Beetee1:
to be sincere with you madam, your husband needs your support at this time, not forgetting that the deed has been done and you cannot undo that. More so, your sister is already taking the side of your niece irrespective of the fact that the allegation was true or not. the simple way of you getting to know the truth from your husband is by you making him to trust you, comport him and make him feel relax that it's no big deal though you worried in your mind. fight for him to and make your sister know that though she claim her daughter was a vergin before coming to you and you too trust your hubby that he can not engage in such. with this I'm sure if really he's guilty, he will be ashame of it and come out plain for you. Don't forget, he's the father of your four children. you still need him. This is your cross, you need to carry it.

I hope you will act your words, if such should happen to your daughter or If your wife got impregnated by your nephew.
Adviser General! Na Dem

coldFLARES1:
I don't exactly consider it 'righteous' to call an extended family meeting on the hubby on account of this. It would hurt him greatly to have people who ordinarily should defer to him query/probe him for something he would be too ashamed to admit if he is the culprit.

If he is wise and can consider the wider implications of birthing that baby he would confess before it is too late to terminate the pregnancy and at least seek the forgiveness of his wife.

I laugh at those seemingly pious fellows that sat said she should be allowed to give birth so madam could just take/adopt that child as her own. How pedestrian? I can assure such union would never recover from the dislocation the birth of that child would cause /bring.

My take is: the girl should be begged /encouraged to have an abortion to forestall the dangers ahead so everyone could have a closure and look to means to mend the cracks yet.

Is abortion bad? Not at all! Not when it saves you from making your life hell. When it wasn't convenient to have a family, i aborted with my side kick in 2011, but as fate would have it side kick turned wife in 2017 and we have a cute daughter together now.

Let's not make life complicated; it's a simple something!

Do not bank on this. A sin has been committed. There is repercussion. No sinner will go unpunished, says the bible.

Agneseze:
I can’t sleep , i am so depressed right now . I am writing this with tears in my eyes

I have been married for 13 years , and my husband and I have 4 children together. Everything was going well in my family until my niece came to live with us. She is 19 years old

She became close to my husband, but I never thought they were having an affair. I didn’t see anything going on between them to make suspect them. She was respectful to him.then I observed that she was not looking right and complaining that she was ill. I asked her what the problem was, she said nothing. Then a few days later after she was not feeling well, I told her i should take her to the doctor but my husband offered to take her. I still didn’t take that to mean anything.

My husband took her to the doctor. When she came back , she told me that the doctor said nothing was wrong with her. Then a few days after when I was at work , she packed her bags and went back to her mother. She told her mother that the doctor said she is pregnant. It was my husband who got her pregnant and he wanted her to do an abortion, but she was afraid. Her mother said when she came to live with us she was a virgin, but my husband took her virginity.

My husband calls her a liar. He said that he never had sex with her. I can't look at him, I have nothing to say to him and all he wants to do is hold my hand and kiss me, and try to manipulate me into bed. But I am worried , because my husband is respectable man and is well known. I don’t know what to believe. What should I do please

PLS NOTE THAT, HE IS A BLUNT LIAR AND CHILD OF D DEVIL LIVING WITH YOU. UR SISTER CAN NOT AND WILL NOT CALL HIS NAME IF HE HAD NOT PENETRATED HER MORE THAN TWICE. HE SHOULD SPEAK TRUTH TO UR HEART AND SHAME D DEVILS CONTROLLING HIS LIFE NOW. ITS NOT ABOUT SAVING UR MARRIAGE BUT UR LIFE.GRATIAS.

NO NEED TO EXPOSE YOUR DIRTY LINEN TO RELATIONS, NEIGHBORS OR VILLAGE. It's none of their business. They'll just turn you to a laughing stock and stoke the divisive fires while, hiding their own evils.

She go born the child and you go need to decide now (1) to continue with the marriage or not and (2) if the baby will be raised within your home or left with the mother and her family (3) if you can survive your husband keeping contact with the child and mother and maybe second wife her.

The possibility that your husband didn't do it is less than 1.3% since it happened in your house.

It's hard for a man to prove that he is innocent in sexual charges against him even with DNA testing, people will still grumble and hiss at the accused.

For your husband to insist on taking your niece to the hospital shows he is guilty of getting her pregnant. Hmm, what a sleazy of a man who disrespect his wife by laying her relative, he will do this to a maid also.

What a disgrace of a man. How does a wife carry on as if nothing ever happened? Well known my foot. Expose the shege of a foolish man. Women dey suffer inside marriage o!

Agneseze:
I can’t sleep , i am so depressed right now . I am writing this with tears in my eyes

I have been married for 13 years , and my husband and I have 4 children together. Everything was going well in my family until my niece came to live with us. She is 19 years old

She became close to my husband, but I never thought they were having an affair. I didn’t see anything going on between them to make suspect them. She was respectful to him.then I observed that she was not looking right and complaining that she was ill. I asked her what the problem was, she said nothing. Then a few days later after she was not feeling well, I told her i should take her to the doctor but my husband offered to take her. I still didn’t take that to mean anything.

My husband took her to the doctor. When she came back , she told me that the doctor said nothing was wrong with her. Then a few days after when I was at work , she packed her bags and went back to her mother. She told her mother that the doctor said she is pregnant. It was my husband who got her pregnant and he wanted her to do an abortion, but she was afraid. Her mother said when she came to live with us she was a virgin, but my husband took her virginity.

My husband calls her a liar. He said that he never had sex with her. I can't look at him, I have nothing to say to him and all he wants to do is hold my hand and kiss me, and try to manipulate me into bed. But I am worried , because my husband is respectable man and is well known. I don’t know what to believe. What should I do please

aren't you stupid when you are still asking what to do in this era?
the little girl accuse ur husband and your husband deny and called the little girl a liar, who know ur husband might be right.

now let me crack ur confuse brain with a simple idea

take ur nice to DNA test

if ur husband refuse to submit himself for DNA test use any of ur children sample to get the DNA test done

if the little girl refuse the she is the devil trying to break

next time think sharp an stop being stupid

mrsfavour:
am still traumatized till now.

You'll get over it with time, I hope you now have access to all his PINs and passwords. Tell him you have declared a state of emergency... and he MUST give you hourly update on where he is (with proof!) or else there will be gbese...THAT IS IF YOU STILL WANT TO BOTHER YOURSELF.

SILVERLINES:
aren't you stupid when you are still asking what to do in this era?
the little girl accuse ur husband and your husband deny and called the little girl a liar, who know ur husband might be right.

now let me crack ur confuse brain with a simple idea

take ur nice to DNA test

if ur husband refuse to submit himself for DNA test use any of ur children sample to get the DNA test done

if the little girl refuse the she is the devil trying to break

next time think sharp an stop being stupid

I hope you know this is a fake story.

MrBrownJay1:


I strongly beg to differ.... people enter marriage union while expecting to be faithful to one another. The minute husband/wife cheats, the contract/union is void IMHO. Only desperate people stay in these miserable union, and the reason why partner cheated is IRRELEVANT.

The simple fact that such cheating issues can have DEADLY consequences (to partner/children etc), only a very desperate person would stay with a cheating partner.

But as I always say: to each their own misery.

Your opinion is extreme as you give no room for reconciliation. IYHO, almost all marriages would be void as most African marriages have recorded cases of infidelity. Going by your logic, more than 70% of marriages are currently miserable, and the African society should be predominantly be a divorce fest rather than have reconciled marriages. You are not proferring a workable solution but only touting a vindictive impractical approach that will be of little benefit to the social construct of this world.

If reconciliation will make things between a couple fine once more, why go the divorce route? Humans are not perfect. Even David (in the bible) and many contemporary world leaders had extramarital affairs ( Heck Nelson Mandela had affairs, Ryan Giggs had sex his in-law while married). While these examples do not make infidelity right, if the offending party is willing to make things right genuinely, I think it's worth a chance if the victim does not mind. Only in situations where one of the parties is unrepentant will I advocate complete separation as a first approach.

Oga, you need to recognize that life is a spectrum and things are not always just black or white.

EmekaBlue:
Ur husband sef....he went skin diving instead of using a condom.

Sorry madam...life is a bitch, shit happens. I think ur niece should mayb wash d pregnancy away since its still at d early stage

say no to murder

bjbjbj:
You married a stupid man and claim that people respect him. Tell your husband to take responsibility for his actions and you are still with your husband I pity you. Please start talking to your kids before DADDY start having sex with them oo.

why talking like this? cant you respect someone s hubby?

calgaryFriend:


This does not sound like a wise thing to do, how will she call the whole village on her husband based on an accusation that has not been verified.
And even if she eventually verifies it she does not have to expose her dirty laundry in the open, she has a marriage to keep nonetheless.

When tree falls on tree you remove the uppermost one first.

The first thing she needs to do is to use wisdom to establish if her husband is the one responsible or not.

Have you though about the damage your suggestion would make if her husband is been wrongly accused ?
Or do you think it is not possible that the husband may be wrongly accused ?

This is not the time to betray emotions , this is the time to use wisdom.

I was reading ur comment and my jaw dropped at what u are typing ... she has a marriage to keep What marriage... if the wife had been impregnated by the mans nephew would u say the same

This thing keeps happening...
But women have refused to learn.

When you tell them never to accommodate a female not related to their husbands by blood in their homes,they will begin vouching for their men and calling you names.

Op,Serves you right.

Hope you have learnt your lesson

You don't hold him responsible by perpetuating flagrant disregard for human rights in Nigeria. The same illegal process you prescribe is used daily to throw women out of their own homes by police with no court order. The women are usually too scared or not knowledgeable enough to fight for their rights.

I said nothing about DNA results. She should go to a law court. A marriage court. That is where her grievances will be attended to. That is where the law will compel her husband to confess, take DNA tests, share their estate, etc; on penalty of "obstruction of justice".

Paying off a few policemen to illegally harass her husband will bring pain to her in the end if the man has a half-decent lawyer. Don't send people into deeper hot water in the name of revenge. What you suggested she do can get HER locked up.


Lawstudent and other lawyers on NL, please advise accordingly.

Lexusgs430:



You seem to care about the man, than the woman.... Someone put her in the family way, she mentioned a name, he denied responsibility......

Someone must be held responsible + accountable.....

Or you would rather await DNA results, which might not even happen, the man might have other plans when he realises, she is keeping the pregnancy.......

The biggest mistake a woman will make is bringing a full grown lady to live with her. Most men will bleep anything so long as they are not related. even house helps are not save.

coldFLARES1:
I don't exactly consider it 'righteous' to call an extended family meeting on the hubby on account of this. It would hurt him greatly to have people who ordinarily should defer to him query/probe him for something he would be too ashamed to admit if he is the culprit.

If he is wise and can consider the wider implications of birthing that baby he would confess before it is too late to terminate the pregnancy and at least seek the forgiveness of his wife.

I laugh at those seemingly pious fellows that sat said she should be allowed to give birth so madam could just take/adopt that child as her own. How pedestrian? I can assure such union would never recover from the dislocation the birth of that child would cause /bring.

My take is: the girl should be begged /encouraged to have an abortion to forestall the dangers ahead so everyone could have a closure and look to means to mend the cracks yet.

Is abortion bad? Not at all! Not when it saves you from making your life hell. When it wasn't convenient to have a family, i aborted with my side kick in 2011, but as fate would have it side kick turned wife in 2017 and we have a cute daughter together now.

Let's not make life complicated; it's a simple something!

no wonder

I thought as much

now I understand why you take the stand you do

Mogajunior:



The biggest mistake a woman will make is bringing a full grown lady to live with her. Most IRRESPONSIBLE HE GOAT men will bleep anything so long as they are not related. even house helps are not save.

#Fixed

cooooooks:
You don't hold him responsible by perpetuating flagrant disregard for human rights in Nigeria. The same illegal process you prescribe is used daily to throw women out of their own homes by police with no court order. The women are usually too scared or not knowledgeable enough to fight for their rights.

I said nothing about DNA results. She should go to a law court. A marriage court. That is where her grievances will be attended to. That is where the law will compel her husband to confess, take DNA tests, share their estate, etc; on penalty of "obstruction of justice".

Paying off a few policemen to illegally harass her husband will bring pain to her in the end if the man has a half-decent lawyer. Don't send people into deeper hot water in the name of revenge. What you suggested she do can get HER locked up.


Lawstudent and other lawyers on NL, please advise accordingly.

The girls parent should be doing the arresting........

He needs to be held responsible for his actions, why are you so keen in protecting the man?

Are we sure you're not the man in question or also partake in such deplorable acts?

Ayotemide:


It would soon come home for you; I hope you can take your own advice when it does.

I am a Man, that won’t happen.

ThierryJay:


Your opinion is extreme as you give no room for reconciliation. IYHO, almost all marriages would be void as most African marriages have recorded cases of infidelity. Going by your logic, more than 70% of marriages are currently miserable, and the African society should be predominantly be a divorce fest rather than have reconciled marriages. You are not proferring a workable solution but only touting a vindictive impractical approach that will be of little benefit to the social construct of this world.

If reconciliation will make things between a couple fine once more, why go the divorce route? Humans are not perfect. Even David (in the bible) and many contemporary world leaders had extramarital affairs ( Heck Nelson Mandela had affairs, Ryan Giggs had sex his in-law while married). While these examples do not make infidelity right, if the offending party is willing to make things right genuinely, I think it's worth a chance if the victim does not mind. Only in situations where one of the parties is unrepentant will I advocate complete separation as a first approach.

Oga, you need to recognize that life is a spectrum and things are not always just black or white.

what are your perspective on a cheating wife?

especially in Nigeria

does that 70% up there include the cheating wives?

Agneseze:
I can’t sleep , i am so depressed right now . I am writing this with tears in my eyes

I have been married for 13 years , and my husband and I have 4 children together. Everything was going well in my family until my niece came to live with us. She is 19 years old

She became close to my husband, but I never thought they were having an affair. I didn’t see anything going on between them to make suspect them. She was respectful to him.then I observed that she was not looking right and complaining that she was ill. I asked her what the problem was, she said nothing. Then a few days later after she was not feeling well, I told her i should take her to the doctor but my husband offered to take her. I still didn’t take that to mean anything.

My husband took her to the doctor. When she came back , she told me that the doctor said nothing was wrong with her. Then a few days after when I was at work , she packed her bags and went back to her mother. She told her mother that the doctor said she is pregnant. It was my husband who got her pregnant and he wanted her to do an abortion, but she was afraid. Her mother said when she came to live with us she was a virgin, but my husband took her virginity.

My husband calls her a liar. He said that he never had sex with her. I can't look at him, I have nothing to say to him and all he wants to do is hold my hand and kiss me, and try to manipulate me into bed. But I am worried , because my husband is respectable man and is well known. I don’t know what to believe. What should I do please

Madam, the did has been done! U can't turn back the hands of time...all you need to do is. Relax, and keep an eye on your niece.... after the baby must have come to the world, quietly carry out DNA test... that has it all. May God be your strength... it's not usually easy thou!!!

Vivos:

I understand how you feel but you should try to contain this matter within..... for your sake and bcoz of the children
Don't force the girl to get an abortion...I'm against abortion , she should have the baby if she wants to,

Don't divorce your husband bcoz it would hurt your children.... But you can separate with temporary to heal from this hurt

the marriage is done

efeteb:
My candid advice to you is to consider this.
1. The worst thing that could happen from this is a broken home. My sister don't allow this issue to break your marriage. It is painful? Yes, but don't allow your children grow up in a broken home take it from those that have experience it.

2. Forgive your husband even before you confirm he did it. Don't allow this issue to break the relationship between you two. The mistake has been done. Allow him to let you know his plans for the child but try to make him take responsibility for the unborn child if he accept that he did it.

3. Raising dust and issues from this cannot undo what has been done. Your peace is what is important. Remember crying has never restored a spilled milk. Try to be brave that is where your peace can be found.

will you give this same advice to a cheating wife who got pregnant for another man?

don't you know that him divorcing his cheating PREGNANT wife will hurt his children?

tho I knoe some men who still stay out despite their wife getting PREGNANT for someone else

But then
They often get ridiculed by silly people once the lid is blown open


You see how subconsciously we groom a generation of irresponsible and foolish men in this nigger country

Aunty how could you keep a young fresh 19yrs old young woman with a matured man? It is a very big temptation, that only well disciplined men can keep.
That's why it is not even advisable

Your husband has sinned
It will only take God's intervention for healing. His human sinful nature which he couldn't deal with has gotten hold of him. A very big family scandal

Only God can deal with this matter
Its heart breaking

deltateam:


To do DNA test, her husband has to agree because they will need to collect somethings from him.

You can use the dna of his son for cross reference

if there is some semblance

trust me
the man fvcked her

sexiestharam:
Almost every advice I have seen on this thread makes me puke. She is 19 and was a virgin before coming to your house. Isn't it obvious your husband seduced or raped that girl? He was also the one that volunteered to take her to the hospital. Doesn't it mean he knew what he did? Op said her husband is a respectable man. I laugh. What's respectable about a man who sleeps or rapes his wife's niece? Your husband is a goat. Ewure. If you still want to stay with a goat, that's your business. To all those advising her to have the niece commit an abortion, what if that's not what the niece wants? It is her body, it is her child she would kill and her life is at stake here. What about the memories that would always be there. Aunty Op, do whatever you want. We all know in the end only you would advise yourself.

yea

loveymom:


The fact your husband is denying it is nauseating

Please call a family meeting and invite both your niece and her family, your family and your husband's family. So that the both parties will face themselves and you will find out the truth.

Without the truth you won't be able to know how to handle this matter.

Which truth? Of course the husband did it.
Which family? That would just end the marriage

Omojudy:
As painful as this will sound, I will ask the girl what she wants to do, clearly giving her the right over her own body. She is my relative not his and I will support her while watching my husband prayerfully without a quarrel.
If she does keep the pregnancy, I will request her to give us custody of the child and voila we have another child.
Whatever she decides, I will stand by it. Anything other than him and her continuing their affair.
Yes, I will also have the baby’s DNA tested when born if we have to accept the liability.
Life is not that hard, it’s betraying and hurtful but we will always take the right decisions putting emotions aside.

Wow godly wisdom right there!!
Any woman that does this making heaven is 100% certified!!!

vinceobe:




Do not bank on this. A sin has been committed. There is repercussion. No sinner will go unpunished, says the bible.

which sin? Whose sin?

fykes:

My dear u can't say that. We make mistakes and have crisis atimes. U have no idea if the wife has been a model wife herself, u don't know how long the man has held up his head and just one moment of indiscretion or bad decision can ruin it all. This may be just his one bad moment of weaknes

yea yea


make excuses for the man

teefaht:
I was 16 in 2009 when my Aunt's husband almost try this shit with me. Had to lie to my sis and leave the place. That was the last time I stepped my foot in their house.

Women needs to be careful, infact don't allow your sister to live with you if you are married.

The temptation might come from the sister or your husband.

I was scared to stay in my aunt's house because I was scared that he might later rape me. My sis is a banker, she comes back late at night coupled with Lagos traffic. Anything could have happened within that time without her knowledge.

I think women should be careful be it sis or no sister.

You are right