CHoccolaTE:
W
'If you are a man, you should probably get married; if you are a woman, don’t bother'

Maya OppenheimWomen's Correspondent @mayaoppenheim
Tuesday 28 May 2019 14:33

The Independent
Women who are not married and do not have children are the happiest group in the population, a prominent expert in happiness has said.

Paul Dolan, a professor of behavioural science at the London School of Economics, said unmarried and childless women are also likely to outlive their married child-rearing counterparts and are healthier than them.

Speaking at the Hay festival on Saturday, Mr Dolan said the latest data demonstrated that long-established, traditional symbols of success did not necessarily correlate with happiness levels.



The best-selling author, who carries out original research into the measurement of happiness and its causes and consequences, noted men in comparison benefited from marriage as they “calm down”.

He said: “You take less risks, you earn more money at work, and you live a little longer. She, on the other hand, has to put up with that, and she dies sooner than if she never married. The healthiest and happiest population subgroup are women who never married or had children".

Mr Dolan added: “Married people are happier than other population subgroups, but only when their spouse is in the room when they are asked how happy they are. When the spouse is not present: f***ing miserable.


“We do have some good longitudinal data following the same people over time, but I am going to do a massive disservice to that academic science and just say: if you are a man, you should probably get married; if you are a woman, don’t bother.”

Mr Dolan’s latest book, Happy Ever After, cites evidence from the American Time Use Survey, which compared levels of pleasure and unhappiness in unmarried, married, divorced, separated and widowed individuals. The study discovered levels of happiness reported by those who were married was higher than those who do not have spouses, but only when their husband or wife was in the room.


People who were not married reported lower levels of misery than married individuals who were asked when their spouse was not present.

Other studies have measured some financial and health benefits in being married for both men and women on average, which Mr Dolan said could be ascribed to higher incomes and emotional support, allowing married people to take risks and seek medical help.


While Mr Dolan pointed to men displaying more health benefits from getting married due to them taking less risks, women’s health was mainly unaffected by marriage. But middle-aged married women were at higher risk of physical and mental conditions than their single peers.

How to dance your way to happiness
In spite of the advantages of an unmarried childless existence for women, Mr Dolan said the fact marriage and children were seen to be traditional, established emblems of success meant the stigma could cause some single women to feel unhappy.

He said: “You see a single woman of 40, who has never had children – ‘Bless, that’s a shame, isn’t it? Maybe one day you’ll meet the right guy and that’ll change.’ No, maybe she’ll meet the wrong guy and that’ll change. Maybe she’ll meet a guy who makes her less happy and healthy, and die sooner.”

Mr Dolan said that having children can be harmful to people’s well being – saying many parents might secretly agree with a famous academic colleague who “said that he liked the existence of his children but not their presence”.

“It would be categorically awful if anything happened to them, but the experiences we have with children are largely miserable,” he added.

Mr Dolan said that having children is “an amazing experience” for some, but added that “for a lot of people it isn’t, and the idea that we can’t talk openly about why that might be is a problem.”



https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/may/25/women-happier-without-children-or-a-spouse-happiness-expert

All this so -called EXPERT sef, they are the most confused fools the world has produced!
SINGLE lady who calls herself "expert" on MARRIAGE!
CRIPPLE who clls himself "expert" at RUNNING!
ILLITERATE who christens himself as "expert" on producing concoction that would turn someone into a GENIUS!

Experts told us that saturated fat is bad then recently, they said it is good.

Anyone that listens to what these "experts" are saying, will have him/herself to blame afterwards.

kingy1:
No statistical research, no statistical data, no statistical analysis.

Then how did she came up her nonsense.

I guest she just sat at home doing speculative analysis.

Anybody just sit and assume any
title them wish.

That is the new, Dictionary definition of EXPERT!

Are you saying that your mum's god given date was to shut her mouths be act as she is told?

FortuneDeGreat:
Some women have effortlessly accepted their god given fate whereas others have continued to deceive themselves by promoting the ever nonsense feminist agenda thereby struggling to live a life of ease, my lovely mother belong to the former, your likes belong to the latter.

Wow! You are on the right path already. I hope it works out for you

Breaststroke:


Lol, thanks.

I met a widower 3 months ago, older than me, already has grown kids but really good looking and he acted interested, asked me to pls call him during his 2nd visit to our office (he left his card and a document for my boss) and didn't have my number.

The only snag is the fact that he is a client. Company rules forbid fraternizing with clients but I am not giving up just yet. That sort of man will not want anymore children and won't stress me about it either - I'm hoping

.

CHoccolaTE:
Hahahaha

This topic always pains men

Men are such hypocrites.
They go about declaring that they hate marriages
And have no need for it
Marriage is bondage,
Etc etc

But when women open their mouths to say they are happier without marriages just like men they get angry and forcefully insist that women want and desire marriage

If you honestly believe that you deserve your imminent unhappiness! In Kenya women swallowed this feminine BS and now half of Nairobi women are single mothers.
They compensate with booze, prescription drugs,counseling and BOB,Battery Operated Boyfriend when not boring everyone in shouting distance how 'wonderful/fantastic/empowering' independence is.
DON'T BE CHEATED!?

babyfaceafrica:
you are not entirely right

But you know it's the truth if not that most men thrive on acting like they're so happy and women are so desperate, when the truth is that all men in Nigeria are looking for someone who will contribute to them and grow their dreams as if the woman has no dreams and ambitions for her own life. Who is helping build her dreams? Then you say women are leeches when you don't let them do their own thing just because they're in a relationship with you. You forced them to follow your dream and build you, otherwise they are not useful.when can she grow as a person if she's committed to your cause? This is a case of using women.
Any woman who can avoid that by staying on her own, and build her own dreams for herself will be much happier because the men appear to be grown babies/burdens.

midnighter:


What does feminism have to do with evolution or biology? Did you read my post at all?

Stop quoting me, you dont make any sense whatsoever.

mtcheew it's obvious you don't want to reason you just keep tip toeing round the point! What's the major cause of the EVOLUTIONARY Ideas your talking about ?? Is it not Liberalist ideologies like Feminism? Your intentionally acting ignorant bye.

genq:


Lmao.

All I see here is an unmarried, childless 35+ year old woman consoling herself.

I'm yet to see a woman past her prime who is single and truly happy. Even the holy book says; "Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you."

Let's not get into the financial benefits women gain from marriage. Even to afford a flat on their own they cannot. In this Nigeria, most women cannot sustain themselves without the help of a man: husband, sugardaddy, boyfriend, whatever you wanna call it.

To fix their hair sef, they need a boyfriend - but you'll see them all over nairaland posting trash.

Sidenote: I would love if more women adopt the OP's ideology. If women reject marriage in its entirety, it will save men a GREAT chunk of our hard earned resources!

You have the misunderstanding that women depend on men for their resources. You need to change your circle of women. Or are you scared of the successful ones who don't need your resources?

Chukapage:
mtcheew it's obvious you don't want to reason you just keep tip toeing round the point! What's the major cause of the EVOLUTIONARY Ideas your talking about ?? Is it not Liberalist ideologies like Feminism? Your intentionally acting ignorant bye.

You are just using words without knowing their meaning, keep displaying your ignorance here...dont go and check the dictionary before embarrassing yourself..

Feminism caused evolution.. please what are you smoking, let me call ndlea for you

After now they will complain that Buhari didnt answer the question. Simple read and comprehend you cant, just to quote me and be talking off-point

Hmmmm, in practical, I disagree.

I do not really agree with the article, not because unmarried childless women can't be happy or the happiest...

But because these things are relative.

It differs for the individuals invoved.

However, I would never understand why men who are supposed to be going their way are always having palpitations when some women say they don't want to marry. Heck, you are suppsed to be going your way right? Why does it bother you so much?

Anyway, find someone with like mind and have peace.

demonic inspired article

midnighter:


You are just using words without knowing their meaning, keep displaying your ignorance here...dont go and check the dictionary before embarrassing yourself..

Feminism caused evolution.. please what are you smoking, let me call ndlea for you

After now they will complain that Buhari didnt answer the question. Simple read and comprehend you cant, just to quote me and be talking off-point

typical Nigerian lady highly unintelligent and unnecessarily emotional when YOU lots can't hold an argument you resort to insults and tantrums. When did this new idea of women not wanting to give birth start? When did Feminisim start? Did this societal change start from old times? Your trying to twist my words but it stands out you can't twist it now goodbye better still call Ndlea for yourself.

Chukapage:
typical Nigerian lady highly unintelligent and unnecessarily emotional when YOU lots can't hold an argument you resort to insults and tantrums. When did this new idea of women not wanting to give birth start? When did Feminisim start? Did this societal change start from old times? Your trying to twist my words but it stands out you can't twist it now goodbye better still call Ndlea for yourself.

I said that even if a lady would be better off without children like the OP said, the biological imperative of surviving and passing on your genes is more important in evolutionary terms, so at times the lady's well-being will be sidelined for the "greater good" of the species.

I speculated that this may be the reason that most societies stigmatise women (and men) who do not want to have children. If people felt like they had a choice on procreating, the population would go down and the species would die out. I am speaking in PURELY BIOLOGICAL TERMS.

Then I observed that in some western countries they have prioritised their own happiness and contentment over that biological survival instinct, so it is a bit more accepted for them to choose not to have children.

As a result, their birthrate is beginning to decrease.

After which, you began to rant about what I dont know.

You must be one of the most intellectually bereft and dense people I have encountered on this site. And the most annoying thing about it is that you keep scraping and scouring the dregs of your unenlightened understanding to quote me and type even more rubbish, none of which has any particular basis.

This is how the government keeps us down in this country, by producing people like you who cant seem to comprehend a simply written piece of scientific speculation

CHoccolaTE:
I asked this question before in another topic and I will ask it again;
What exactly do women gain from marriages apart from escaping societal pressure of getting married and having kids?

Men are the ones prolonging their lineage with marriage and kids,
Men are the ones in charge of whatever homes they set up after marriage, they have control, they have the final say. Everyone submits to them.
Men are the ones who get both a co-breadwinner and lifetime cook, cleaner, sex slave ( trust me many married women lack sexual satisfaction, sex after marriage is mostly for husband's benefit),
Men can even cheat with impunity and have children outside wedlock and go scot free, he basically maintains his freedom to have wanton sex just like when he was a bachelor, and he gets no blame and his wife is advised to stay with him because men are ' naturally polygamous'.


Yet society wants us to believe women benefit more from marriages.


With loss of freedom, loss of former identity ( changing surname even if the man you now bear his name cannot take care of you or provide for you), loss of beauty and youth after having children that belong to another mans lineage and family, horrible unsatisfying sex life in many cases, is forced to overlook cheating husbands behaviour, must balance greatest majority of housework and breadwinning while husband contributes barest minimum to housework. The man might even be jobless but the wife is advised to stay and support her husband and help him grow.

Infact the list of losses is endless.

What a level of intelligence?
I hardly comment on nairaland, but can't hold these words to myself.

MissWrite:
Values are and should always be personal for a person to reap any kind of benefit. Society cannot value something for an individual, it can only value something for itself. A society might value marriage because it helps increase its population while providing structure for its growing members. But it doesn't mean every individual would find satisfaction in being drafted to this cause. Some will, others won't.

People who want to be married, but aren't, would be less happy than they could be after their goals are met. People who don't want to be married, but somehow found themselves hitched, would be less happy than they would have been without the commitment. None of these people would necessarily be miserable, depending on how big of a deal marriage is to the individual. A person's happiness depends on so many factors.

Therefore, a comparison of the happiness of married and unmarried people across the board cannot be used to judge which marital status is more beneficial to people in general. In the end, it comes down to the individual. What would make YOU happy or happIER? We are not in a race, competing for who is happiest. We are just trying to serve ourselves the best way we can. And the fact that single people might occasionally admire a cute family; or that married people occasionally envy the freedom of single people doesn't necessarily mean they chose wrongly. Because afterwards, they realise that they wouldn't have had the lasting desire to make the scenario work for themselves.

Let's just be who we are, and do our heart's conviction. It's the only way to be happy.

Someone had their weetabix this morning... Sense will not kill you

Who really benefits more from marriage?

bukatyne:


How old are you?

no need asking. they are the new generation who like to feel 'woke'. They see an ideology online, they begin to brandish it about.

BRATISLAVA:


But you know it's the truth if not that most men thrive on acting like they're so happy and women are so desperate, when the truth is that all men in Nigeria are looking for someone who will contribute to them and grow their dreams as if the woman has no dreams and ambitions for her own life. Who is helping build her dreams? Then you say women are leeches when you don't let them do their own thing just because they're in a relationship with you. You forced them to follow your dream and build you, otherwise they are not useful.when can she grow as a person if she's committed to your cause? This is a case of using women.
Any woman who can avoid that by staying on her own, and build her own dreams for herself will be much happier because the men appear to be grown babies/burdens.

generalization

babyfaceafrica:
generalization

Painful truth. Even you think those things. Your previous posts say it all

.

Guest007:

Someone had their weetabix this morning... Sense will not kill you

....hey, lovely!

midnighter:


You are just using words without knowing their meaning, keep displaying your ignorance here...dont go and check the dictionary before embarrassing yourself..

Feminism caused evolution... please what are you smoking, let me call ndlea for you

After now they will complain that Buhari didnt answer the question. Simple read and comprehend you cant, just to quote me and be talking off-point

CHoccolaTE:


The only reason women appear to 'want' marriages is because they have a biological need to bear children and they can't do that outside marriage because they and their children will be stigmatized. Many married women are miserable as hell in their marriages, single women are better off than them when it comes to peace of mind.

that is how another silly expert would come out and say drink sniper ones a day it kills cancer, another would say drink a cup of urine daily it makes you last longer in bed take them serious at your own peril

for me I think not all married women find happiness in their marriage but majority do while minority don't

besides take a look at that unmarried independent woman on ur street who is of age n getting old already and tell me if you wish your sister,daughter the kind of life she is living most of them live a pitiable life

the ones wey dey funny pass na dos ones wey dey cut hair, dye am come begin carry some jobless young guys around na dat one dey weak me pass

MissWrite:


....hey, lovely!

Ps... Don't forget to check the other side

Breaststroke:


You're the best

Your comment is the gbamest one on this thread.

I like how you articulated your thoughts/points too.

Do you write in real life?

Aww, shucks.....Thank you!

CHoccolaTE:
Hahahaha

This topic always pains men

Men are such hypocrites.
They go about declaring that they hate marriages
And have no need for it
Marriage is bondage,
Etc etc

But when women open their mouths to say they are happier without marriages just like men they get angry and forcefully insist that women want and desire marriage

Without marriage or without a man?

Duggedised12:
Because of the stigma the Nigerian society attaches to being single or childless

Am telling You and its really sad and getting worse by the day

Makes you wonder why

CHoccolaTE:
Hahahaha

This topic always pains men

Men are such hypocrites.
They go about declaring that they hate marriages
And have no need for it
Marriage is bondage,
Etc etc

But when women open their mouths to say they are happier without marriages just like men they get angry and forcefully insist that women want and desire marriage

They are sad because men have been fighting tooth and nail to convince them that they need marriage

They are sad because of the pressure put on them by society

mankettle:
.
not to join issues with you but I have a lot of guys( Nigeria not foreign) who are single and don't have any intention of marrying soon. these guys are well paid and have good careers.
whereas I also have female friends who also have good jobs etc but are sad because they are not married.
I am not doubting the research done, but I believe the research wasn't carried out in Nigeria and so what applies there may not apply here.