dannyla:
I pray for wisdom because when you're in a predicament, you find it hard to think well so I appreciate everyone who helped/is helping me think. Thanks for the contributions and advices, both the kind and angry sounding ones. I appreciate the time and effort.

I'll find a way to quietly walk away from him.

Did yo notice that it is mostly ladies, that are advicing you to WALK AWAY from him, calling him all sort of names and warning you of impending danger, if you continue with him? WHY IS THAT? is it that Women love themselves more (and the Men are dumb) or Women hate to see one of their succeed in marriage? Do they sound like that your friend called "Grace", or not?
Reflect for a minute,, over this situation.

You said this man loves you to a fault (your own words).
You attributed the rancour between both of you to misinformation from your Friend "Grace" and some other people running you down, with him.
- What l can infer from these is that your differences (things that causes fight) are EXTERNAL to both of you mostly.
So, can you work on those external factors and remove most of them?

He seems to be the "jealous type" (some call it "insecure" but l bet that nobody feels insecure, over something they dont cherish, so it can be a good thing, if properly harnessed).
Why cant you, for the sake of your "fragile relationship" (if it is that important to you), make effort to cut-off those people, especially those predator-men he does not like seeing in your company or with your, making amorous advances at you?
There is no smoke, without fire and most men know that women are only as strong as when there no "cunnyingly desperate man trying to raise their skirt! It is better you dont expose your wife to these "predator-men" than bank on her ability to withstand their advances.

I do tell my wife that no woman can ressist me, if l am really bent on having her but l have decided to remain faithful to my wife, because l am certain she is faithful to me and as a matter of Policy, my respect for another man will not let me do any married woman, God forbid.
But l will not allow another man to share a hotel room overnight with my wife, claiming they are work-buddies.
Mbaanu, l nor dey take such risk, call me insecure, if you like. I odnt use my nose to sniff what l know l wont eat.

Maybe your man is just like that, someone who does not like to "risk" his future wife, in the compnay of randy men (Some women even claim such men used jazz on them, when they eventually fall for him! Maybe true, maybe not, but the damage is already done!).
Why dont you just agree with his way, stay away from rolling with such men (by chat, text or phone-calls) and let him verify such, to build confidence in yoru relationship?

Now, l dont like when things get to the point where the man has to raise his hand, it is a sig that you have both hit rock-bottom.
He abuses you and you insult him back in return, that much is evident from your post but do you know that "when the sea is trough, you cannot paddle your canoe roughly at the same time"? (Proverb!).
For any relationship to work, bith parties cant be "fire-for-fire" at the same time.
The "weaker" person has to calm down and stay calm, when tempers are boiling or ONE PERSON has to be the SHEEP (quiet, not insutling and calm) when the other is playing the GOAT (Angry, insutling and in fits!).
This is the secret of a successful marriage. Subdued Ego.

And yes, some men are temperamental (like me) but my beautiful wife has so much sense in managing my temper that we have never had any physical fight for decades. She knows when l am Goat and my Goat knows to apologise when he is wrong, thereafter.

I counsel young families, especially newly married and the golden advice l give the wife is "manage yoru husband, like you will manage a business you want to be successful, despite all the challenges".
And l tell the husband, love your wife, respect her and be her husband and Daddy. It works a lot.

Finally, your relationship has all the ingredients of being successful, you just need to set your priorities right, avoid the "GRACES" in your life, be less combative in the relationship when their is an arguement and communicate more openly with your Man.

But if you want to walk-away, its your choice, you may or may not be that lucky to find someone who "loves you to a fault", that is the most difficult part of any relationship because after all the "Raggae" of courtship, comes the stark "Blues" of staying married..... and it is love that sustains it thereafter because there will certainly be challenges, lots of challenges in the first five years of marriage.

And Sister "Grace" is waiting in the wings, anyway.

Wish you the best.

dannyla:


I really regret opening up to him. I may never be able to open up to a man again

That's a wrong generalization, not all men are this crazy..... Reading what you went through and still staying with him is really shocking.
I know you have a lot of fears, like maybe you might not find someone like him (for some personal reason), but your peace of mind should be your topmost priority.
With what you've written so far, I just don't see anyhow he will change when you guys get married. He will only get worse.

franciskaine:
wisdom oozes all over you. Best regards!

Thank you

dannyla:
I opened a new account to remain anonymous.
This story is a bit long but pls bear with me.

I met this man almost 2yrs ago at an event a friend invited me to. The next week, he collected my number from my friend and called me, we began talking from there and agreed to go on a date. He proposed marriage to me on the first date which I rejected. I told him that I can't marry outside my church and from the little I've heard from him, our life dreams differ. I decided to cut him off from that day and I stayed away for about 3months. Meanwhile he got my friend to introduce him to my sis, mum and another friend who happened to be from his place, I'll call her Grace.
He made them all aware of his intent towards me and my stand and asked for their help to change my mind. Grace became his biggest ally and convinced me to have another date. He asked that we date for a while and see if we can work out our differences. During the date I noticed he has a very hot and quick temper and he listens to gossip a lot so I do tell Gracethat I don't see a future with him but he was too persistent, Grace always had words of encouragement and considering the fact that for some strange reason, it was mainly married men always approach me for a relationship with stories of how they got married to a wrong woman and they are or are almost divorced, dating a single man with no kids was very tempting and I decided to give it a try.

He asked me to tell him everything about me so there are no secrets between us and I did. Starting from secondary school to that day, I told him everything, from my first kiss, the colleague who tried to rape me, my ex who lied about his marital status and disvirgined me etc. he did the same too and I felt a burden roll off my shoulder.

Few days later I began to notice changes in him especially towards my business. I thrive in a male dominated industry in a ratio of 9men to 1woman. He asked me to show him the pictures of my colleagues which I did, he also asked if they make passes at me which I said is almost inevitable but my boundaries are clear and rigid.

Fast forward to now. I noticed that whenever I drop my phone, he goes through it. Facebook, sms, WhatsApp etc. He even picks my call when I'm not close to the phone. He asked me about a certain colleague who cracks dirty jokes like how I rushed to get married (I told him I'm already married). I didn't think much about it.

He later began to complain about my partners and how I'm sleeping with them like the prostitute I am, called me an unrepentant liar, unsubmisive, manipulating etc. Said he regrets asking for my hand at all and he's just waiting forthe day he'll catch me redhanded so he can dump my sorry a*s.
I told him to end it now cus I'm fed up, family came in and I later found out that Grace has been telling a lot of lies against hoping to get him for herself as well as hate filled advises from some aggrieved friends who felt ladies from my tribe are no good and just there to "chop money". Apologies were said and received and we continued.

Another time I visited him and we had an argument, he gave me several heavy knocks on my head and I developed a headache and began to insult him which resultedin more heavy knocks. I broke up with him and left. Later my mum called him to ask why he laid his hands on me, he denied it swearing with his life. Said I insulted him and he lost his temper and insulted me back that he's sorry. He began to drop messages everywhere and I eventually gave in.

3rd incident happened on our way back from an event. He saw a message from a colleague he told me to stop doing business with cus he feels the man has his eyes on me which is totally not true. He flared up, stopped the car and was even threatening to beat me up. I came down from his car and stood by the roadside. He came down too and gave me the insult of my life in full public view and glare and told me to enter the car which I refused. I had no money on me and had to beg a stranger for money. By that time he was coming back, he quickly took a picture of both of us and sent it to everybody of how he caught me in the act with my lover on the road. He called me and said that if he must marry me, I must break my business sim card and look for a wife friendly occupation or sit at home.

He later apologised over it. Meanwhile he and my sis don't flow as before as he once called her a prostitute.

I want to call it quits but everyone around me feels it's a mistake and he is saying everything out of anger and if I'm patient enough, he will change completely.

I must admit that he has changed alot since we met but the progress compared to the timeframe and the heat I face everyday is nothing to write home about.

He loves me to a fault and I don't know if I can find someone who loves me like him but his other attitude is sniffing life out of me. Do I stay or quit?
Thanks for reading and pardon any typos

ooohhhhh....this lady lacks self esteem and self love. He loves u to a fault cos he gives u everything u want and he begs u whenever he offends u abi? Or cos he was persistent in wooing u? Even the devil will never give up wooing humans until the day he will b cast into d bottomless pit.U don’t know wat love means. If u knew, u would know u deserve better. Pls rethink ur stand and seek prayers.

Brightgem:
Herein are amongst the few who still speak and type well. With logic and wisdom.
This comment be giving me oxygen. Plus I am guessing you are Muslim. The manner of speech?

But why just joining Nairaland. This place needed your likes long ago.

Welldone for a well delivered comment. The OP can find all answers here. The signs are glaring.

Thanks for your compliments. And yeah, you guessed well I'm Muslim.

bukatyne:


What is your definition of love?

The question is do you love yourself?

You didn’t have to quote the lengthy post . Come on!

Did I just see Knocks ? I'm dying

bukatyne:


What is your definition of love?

The question is do you love yourself?

I have a feeling that Dannyla's definition of love is: "he gives me a lot of money and gifts"

poshestmina:
Those are signs of a narcissist.
Manipulative, controlling souls.

I personally can't stand people who do wrong and turn around to play the victim

He already called your sister a prostitute?
Wait till when he beats up your mum .

Absolutely right. Dear OP, RUN..

He loves you but he beats you. Hahahahha. Eran iya ni e

Sister ! Runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn, just kep runing and never look back

dannyla:
I opened a new account to remain anonymous.
This story is a bit long but pls bear with me.

I met this man almost 2yrs ago at an event a friend invited me to. The next week, he collected my number from my friend and called me, we began talking from there and agreed to go on a date. He proposed marriage to me on the first date which I rejected. I told him that I can't marry outside my church and from the little I've heard from him, our life dreams differ. I decided to cut him off from that day and I stayed away for about 3months. Meanwhile he got my friend to introduce him to my sis, mum and another friend who happened to be from his place, I'll call her Grace.
He made them all aware of his intent towards me and my stand and asked for their help to change my mind. Grace became his biggest ally and convinced me to have another date. He asked that we date for a while and see if we can work out our differences. During the date I noticed he has a very hot and quick temper and he listens to gossip a lot so I do tell Gracethat I don't see a future with him but he was too persistent, Grace always had words of encouragement and considering the fact that for some strange reason, it was mainly married men always approach me for a relationship with stories of how they got married to a wrong woman and they are or are almost divorced, dating a single man with no kids was very tempting and I decided to give it a try.

He asked me to tell him everything about me so there are no secrets between us and I did. Starting from secondary school to that day, I told him everything, from my first kiss, the colleague who tried to rape me, my ex who lied about his marital status and disvirgined me etc. he did the same too and I felt a burden roll off my shoulder.

Few days later I began to notice changes in him especially towards my business. I thrive in a male dominated industry in a ratio of 9men to 1woman. He asked me to show him the pictures of my colleagues which I did, he also asked if they make passes at me which I said is almost inevitable but my boundaries are clear and rigid.

Fast forward to now. I noticed that whenever I drop my phone, he goes through it. Facebook, sms, WhatsApp etc. He even picks my call when I'm not close to the phone. He asked me about a certain colleague who cracks dirty jokes like how I rushed to get married (I told him I'm already married). I didn't think much about it.

He later began to complain about my partners and how I'm sleeping with them like the prostitute I am, called me an unrepentant liar, unsubmisive, manipulating etc. Said he regrets asking for my hand at all and he's just waiting forthe day he'll catch me redhanded so he can dump my sorry a*s.
I told him to end it now cus I'm fed up, family came in and I later found out that Grace has been telling a lot of lies against hoping to get him for herself as well as hate filled advises from some aggrieved friends who felt ladies from my tribe are no good and just there to "chop money". Apologies were said and received and we continued.

Another time I visited him and we had an argument, he gave me several heavy knocks on my head and I developed a headache and began to insult him which resultedin more heavy knocks. I broke up with him and left. Later my mum called him to ask why he laid his hands on me, he denied it swearing with his life. Said I insulted him and he lost his temper and insulted me back that he's sorry. He began to drop messages everywhere and I eventually gave in.

3rd incident happened on our way back from an event. He saw a message from a colleague he told me to stop doing business with cus he feels the man has his eyes on me which is totally not true. He flared up, stopped the car and was even threatening to beat me up. I came down from his car and stood by the roadside. He came down too and gave me the insult of my life in full public view and glare and told me to enter the car which I refused. I had no money on me and had to beg a stranger for money. By that time he was coming back, he quickly took a picture of both of us and sent it to everybody of how he caught me in the act with my lover on the road. He called me and said that if he must marry me, I must break my business sim card and look for a wife friendly occupation or sit at home.

He later apologised over it. Meanwhile he and my sis don't flow as before as he once called her a prostitute.

I want to call it quits but everyone around me feels it's a mistake and he is saying everything out of anger and if I'm patient enough, he will change completely.

I must admit that he has changed alot since we met but the progress compared to the timeframe and the heat I face everyday is nothing to write home about.

He loves me to a fault and I don't know if I can find someone who loves me like him but his other attitude is sniffing life out of me. Do I stay or quit?
Thanks for reading and pardon any typos

dannyla:
I opened a new account to remain anonymous.
This story is a bit long but pls bear with me.

I met this man almost 2yrs ago at an event a friend invited me to. The next week, he collected my number from my friend and called me, we began talking from there and agreed to go on a date. He proposed marriage to me on the first date which I rejected. I told him that I can't marry outside my church and from the little I've heard from him, our life dreams differ. I decided to cut him off from that day and I stayed away for about 3months. Meanwhile he got my friend to introduce him to my sis, mum and another friend who happened to be from his place, I'll call her Grace.
He made them all aware of his intent towards me and my stand and asked for their help to change my mind. Grace became his biggest ally and convinced me to have another date. He asked that we date for a while and see if we can work out our differences. During the date I noticed he has a very hot and quick temper and he listens to gossip a lot so I do tell Gracethat I don't see a future with him but he was too persistent, Grace always had words of encouragement and considering the fact that for some strange reason, it was mainly married men always approach me for a relationship with stories of how they got married to a wrong woman and they are or are almost divorced, dating a single man with no kids was very tempting and I decided to give it a try.

He asked me to tell him everything about me so there are no secrets between us and I did. Starting from secondary school to that day, I told him everything, from my first kiss, the colleague who tried to rape me, my ex who lied about his marital status and disvirgined me etc. he did the same too and I felt a burden roll off my shoulder.

Few days later I began to notice changes in him especially towards my business. I thrive in a male dominated industry in a ratio of 9men to 1woman. He asked me to show him the pictures of my colleagues which I did, he also asked if they make passes at me which I said is almost inevitable but my boundaries are clear and rigid.

Fast forward to now. I noticed that whenever I drop my phone, he goes through it. Facebook, sms, WhatsApp etc. He even picks my call when I'm not close to the phone. He asked me about a certain colleague who cracks dirty jokes like how I rushed to get married (I told him I'm already married). I didn't think much about it.

He later began to complain about my partners and how I'm sleeping with them like the prostitute I am, called me an unrepentant liar, unsubmisive, manipulating etc. Said he regrets asking for my hand at all and he's just waiting forthe day he'll catch me redhanded so he can dump my sorry a*s.
I told him to end it now cus I'm fed up, family came in and I later found out that Grace has been telling a lot of lies against hoping to get him for herself as well as hate filled advises from some aggrieved friends who felt ladies from my tribe are no good and just there to "chop money". Apologies were said and received and we continued.

Another time I visited him and we had an argument, he gave me several heavy knocks on my head and I developed a headache and began to insult him which resultedin more heavy knocks. I broke up with him and left. Later my mum called him to ask why he laid his hands on me, he denied it swearing with his life. Said I insulted him and he lost his temper and insulted me back that he's sorry. He began to drop messages everywhere and I eventually gave in.

3rd incident happened on our way back from an event. He saw a message from a colleague he told me to stop doing business with cus he feels the man has his eyes on me which is totally not true. He flared up, stopped the car and was even threatening to beat me up. I came down from his car and stood by the roadside. He came down too and gave me the insult of my life in full public view and glare and told me to enter the car which I refused. I had no money on me and had to beg a stranger for money. By that time he was coming back, he quickly took a picture of both of us and sent it to everybody of how he caught me in the act with my lover on the road. He called me and said that if he must marry me, I must break my business sim card and look for a wife friendly occupation or sit at home.

He later apologised over it. Meanwhile he and my sis don't flow as before as he once called her a prostitute.

I want to call it quits but everyone around me feels it's a mistake and he is saying everything out of anger and if I'm patient enough, he will change completely.

I must admit that he has changed alot since we met but the progress compared to the timeframe and the heat I face everyday is nothing to write home about.

He loves me to a fault and I don't know if I can find someone who loves me like him but his other attitude is sniffing life out of me. Do I stay or quit?
Thanks for reading and pardon any typos

Sometimes I can only but wonder why women love and endure torture. It shocks the living daylight out of me.
1st of all, this guy is a man-child, he is too petty and insecure. The most important thing for him right now is to grow up and not marry, which unfortunately he is using you as a test object. He won't marry you, you're only making him better for his future wife. So just cut your loses and run for your life, before he turns full Anthony Joshua on your azz.
Then freaking love yourself, he sees you need a male figure and love in your life and he is taking full advantage of that weakness to manipulate you. Better be single happy and satisfied than married and miserable.

[quote author=dannyla post=84954899]I opened a new account to remain anonymous.
This story is a bit long but pls bear with me.

I met this man almost 2yrs ago at an event a friend invited me to. The next week, he collected my number from my friend and called me, we began talking from there and agreed to go on a date. He proposed marriage to me on the first date which I rejected. I told him that I can't marry outside my church and from the little I've heard from him, our life dreams differ. I decided to cut him off from that day and I stayed away for about 3months. Meanwhile he got my friend to introduce him to my sis, mum and another friend who happened to be from his place, I'll call her Grace.
He made them all aware of his intent towards me and my stand and asked for their help to change my mind. Grace became his biggest ally and convinced me to have another date. He asked that we date for a while and see if we can work out our differences. During the date I noticed he has a very hot and quick temper and he listens to gossip a lot so I do tell Gracethat I don't see a future with him but he was too persistent, Grace always had words of encouragement and considering the fact that for some strange reason, it was mainly married men always approach me for a relationship with stories of how they got married to a wrong woman and they are or are almost divorced, dating a single man with no kids was very tempting and I decided to give it a try.

He asked me to tell him everything about me so there are no secrets between us and I did. Starting from secondary school to that day, I told him everything, from my first kiss, the colleague who tried to rape me, my ex who lied about his marital status and disvirgined me etc. he did the same too and I felt a burden roll off my shoulder.

Few days later I began to notice changes in him especially towards my business. I thrive in a male dominated industry in a ratio of 9men to 1woman. He asked me to show him the pictures of my colleagues which I did, he also asked if they make passes at me which I said is almost inevitable but my boundaries are clear and rigid.

Fast forward to now. I noticed that whenever I drop my phone, he goes through it. Facebook, sms, WhatsApp etc. He even picks my call when I'm not close to the phone. He asked me about a certain colleague who cracks dirty jokes like how I rushed to get married (I told him I'm already married). I didn't think much about it.

He later began to complain about my partners and how I'm sleeping with them like the prostitute I am, called me an unrepentant liar, unsubmisive, manipulating etc. Said he regrets asking for my hand at all and he's just waiting forthe day he'll catch me redhanded so he can dump my sorry a*s.
I told him to end it now cus I'm fed up, family came in and I later found out that Grace has been telling a lot of lies against hoping to get him for herself as well as hate filled advises from some aggrieved friends who felt ladies from my tribe are no good and just there to "chop money". Apologies were said and received and we continued.

Another time I visited him and we had an argument, he gave me several heavy knocks on my head and I developed a headache and began to insult him which resultedin more heavy knocks. I broke up with him and left. Later my mum called him to ask why he laid his hands on me, he denied it swearing with his life. Said I insulted him and he lost his temper and insulted me back that he's sorry. He began to drop messages everywhere and I eventually gave in.

3rd incident happened on our way back from an event. He saw a message from a colleague he told me to stop doing business with cus he feels the man has his eyes on me which is totally not true. He flared up, stopped the car and was even threatening to beat me up. I came down from his car and stood by the roadside. He came down too and gave me the insult of my life in full public view and glare and told me to enter the car which I refused. I had no money on me and had to beg a stranger for money. By that time he was coming back, he quickly took a picture of both of us and sent it to everybody of how he caught me in the act with my lover on the road. He called me and said that if he must marry me, I must break my business sim card and look for a wife friendly occupation or sit at home.

He later apologised over it. Meanwhile he and my sis don't flow as before as he once called her a prostitute.

I want to call it quits but everyone around me feels it's a mistake and he is saying everything out of anger and if I'm patient enough, he will change completely.

I must admit that he has changed alot since we met but the progress compared to the timeframe and the heat I face everyday is nothing to write home about.

He loves me to a fault and I don't know if I can find someone who loves me like him but his other attitude is sniffing life out of me.
The man over love you

Lady if everything is really like you have said and you have added no Maggie, spices and others to make it delicious in your favour, you need to THINK very CAREFULLY about it.

Are you like much over 30? Why are your family members urging you to continue with this guy?

dannyla:
I opened a new account to remain anonymous.
This story is a bit long but pls bear with me.

I met this man almost 2yrs ago at an event a friend invited me to. The next week, he collected my number from my friend and called me, we began talking from there and agreed to go on a date. He proposed marriage to me on the first date which I rejected. I told him that I can't marry outside my church and from the little I've heard from him, our life dreams differ. I decided to cut him off from that day and I stayed away for about 3months. Meanwhile he got my friend to introduce him to my sis, mum and another friend who happened to be from his place, I'll call her Grace.
He made them all aware of his intent towards me and my stand and asked for their help to change my mind. Grace became his biggest ally and convinced me to have another date. He asked that we date for a while and see if we can work out our differences. During the date I noticed he has a very hot and quick temper and he listens to gossip a lot so I do tell Gracethat I don't see a future with him but he was too persistent, Grace always had words of encouragement and considering the fact that for some strange reason, it was mainly married men always approach me for a relationship with stories of how they got married to a wrong woman and they are or are almost divorced, dating a single man with no kids was very tempting and I decided to give it a try.

He asked me to tell him everything about me so there are no secrets between us and I did. Starting from secondary school to that day, I told him everything, from my first kiss, the colleague who tried to rape me, my ex who lied about his marital status and disvirgined me etc. he did the same too and I felt a burden roll off my shoulder.

Few days later I began to notice changes in him especially towards my business. I thrive in a male dominated industry in a ratio of 9men to 1woman. He asked me to show him the pictures of my colleagues which I did, he also asked if they make passes at me which I said is almost inevitable but my boundaries are clear and rigid.

Fast forward to now. I noticed that whenever I drop my phone, he goes through it. Facebook, sms, WhatsApp etc. He even picks my call when I'm not close to the phone. He asked me about a certain colleague who cracks dirty jokes like how I rushed to get married (I told him I'm already married). I didn't think much about it.

He later began to complain about my partners and how I'm sleeping with them like the prostitute I am, called me an unrepentant liar, unsubmisive, manipulating etc. Said he regrets asking for my hand at all and he's just waiting forthe day he'll catch me redhanded so he can dump my sorry a*s.
I told him to end it now cus I'm fed up, family came in and I later found out that Grace has been telling a lot of lies against hoping to get him for herself as well as hate filled advises from some aggrieved friends who felt ladies from my tribe are no good and just there to "chop money". Apologies were said and received and we continued.

Another time I visited him and we had an argument, he gave me several heavy knocks on my head and I developed a headache and began to insult him which resultedin more heavy knocks. I broke up with him and left. Later my mum called him to ask why he laid his hands on me, he denied it swearing with his life. Said I insulted him and he lost his temper and insulted me back that he's sorry. He began to drop messages everywhere and I eventually gave in.

3rd incident happened on our way back from an event. He saw a message from a colleague he told me to stop doing business with cus he feels the man has his eyes on me which is totally not true. He flared up, stopped the car and was even threatening to beat me up. I came down from his car and stood by the roadside. He came down too and gave me the insult of my life in full public view and glare and told me to enter the car which I refused. I had no money on me and had to beg a stranger for money. By that time he was coming back, he quickly took a picture of both of us and sent it to everybody of how he caught me in the act with my lover on the road. He called me and said that if he must marry me, I must break my business sim card and look for a wife friendly occupation or sit at home.

He later apologised over it. Meanwhile he and my sis don't flow as before as he once called her a prostitute.

I want to call it quits but everyone around me feels it's a mistake and he is saying everything out of anger and if I'm patient enough, he will change completely.

I must admit that he has changed alot since we met but the progress compared to the timeframe and the heat I face everyday is nothing to write home about.

He loves me to a fault and I don't know if I can find someone who loves me like him but his other attitude is sniffing life out of me. Do I stay or quit?
Thanks for reading and pardon any typos

please marry him sisi lover.Ask yourself will i allow my daughter marry that kind of man do i want to raise kids with that kind of attitude too.. aunt marlian you better start singing Japaa japa

dannyla:


Hmmmm,
My mom was deflowered by a rapist and all she ever asked of me was to get married as a virgin. Till today, she doesn't know that I was raped too. She once told me she will die a sad woman if I don't keep her request. My father died when I was a girl. My mother sold her clothes to raise us.
If I leave, he'll tell her I'm not a virgin anymore and she will never have that peace she has now. I can't watch my mum suffer for something she didn't do. My mum once used to be hypertensive. What if it comes back due to shock? My aunt used to mock my mom over the rape before our very eyes and my mum simply told her that one wasn't her fault but her children will marry honourably. My mother's pride is the reason I let the rapist walk free. This man knows and will tell everyone.

I'm not yet strong enough to relocate us very far away or foot any drastic bill. That's a major reason I've been tolerating. The advise from those around me doesn't help either. That's why I seek public opinion

I feel you but please be strong, don’t let him hold you to ransome because of this.

If you can, break the news to your mum before he does.
Trust me it’s better , coming from you than from an outsider who really wants to use a privileged info against you,

See forget ooh, your own peace matters too.
Even the Bible says love your Neighbour as thyself. That means you must love yourself first before loving your Neighbour.
You can only love your Neighbour to the extent you love yourself.


Don’t be caged because of your fears.

dannyla:
I opened a new account to remain anonymous.
This story is a bit long but pls bear with me.

I met this man almost 2yrs ago at an event a friend invited me to. The next week, he collected my number from my friend and called me, we began talking from there and agreed to go on a date. He proposed marriage to me on the first date which I rejected. I told him that I can't marry outside my church and from the little I've heard from him, our life dreams differ. I decided to cut him off from that day and I stayed away for about 3months. Meanwhile he got my friend to introduce him to my sis, mum and another friend who happened to be from his place, I'll call her Grace.
He made them all aware of his intent towards me and my stand and asked for their help to change my mind. Grace became his biggest ally and convinced me to have another date. He asked that we date for a while and see if we can work out our differences. During the date I noticed he has a very hot and quick temper and he listens to gossip a lot so I do tell Gracethat I don't see a future with him but he was too persistent, Grace always had words of encouragement and considering the fact that for some strange reason, it was mainly married men always approach me for a relationship with stories of how they got married to a wrong woman and they are or are almost divorced, dating a single man with no kids was very tempting and I decided to give it a try.

He asked me to tell him everything about me so there are no secrets between us and I did. Starting from secondary school to that day, I told him everything, from my first kiss, the colleague who tried to rape me, my ex who lied about his marital status and disvirgined me etc. he did the same too and I felt a burden roll off my shoulder.

Few days later I began to notice changes in him especially towards my business. I thrive in a male dominated industry in a ratio of 9men to 1woman. He asked me to show him the pictures of my colleagues which I did, he also asked if they make passes at me which I said is almost inevitable but my boundaries are clear and rigid.

Fast forward to now. I noticed that whenever I drop my phone, he goes through it. Facebook, sms, WhatsApp etc. He even picks my call when I'm not close to the phone. He asked me about a certain colleague who cracks dirty jokes like how I rushed to get married (I told him I'm already married). I didn't think much about it.

He later began to complain about my partners and how I'm sleeping with them like the prostitute I am, called me an unrepentant liar, unsubmisive, manipulating etc. Said he regrets asking for my hand at all and he's just waiting forthe day he'll catch me redhanded so he can dump my sorry a*s.
I told him to end it now cus I'm fed up, family came in and I later found out that Grace has been telling a lot of lies against hoping to get him for herself as well as hate filled advises from some aggrieved friends who felt ladies from my tribe are no good and just there to "chop money". Apologies were said and received and we continued.

Another time I visited him and we had an argument, he gave me several heavy knocks on my head and I developed a headache and began to insult him which resultedin more heavy knocks. I broke up with him and left. Later my mum called him to ask why he laid his hands on me, he denied it swearing with his life. Said I insulted him and he lost his temper and insulted me back that he's sorry. He began to drop messages everywhere and I eventually gave in.

3rd incident happened on our way back from an event. He saw a message from a colleague he told me to stop doing business with cus he feels the man has his eyes on me which is totally not true. He flared up, stopped the car and was even threatening to beat me up. I came down from his car and stood by the roadside. He came down too and gave me the insult of my life in full public view and glare and told me to enter the car which I refused. I had no money on me and had to beg a stranger for money. By that time he was coming back, he quickly took a picture of both of us and sent it to everybody of how he caught me in the act with my lover on the road. He called me and said that if he must marry me, I must break my business sim card and look for a wife friendly occupation or sit at home.

He later apologised over it. Meanwhile he and my sis don't flow as before as he once called her a prostitute.

I want to call it quits but everyone around me feels it's a mistake and he is saying everything out of anger and if I'm patient enough, he will change completely.

I must admit that he has changed alot since we met but the progress compared to the timeframe and the heat I face everyday is nothing to write home about.

He loves me to a fault and I don't know if I can find someone who loves me like him but his other attitude is sniffing life out of me. Do I stay or quit?
Thanks for reading and pardon any typos

. Come and marry me for free.....� ,

faithfull18:

Oh God, I have come to observe that most partners do not like someone who comes clean with them.

They most times use it against you.

That is not true!
The problem is that thsoe who come clean, still try ot play it the way they played it in the past.
That hurts even more, than someone who did not come clean.
Most people who come clean, do so to make the other person let-down their guard!

Its like confessing you wer a thief and now repented. The Brothers accepted you with all their heart, only to discover you have been stealing from them like Judas!
How do you think their hatred will not be too fold?
For someone who did not come clean, your 'guards' are always up and ready for 'any eventuality'.
For someone that comes clean, you let your guards down...and that is why their hurt can be very deep and painful.

Yes, dont come clean, if you know you are not going to change your ways.
It is the worst form of deception, the Judas type.

okirewaju:
If I were you, I'll take off the current footwear I'm putting on and flee


A man that has verbal diarrhea is a turn off plus a woman beater and still insecure


They will keep edging you until you fall into that pit. There is a difference between Wedding Ceremony and the Marriage itself.

You deserve so much better. Don't settle for less

As if everyone will be in the marriage with you. Run, I repeat, run. No need to rush in and suffer for the rest of your life.

Some people do see signs of toxic relationships and will still dabble into it. Later they will be generalizing men as wicked and heartless beings.

Guy is very abusive.

The mistake will be continuing.

The tendency is for him to get worse.

Lord have mercy...knock on your head!!!... wetin woman no go see in this world... hmmmm!!

[quote author=dannyla post=84954899]I opened a new account to remain anonymous.
This story is a bit long but pls bear with me.

This story might last long than marriage while been read

Daboomb:


Did yo notice that it is mostly ladies, that are [b]advicing you to WALK AWAY from him, [/b]calling him all sort of names and warning you of impending danger, if you continue with him? WHY IS THAT? is it that Women love themselves more (and the Men are dumb) or Women hate to see one of their succeed in marriage? Do they sound like that your friend called "Grace", or not?
Reflect for a minute,, over this situation.

You said this man loves you to a fault (your own words).
You attributed the rancour between both of you to misinformation from your Friend "Grace" and some other people running you down, with him.
- What l can infer from these is that your differences (things that causes fight) are EXTERNAL to both of you mostly.
So, can you work on those external factors and remove most of them?

He seems to be the "jealous type" (some call it "insecure" but l bet that nobody feels insecure, over something they dont cherish, so it can be a good thing, if properly harnessed).
Why cant you, for the sake of your "fragile relationship" (if it is that important to you), make effort to cut-off those people, especially those predator-men he does not like seeing in your company or with your, making amorous advances at you?
There is no smoke, without fire and most men know that women are only as strong as when there no "cunnyingly desperate man trying to raise their skirt! It is better you dont expose your wife to these "predator-men" than bank on her ability to withstand their advances.

I do tell my wife that no woman can ressist me, if l am really bent on having her but l have decided to remain faithful to my wife, because l am certain she is faithful to me and as a matter of Policy, my respect for another man will not let me do any married woman, God forbid.
But l will not allow another man to share a hotel room overnight with my wife, claiming they are work-buddies.
Mbaanu, l nor dey take such risk, call me insecure, if you like. I odnt use my nose to sniff what l know l wont eat.

Maybe your man is just like that, someone who does not like to "risk" his future wife, in the compnay of randy men (Some women even claim such men used jazz on them, when they eventually fall for him! Maybe true, maybe not, but the damage is already done!).
Why dont you just agree with his way, stay away from rolling with such men (by chat, text or phone-calls) and let him verify such, to build confidence in yoru relationship?

Now, l dont like when things get to the point where the man has to raise his hand, it is a sig that you have both hit rock-bottom.
He abuses you and you insult him back in return, that much is evident from your post but do you know that "when the sea is trough, you cannot paddle your canoe roughly at the same time"? (Proverb!).
For any relationship to work, bith parties cant be "fire-for-fire" at the same time.
The "weaker" person has to calm down and stay calm, when tempers are boiling or ONE PERSON has to be the SHEEP (quiet, not insutling and calm) when the other is playing the GOAT (Angry, insutling and in fits!).
This is the secret of a successful marriage. Subdued Ego.

And yes, some men are temperamental (like me) but my beautiful wife has so much sense in managing my temper that we have never had any physical fight for decades. She knows when l am Goat and my Goat knows to apologise when he is wrong, thereafter.

I counsel young families, especially newly married and the golden advice l give the wife is "manage yoru husband, like you will manage a business you want to be successful, despite all the challenges".
And l tell the husband, love your wife, respect her and be her husband and Daddy. It works a lot.

[color=#770077]Finally, your relationship has all the ingredients of being successful, you just need to [b]set your priorities right, avoid the "GRACES" in your life, be less combative in the relationship when their is an arguement and communicate more openly with your Man.[/b]

Aside from the fact that you're obviously selectively blind, I have to ask, Are You Okay? Are you off your meds?

Women like you discourage men like us that work hard to save women going through domestic violence.

The law have lapses that the violent men end up killing or damaging the women. Therefore we put our lives at risk to ensure these women are defended legally and physically.

I won't give up this fight because of dumb stupid women like you. You come up here knowing how dangerous this man is to get an excuse to be with him? May it never be well with those family members encouraging you.

Poverty mind set is running through your veins and rushing you to your death trap.

I am not sure you work in a men dominated place, because she thought process is very poor.

Why are our women so desperate for marriage?

They keep narrating how bad the man they are dating is yet they still want to go ahead and marry.

Then when they enter they give up after 3yrs.

Why didn't they give up while dating?

Nnaabros:
'He loves me to a fault' That's a wrong, dangerous kind of love. A faulty, possessive, insecure love. The type psychos have for their victims that could make them even kill you because 'they loved you so much they couldn't stand seeing you with someone else'

Real love is not faulty. It doesn't give you a bad feeling or bad experience.

'What people say'. You and you alone will bear the consequences of your choices and decisions, not people. Whether you choose to stay with him or leave is entirely up to you.

Well, I believe that if you truly love your car, you wouldn't want it to get scratched.

I'm not saying he is your husband.


He is very possessive.

I have had a little experience like that.

When I have not known Christ. The person I dated was too caring to a fault.

Very jealous. But very very caring and truly faithful.
But when he left, I did not see someone else who could truly take his place.

People advised and supported me to leave the relationship. But after i left I realized that there were things I should have done better to help the relationship.

I humbly pray you don't end up singing ( A MOMENT IN TIME) by Whitney hauston" like me


Although some people are pretending not to witness fight between their parents.

Please no body should abuse me ooo
I'm not telling her to stay ooo


Pls stop having sex with him

When he kills you, you will quit!

Just continue!!

My only advice for you is Run.I am a man and I tell you again run.

He is a jealous freak and lacks self confidence.

dannyla:
I opened a new account to remain anonymous.
This story is a bit long but pls bear with me.

I met this man almost 2yrs ago at an event a friend invited me to. The next week, he collected my number from my friend and called me, we began talking from there and agreed to go on a date. He proposed marriage to me on the first date which I rejected. I told him that I can't marry outside my church and from the little I've heard from him, our life dreams differ. I decided to cut him off from that day and I stayed away for about 3months. Meanwhile he got my friend to introduce him to my sis, mum and another friend who happened to be from his place, I'll call her Grace.
He made them all aware of his intent towards me and my stand and asked for their help to change my mind. Grace became his biggest ally and convinced me to have another date. He asked that we date for a while and see if we can work out our differences. During the date I noticed he has a very hot and quick temper and he listens to gossip a lot so I do tell Gracethat I don't see a future with him but he was too persistent, Grace always had words of encouragement and considering the fact that for some strange reason, it was mainly married men always approach me for a relationship with stories of how they got married to a wrong woman and they are or are almost divorced, dating a single man with no kids was very tempting and I decided to give it a try.

He asked me to tell him everything about me so there are no secrets between us and I did. Starting from secondary school to that day, I told him everything, from my first kiss, the colleague who tried to rape me, my ex who lied about his marital status and disvirgined me etc. he did the same too and I felt a burden roll off my shoulder.

Few days later I began to notice changes in him especially towards my business. I thrive in a male dominated industry in a ratio of 9men to 1woman. He asked me to show him the pictures of my colleagues which I did, he also asked if they make passes at me which I said is almost inevitable but my boundaries are clear and rigid.

Fast forward to now. I noticed that whenever I drop my phone, he goes through it. Facebook, sms, WhatsApp etc. He even picks my call when I'm not close to the phone. He asked me about a certain colleague who cracks dirty jokes like how I rushed to get married (I told him I'm already married). I didn't think much about it.

He later began to complain about my partners and how I'm sleeping with them like the prostitute I am, called me an unrepentant liar, unsubmisive, manipulating etc. Said he regrets asking for my hand at all and he's just waiting forthe day he'll catch me redhanded so he can dump my sorry a*s.
I told him to end it now cus I'm fed up, family came in and I later found out that Grace has been telling a lot of lies against hoping to get him for herself as well as hate filled advises from some aggrieved friends who felt ladies from my tribe are no good and just there to "chop money". Apologies were said and received and we continued.

Another time I visited him and we had an argument, he gave me several heavy knocks on my head and I developed a headache and began to insult him which resultedin more heavy knocks. I broke up with him and left. Later my mum called him to ask why he laid his hands on me, he denied it swearing with his life. Said I insulted him and he lost his temper and insulted me back that he's sorry. He began to drop messages everywhere and I eventually gave in.

3rd incident happened on our way back from an event. He saw a message from a colleague he told me to stop doing business with cus he feels the man has his eyes on me which is totally not true. He flared up, stopped the car and was even threatening to beat me up. I came down from his car and stood by the roadside. He came down too and gave me the insult of my life in full public view and glare and told me to enter the car which I refused. I had no money on me and had to beg a stranger for money. By that time he was coming back, he quickly took a picture of both of us and sent it to everybody of how he caught me in the act with my lover on the road. He called me and said that if he must marry me, I must break my business sim card and look for a wife friendly occupation or sit at home.

He later apologised over it. Meanwhile he and my sis don't flow as before as he once called her a prostitute.

I want to call it quits but everyone around me feels it's a mistake and he is saying everything out of anger and if I'm patient enough, he will change completely.

I must admit that he has changed alot since we met but the progress compared to the timeframe and the heat I face everyday is nothing to write home about.

He loves me to a fault and I don't know if I can find someone who loves me like him but his other attitude is sniffing life out of me. Do I stay or quit?
Thanks for reading and pardon any typos

sister please use your brain
is this really love.
have you heard about gaslighting?

An insecure man with anger management issues calls you a prostitute, hits you, embarrasses you in public, and says unprintable things about you to your face, and you are asking for advice? I am dumbfounded. The things I read on Nairaland. The friends and family members who are making a case for him do not love you. Nne, RUN, run and don't look back. Many ladies who have lost their lives to abusive spouses started their journey just like this. Do not become a statistic.

dannyla:
I opened a new account to remain anonymous.
This story is a bit long but pls bear with me.

I met this man almost 2yrs ago at an event a friend invited me to. The next week, he collected my number from my friend and called me, we began talking from there and agreed to go on a date. He proposed marriage to me on the first date which I rejected. I told him that I can't marry outside my church and from the little I've heard from him, our life dreams differ. I decided to cut him off from that day and I stayed away for about 3months. Meanwhile he got my friend to introduce him to my sis, mum and another friend who happened to be from his place, I'll call her Grace.
He made them all aware of his intent towards me and my stand and asked for their help to change my mind. Grace became his biggest ally and convinced me to have another date. He asked that we date for a while and see if we can work out our differences. During the date I noticed he has a very hot and quick temper and he listens to gossip a lot so I do tell Gracethat I don't see a future with him but he was too persistent, Grace always had words of encouragement and considering the fact that for some strange reason, it was mainly married men always approach me for a relationship with stories of how they got married to a wrong woman and they are or are almost divorced, dating a single man with no kids was very tempting and I decided to give it a try.

He asked me to tell him everything about me so there are no secrets between us and I did. Starting from secondary school to that day, I told him everything, from my first kiss, the colleague who tried to rape me, my ex who lied about his marital status and disvirgined me etc. he did the same too and I felt a burden roll off my shoulder.

Few days later I began to notice changes in him especially towards my business. I thrive in a male dominated industry in a ratio of 9men to 1woman. He asked me to show him the pictures of my colleagues which I did, he also asked if they make passes at me which I said is almost inevitable but my boundaries are clear and rigid.

Fast forward to now. I noticed that whenever I drop my phone, he goes through it. Facebook, sms, WhatsApp etc. He even picks my call when I'm not close to the phone. He asked me about a certain colleague who cracks dirty jokes like how I rushed to get married (I told him I'm already married). I didn't think much about it.

He later began to complain about my partners and how I'm sleeping with them like the prostitute I am, called me an unrepentant liar, unsubmisive, manipulating etc. Said he regrets asking for my hand at all and he's just waiting forthe day he'll catch me redhanded so he can dump my sorry a*s.
I told him to end it now cus I'm fed up, family came in and I later found out that Grace has been telling a lot of lies against hoping to get him for herself as well as hate filled advises from some aggrieved friends who felt ladies from my tribe are no good and just there to "chop money". Apologies were said and received and we continued.

Another time I visited him and we had an argument, he gave me several heavy knocks on my head and I developed a headache and began to insult him which resultedin more heavy knocks. I broke up with him and left. Later my mum called him to ask why he laid his hands on me, he denied it swearing with his life. Said I insulted him and he lost his temper and insulted me back that he's sorry. He began to drop messages everywhere and I eventually gave in.

3rd incident happened on our way back from an event. He saw a message from a colleague he told me to stop doing business with cus he feels the man has his eyes on me which is totally not true. He flared up, stopped the car and was even threatening to beat me up. I came down from his car and stood by the roadside. He came down too and gave me the insult of my life in full public view and glare and told me to enter the car which I refused. I had no money on me and had to beg a stranger for money. By that time he was coming back, he quickly took a picture of both of us and sent it to everybody of how he caught me in the act with my lover on the road. He called me and said that if he must marry me, I must break my business sim card and look for a wife friendly occupation or sit at home.

He later apologised over it. Meanwhile he and my sis don't flow as before as he once called her a prostitute.

I want to call it quits but everyone around me feels it's a mistake and he is saying everything out of anger and if I'm patient enough, he will change completely.

I must admit that he has changed alot since we met but the progress compared to the timeframe and the heat I face everyday is nothing to write home about.

He loves me to a fault and I don't know if I can find someone who loves me like him but his other attitude is sniffing life out of me. Do I stay or quit?
Thanks for reading and pardon any typos

Ok stay or quit.