I have to appreciate you for taking time to read this. I'm about to take a big step in my life and I need honest advice and answers.

I'm planning and hoping to really settle down this year so any relationship I have right now is towards marriage, however, I have a girl friend who also seems to be ready to settle down and I have huge respect for her. However, I have always believed that my authority in a relationship or marriage should not be up for debate. I am a very good listener and also very loving and I find it hard to double date although, I have some women I'm keeping on standby because I've seen enough to understand nothing is guaranteed.

So I told my girlfriend I want to meet her family, she insisted I see her Pastor first or forget about it because she is scared if she takes any man home it must surely be the man she wants to marry.

My challenge is I am not a fan of Pastors these days because I know 80% of them are criminals and I can never have my wife respect her Pastor more than me or even discuss my affairs with her Pastor. Many of these clowns take advantage of women so I have always had my reservations and she knows.

Now she wants me to see the Pastor or forget it in her own words. I was furious with that statement because I have no time to check time but I've also come to realise women are so complex and from experience you can loose a good one for a simple mistake so I don't want to judge her by that statement as it could be out of anger, there's no guarantee the next one I'm meeting will be better off.

I told her let me speak to your Pastor over the phone she said NO. I'm not subjecting myself to any man of God to start thinking he's guiding my life or anything. I was raised right in a Christian home and when I need God I seek him myself.

I need help on what I must do in this case and how I can convince her to see reason. I hope this issue won't end our relationship but I won't from onset become a slave to a fellow man in the name of spiritual father...

I won't pretend to know it all so I need advice please. Marriages is no joke.

dis one u don't want to see d pastor, are u sure u don't want to use her for ritual?

The ball is in your court.

Be careful of all these new age pastors, they are full of deceit.

Fear those modern pastors, I wouldn't be surprised if pastor sef dey nyansh your babe. Set Awon pastor Wilson

It does not cost you anything to go see the Pastor. I did same before I got married to my Wife.

You have to learn that in a relationship, compromise is and must be part of your daily dealings with your partner. Some times you just have to let her have her way in as much as you are the Man.

I will advise you follow her to see the Pastor and hear what he has to say.

Br.

Simple! Oga see the pastor and stop disturbing Nairaland! Se wön sepe fun yin ni?!

2goodbobo:
It does not cost you anything to go see the Pastor. I did same before I got married to my Wife.

You have to learn that in a relationship, compromise is and must be part of your daily dealings with your partner. Some times you just have to let her have her way in as much as you are the Man.

I will advise you follow her to see the Pastor and hear what he has to say.

Br.

Abi o! What sef?! Men be acting like pussies these days!

you guys are not compatible...look for someone else.

the minute you agree to have this deluded pastor be the deciding force in your marriage, then you may as well give him the keys to your home.
women who view the words of some deluded holy man over their own desires are not only foolish but VERY dangerous!

pastor ko, CASTOR ni!

Drop pride.
Just imagin the pastor is a senior family member. You know now you're seeking her hand, it all about her. So go and see him but first make her understand it will not continue like this after this one and hear what she has to say. That will guide your next step.

What she said isn't bad. But, she didn't do it right. Since she knew you don't fancy all these pastor things, She ought to have persuaded, plead with you and give you good reasons for you to see her pastor and not give you an ultimatum or threaten your relationship over it. Here's the place i frown at. Op, forget it! You and that girl aren't much compatible based on religion things. Can you cope with that? Can you cope with her taking your affairs to her pastor without your consent?
Do you have any methods to make her stop this kind of attitude if any of such occur?
I understand the time, energy and other resources put into a relationship which make some people unable to forgo it just like that as such, i will urge you to bring your ego down and see this pastor she is talking about. Hear what the pastor has to say, try and see the kind of pastor he's as well, look at your girl contribution in the discussion. Just use what you see there to draw your conclusion. Since you have compromised in seeing her pastor, when you are done and conclude you will go for her. Place her on a condition of no over familiarity with any pastor, if she is going to take any step with any pastor or church things, she should put you in the know, no divulging of any of your marital affairs with any pastor without your consent. Give her these conditions and watch her reactions and response. These will help you in your decision making as well. Wish you the very best.

Jewessgratitude:
Drop pride.
Just imagin the pastor is a senior family member. You know now you're seeking her hand, it all about her. So go and see him but first make her understand it will not continue like this after this one and hear what she has to say. That will guide your next step.

Jewessgratitude:
Drop pride.
Just imagin the pastor is a senior family member. You know now you're seeking her hand, it all about her. So go and see him but first make her understand it will not continue like this after this one and hear what she has to say. That will guide your next step.

..U seeeemto only advise people...I see u everywere

MrCork:


..U seeeemto only advise people...I see u everywere

Hello
What am I suppose to do?
So what if you see me everywhere? If that is what makes me happy then please let me be everywhere as long as its not eating into your own data.
Are you the one paying my subscription fee?

Please, what I do with my time and data is none of your biz. and stop following me about.

Stick your nose where it belongs from now on. Ok?

callthefred:
I have to appreciate you for taking time to read this. I'm about to take a big step in my life and I need honest advice and answers.

I'm planning and hoping to really settle down this year so any relationship I have right now is towards marriage, however, I have a girl friend who also seems to be ready to settle down and I have huge respect for her. However, I have always believed that my authority in a relationship or marriage should not be up for debate. I am a very good listener and also very loving and I find it hard to double date although, I have some women I'm keeping on standby because I've seen enough to understand nothing is guaranteed.

So I told my girlfriend I want to meet her family, she insisted I see her Pastor first or forget about it because she is scared if she takes any man home it must surely be the man she wants to marry.

My challenge is I am not a fan of Pastors these days because I know 80% of them are criminals and I can never have my wife respect her Pastor more than me or even discuss my affairs with her Pastor. Many of these clowns take advantage of women so I have always had my reservations and she knows.

Now she wants me to see the Pastor or forget it in her own words. I was furious with that statement because I have no time to check time but I've also come to realise women are so complex and from experience you can loose a good one for a simple mistake so I don't want to judge her by that statement as it could be out of anger, there's no guarantee the next one I'm meeting will be better off.

I told her let me speak to your Pastor over the phone she said NO. I'm not subjecting myself to any man of God to start thinking he's guiding my life or anything. I was raised right in a Christian home and when I need God I seek him myself.

I need help on what I must do in this case and how I can convince her to see reason. I hope this issue won't end our relationship but I won't from onset become a slave to a fellow man in the name of spiritual father...

I won't pretend to know it all so I need advice please. Marriages is no joke.

Marriage is NOT a joke. How can you be marrying a religious lady and the first thing you do is try to enforce yourself over her religious convictions... Your marriage may not last. That lady will always see her pastor above you.

Hate pastors all you want but if your marriage will be against the principles of God and the church then prepare for hell.

Even your parents married in the church, so Oga calm down, your authority has not yet been instituted until she is totally married to you, she is not to be your slave. If you want to marry her and you too do not have a pastor that you can take her to then you both are headed for problem o. Because like play like play after marriage you will tell her to leave that church or stop church totally... Oga pls define your religious stand with her else you are about to be unhappy in 2020


Are you even aware that you are meant to be her leader NOT her boss? Meaning you should be more religious or spiritually inclined than her... Stop all the lazy talk that pastors are fake, it's old news but Oga where are the real ones. You can not marry a church girl without her pastor being involved.

Finally, is it not robbery that you use biblical principles in that you claim to be the head or authority in the union yet you are not ready to submit to church standards. Marriage was created by God and only His principles and rules will stand. You can't create your own thing and call it marriage. It will have problems later and your kids will be free thinkers.


Pls humble yourself and follow her to her pastor. You need to find a real pastor too else don't marry.

Go see the pastor na abi weytin dey fear u there now when it's not like the pastor is going to eat you up.. You don't have to take whatever he says if you don't want to take to it simple as ABC.

I'm afraid I will tell you to forget her. People who are religious fanatics are not to be dealt with. Be rest assured her pastor will be the one controlling your wife. Her ideas, thoughts etc are going to be dictated by her pastor.

Her pastor comes before you. Telling you to forget it is the height of disrespect. I detest women who are brainwashed by pastors. Let the pastor come and see you at home if he's so interested in her affairs.

My brother you never see wife. Keep searching.

Go an see the pastor it's nothing that is my advice. but as for me, I won't go. If she is asking politely that is a different case but insisting affirmatively hmm no way, I am not giving no pastor such rights at the beginning.

I have said it times without number, trying to find a free thinking woman in this terrain of ours is tantamount to trying to find the truth from the mouth of Lai Mohammed.

I am tired of Nigerian ladies asss-licking their pastors and practically worshiping them. When will our girls have sense?

A lady like your fiancee is an easy prey for the men of god gods of men to sway, swindle and even coitus.

That being said, you will need to apply wisdom. I am in the same school of thought as you and would get furious if my to-be wife insists I see her pastor before we proceed with marriage, but then again one should compromise once in a while when in love. It takes two to tango. Go see the pastor and watch her body language with him....And if you notice she worships him, you might have some brain formatting to do on her. If it's just the normal "Come see my pastor" syndrome, then you are good.

Cheers.

imagine my fiancee telling me to 'see her pastor or forget it'.....I will also take her to my baba or she should forget it also

chocboi78:
imagine my fiancee telling me to 'see her pastor or forget it'.....I will also take her to my baba or she should forget it also

I tell u bruh.. @op that ur fiance head no correct. Someday, that pastor go tell am to leave u and she go japa 2sec

Jewessgratitude:


Hello
What am I suppose to do?
So what if you see me everywhere? If that is what makes me happy then please let me be everywhere as long as its not eating into your own data.
Are you the one paying my subscription fee?

Please, what I do with my time and data is none of your biz. and stop following me about.

Stick your nose where it belongs from now on. Ok?

..see yor head like baby mosskito. ..edddiot girl...This is romance section..U sopose to be hear talking about sexx & not advising people like arm rober...all u do is advise advise advise..
...and then u complain u can't find man on nairaland!! (Goat)

Ladylite:


Marriage is NOT a joke. How can you be marrying a religious lady and the first thing you do is try to enforce yourself over her religious convictions... Your marriage may not last. That lady will always see her pastor above you.

Hate pastors all you want but if your marriage will be against the principles of God and the church then prepare for hell.

Even your parents married in the church, so Oga calm down, your authority has not yet been instituted until she is totally married to you, she is not to be your slave. If you want to marry her and you too do not have a pastor that you can take her to then you both are headed for problem o. Because like play like play after marriage you will tell her to leave that church or stop church totally... Oga pls define your religious stand with her else you are about to be unhappy in 2020


Are you even aware that you are meant to be her leader NOT her boss? Meaning you should be more religious or spiritually inclined than her... Stop all the lazy talk that pastors are fake, it's old news but Oga where are the real ones. You can not marry a church girl without her pastor being involved.

Finally, is it not robbery that you use biblical principles in that you claim to be the head or authority in the union yet you are not ready to submit to church standards. Marriage was created by God and only His principles and rules will stand. You can't create your own thing and call it marriage. It will have problems later and your kids will be free thinkers.


Pls humble yourself and follow her to her pastor. You need to find a real pastor too else don't marry.

You missed where she threatened to end the relationship if he refused to see her pastor.

Who Dafuq gives such power to a human being that's not even your parent?

That kind of devotion and her threat are dangerous!

luminouz:


You missed where she threatened to end the relationship if he refused to see her pastor.

Who Dafuq gives such power to a human being that's not even your parent?

That kind of devotion and her threat are dangerous!

Dangerous to who? She may be too devoted to her pastor but as a Christian anything that threatens the devotion to God that she knows....has to be stopped.

Would you say she was wrong if she was a Muslim? Well I blame Christians for how shabby they have made Christianity in Nigeria because it sounds like slavery but the tenants of Christianity must never be overridden for any reason not even marriage.

OP does she have a father?






If she has a father then there's no need to see her pastor.

A single Mum was forcing me to see her pastor once and I backed out at the last minute. Because I thought she had been brainwashed by her pastor.

Secondly the father to her child didn't go through all these just to Bleep her so why is she making me pass through all these.



I used to give her money but I stopped.

When a girl is ready for marriage she won't give you conditions instead she will accept all the conditions you give except outrageous ones.

A girl I financed her tru higher institution was as adamant as this your girl, I jejely moved ahead n am now happily married with a daughter to one that I did not have to send to school.

If a girl can be adamant about your dictates b4 marriage why waste your time marrying such or you think you won't have more controversial issue in the future ?

callthefred:

What a senselessly foolish comment, so anyone can threaten to quit relationship cos I chose not to meet his/her pastor ..lol. So a man's authority need to be instituted b4 a so call girl must respect him.?

Its funny what drive some people into marriage thisday, if a partner can threaten to leave a relationship over any issue what is the essence of sustaining that relationship ?!

Does common sense not tell the opposing partner this will definitely continue after the marriage n possibly get worse or how do people even beg another to marry them ? Is marriage not suppose to be consensual BTW parties ?!

Partners should know each other likes n dislikes n once there is one or two not bearable such relationship should automatically not get to marriage.

Ladylite:

Marriage is NOT a joke. How can you be marrying a religious lady and the first thing you do is try to enforce yourself over her religious convictions... Your marriage may not last. That lady will always see her pastor above you.

Hate pastors all you want but if your marriage will be against the principles of God and the church then prepare for hell.

Even your parents married in the church, so Oga calm down, your authority has not yet been instituted until she is totally married to you, she is not to be your slave. If you want to marry her and you too do not have a pastor that you can take her to then you both are headed for problem o. Because like play like play after marriage you will tell her to leave that church or stop church totally... Oga pls define your religious stand with her else you are about to be unhappy in 2020


Are you even aware that you are meant to be her leader NOT her boss? Meaning you should be more religious or spiritually inclined than her... Stop all the lazy talk that pastors are fake, it's old news but Oga where are the real ones. You can not marry a church girl without her pastor being involved.

Finally, is it not robbery that you use biblical principles in that you claim to be the head or authority in the union yet you are not ready to submit to church standards. Marriage was created by God and only His principles and rules will stand. You can't create your own thing and call it marriage. It will have problems later and your kids will be free thinkers.


Pls humble yourself and follow her to her pastor. You need to find a real pastor too else don't marry.

Do not give in. You considering it and asking for suggestions mean you are willing to compromise for her sake if you are made to see reason, and that's a good thing in a relationship and in marriage. However, the same cannot be said of her. Make sure you think long and hard about this relationship.
Once a partner starts off a potential marriage by handing out ultimatums like this, then you should be wary of what's to come. I wonder how you wan take lead the home you wan form if you start on the wrong foot.

Ladylite:
[s]

Marriage is NOT a joke. How can you be marrying a religious lady and the first thing you do is try to enforce yourself over her religious convictions... Your marriage may not last. That lady will always see her pastor above you.

Hate pastors all you want but if your marriage will be against the principles of God and the church then prepare for hell.

Even your parents married in the church, so Oga calm down, your authority has not yet been instituted until she is totally married to you, she is not to be your slave. If you want to marry her and you too do not have a pastor that you can take her to then you both are headed for problem o. Because like play like play after marriage you will tell her to leave that church or stop church totally... Oga pls define your religious stand with her else you are about to be unhappy in 2020


Are you even aware that you are meant to be her leader NOT her boss? Meaning you should be more religious or spiritually inclined than her... Stop all the lazy talk that pastors are fake, it's old news but Oga where are the real ones. You can not marry a church girl without her pastor being involved.

Finally, is it not robbery that you use biblical principles in that you claim to be the head or authority in the union yet you are not ready to submit to church standards. Marriage was created by God and only His principles and rules will stand. You can't create your own thing and call it marriage. It will have problems later and your kids will be free thinkers.


Pls humble yourself and follow her to her pastor. You need to find a real pastor too else don't marry.[/s]

You act like you know too much, but you know nothing.
@Op don't give In to her demands.

She's religious and you are not. There is no wrong or right here, you both are incompatible and trying to change yourselves.

Better to leave now, if you end up married, you may not last 2 years in marriage. the bible says "can two work together except they agree?"

Marry a girl who doesn't go to church or doesn't have a personal relationship with her pastor.

saasala:
I have said it times without number, trying to find a free thinking woman in this terrain of ours is tantamount to trying to find oil in Sahara desert.

I am tired of Nigerian ladies asss-licking their pastors and practically worshiping them. When will our girls have sense?

A lady like your fiancee is an easy prey for the men of god gods of men to sway, swindle and even coitus.

That being said, you will need to apply wisdom. I am in the same school of thought as you and would get furious if my to-be wife insists I see her pastor before we proceed with marriage, but then again one should compromise once in a while when in love. It takes two to tango. Go see the pastor and watch her body language with him....And if you notice she worships him, you might have some brain formatting to do on her. If it's just the normal "Come see my pastor" syndrome, then you are good.

Cheers.

Brotherly, what a wonderful idea you have about our sisters and the power of possessing the capacity for rational critical thinking. However, your desert analogy is out-and-out wrong. On the contrary, we have a lot of oil deposits buried in some desert, especially in the Middle East.

You might well remember that Niger Republic, one of our dear neighbours that is ravaged by the menace of Sahara desert, recently discovered crude oil and has commenced exploitation.

I’ll never take any lady who worships her pastor serious, especially these new generation criminal pastors. I have seen these so called men of God ruin people’s home, take your time and think about it, just have it at the back of your mind that the said pastor will always be part and parcel of your marriage if you marry that lady

Find one fake actress very fine, single, young, big ass "sister" in the lord...and call her your spiritual mother, arrange to see her with your wife to be and make sure she is a subtle flirt, women notice this, always call her mama, and tell your fiance she is a prophet, after your first meeting with her and your fiance.....she would be worried, may even start to accuse you of sleeping with your "prophet".......but first go and see her pastor. women can only listen in situations where they feel cornered, she'll say she is not comfortable with your prophet and then you say the same about her pastor.... that's when you guys can reach a compromise.

Ladylite:


Dangerous to who? She may be too devoted to her pastor but as a Christian anything that threatens the devotion to God that she knows....has to be stopped.

Would you say she was wrong if she was a Muslim? Well I blame Christians for how shabby they have made Christianity in Nigeria because it sounds like slavery but the tenants of Christianity must never be overridden for any reason not even marriage.

Your first paragraph is conflicting. The dude never said he doesn't wanna go to church but he felt being that threatened to see a pastor or lose the relationship is a tad too far for anyone. That is some pastor worship right there, not God worship.

A Muslim? Never heard of any intending groom being compelled to see an Alfa/imam before being wedded. Dont dig holes or make shallow comparisons where they dont exist. Christianity aint what I'm attacking,the sheepie,dog-like devotion to any 'man of god' ish,without even the luxury of independent thinking without being labeled as deviant, is what I attack.

I call it what it is. The girl went overboard. Her pastor is a human being prone to mistakes and if the dude doesn't call her bluff now,he would never be master of his own home. The pastor will be.

Notasaints:
You act like you know too much, but you know nothing.
@Op don't give In to her demands.

She totally went out of context.