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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? (58997 Views)
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Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by shugaboy6102(m): 4:34pm On Dec 12, 2019 |
This is my story and I will appreciate if the mods can push it to front page so that others can read and learn from me, and I also need your honest comments and advice because you could be saving a drowning man. I Am 29 years of age, a civil engineer by profession and a sanguine by temperament. Before my youth service @ age 24 I got my girl friend pregnant and I was scared of abortion so we decided to keep the baby with the full support of my mother and she agreed because I was an only son. After that, we proceeded to see her people with my mum and relatives to my girl friends village and we paid something on her head but didn't complete the whole traditional right, but this was not even the traditional wedding proper. After that we saw ourselves as husbands and wife and we were living fine for sometime. After sometime, the relationship took a different turn as we were always fighting and didn't agree on even the slightest matter. I remember vividly one occasion we fought over a female colleague @ work who sent me a whatsapp message and why we fought was that she came to my work place and fought the young lady openly embarrassing me in the process in front of everyone. There were times I would try to reconcile but she would blatantly refused, sometimes she will tell me she is fed up of this thing we call marriage and that she's looking for someone that I too should look for someone else. Fast-forward I met a lady and one thing led to another and I started picking interest in her. It was never my intention to be with another woman but I don't have peace of mind and I feel I am loosing my mind. Note: I haven't wedded in a church before or done a full traditional marriage. Here comes the question: would it be considered a divorce if I quit this union and marry this new lady? I am full of unhappiness and pain and I don't want to live a life of endurance and pity. Pls nobody should pressure you into getting married, marriage is not a license to live a happy life. If you are single, I envy you. 323 Likes 31 Shares |
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by Nobody: 4:39pm On Dec 12, 2019 |
shugaboy6102: @bold You have already answered your own question, haven't you? 266 Likes 6 Shares |
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by xteve(m): 4:56pm On Dec 12, 2019 |
na so this marriage thing be? 130 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by Nobody: 4:57pm On Dec 12, 2019 |
If you must separate, you need to carry the woman along. Both of you should agree on time that it cannot work. 104 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by Teaveapoet(f): 4:59pm On Dec 12, 2019 |
what if i say its too early to think you have met a new person.and what to settle down with her? you say this lady that has a child for you was your girlfriend, definitely things were going well before she got pregnant. why don't you sit her down and counsel her or both of you should meet a counselor or elders in your family. i don't see divorce as an option here and marrying another wife is more like double trouble. 442 Likes 17 Shares |
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by Tallesty1(m): 5:08pm On Dec 12, 2019 |
Am 29 years of age, a civil engineering by profession and a sanguine by temperament.I really want to give you an honest advice but I can't without knowing a little about your wife. You did well with the introduction [@emboldened] and I will like you to do same for your wife. 41 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by shugaboy6102(m): 5:22pm On Dec 12, 2019 |
Really am not talking even based on the new lady I met, what am asking is are we legally married? and if so do we keep enduring each other and for how long. Should I stay with her out of convenience because of what people in my church will say, my neighbours, friends, colleagues etc. Do we keep tolerating when we both know it was out of passion and youthful exuberance that landed us both in this. Oh God help me because my life is in a mess I hope someone understands me 53 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by shugaboy6102(m): 5:24pm On Dec 12, 2019 |
She's 25 now 8 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by thorpido(m): 5:25pm On Dec 12, 2019 |
There was something that attracted her to you before she got pregnant or was it just a booty call? You were sitting together and laughing at a time,I believe.Something went wrong thereafter. Did you lose interest in her?Did you stop giving her attention? I think your wife is frustrated about something.Can you both sit to talk when the atmosphere is right?Can you try to rekindle the flame? If you try and it doesn't work or your heart is really gone from this relationship,then maybe you both have to go separate ways. You are married traditionally and if you want to break it,just ask the elders from her place what it takes to annul such. 58 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by kodix(m): 5:40pm On Dec 12, 2019 |
Are you sure you will survive this mess you're trying to put your self in,you have marry and have a child from your wife and you still want marry again I pity you you're just digging your grave, Pls bend down so that your marriage will work for you, why are you still looking at women while you are married,How sure are you that this second lady will be perfect,! I pity you 133 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by LadySarah: 5:41pm On Dec 12, 2019 |
Nobody is perfect in anyway.While You are having problems with this one,the other one might send You to your grave. I'm not saying You should endure,but to make You understand that You cant Enjoy a person until both of You decide to make it work. Can You guys Go back to the drawing board and find out how and Where things started getting bad. Do You feel You got pressured cos of the baby? Did you love her before? She might be feeling unfulfilled considering taking away her shakara period from her(pregnant at 19). You knocked on the Door and did half rite,You are her husband. 103 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by Amanee(f): 5:52pm On Dec 12, 2019 |
shugaboy6102: You want us to tell you it's okay to meet someone else and leave your wife, that you are not married to her and your unhappiness in the marriage is not a good sign, Right? Wrong. You are married whether you like it or not and you are cheating on your wife. Wake up 159 Likes 7 Shares |
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by Triniti(m): 5:53pm On Dec 12, 2019 |
Try to work on your current marriage, before jumping ship to another one. 43 Likes |
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by kaziblake(f): 5:57pm On Dec 12, 2019 |
shugaboy6102:Just say you are tired of her and wanna be with another woman but know that not all that glitters that are gold 135 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by shugaboy6102(m): 6:07pm On Dec 12, 2019 |
thorpido:I appreciate you lot thanks 5 Likes |
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by Nobody: 6:09pm On Dec 12, 2019 |
shugaboy6102: When you set off without God, you persist and endure without him. If you are truly sorry, put away divorce from your heart, seek him where He may be found, in His Word and incline your mind to do this will and he will order your steps. 96 Likes 8 Shares |
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by shugaboy6102(m): 6:10pm On Dec 12, 2019 |
kodix:thanks alot but honestly it isn't about marrying anybody at all. I only need peace of mind 7 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by Ginaz(f): 6:15pm On Dec 12, 2019 |
Still think more on it. don't rush to that new babe , the grass is not always greener on the other side . When you will have disputes with this new girl , will you jump to another lady? Think carefully please . Perhaps , you and your wife should try to sort things out amicable, take a vacation with her and handle your child to someone who look after . She’s the jealous type for she to fight a lady in your office because of you , and you proved her suspicions right by taking interest in another lady( that’s cheating). Retraced your steps. You are at fault . 87 Likes 7 Shares |
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by addictiv(m): 6:22pm On Dec 12, 2019 |
Oga go home to your wife and work on your union... Stop looking for comfort outside. Decide that you will do what it takes to create a good relationship and healthy atmosphere with your wife and commit to making it happen. 68 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by Hardrive(m): 6:36pm On Dec 12, 2019 |
My advice is for you to enjoy your life. You dont need marriage, whether now or in the future. Just make enough money to take care of your child and yourself. As for relationship, every man will eventually lose interest in a woman after sometime. So dont rush or over commit yourself with the new woman. 27 Likes 5 Shares |
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by fatymore(f): 6:54pm On Dec 12, 2019 |
Guys are the same. Once you see a new lady like this, the old one becomes a witch ![]() Leave her now and think you will enjoy the new marriage. Instead of you to work on your marriage and do the right thing.. 71 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by Nobody: 6:56pm On Dec 12, 2019 |
Why didn't you complete the marriage rite, that alone breeds issue. That might even be the source of the whole drama your wife is playing out! I wish you well. 62 Likes |
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by Rubbiish(m): 7:22pm On Dec 12, 2019 |
shugaboy6102:If the above statement is true, why do u want to rush into another one? Will the world end if u give yourself some time to think this proper? U people never learn... 67 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by Rubbiish(m): 7:25pm On Dec 12, 2019 |
shugaboy6102:When did u meet the new lady? I am suspecting something 8 Likes |
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by Nobody: 7:29pm On Dec 12, 2019 |
Teaveapoet: I am not being liberated and all. But I have to say something. Please let us all stop selling and propagating the narrative that divorce is not an option It has killed many, men and women Nobody deserves to be in a union where they are really unhappy Divorce is one of the options in a marriage’s life time or cycle Dear OP, to you and every one who might be in a similar situation, divorce is an option God does not want you trapped and unhappy, always remember this Blessings 42 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by Nobody: 7:30pm On Dec 12, 2019 |
thorpido: Absolutely true 6 Likes |
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by Teaveapoet(f): 7:31pm On Dec 12, 2019 |
merahki: |
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by Nobody: 7:32pm On Dec 12, 2019 |
Guy thinks they are not legally married That's why he don't want to work on his union( since he don't see it as marriage ![]() He told us he is a sanguine. He started with that. We know who sanguine are. They are a natural flirt. They hardly last long in one relationship. U paid the bride price so yes, u are legally married. Wedding, traditional marriage, outing o, whatever they are called are attached to this. I won't be surprised if the lady in question come here to burst your bubble. Let her go. She will get a man that she will be the Apple of his eyes. U are definitely not that man .U got closer to her because of the pregnancy and nothing more. 64 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by Efewestern: 7:35pm On Dec 12, 2019 |
shugaboy6102: Yes, you guys are married provided you did some traditional rites. Sit your wife down and talk to her, this new lady might be worst, I think you guys lack proper communication. 31 Likes |
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by Nobody: 7:37pm On Dec 12, 2019 |
Tosinex: The guy want the child not the mother. That she is living with him without the marriage rite complete will make her doubt him and his so called love. So it's better for her to go her way than stay in a disastrous union. Oga, go and enjoy your new catch. She will end the same way as the first. But one day u will meet one who will show u pepper. 41 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by Kendumazy(m): 7:39pm On Dec 12, 2019 |
Hmmm |
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by bukatyne(f): 7:51pm On Dec 12, 2019 |
shugaboy6102: @shugaboy6102: You are 29 and she is 25. That means you got her pregnant while you were 24 and she was 19. What stage was she at 19? What were her dreams before the pregnancy? How has she improved? Done with school, working etc? You have repeatedly downplayed the martial rites you did her and I am sure when you have issues, you tell her same thing too. The fact you are asking if you are married means you did not consider yourself married and committed to her. Probably you see her as a baby mama and treat her as such. Solution: Drop the handbag you have acquired and work on your marriage. That passion & fire that made you marry her at 24 must be deeper than what you discard. An average 24yr & 19yr old couple would have done an abortion. 93 Likes 3 Shares |
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