I really don’t understand why some SILs act like they are in some sort of competition with their brother’s woman. I just don’t get it. I mean you can’t marry your brother, so what’s your problem? The thing is really annoying sha.

It’s a pity your husband can’t assert himself with his sisters, and that’s quite a shame. It’s a really difficult situation to be in. You just have to find a way to be civil with them, hoping that your husband will come around soon enough, while you do this, don’t let them or anyone make you feel less than you are, you don’t even have to talk back if they are being rude, at the same time don’t let them command you, just don’t play their game, be your best self and stay in your lane, do the necessary things you have to do, don’t fight your husband on it, find a way to make him see he is hurting your feelings by not wanting to even take a look at things from your perspective, don’t make it about his family not being good people and him not seeing it. Somehow,I think he’s taking their side because a part of him feels you are judging his family, and no one would like that. He might actually be seeing what you are saying, to an extent atleast, but he doesn’t want you seeing his family as bad people, so he isn’t admitting it, therefore you have to be ready to tolerate some of their excesses, to a reasonable degree atleast, you are going to have to make some sacrifices, afterall that’s what love is supposed to be about.

I hope you get your man back, Goodluck!

I will say you are talking trash but I understand every family have different ways of relating. A wife under any circumstances excited about separating the only my child among his sisters simply cos he is richer show how evil the OP is.

Will this tale be the same if the OP is the poorest looking up to the sisters to feed, will the deluding OP need advice on how to have cordial relationship with the sisters knowing their meal ticket is dependant on that relationship.

See as much as I believe she shouldn't enslave herself to please the sisters you should understand threading the peace path auger well for all the parties.

Fountainofyouth:


You are a very irritating human, so because he isn't hitting and cheating, she shouldn't wail abi? All other abuses and psychological, emotional trauma is allowed like the one Op complained about right? Pdp left government with your sense abi? Nonsense.

First, go to their various houses and apologize on your knees. Thereafter, ignore them completely. Don't call or associate with them. You will be surprised at how peace will return to your home

Tell ur husband to pray for wisdom to manage his family well. He needs counselling obviously bt he needs to b firm

isthatso:


see my modified post.

Antagonism never solves any problem. you dont respond to an Antagonist with antagonism. if she responds with your tone, shes already on a path to a break down in her marraige. This thing requires sense.

Marriage means leaving home, and cleaving to each other........

Do you agree with the above?

Bleep them, dey are lacking sex

isthatso:


this is why i say dont marry Mummys boys and warn against the dangers of men raised by single mothers.

The mummy's boy, would have to break free...... His sister's are simply enjoying from their brother's largesse...... And he is blinded to looking after the immediate.......

freecocoahubby:



To be honest I blame these jobless housewives who litter nairaland with useless threads.. it's like they derive pleasure from watching bitter feminists ridicule their home, spouse and marriage - anyway, what's my own sef

Don't blame the jobless housewives.

That's what u get, if you refuse your wife to work and have something tangible doing with her time and brain. Every dick and Harry will hear their matter outside.

She will have enough time to step on toes, quarrel and table everything going on to people.

So don't blame them. They are confused on how to handle extended fmale family members who are also jobless but ready to cause strife wherever they go.


Anyway op try make peace with everyone. Fights, bickering, quarrels, anger does not yield anything good. That's all I can advise. They are his sisters, you can't drive them away.

It's either you make peace or you kill his sisters

Choose one!

I am listening to you and what i gathered is simple both you and your sister in laws are playing the same game a womans game.it is your husband that is the victim,you both are attacking each other and using him as a proxy for your war.you want the best for your family members while you do not want the same for his.in the end it is all about control,they want total control so do you.but because you do not have wisdom ,you have forgotten that you have the upper hand as long as he finds pleasure in you.if you keep up in this war you would loss.my advice go to your husband and ask him to direct you on what to do,and you follow his direction rather than planing and ploting.

Anifaza:
Please pardon me for using a new moniker as I am quite known here.

Friends and family, I really need your sincere and matured input on this matter.

I have been married for over 10 years with 4 kids. My hubby is a great guy save for this area that we will never agree.
 
 I have sisters-in-law who have vowed never to give me peace despite all my efforts to give peace a chance.  Most of them are all older than him and sort of influences his decision that affects my marriage greatly.

From the beginning, it has been if I am in their good books, my marriage will work and I will be happy, then if not, reverse will be the case.

My husband has refused to see all their manipulations and always tell me that he grew up with them and so he is indebted to them. I have never tried to cause a separation between them but they usually see me as an intruder to their unity.

For these 10 years plus, it has always been the issue,  I have begged, used gifts,  apologised ,sought for forgiveness from them  for sins I have not committed just for peace to reign yet, the next problem will be bigger than the previous.

Some are married while some are not. The worst that affect me most is the married ones with children.

Now, they all don't talk to me and this is affecting my marriage. Hubby gives me cold shoulders, no sex asking me to mend the relationship with his sisters  of which I am fed up with the whole thing and I don't want to beg again.

My mind is made up that everyone should stay on their own. Hubby is the only male, seems to be the only one doing well  and parents are no more
 
Please what do I do?

Mods front page please for more inputs.

Updated

Thanks for your input. I truly appreciate. It all started in my ist year of marriage when I had my baby and still in school. My mum came to look after baby and few months later, I took in again of which I left baby with mum while I continued schooling.

They accused my hubby of allowing my mother to be the only one taking care of baby and not them. That in their tradition, mothers of wife have no say and influence in family affairs. This was a major issue and still is. While in my culture, nothing of such as we see nothing wrong here. They disrespect my mother till date because of this. I have caught one twice giving my mother bad eye.

2ndly, a distant relative came with high risk pregnancy with fibroid and I asked she comes to seek medical help and go back, when she came, it was war in my house that it is forbidden in their culture for a pregnant woman to come to another man's house which she's not pregnant for. She later left but loads of issues after this.

My in-laws come anytime even with their children .Every other week and weekend is in my house.
My husband will not take us out unless they are around.

Hubby's lil sis but older than me lived with me for 5 years and that's where the whole wahala persisted with her giving information. I began to see their collaboration through her and frustrated me to the very letter.

We had a fight and hubby asked her to leave. They all ganged up not to talk to me or hubby again which hubby is feeling alienated.
Hubby said his position is threatened in his family and I am the cause. I took care of his older sister who had complication in her surgery for 6 months in my house, non of them came to visit her in my house nor call me. Rather , She got well and told others that I didn't give her food that was why when one called her and she said she was in a restaurant to eat. Hubby and I had issue on this.

I am so fed up . I work and I contribute significantly in the family.
They see me as the one who eats their brother's money alone.
Hubby takes great financial care of them. I am just tired.

Lexusgs430:



The mummy's boy, would have to break free...... His sister's are simply enjoying from their brother's largesse...... And he is blinded to looking after the immediate.......

stop fighting battles you cant win. instead understand the situation you are dealing with and how to make it work for you.

Something tells me that Tonyebarcanista is the op's husband.

If what you say about your husband is true, then he needs a push to always defend you. You are a woman, you know how women can influence men with side talks and so on. He has been with them before he knows you so they can influence his decisions.
On your part, you need to be patient and calm. Don't get frustrated. It is easier said that that is what you need to do.
Keep giving them gifts and keep calling them to check up on them every time. Don't ever argue with any of them no matter what.
If you believe in prayers pray too.
As long as you show them your kind heart, you shall overcome.

isthatso:


stop fighting battles you cant win. instead understand the situation you are dealing with and how to make it work for you.

What more do we have to understand? Her husband is inconsiderate to her emotional well being, hence does not truly love her......

Because, if he does. He would do all it takes to keep his family happy and together............

Lexusgs430:


Marriage means leaving home, and cleaving to each other........

Do you agree with the above?

what does that have to do with anything? get real life is not a bed of roses!

have you ever noticed that it is always the woman called a witch? never the father in law? have you ever wondered why? the same woman who calls her MIL a witch will one day be called a witch by her own daughter in law.

because this is the way we are programmed, dont fight it.

women know they will live longer than their husbands, very often a woman is still alive 20 years after her husband dies. So who takes care of this old woman? You guessed right......the son!!! So anything that will take that care away from the woman in her old age is seen as competition.

Understand that and you will begin to understand mothers (and sisters) in law. They start to program their sons and brothers from a young age knowingly or unknowingly, it is genetically programmed, especially the men born to single mothers.

Before you, your hubby has siblings/bloods he grew up with in hard time and in good time. He's the only son, u can't separate him from his siblings because blood is thicker than water. Your sisters-inlaw are now your family, live with them

Na wa!!! 10years of drama!!! Continue in the pattern that has saved your ass in 10years.. I wish you all the best!

Lexusgs430:


What more do we have to understand? Her husband is inconsiderate to her emotional well being, hence does not truly love her......

Because, if he does. He would do all it takes to keep his family happy and together............

you must be very young....thats such a naive statement. Life is not 1+1 =2

A wife can always become and ex wife, a mother is always a mother, a sister is always a sister!!

isthatso:


what does that have to do with anything? get real life is not a bed of roses!

have you ever noticed that it is always the woman called a witch? never the father in law? have you ever wondered why? the same woman who calls her MIL a witch will one day be called a witch by her own daughter in law.

because this is the way we are programmed, dont fight it.

women know they will live longer than their husbands, very often a woman is still alive 20 years after her husband dies. So who takes care of this old woman? You guessed right......the son!!! So anything that will take that care away from the woman in her old age is seen as competition.

Understand that and you will begin to understand mothers (and sisters) in law. They start to program their sons and brothers from a young age knowingly or unknowingly, it is genetically programmed, especially the men born to single mothers.

The statement has all to say, with the issues arising......... He is still cleaving unto his sister's apronstrings, financial supporting them........

Turkeys are simply voting for Xmas........

Anifaza:
Please pardon me for using a new moniker as I am quite known here.

Friends and family, I really need your sincere and matured input on this matter.

I have been married for over 10 years with 4 kids. My hubby is a great guy save for this area that we will never agree.
 
 I have sisters-in-law who have vowed never to give me peace despite all my efforts to give peace a chance.  Most of them are all older than him and sort of influences his decision that affects my marriage greatly.

From the beginning, it has been if I am in their good books, my marriage will work and I will be happy, then if not, reverse will be the case.

My husband has refused to see all their manipulations and always tell me that he grew up with them and so he is indebted to them. I have never tried to cause a separation between them but they usually see me as an intruder to their unity.

For these 10 years plus, it has always been the issue,  I have begged, used gifts,  apologised ,sought for forgiveness from them  for sins I have not committed just for peace to reign yet, the next problem will be bigger than the previous.

Some are married while some are not. The worst that affect me most is the married ones with children.

Now, they all don't talk to me and this is affecting my marriage. Hubby gives me cold shoulders, no sex asking me to mend the relationship with his sisters  of which I am fed up with the whole thing and I don't want to beg again.

My mind is made up that everyone should stay on their own. Hubby is the only male, seems to be the only one doing well  and parents are no more
 
Please what do I do?

Mods front page please for more inputs.

Updated

Thanks for your input. I truly appreciate. It all started in my ist year of marriage when I had my baby and still in school. My mum came to look after baby and few months later, I took in again of which I left baby with mum while I continued schooling.

They accused my hubby of allowing my mother to be the only one taking care of baby and not them. That in their tradition, mothers of wife have no say and influence in family affairs. This was a major issue and still is. While in my culture, nothing of such as we see nothing wrong here. They disrespect my mother till date because of this. I have caught one twice giving my mother bad eye.

2ndly, a distant relative came with high risk pregnancy with fibroid and I asked she comes to seek medical help and go back, when she came, it was war in my house that it is forbidden in their culture for a pregnant woman to come to another man's house which she's not pregnant for. She later left but loads of issues after this.

My in-laws come anytime even with their children .Every other week and weekend is in my house.
My husband will not take us out unless they are around.

Hubby's lil sis but older than me lived with me for 5 years and that's where the whole wahala persisted with her giving information. I began to see their collaboration through her and frustrated me to the very letter.

We had a fight and hubby asked her to leave. They all ganged up not to talk to me or hubby again which hubby is feeling alienated.
Hubby said his position is threatened in his family and I am the cause. I took care of his older sister who had complication in her surgery for 6 months in my house, non of them came to visit her in my house nor call me. Rather , She got well and told others that I didn't give her food that was why when one called her and she said she was in a restaurant to eat. Hubby and I had issue on this.

I am so fed up . I work and I contribute significantly in the family.
They see me as the one who eats their brother's money alone.
Hubby takes great financial care of them. I am just tired.

Dear Ma, please take charge of your home.

Spend more time with the Lord ( I don't know your faith though)

Then in your prayer palce, speak to every intruder in the Name of Jesus. Watch how they begin to mind their businesses and leave you and yours alone.

What you don't want, you don't watch and what you don't resist has the right to remain.

The Lord Grants you wisdom.

Cheers.

isthatso:


you must be very young....thats such a naive statement. Life is not 1+1 =2

A wife can always become and ex wife, a mother is always a mother, a sister is always a sister!!

Young? I have been happily married for the better part of 29 years........

Are you 29 years old?

isthatso:


you must be very young....thats such a naive statement. Life is not 1+1 =2

A wife can always become and ex wife, a mother is always a mother, a sister is always a sister!!

At the expense of control and manipulation?

Lexusgs430:


Young? I have been happily married for the better part of 29 years........

Are you 29 years old?

you dont talk like a man who has actually been married for 1 week or has any experience of the manipulations of women.

You are a great man, you did well!

I wonder why some wives can't be accommodating

Holyman3:


For the first time, I agree with your views.

The rascal has always wanted the husband to separate and hate his sisters, who trained him, since they are older.
The husband is doing well, that's where her problem lies. She wants the husband not to give anything to the sisters.

I was married to this type of idiot and divorced her after 5 years. The idiot will curse my sisters and mother and curse me for even giving my sister money. But when I give the same money to her siblings, its cool.

isthatso:


you dont talk like a man who has actually been married for 1 week or has any experience of the manipulations of women.

The true meaning of cleave, was stated in the bible (if you're a Christian)........

Are you 29 years old?

PecLauren:

Just know that you have to advice someone from two angles...
The left and the right.
Don't outrightly make it seem she is the reason for the family chaos.
There are always two sides of a coin, we just don't know the side that's playing out in her family in the real life.

I hinged my position on her story...

TonyeBarcanista:

Thank God you married a GREAT GUY
 
 
This is a generic term used by women when their bid to separate in-laws from their husbands failed them.


The older sisters are your own older sisters too. You have to be in their good book at all times as long as it isn't against your legitimate interest. As long as they are not telling you to do overboard


There is no manipulation whatsoever. It is you trying to separate your husband from his sisters. As a wife, you have to accept your in-laws as yours and live in peace with them as long as they aren't perpetuating evil against your interest. Your husband has lived with them for MANY years before he met you. He knows them better than you do. You have to find way to sort it with them than try to make him see reason to separate from them.

   What transpired among you in the 10 years? What is the recurring issue?

   
This is irrelevant to the subject

  
I'd do same if I was your hubby! There is no way you can claim to love hubby without showing same love and respect to his BLOOD!

  
Your mind has always been made up and you are done pretending! His elder siblings are all he has and you must take them.likewise


Go and make peace with your in-laws and stop creating this arrogance.

Do know that you will never enjoy hubby as long as you are warring with his blood!

If you like take the advice of all these frustrated, angry, bitter and aggressive feminists, and male she-men, NA YOU SABI

Chaaaai see wisdom and experience , you will live long, 89% of women don't like their In-laws to visit or live with them but this one enter one chance because her husband is a real man.
Once again I greet you.

Lexusgs430:



At the expense of control and manipulation?

you are a very stubborn person o, i'm sorry for your wife!!!

Did you not see the part where i said do not marry a mummy boy or a son from a single mother?

If however you then find yourself in such a situation and the man is a good man, then you have to manage the situation with sense.

Like i said you are clearly not a married man...nobody win with such my way or the highway postures and only a man lacking in experience will say what you said.

And by the way every relationship involves some level of control and manipulation. If you think it's about love, stop working and see if you have a wife in a year or 2.

Graxie:
From your narrative, you started what you can't finish. Henceforth, avoid discussing anything relating to your in-laws around anyone including your husband. Be neutral. When they visit, welcome them and be neutral. Just face your kids, stop trying to please them, just be human around them. I don't know how your husband can actually starve you of your marital rites because of his sisters that are in their own world. It can be frustrating trying to be nice to people while they hate you, it only means they hate your husband. They are only pretending to love him because of his financial assistance. My dear be far and near. Use your head to balance it. Let them not hear from you concerning any contrary opinion. Moreso, stop bothering yourself with what he gives them, just make sure your end is secured.

All what u said was gud except for some that was absolutely trash

U said they pretend to love him bcox of his finance.. U dissapointed me for saying that.. The man has been with his sisters longer than his wife.. Do u know the struggles they have been through together and you think the wife can just cut the man off his sisters... Pls next time reason perfectly.. U reasoned well but not perfect... The days of nothing, now that he has, u want his wife to cut them off... Unfair

darlenese:
you Married a child .

ladies before u marry a first child or only male child please look into the family wella.
most times its always thug of war

Well, women don’t have much options. If he has money, many ladies are on queue to snatch him irrespective.

luminouz:


The why is obvious and stated. They see her as an outsider to their unity. Secondly,the husband get dough and of course foot some bills before she got married to him. Lemme guess after the marriage,the husband stopped doing those duties and the sisters naturally think na OP's fault.

U know the drill.

That's why I called them jealous people.
And if the husband want to object, they will emotionally blackmail him. Heaven help him.if it's one of them that trained him or they helped him one way or the other.
The bulk lies on the husband. As he isn't seeing clearly, she should stand her ground on her own space and mind her business outside it.
As for sex, she should ignore him for now. If he continues, table that to her parents. I will even say he has started cheating
No more looking at anybody's face. And they should not be coming to her house anyhow.
If u push a woman to the wall too much, u may be surprised they way she will react.

At least she dont depend on the man for survival.