business or school fees.

Ok

kestolove95:
So what happen next in d movie eyan blogger blogger?

Wow... blogger you said! It is a real-life situation sis mi.

Born2Breed:
Someone is renting an apartment which cost 400k and want you to support him with 300k.

That your brother hold your mumu switch oh.

Your brother is a miser and he has a secret account somewhere but want to fleece you until your eye open. He is taking advantage of your generosity.

If you give him the 300k, which is 75% of the total rent,then be ready to pay 75% of his wedding expenses and also the next rent after the two year expiration. Better start complaining to him how broke you are too and focus more on yourself.

Don't give people money for food or house rent, rather give for business or school fees.

Nothing like mumu button o. You are right as per the wedding expenses, I was responsible for 80% of the wedding expenses of 3 others that have wedded already. But The question, am I ready to spend up to 500k on him just because he wants to get married? I will be much happy to support him with this money for his business.

OlawaleBammie:
ok

Mr tobaseye ... do u knw why ur brother is nt tinkin d way u think is cus u ve always got his back, am sure if u discharge him and cut ties for a period of two years he wil tink normal,..

@36?? habaaa!!!

abeg wait, wat is wrong in him getting a low but manageable apartment for now wich can contain him and his wife provided he doesnt want to marry into d existing one?

no b yab but person wey never balance financially no dey too get Choosey and dem dey always try to downsize.
U no get a fixed account of 500k and u re planning to rent an apartment of 400k?? dat is insanity!!!



Better tell him to downsize, get a room self contain with low price, find a virtuous lady out der who beliv in d days of little beginning, get to knw her parent and d the proper on her, doesnt necessarily mean a high class ceremonious wedding (after all na dowry my Bible comand me say i must pay, av nt read d place where wedding gown and suit, reception, gigantic makeup and expensive ring is a must for wedding)

No go dey do pass urself oo

My thought as well. He has someone now and they are doing their courtship as per church standard.

Thanks

Brooke60:
Kudos to you. Its not easy I beg. I am right there and as a woman, its killing me gradually.


1. Tell him that's the only time you will ever support him with House rent.
2. He should get married to a hard-working girl who will multiply their income as a couple. If na Slay Girl, Odigbere.

3. The wedding should be as simple as possible. Na only rich people get Big weddings nowadays. The economy is not smiling.

4. He is 36, To be honest, no time again. Two 'good heads' are better than one


5. Check my signature, you might need my services

The way he's going, he will be out of capital even before the wedding. Hence big problem after wedding.

RoyalBlu:
Please tell him to 'cut his cloth' according to his 'material'.

The marriage ministry is no child's play.

The main thing now is getting a good woman who truly understands the beauty of humble beginnings.

It's well with him.

He has someone already.

Hmmn, big bro headache.

I hate when people lie on their brothers. it is you and not your brother.

.

tobaseye:


He has someone already.

Okay, nice.

Then they should plan with what is available to them.

I just want to tell you that I once came across a guy like you. Told me he wants to marry me....

I took off my shoes and rannnnnn! He said I am unsupportive and I no like am, I agreed and kept running!

Every time I looked at the guy, this is what I saw...

Wow! You are a big brother indeed!

Well, u need to be very harsh with him so he can sit his ass up!

1. I wouldn't advise him to get married by march next year unless he has a stable/constant source of income
2. Why rent a 400k house when he can move to some low cost areas where he can get 130k/year house?
3. Unless he is going to registry and doing it "low cost" style, which is about 100k (court fees, light refreshments with drinks, his suit and his wife minimal wedding gown), he shouldn't try big wedding or else, the kain hunger wey go attack them after the wedding, dey do press up for ikeja!
4. U need to withdraw your support from him for 2 months to see how he can fare or else, u will continue to support him for life. He needs to know what it feels like to be OYO; cos you've always been there to give him a soft landing

.... let him face the fire too bro!

That's the only way you can be of help to him.

Its harsh but it works!

tobaseye:


Wow... blogger you said! It is a real-life situation sis mi.

I don't blame your brother. I fricking blame you! How can a 36year old man still be leeching off you? At that age my dad already had all but one of his children and was financially settled. Now, folks may say that the economy was better back then, but the point is he was able to shoulder all his responsibilities. He started out really small with my mum and they grew together. I was a toddler when he buried the closest members of his extended family and he was even barely into his 30s then. HE HAD RESPONSIBILITIES FROM AN EARLY AGE AND LIVED UP TO THEM.

What does your brother have? Who is he responsible for? You even admitted your other sibs are doing the same business and doing well, so why is his own different?? Is this how he taxes your elder sibs? My apologies but your brother is shameless and is taking your generosity and love for granted, and you are enabling it by always doling out cash like you pluck it from trees. Abeg if you don't have what to do with money let me know so I can send you my account details. Mscheeeeeeeew.

Going by your chat with him, if you think his demands will end with his marriage then you are REALLY naive. When his wife is having her baby, you will join money in the hospital bills. When it is time for naming, you will buy the rice and pepper, they will buy the oil. School fees time, you will pay your tithe to your niece/nephew's education. People like your brother who have no shame will feel no qualms in continually taxing you and joining their responsibilities to yours. Instead of him to start small, he is eyeing apartments that are bigger than his pocket because Boda Toba is there to pay 80% of the bills, as usual.

I bet he is the kind of people who will blame your wife when you get married. I know you aren't married because a man with a wife would have grown some testicular fortitude to cut down on his Father Christmas-ism. People like your bro will accuse your hapless wife of turning you against them when they can no longer get access to your pockets like they used to.

Abi don't you want to have your own family one day? Don't you want your children to have a better life than you did? How can they, when you have programmed your destiny to doling out funds like Dasuki??! Family is gold, true, but draw a line because not many people will come to your rescue in your time of need.

Egbon Toba, You have enabled this laxity for too long. The chicken has come to roost.

Receive wisdom!

@OP, you are an enabler of dependency personality in your siblings, more pronounced in this particular sibling you mentioned. Be rest assured that as he is getting married and you going to pay most of his rent and bear most of the financial responsibilities of his wedding, you are also going to be asked to help offset the hospital bill when his wife gives birth and it is a cycle.

Your brother is comfortable with applying little or no effort because you subsidize him at the expense of your self actualization. At 36, even many of those who didn't get the opportunity of tertiary education and learnt a trade have achieved some level of stability and fending for themselves and their families.

Wow! If I say my mind now, them go say I no dey sensitive. Hian! 36yrs boldly asking you to foot his bills! Why the heck is he planning to get married when he could clearly not afford to take care of himself? Whew! May God help him fa, may God help us all.

Pavore9:
@OP, you are enabler of dependency personality in your siblings, more pronounced in this particular sibling you mentioned. Be rest assured that as he is getting married and you going to pay most of his rent and bear most of the financial responsibilities of his wedding, you are also going to asked to help offset the hospital bill when his wife gives birth and it is a cycle.

A very vicious circle! Parents with little means giving birth to so much children are practically enemies of the state! Adults who refuse to take absolute responsibility of themselves are worse! No sane girl should want to associate with this guy's entire family!

I'm so sorry OP, no vex biko.

@Op I commend you, I see you yourself are a much improved and matured man, I bet life has thought you many lessons.

I know you can see deeper than most of the people on this platform trying to ridicule your brother, life is not easy and fingers are not equal, there are lots of 45 year old men unable to make 20,000ngn in a month in our Naija.
It has nothing to do with them being lazy or stupid Naija is simply a difficult place to live.

Can I ask you one question, are you married yourself ?
If you are, what is the position of your wife on this ?
Secondly, why do people like your brother believe if they dont stay in Lagos they will not make it ?
It is obvious that most people are just in Lagos for the rat race, why did you yourself leave Lagos, why not encourage your brother to look at other options apart from Lagos.
Lastly, you do have to help your brother, dont mind people trying to discourage you, it is what it is just try and let him realise that at that age he cannot depend on you for long.

If the business is not working out for him, with uber he can even make more money or he can just go back to the village and start farming.

Anyway, I wish you and your brother all the best.
Life especially in Nigeria is not a tea party so I pray t hings become better.

When I read your kind of story, it hurts me deeply, the government has stolen Nigerians future, that is why people prefer to be slaves in countries like Ghana and co than stay in Nigeria.

The quality of life of majority of Nigerians is comparable to that of people that their country is at war....

Ishilove:

I don't blame your brother. I fricking blame you! How can a 36year old man still be leeching off you? At that age my dad already had all but one of his children and was financially settled. Now, folks may say that the economy was better back then, but the point is he was able to shoulder all his responsibilities. He started out really small with my mum and they grew together. I was a toddler when he buried the closest members of his extended family and he was even barely into his 30s then. HE HAD RESPONSIBILITIES FROM AN EARLY AGE AND LIVED UP TO THEM.

What does your brother have? Who is he responsible for? You even admitted your other sibs are doing the same business and doing well, so why is his own different?? Is this how he taxes your elder sibs? My apologies but your brother is shameless and is taking your generosity and love for granted, and you are enabling it by always doling out cash like you pluck it from trees. Abeg if you don't have what to do with money let me know so I can send you my account details. Mscheeeeeeeew.

Going by your chat with him, if you think his demands will end with his marriage then you are REALLY naive. When his wife is having her baby, you will join money in the hospital bills. When it is time for naming, you will buy the rice and pepper, they will buy the oil. School fees time, you will pay your tithe to your niece/nephew's education. People like your brother who have no shame will feel no qualms in continually taxing you and joining their responsibilities to yours. Instead of him to start small, he is eyeing apartments that are bigger than his pocket because Boda Toba is there to pay 80% of the bills, as usual.

I bet he is the kind of people who will blame your wife when you get married. I know you aren't married because a man with a wife would have grown some testicular fortitude to cut down on his Father Christmas-ism. People like your bro will accuse your hapless wife of turning you against them when they can no longer get access to your pockets like they used to.

Abi don't you want to have your own family one day? Don't you want your children to have a better life than you did? How can they, when you have programmed your destiny to doling out funds like Dasuki??! Family is gold, true, but draw a line because not many people will come to your rescue in your time of need.

Egbon Toba, You have enabled this laxity for too long. The chicken has come to roost.

Receive wisdom!

It is his brother he is helping,not a stranger.
Your dad made life ok for himself early,so what? .is everyone your dad?Or you just want tell us about your papa?
Do you know how many people that made it later than your dad that he can't measure up to them today?

Every successful man is responsible for his siblings.
If you no guide them,who will?
Well,I'm glad the op knows better so your petite opinions don't matter.
My guy,you go try see why your brother isn't succeeding and figure out how to correct him.its what brothers do.
After doing that,then he can marry.

calgaryFriend:
@Op I commend you, I see you yourself are a much improved and matured man, I bet life has thought you many lessons.

I know you can see deeper than most of the people on this platform trying to ridicule your brother, life is not easy and fingers are not equal, there are lots of 45 year old men unable to make 20,000ngn in a month in our Naija.
It has nothing to do with them being lazy or stupid Naija is simply a difficult place to live.

Can I ask you one question, are you married yourself ?
If you are, what is the position of your wife on this ?
Secondly, why do people like your brother believe if they dont stay in Lagos they will not make it ?
It is obvious that most people are just in Lagos for the rat race, why did you yourself leave Lagos, why not encourage your brother to look at other options apart from Lagos.
Lastly, you do have to help your brother, dont mind people trying to discourage you, it is what it is just try and let him realise that at that age he cannot depend on you for long.

If the business is not working out for him, with uber he can even make more money or he can just go back to the village and start farming.

Anyway, I wish you and your brother all the best.
Life especially in Nigeria is not a tea party so I pray t hings become better.

When I read your kind of story, it hurts me deeply, the government has stolen Nigerians future, that is why people prefer to be slaves in countries like Ghana and co than stay in Nigeria.

The quality of life of majority of Nigerians is comparable to that of people that their country is at war....

You are full of wisdom!

Logobenz:
Every successful man is responsible for his siblings.
If you no guide them,who will?
Well,I'm glad the op knows better so your petite opinions don't matter.
My guy,you go try see why your brother isn't succeeding and figure out how to correct him.its what brothers do.
After doing that,then he can marry.

Don't mind that clown . @ishilove, try to see life from another perspective.
Nigeria as it is currently is an aberration, so the people that made it are not geniuses, they are just lucky.
The fact someone is able to graduate and have their parents slot them into NNPC despite graduating with a 2:2 does not mean the 1st class roaming about is lazy.

I have seen so much in my life that I know better than to judge others, circumstances are different and most people feeling fly today would probably commit suicide if they dealt with half of what some people have had to deal with.

calgaryFriend:

Don't mind that clown . @ishilove, try to see life from another perspective.
Nigeria as it is currently is an aberration, so the people that made it are not geniuses, they are just lucky.
The fact someone is able to graduate and have their parents slot them into NNPC despite graduating with a 2:2 does not mean the 1st class roaming about is lazy.

I have seen so much in my life that I know better than to judge others, circumstances are different and most people feeling fly today would probably commit suicide if they dealt with half of what some people have had to deal with.

From my own perspective, I know Nigerians are not lazy including my siblings, they worked with me before I left Lagos they are not just as rugged, determined and conservative as I am. I am a crazy saver and I re-invested most of my profit. Also, grace differs, I did biz in an Igbos dominated market and you have got to be rugged to succeed in such an environment.

The system has turned able men and women to nonentity. I have been opportune to travel outside the country has seen children from rich home on study visa doing menial jobs back to back, you will wonder if children from rich homes can do this how much more children from the less privileged home.

I am only worried about his type of mentality, I would never rent a room and parlour with such money in my account.