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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / My Sisters-In-Law Are Causing Problems In My Marriage! What Do I Do? (61236 Views)
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Re: My Sisters-In-Law Are Causing Problems In My Marriage! What Do I Do? by rOsy247(f): 11:14pm On Dec 19, 2019 |
TonyeBarcanista: Na Them be this. 4 Likes |
Re: My Sisters-In-Law Are Causing Problems In My Marriage! What Do I Do? by kinswhite(m): 11:17pm On Dec 19, 2019 |
TonyeBarcanista:Well said |
Re: My Sisters-In-Law Are Causing Problems In My Marriage! What Do I Do? by eefacol: 11:57pm On Dec 19, 2019 |
Note that you really have a great husband who's primary target is to let peace reign at all times. Secondly, he doesn't take life too seriously (so that he's generous). You have different options. But the best is to follow your husband's pattern- peace and generosity, with Wisdom and prayers. As long as God has provided the basic needs of life for you and your family, continue in helping your in-laws (as you help yours too) because that's the legacy you are building (whether you are appreciated or not) 1 Like |
Re: My Sisters-In-Law Are Causing Problems In My Marriage! What Do I Do? by ForbesHomesNG(m): 11:57pm On Dec 19, 2019 |
EJanni: |
Re: My Sisters-In-Law Are Causing Problems In My Marriage! What Do I Do? by mignone(f): 12:01am On Dec 20, 2019 |
freecocoahubby:Hey uncle, do u av to lay curses to drive home a point? 1 Like |
Re: My Sisters-In-Law Are Causing Problems In My Marriage! What Do I Do? by mignone(f): 12:14am On Dec 20, 2019 |
jakandeola:Haba! I've been trying not to comment on this thread bt it seems I can't bear that anymore. Firstly, I see more misogynists on this forum daily. 2. Many men/boys think giving money to a wife or meeting all her material needs are all dt a woman needs to be happy/fulfilled. I guess u've never experienced verbal abuse dt result into frustration/depression. I'm sure y'all don't knw what it means to be unhappy. 3. Have u ever been a homemaker? D'u knw what it takes to keep a home/house habitable (cleaning,good meals,laughter,discipline, etc)? Then add human care, including kids, nt to mention dt such is either invalid/a convalescent (she said one put up wif them for abt 6 mths afta a complicated surgery), highly demanding (as per almighty inlaws dt they are who will make d simplest task diff jst to make u appear as useless). 4. For d married lots, ow does it feel when a certain ppl (who av their homes) make turning ur own house to a getaway centre/canteen/hotel a habit? Is it d stress of cooking meals,washing up (wch most inlaws will find condescending if they do),nt being able to manage resources (bf they label u stingy), no privacy, no freedom, etc . One even lived there for five years Make dem fear God o. Even if they claim it's their brother's money, can money alone cook/care for smone? If dis woman's account is true, she don try abeg. Why can't those sister inlaws stay in their homes&if they enjoy being together, find sm other way around dt&stop frustrating a fellow woman. Where do they keep their husbands while on sojourn in anoda's home? What lessons are they teaching their children? To be inconsiderate? No wonder they say we women are our own enemies. @ tonyebarcanista &sm others, I'm really appalled by ur comments on family issues. Guess u've nt witnessed it 1st hand ow sm inlaws can be evil without cause. Guys, it's one or a combination of two/more of these make unhappy families. I knw a mother who used to send d son's wife bk at d door to their room on return frm office&wld be d one helping him out of his jacket&all. What d'u av to say to dt? Once a man/woman is married, it's d responsibly of sensible/mature/well-meaning relatives to give them required space to build their new family without interference. If d lady's acct here is true like I earlier said, I can confidently conclude dt either d hubby&siblings in question have a bad upbringing or decided nt to yield to a good one they'd&av refused to grow up still... cos if they're actually sincere and seeking joy for their only brother, they'd rather profer a solution/steer clear till he sees d problem himself. #enough said 8 Likes |
Re: My Sisters-In-Law Are Causing Problems In My Marriage! What Do I Do? by ZIMDRILL(m): 12:34am On Dec 20, 2019 |
Moboj: its not a Nigerian thing only but a common bad culture among universal african customs whereby elders by birth think there are wiser than anyone younger than them and the young one tend to follow every bark by the so called elder this woman's husband is the young who look up too much to his elders sister without realising that he is also damaging his own marriage Abusive elders are not partial but dictators by virtue of being of just being an elder by birth 5 Likes |
Re: My Sisters-In-Law Are Causing Problems In My Marriage! What Do I Do? by ImaIma1(f): 12:35am On Dec 20, 2019 |
DMerciful: Women are not meant to hate each other. Marking territory is one thing women do. A man should be able to manage the relationship between his sisters and his wife. Many people may not agree with this but...he and his wife are meant to be closer than he and his family because "two have become one". They have to work in each other's interest. Families should stop seeing a wife as an intruder. That's where to start from. 5 Likes |
Re: My Sisters-In-Law Are Causing Problems In My Marriage! What Do I Do? by ZIMDRILL(m): 12:38am On Dec 20, 2019 |
Oyiboman69: you are being biased lets reverse it how would you feel if your wife only cooks your favourite meal when his brother and wife visits you 3 Likes |
Re: My Sisters-In-Law Are Causing Problems In My Marriage! What Do I Do? by mignone(f): 12:44am On Dec 20, 2019 |
Oyiboman69:Oga, are u sure u knw what it means for a nuclear family to av time together alone? 2 Likes |
Re: My Sisters-In-Law Are Causing Problems In My Marriage! What Do I Do? by mignone(f): 12:45am On Dec 20, 2019 |
ImaIma1:You're right here ma'am 2 Likes |
Re: My Sisters-In-Law Are Causing Problems In My Marriage! What Do I Do? by mignone(f): 12:46am On Dec 20, 2019 |
Adedayobusayo12:Maami, plenty gbosa for u 3 Likes |
Re: My Sisters-In-Law Are Causing Problems In My Marriage! What Do I Do? by Umorosky17(m): 3:44am On Dec 20, 2019 |
[God bless you, you really understand naija women and their gimmicks. quote author=TonyeBarcanista post=85043585] Thank God you married a GREAT GUY This is a generic term used by women when their bid to separate in-laws from their husbands failed them. The older sisters are your own older sisters too. You have to be in their good book at all times as long as it isn't against your legitimate interest. As long as they are not telling you to do overboard There is no manipulation whatsoever. It is you trying to separate your husband from his sisters. As a wife, you have to accept your in-laws as yours and live in peace with them as long as they aren't perpetuating evil against your interest. Your husband has lived with them for MANY years before he met you. He knows them better than you do. You have to find way to sort it with them than try to make him see reason to separate from them. What transpired among you in the 10 years? What is the recurring issue? This is irrelevant to the subject I'd do same if I was your hubby! There is no way you can claim to love hubby without showing same love and respect to his BLOOD! Your mind has always been made up and you are done pretending! His elder siblings are all he has and you must take them.likewise Go and make peace with your in-laws and stop creating this arrogance. Do know that you will never enjoy hubby as long as you are warring with his blood! If you like take the advice of all these frustrated, angry, bitter and aggressive feminists, and male she-men, NA YOU SABI[/quote] |
Re: My Sisters-In-Law Are Causing Problems In My Marriage! What Do I Do? by mii4u(f): 4:01am On Dec 20, 2019 |
TonyeBarcanista:Ohk |
Re: My Sisters-In-Law Are Causing Problems In My Marriage! What Do I Do? by nautybride: 4:30am On Dec 20, 2019 |
TonyeBarcanista: I didn't read all your posts, but getting to the part when your dowry is paid, your parents ....... Your wife is caged and in bondage, from your mentality. No insults intended. Women shine your eye very well. You are marrying the family not the man. When his family is challenging one, he is a problematic man. 1 Like |
Re: My Sisters-In-Law Are Causing Problems In My Marriage! What Do I Do? by Emotionss: 4:39am On Dec 20, 2019 |
[color=#006600][/color] Saintmary: Neither am I. But we can start somewhere and build from there |
Re: My Sisters-In-Law Are Causing Problems In My Marriage! What Do I Do? by nautybride: 4:40am On Dec 20, 2019 |
Nat404:Imagine this response from a guy or man I assume. Hmmmm! I pity women who put their whole lives on men. 2 Likes |
Re: My Sisters-In-Law Are Causing Problems In My Marriage! What Do I Do? by nautybride: 4:44am On Dec 20, 2019 |
ZIMDRILL:A correct analysis. |
Re: My Sisters-In-Law Are Causing Problems In My Marriage! What Do I Do? by alphaNomega: 6:02am On Dec 20, 2019 |
Anifaza: Una no dey ever hear word |
Re: My Sisters-In-Law Are Causing Problems In My Marriage! What Do I Do? by ImaIma1(f): 6:30am On Dec 20, 2019 |
bukatyne: I don't get this. And I use his first and last name...lol |
Re: My Sisters-In-Law Are Causing Problems In My Marriage! What Do I Do? by ImaIma1(f): 6:38am On Dec 20, 2019 |
jakandeola: Sorry that's not how we run our family. Besides, everything he buys is in my name (this detail will pain some guys here ). That's something he got from his father. It was his own way of protecting his wife from "scavengers". Thankfully I married one of the rare ones. That's why the guys here crack me up with their archaic thinking and ideologies. 5 Likes |
Re: My Sisters-In-Law Are Causing Problems In My Marriage! What Do I Do? by xty50(f): 6:41am On Dec 20, 2019 |
TonyeBarcanista:what is wrong with you? 2 Likes |
Re: My Sisters-In-Law Are Causing Problems In My Marriage! What Do I Do? by ImaIma1(f): 6:43am On Dec 20, 2019 |
jakandeola: Sorry that's not how we run our family. Besides, everything my husband buys is in my name (this detail will pain you guys here cheesy). That's something he got from his father. It was his own way of protecting his wife(my husband's mum) from "scavengers". Thankfully I married one of the rare ones. That's why the guys here crack me up with their archaic thinking and ideologies. 4 Likes |
Re: My Sisters-In-Law Are Causing Problems In My Marriage! What Do I Do? by ImaIma1(f): 6:46am On Dec 20, 2019 |
xty50: For men like this, the man can never be wrong. The woman is always to blame. Don't bother yourself...he is not a reflection of what a true man/husband is. 4 Likes |
Re: My Sisters-In-Law Are Causing Problems In My Marriage! What Do I Do? by TonyeBarcanista(m): 6:51am On Dec 20, 2019 |
nautybride:This is why people like you always have problem in marriage. What do you mean caged? Why do you take up the man's name and drop your maiden name? You think marriage is bf/gf thing? As for marrying the family, this is a FACT! So as much as you are looking at the man, ladies should also look at the family before going ahead with marriage. |
Re: My Sisters-In-Law Are Causing Problems In My Marriage! What Do I Do? by Efewestern: 7:02am On Dec 20, 2019 |
TonyeBarcanista: The issue isn't the sister visiting her brother, but trying to influence the home of the man because they are his blood, once you are married, your wife and kids become your top priority. It will surprise you to know that the same sisters trying to influence their brother's home would never allow their sister in-laws dictate how they run their home, but here they are trying to run another woman's home. I'm not even judging base on the story the OP wrote, it's a one sided story, but the point still remains, as a man getting married, you should take 100% control of your home and not let anyone be it father, mother, sister etc control your home. I know some wives are bad, so are some SIL. 2 Likes |
Re: My Sisters-In-Law Are Causing Problems In My Marriage! What Do I Do? by ImaIma1(f): 7:08am On Dec 20, 2019 |
Mutemenot: Exactly! She should even carry the TV, children's bed, refrigerator and give to his sisters. When her husband asks, she should tell him they wanted it. My approach is never to fight directly. By the time, I set you up according what you think is good for you, he will be the one to retrace his steps quietly. He won't even know he is under attack 2 Likes |
Re: My Sisters-In-Law Are Causing Problems In My Marriage! What Do I Do? by Adedayobusayo12(f): 7:12am On Dec 20, 2019 |
TonyeBarcanista:No problem marrying his family but if his family acts like mad people I will not hesitate to dump them like a piece of shit which they are. Cos even if my sibling misbehave I will do same. I can't throwaway my life or feelings cos I married from a jobless family. You go come chop my pepper and salt come dey gimme problem,nah you won't try that. Wetin I go do sef your brother go fear. As I was saying , single ladies runnnn from mummy's boy or sister's boy, runnnnn. Especially jobless sisters who will have time to pick on you after draining your husband. 2 Likes |
Re: My Sisters-In-Law Are Causing Problems In My Marriage! What Do I Do? by ImaIma1(f): 7:17am On Dec 20, 2019 |
romenna: As in ehn!!! Some men here see it as the wife trying to cut the guy off from his family. They don't even understand what marriage is. I hate interference. My SIL practically begs us to visit. And we never sleep over. We understand that my brother's first allegiance is to his wife and kids and not us. Most guys are too immature these days 3 Likes |
Re: My Sisters-In-Law Are Causing Problems In My Marriage! What Do I Do? by TonyeBarcanista(m): 7:22am On Dec 20, 2019 |
Efewestern:Efe, we are not discussing general family issue but the issue of this OP. However, lemme tell you, a man MUST have an independent mind once he becomes of age, and at same time show love and kindness to his BLOOD. The moment I left my father's house was the moment I saw myself as an independent mind. I don't seek permission from anyone to take my own decision. This is true with most men. The problem is that some of these wives expect their husbands people to "back off" from their audio homes the moment they become Mrs to the man. They see the man's people, their new family, as intruders. They don't even want their man to extend the care he shows them at home to his own BLOOD especially if the man is successful even when it doesn't affect smooth running of the home. Most of them don't even want to see Mama in the house of her son! On the other hand, some of these in-laws (especially females) always want to ensure that their brother do more for them that he does to his wife. Some are monitoring spirit. Some refused to see the wife as wife, sister and daughter, but they see her with the lens of an outsider that has come to reap where she did not sow. You see, most times the issue is two-way and as a man you have to handle all issues in their own merit. But sadly, both groups expect the man to "stand by them" against the other at such times. 1 Like |
Re: My Sisters-In-Law Are Causing Problems In My Marriage! What Do I Do? by NoToPile: 7:28am On Dec 20, 2019 |
midnighter: I just had to quote this looool, I also assume same sometimes. 1 Like |
Re: My Sisters-In-Law Are Causing Problems In My Marriage! What Do I Do? by queenitee(f): 7:31am On Dec 20, 2019 |
TonyeBarcanista:I have been reading your replies all along and shaking my head. You have no idea on nothing and you remind me of a post I saw yesterday, “Before you argue with someone, ask yourself is that person is mentally stable enough to grasp the concept of different perspectives, because if not, there’s absolutely no point.” That post is for you, you simply can’t grab the concept of different perspectives. Besides, are you sure everything is actually well with your own marriage? Instead of asking if people are married or if everything is well with their marriage, the question is for you. You are not ready to give the Op the benefit of doubt and like you judge people from their replies I should be able to judge your marriage also. Are you sure your wife isn’t trying to separate you from your family also? Since that’s basically all women do? And I hope you seek consent from your family before having s*x with your wife since they have been your adviser since you were a baby? See the Bible even said “a man shall leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife,” that also goes for the wife. If humans are wrong, is the Bible equally wrong?. Though I’m not saying either party’s family has to totally leave their family cos family is everything yet they have to leave such that their input becomes secondary and you and your wife has to decide if to follow their input or not. Their input becomes minimal when you get married because you are about creating your own family also. Even what works in the family you came from might not work in the family you are trying to create for yourself, they are not the rulers of your home. After you, your wife should be the one who can take decisions about your home after you, not your family. The same way you don’t want your wife running to her family for any small thing or advise is the same way you should be sure to make sure yours also has a limit to the way they interfere in your marriage. Or is it that your wife do not have a family or her family has not been for there for her? Marriage isn’t for the husband alone, it’s equally for the wife. Marriage is between two people and not just a person or three or more people but just “two individuals.” Any other person’s input is minimal and should be discussed by the two people involved in the marriage before it is been act upon. Yes, the op might be lying but why don’t we give people the benefit of doubt? Do you think people can’t hate others without reason? So what if her husband’s family didn’t like her even while he was dating her maybe because of her job or fashion sender or anything? Do I need to tell you they would do all they can to frustrate her so she can leave their brother. Yes I agree it’s her job to make them like her but then it doesn’t come easy like that and while at it, she should not forget to respect herself. And Mr a man needs to respect his wife, when you respect your wife, your family will. You need to respect your wife, the way you place your wife is the way your family will equally place her. Uncle Please learn to grasp the concept to different perspectives, you are not always right and again being able to see things in different perspectives will open your eyes to different opportunities and that way you would grow. Good morning 5 Likes 2 Shares |
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