Amarachi, how do you intend to achieve pregnancy with someone that hates your gut? Expectant couples are advised to have sex at so so days with the likely expectation of achieving conception.
Wh at did the hospital said about the condition?
Was he tested also?
Are you staying because he is rich, what people will say or till he infects you with something horrible? He is sowing his wild oats which you know and those wild oats are pressurising him to get the presumed unproductive wildflower out of the house....you also know this.

You are already depressed so think about yourself first. Do not ever allow anyone to make you more miserable regarding a situation beyond your control.

Marriage is like any other business contract, if it is not yielding the needed fruits you expected, kindly leave and find the fruits somewhere else.~~~ religious hoodlums should stay off my mentions~~~~

Weigh your options, there are no children yet. If you want to leave, please leave. Don't die of depression. He is treating you this way because that is who he is and not because you are without a child.

SirVintageCock:
Amarachi, how do you intend to achieve pregnancy with someone that hates your gut? Expectant couples are advised to have sex at so so days with the likely expectation of achieving conception.
Wh at did the hospital said about the condition?
Was he tested also?
Are you staying because he is rich, what people will say or till he infects you with something horrible? He is sowing his wild oats which you know and those wild oats are pressurising him to get the presumed unproductive wildflower out of the house....you also know this.

You are already depressed so think about yourself first. Do not ever allow anyone to make you more miserable regarding a situation beyond your control.

Marriage is like any other business contract, if it is not yielding the needed fruits you expected, kindly leave and find the fruits somewhere else.~~~ religious hoodlums should stay off my mentions~~~~

I agree completely, but I'm also a realist.

This woman is NOT going to leave her husband, if she does she will be blamed for it. Even if he gets his concubines pregnant out there, people will still expect her to stay and 'pray for him'.

I've seen enough of situations like this to know that giving this kind of advice is a complete waste of time.

I just worry about her and the effect of this abuse on her psyche. When she starts displaying her own now the man will begin to act self righteous.

amarachi06:
have been married for 6years without a child. it has been the worst time of My life to be married without a child. Anytime we argue, he will shout at me with scorn and hateful words but he can never speak to his family members that way.
lf l try to talk with him over some issues or advice which will benefit us, he will shot me down, only for us to suffer later.
l have tried to Know my wrong to him but he doesn't wanna tell me.
l am in deep pains cos he has told me "that anytime l want to leave, that am free to do so". On Monday, he came back around 12am, and l was worried till that time. He came back without explaination and l asked him, whether l am that invisible to him, and his reply was "if l am tired, that l should leave". l now replied, "if l have a child, will you send us out?" he didn't say anything but l know that his attitude is cos of that.
The day l had my Last miscarriage was in 2016, and the tears l had in My eyes was not about my baby but knowing that l will Not be loved again by my husband.
l am tired! l almost went Into depression, and sucide, cos of his attitude to me. l don't Know how to handle him, cos my presence irritates him.
Please Sound advice.

you guys should try IVF

UjuJoan2:




I was talking about how women react to being treated badly in the future in the other thread, and most of the people advising her to 'endure' almost jumped me. They claimed I should be advising women to stand up for themselves and yapped about how women had a 'choice'. And here they are saying the exact opposite, confirming what I said initially.

Nigerian women will always be at a disadvantage, no matter how much we try to deny it.

This poster is being abused emotionally by her husband and yet the society expects her to stay. How do you think she will react in the future when she finally becomes a mother and the husband becomes 'nice'. When she realises she now has all the power over her abuser and doesn't have to cower because she now has 'a place' in his home?

Of course she's not thinking 'revenge' now, but she's feeling the resentment and she's feeling helpless about her situation. I doubt if she's going to wave a hand and forget all she's going through now in the future, and live happily ever after with her husband.

When she starts reacting, the man will claim his wife has changed, and these fake people here will support him.

What a joke!

Lol, I think I can read you a little bit
I assumed that was the reason, but needed you to confirm it.

Do you know how many times I opened this thread yesterday, hit reply, and then changed my mind about typing a response to the topic? Probably about three or four times.
I was going to ask how come people are not telling her to leave the man, but something kept telling me to chill a little and not rock the boat before posters will say crackhaus has come again with wahala...then I saw your comment, and I just started laughing my pants off because you were actually 'ranting' my sentiments in a very funny talking-to-yourself fashion.

I don't know what she is still doing there when her husband has told her to scram if she so desires.
This is the self-esteem, confidence, and fvck society ballz I was asking you to tell to your sisters to develop on that other thread, it is very necessary for their own mental health in the long run.

crackhaus:

Lol, I think I can read you a little bit
I assumed that was the reason, but needed you to confirm it.

Do you know how many times I opened this thread yesterday, hit reply, and then changed my mind about typing a response to the topic? Probably about three or four times.
I was going to ask how come people are not telling her to leave the man, but something kept telling me to chill a little and not rock the boat before posters will say crackhaus has come again with wahala...then I saw your comment, and I just started laughing my pants off because you were actually 'ranting' my sentiments in a very funny talking-to-yourself fashion.

I don't know what she is still doing there when her husband has told her to scram if she so desires.
This is the self-esteem, confidence, and fvck society ballz I was asking you to tell to your sisters to develop on that other thread, it is very necessary for their own mental health in the long run.

@bold:

I am not alone after all.

I read some threads, think to myself 'bukatyne you can't deal, this is too damaged' and just exit the thread.

@Self-esteem: I don't know what parents teach their kids. Perhaps, that is why I hate the 'stay for kids' advise. It ruins generations.

And nobody can convince me it is religion and Christian vows of 'till death do you part'. It is not else the men would not be diving out of the marriages or advised to for wives not cooking dinner by 2pm.

@UjuJoan2:
At the end of the day, everyone is responsible for their choices in life.

There is no phantom society that holds people to ransom.

They just lack the will to live life on their own terms.

@amarachi06:

Did you convince your husband to marry you with Pregnancy?

If you didn't, thinking that you will no longer get his love because of your miscarriage is a strange way to think.

Also, that thinking also tells me you somehow gave up after that pregnancy. The question is why?

Did doctors tell you that the 2016 pregnancy was the last you could have? If so why?

From your post, it is also easy to conclude that you are the one with the issues (confirmed from the doctors or something you have done in the past).

Do I think you would leave this marriage? No. However, let me tell you that if a spouse keep insisting that the other should leave, sooner or later the person will.

I have seen marriages 'improve' when the wife has a boy, has the number of kids the husband wants etc. So having babies might most likely make yours bearable.

My advise (this is tailored towards you having your kids):

Go to a fertility clinic and confirm what the problem really is. If possible, take your husband along with you.

They would also give you a treatment plan which you should follow religiously.

If he is not sleeping with you, device a creative means to get his sperm.

You can also explore surrogacy if he is open to it.

Whatever you do, keep your eye on the ball: Having your own babies.

If this marriage fails, adopt!

And bear in mind that he most likely has kids outside if he is fine.

Good luck.

ednut1:
na una dey deceive una self with vow. People marry most times to fulfill rightouesness , children or satisfy parents . Vows mean nothing this days. The man already told her to leave . This na lost battle

It is nor a lost battle until you say it is. You will win, just pray. Tell it to God in prayers .

If he’s asked you to leave repeatedly and you’re still there, know that you’re just married to yourself.
He’s washed his hands off the marriage.

It up to you to decide when enough is enough.

You never know if another man’s seed is what will end up getting you pregnant and you’re there wasting your youth on someone who CLEARY doesn’t want you anymore.

Don’t beg for love.

Katier00:
Weigh your options, there are no children yet. If you want to leave, please leave. Don't die of depression. He is treating you this way because that is who he is and not because you are without a child.

...hey u again, I drive BMW.. ..please can I mate with u only twice?

bukatyne:


@bold:

I am not alone after all.

I read some threads, think to myself 'bukatyne you can't deal, this is too damaged' and just exit the thread.

@Self-esteem: I don't know what parents teach their kids. Perhaps, that is why I hate the 'stay for kids' advise. It ruins generations.

And nobody can convince me it is religion and Christian vows of 'till death do you part'. It is not else the men would not be diving out of the marriages or advised to for wives not cooking dinner by 2pm.

@UjuJoan2:
At the end of the day, everyone is responsible for their choices in life.

There is no phantom society that holds people to ransom.

They just lack the will to live life on their own terms.

@bold, please help me loud it for Uju to hear that one. Society don suffer for things it has no control over when the conversation should be about focusing on the inner strength of women.

If she stays, conceives, and then changes her behaviour later in such a way that she becomes a thorn in the life of her husband as a form of payback, there can be no rationalizing it. That there would be an unbalanced individual with a psychological malformation, not at all a smart person.

This here situation is just plain obvious that she is consciously depressing herself and remaining in a situation where her only lifeline is telling her to die (figuratively) if she wants.
First, she is dealing with the distress of miscarriages and an inability to get pregnant, not to mention the added mental torture she's receiving from the one person who should have been her support system - double jeopardy.

bukatyne:

@UjuJoan2:
At the end of the day, everyone is responsible for their choices in life.

There is no phantom society that holds people to ransom.

They just lack the will to live life on their own terms.

I don't quite agree @bukatyne.

I think people are a mix of nurture and influence. There's no greater influence than the norms of the society you live in. You have to live in Nigeria to fully understand this.

Even women who are brought up to be strong and independent sometimes get pressured into making certain decisions, just to look 'good'.

For you it's clear, you have a choice. For some it's not that straightforward.

I have daughters and I preach self esteem to them, but I worry about the environment they are being raised. Imagine a teacher telling them that Men grow up to become Doctors and women grow up to become Nurses. This teacher is grooming them already for a life of servitude to men, irrespective of what they are truly capable of.

I honestly think it's a hopeless situation.

crackhaus:

This here situation is just plain obvious that she is consciously depressing herself and remaining in a situation where her only lifeline is telling her to die (figuratively) if she wants.
First, she is dealing with the distress of miscarriages and an inability to get pregnant, not to mention the added mental torture she's receiving from the one person who should have been her support system - double jeopardy.


@bold, please help me loud it for Uju to hear that one. Society don suffer for things it has no control over when the conversation should be about focusing on the inner strength women.

If she stays, conceives, and then changes her behaviour later in such a way that she becomes a thorn in the life of her husband as a form of payback, there can be no rationalizing it. That there would be an unbalanced individual with a psychological malformation, not at all a smart person.

Oh she will concieve, and she will change.

Not necessarily to become a thorn, but she will develop a voice and the man is NOT going to like that. And so the troubles will begin.

The foundation of the marriage will determine whether his action is justifiable or not; I mean, if the bond that holds both of you together is egoism, which means the foundation of the marriage is built on materialism/expediency, you shouldn't expect him not to dislike you or expect him to be humane towards you because in this instance it means you aren't useful to him.

However, if the bond that holds both of you together is altruism, which means the foundation of the marriage in built on principle/spiritualism - which I doubt - it means that he's both hypocritical and insane and you should sever from him with alacrity to preserve your sanity.

On a general note, regardless of the kind of bond that holds two of you together, I sympathize with you. You'll definitely have offspring in the not too distant future, keep on doing the needful.

crackhaus:

Lol, I think I can read you a little bit
I assumed that was the reason, but needed you to confirm it.

Do you know how many times I opened this thread yesterday, hit reply, and then changed my mind about typing a response to the topic? Probably about three or four times.
I was going to ask how come people are not telling her to leave the man, but something kept telling me to chill a little and not rock the boat before posters will say crackhaus has come again with wahala...then I saw your comment, and I just started laughing my pants off because you were actually 'ranting' my sentiments in a very funny talking-to-yourself fashion.

I don't know what she is still doing there when her husband has told her to scram if she so desires.
This is the self-esteem, confidence, and fvck society ballz I was asking you to tell to your sisters to develop on that other thread, it is very necessary for their own mental health in the long run.

The shocking irony is that one of the people who was preaching self esteem, voice, choice yen yen yen . . . Is the same person asking her to 'pray'. Such hypocrisy.

The husband asked her to leave, and someone is telling her to stay and pray for him. I can't deal abeg.

UjuJoan2:


I agree completely, but I'm also a realist.

This woman is NOT going to leave her husband, if she does she will be blamed for it. Even if he gets his concubines pregnant out there, people will still expect her to stay and 'pray for him'.

I've seen enough of situations like this to know that giving this kind of advice is a complete waste of time.

I just worry about her and the effect of this abuse on her psyche. When she starts displaying her own now the man will begin to act self righteous.

Of course.
Hypocritical society.
She will stay and may end up worrying and blaming herself to death since as she said " her sisters has uncountable kids too numerous to mention".

Op,I'm concerned about your health.Have you tried to investigate the reason for your miscarriage?Have you run tests and seen specialists?Have you been making efforts to conceive again?

Don't let your hubby continue to treat you this way.You're not the first or only one to be having challenges conceiving.

Get a support system.I don't know what your foundation is but if you both had a marriage with a spiritual foundation,now is the time to build it up.

Ok

Ariza:
Avoid Arguments

Go for medical treatment

Love him Love yourself.

Love yourself more


Love God much more


Pray harder.

That's better.

amarachi06:
have been married for 6years without a child. it has been the worst time of My life to be married without a child. Anytime we argue, he will shout at me with scorn and hateful words but he can never speak to his family members that way.
lf l try to talk with him over some issues or advice which will benefit us, he will shot me down, only for us to suffer later.
l have tried to Know my wrong to him but he doesn't wanna tell me.
l am in deep pains cos he has told me "that anytime l want to leave, that am free to do so". On Monday, he came back around 12am, and l was worried till that time. He came back without explaination and l asked him, whether l am that invisible to him, and his reply was "if l am tired, that l should leave". l now replied, "if l have a child, will you send us out?" he didn't say anything but l know that his attitude is cos of that.
The day l had my Last miscarriage was in 2016, and the tears l had in My eyes was not about my baby but knowing that l will Not be loved again by my husband.
l am tired! l almost went Into depression, and suicide, cos of his attitude to me. l don't know how to handle him, cos my presence irritates him.
Please Sound advice.

If a man's love for you is tied to your childbearing capabilities then I wonder what the essence of marriage is.

What if you were the one telling him he is not a man because he can't provide?


Isn't marriage supposed to be first for companionship before kids. After all, kids will one day leave.

So, when the kids go he would revert back.

Are you sure he hasn't been shooting blanks?

You better learn to love yourself.

If you want to remain in the marriage avoid all kinds of confrontation.


In fact, reduce discussions to the barest minimum. Discuss only when it is necessary. Don't give advice.

Don't even think about kids now. Don't pray for kids now. You know why?

Because you would be wicked and callous to bring an innocent child into such a toxic environment.

Choose your happiness. If you see that you are putting in more into an investment than you are getting out its only a matter of time before the source of that investment dries up.

Stop letting someone else treat you like a doormat. You are another man's treasure.

Someone is praying right now to have a human being like you in their lives. You are special, treat yourself that way.

Amarachi06 send me a mail, I have a gift for you. you will give birth in 2020. all will be fine.

Once you get pregnant everything will change.
It took my friend 10yrs to have a child.
She went through hell that 10yrs....
Anytime she wan begin cry na my phone she de call....
Avoid issues with him he is bitter for not having a child after 6yrs

Madam, why have you not been able to give birth?
Since the last miscarriage, what have you done about it(medically)?
What has your husband done about it too?

What is the reason for the miscarriage? Or miscarriages?

Any medical solution to that?

That is the reason your husband is acting up. You and him should solve that first and if he continues, look at your options.

amarachi06:
have been married for 6years without a child. it has been the worst time of My life to be married without a child. Anytime we argue, he will shout at me with scorn and hateful words but he can never speak to his family members that way.
lf l try to talk with him over some issues or advice which will benefit us, he will shot me down, only for us to suffer later.
l have tried to Know my wrong to him but he doesn't wanna tell me.
l am in deep pains cos he has told me "that anytime l want to leave, that am free to do so". On Monday, he came back around 12am, and l was worried till that time. He came back without explaination and l asked him, whether l am that invisible to him, and his reply was "if l am tired, that l should leave". l now replied, "if l have a child, will you send us out?" he didn't say anything but l know that his attitude is cos of that.
The day l had my Last miscarriage was in 2016, and the tears l had in My eyes was not about my baby but knowing that l will Not be loved again by my husband.
l am tired! l almost went Into depression, and sucide, cos of his attitude to me. l don't Know how to handle him, cos my presence irritates him.
Please Sound advice.

You married quite early, and I can see your marriage was built on an faulty foundation.

He is not doing you a favour by keeping you in his house. I think the medicals have something they call rhesus factor compatibility. Confirm this is not the issue you are having with hubby.

If the issue is from your end alone, then rejoice! You will have a child; I guarantee it. I won't advise you to stay though, at least for now. Take a break for sanity sake.

Your husband married to have children, what did you marry for? It’s important to understand these things. People marry for several reasons and they can’t be vilified for that. To some people, their children are everything.

To be honest, trouble conceiving can put a huge strain on a marriage. But when one starts asking you to leave, you need to consider your options and not take him for granted. When people don’t care whether you are in their life or not, it’s time to make a move before they move you. Also, seek medical advice and medical options.

UjuJoan2:
Pray for him, love him bla bla bla. That's the typical Nigerian advice for women in dysfunctional relationships.

Yet when I say women stay with abusive men for the wrong reasons, People will become all self righteous.

Nonsense!

hanty, but op didn't say she was abused na...


Are you married? I am asking, because you didn't type like you are.

Abfinest007:
find someone he respects n listen let d person talk to him

For how long!
Truth be told....he has fallen out of love with the woman.

Abeg forget all those pray harder gibberish!
Simply put...he's seeing someone else.

amarachi06:
have been married for 6years without a child. it has been the worst time of My life to be married without a child. Anytime we argue, he will shout at me with scorn and hateful words but he can never speak to his family members that way.
lf l try to talk with him over some issues or advice which will benefit us, he will shot me down, only for us to suffer later.
l have tried to Know my wrong to him but he doesn't wanna tell me.
l am in deep pains cos he has told me "that anytime l want to leave, that am free to do so". On Monday, he came back around 12am, and l was worried till that time. He came back without explaination and l asked him, whether l am that invisible to him, and his reply was "if l am tired, that l should leave". l now replied, "if l have a child, will you send us out?" he didn't say anything but l know that his attitude is cos of that.
The day l had my Last miscarriage was in 2016, and the tears l had in My eyes was not about my baby but knowing that l will Not be Louved again by my husband.
l am tired! l almost went Into depression, and sucide, cos of his attitude to me. l don't Know how to handle him, cos my presence irritates him.
Please Sound advice.

You will deliver a child safely and successfully less than one year from this date.

Hope you both have been tested? Make e nor go b say u come dey receive insult for another person wahala. I'm afraid but Africans marry for other things apart from love, that is why when challenges arise, the marriage becomes shaky. We marry for status, sex, beauty, convenience, family pressures etc. We prefer superficial to substance.
Sorry about what you are facing, I pray God gives you guys a child soon. Many people advising you on this forum will suffer the same fate if they are childless for this number of years. It' just a fact, that's how most Africans are.

uboma:




Another senseless advice from a gullible fellow.

I can see the highly sensible advice you gave her as a highly intellectual fellow!
God uses the foolish things of this world to confound wise people like you!
What you know nothing about, it's best to keep quiet about it cos even a fool is considered wise when he is silent!
Please respect yourself!

amarachi06:


Thank you, am crying already. Is well with my soul, never believed that l will not have a child by now. All my sisters are married with kids, and am scared of exchanging words with people for fear of being called a barren woman, and eater of my kids, which l am not. Thank you all for your kind words.

sorry about what you are passing through.. But you have to acquire two qualites FAITH and BELIEF..
Thou its not easy,you will still overcome this current phase in your life!