Shifi1:
take him to his father na

1StopRudeness:



U go wake tire ooooo....unless u go to the village and marry an illiterate... in the city?? People only get virgins by luck, especially when I want a mature girl...it’s that bad.....why do U think guys settle for less... nobody wants a lady several men has slept with... but 99out of every 100 has a body count of at least 3...with cascades of abortion as collateral damage

Anextin:


Madam, you are the failure here not ur in-law. How can u be alive and well and let ur blood live with someone else. How can u claim to foot 70% of the bill yet ur own blood is starving. Yes, you need happiness and love in your life so I can't be against you for seeking for it. But u should be ashamed that your child is suffering when u are alive and happy. You can't choose anyone above your child.
And don't blame that man, he can't be forced to accept duties of an another man. Blame yourself for all the failures ur son is going through.
Now go and get your son, apologise to him for failing as a mother. Don't u dare bounce him off on another person not even his biological dad, that boy needs his mom. As for ur husband, u have to chose, I pray u make the right decision

Vyvyanvyvy:

He will be 12 years in August , my daughter is 6 years, I have one daughter for my husband she is 2 years and I’m pregnant with another one. Their father is not in Nigeria and I don’t have his contact or his siblings. Yes I have a grocery shop I foot 70% bills in my house

LadySarah:


So she should leave her child in danger because of marriage? You are still a child. The children is for both of us so what's the fuss.
Go and ask ur mother who comes first in her life.
The love for a husband is diff from that of children.

Oyindidi:
Na yeye dey worry am, she tell am before marriage, him no back out

Vyvyanvyvy:

I foot 70% of the bills , I pay my daughter school fee including my first child with my husband I pay half of her school fee ,all my son need is a place to stay, my husband won’t be the one paying his school fee

1StopRudeness:



The only to solve it is to forcefully bring him home.... ur husband can’t do anything....

taurusmena1:
Madam, you are in a very dicey situation and u need to apply wisdom, tolerance, patience and diplomacy.

1) Hiw did u come about your calculation of 70%? This is totally wrong as it puts you in a position of who has more rights in the house. Kindly relegate that thought as it will only complicate things

2) Your son is young and can still change for the better but u do not need to justify his actions like saying he's being starved which is why he is stealing.

3) Nigerian men are scared of taking in Male children from other marriages as it causes a whole lot in the family which I cannot explain now

4) Not talking to your husband will only make matters worse. Show him love and understanding.

5) If he eventually agrees to have your son in the house against his wish, he may end up not showing him the much needed love and will make your son despise him which will put u in a tight corner.

6) I will suggest you enrol your son in a boarding school so he can visit during holidays. That will be a win win situation for everyone at the moment.

Lastly do not listen to all those saying they cant tolerate such nonsense cos most of them want what you already have.

Vyvyanvyvy:
I had 2 children. When I got married, my husband had none and accepted them like his own children.

Before marriage, we had discussed about the children living with us after marriage but that couldn’t be possible anymore because we were having financial problem so we couldn’t afford to move to a bigger apartment. We were staying in a room self contain with my daughter while my son was staying with my elder brother and his wife.

Now three years after we had moved to a bigger house still my husband doesn’t want my son to come and live with us. At the moment my son is going through hard times. My sister in law has been maltreating him to an extent that he has been stealing, he was caught and beaten like an animal. My brother said he doesn’t want him in his house again. He wants me to come and collect him.

I pleaded with my husband for me to bring him with us but he said no, he should stay there because he doesn't want him to damage our children. I’m angry at him I stopped talking to him and I don’t know where my son will go because I have no mother no father it’s only my elder brother and kid sister even my sister who is married doesn’t want him. I’m pained and in tears seeing my only son suffering while I’m still alive and I’m helpless to protect him.

1StopRudeness:



U go wake tire ooooo....unless u go to the village and marry an illiterate... in the city?? People only get virgins by luck, especially when I want a mature girl...it’s that bad.....why do U think guys settle for less... nobody wants a lady several men has slept with... but 99out of every 100 has a body count of at least 3...with cascades of abortion as collateral damage

1StopRudeness:



U go wake tire ooooo....unless u go to the village and marry an illiterate... in the city?? People only get virgins by luck, especially when I want a mature girl...it’s that bad.....why do U think guys settle for less... nobody wants a lady several men has slept with... but 99out of every 100 has a body count of at least 3...with cascades of abortion as collateral damage

Pemivy01:
Dear OP I am also a mother like you and I can tell you with all sincerity that your son is your responsibility and therefore must stay with you.
These children have been given to you by God to nurture and train in the right direction, if you fail in your duty as a parent God will judge you, But if you train them in the right way God will bless you.
And please I beg you don't put the boy in a boarding school, most of the problems we have with the youths today started from some of these boarding schools.
Take your son with you, he is your own and that is the most important thing.

Davash222:

I do this, I do that... abeg make we hear word.
Take the boy to his dad!

Blixon:

Apart from what you put in CAPS, I think the husband is just scared for his 2 year old daughter and unborn baby. Most men I know don't marry single mothers who have boys. Girls can be managed as they marry off to another family at some point. A problem boy is a huge problem on any family for life. There are severe consequences later on of keeping them at home especially if you later have your own kids as a man, the man won't be home 24/7 to monitor how the boy gets on with his kids, there are issues of older male kids especially compromised ones like ops son, sexually molesting their younger half sisters even half brothers, also teaching the young boys to become thieves or wayward is a potential risk. Not to mention the potential for the boy to grow up and start competing for his step dad's property with his biological kids, or even his real father showing up later on if the boy grows to be successful and the step dad loses everything.

The issues are too many to deal with.

Davash222:
Your siblings that are your relatives doesn't want the boy but you want your husband that is not your relative to accept the boy
You should learn to attend to your responsibilities and mistakes. Don't drag your mistakes to that innocent man. He has done more than enough for you.

Marrying a Nigerian girl with two children(not even one) is not what every man can do. That man deserves peace and respect from you.

nnamdibig:
Alot of people are just quick to blame the man.
If the man accepts the boy and many years to come the useless guy comes back to take his biological son, lots of you here will still yab the man why him no born him own son.
It's already a complicated issue and should be handled carefully.
Madam OP born 2 pikin with a guy she can't have access to his relatives and you are blaming a man that is probably scared of allowing a 12yr old boy(who is stealing) to come be bad influence to his daughter? That stealing alone might be the reason the man changed his mind.

OP forget all these divorce them they tell you here and speak to your husband. While doing that, you must locate your babypapa relatives so they come take care of their own. no be when the boy grow finish now them go come claim am.

Find out why your man changed his mind about accepting your son(that did not just happen, something caused it).
This is not a we and them fight, it's your reality handle it carefully.

Again reduce the way you born pikin until you are stable. 4 children is enough for now.




Non of the people telling you to divorce your husband can handle a house help that is stealing(they normally send them to their parents.... including relatives that are stealing)

Vyvyanvyvy:
I had 2 children. When I got married, my husband had none and accepted them like his own children.

Before marriage, we had discussed about the children living with us after marriage but that couldn’t be possible anymore because we were having financial problem so we couldn’t afford to move to a bigger apartment. We were staying in a room self contain with my daughter while my son was staying with my elder brother and his wife.

Now three years after we had moved to a bigger house still my husband doesn’t want my son to come and live with us. At the moment my son is going through hard times. My sister in law has been maltreating him to an extent that he has been stealing, he was caught and beaten like an animal. My brother said he doesn’t want him in his house again. He wants me to come and collect him.

I pleaded with my husband for me to bring him with us but he said no, he should stay there because he doesn't want him to damage our children. I’m angry at him I stopped talking to him and I don’t know where my son will go because I have no mother no father it’s only my elder brother and kid sister even my sister who is married doesn’t want him. I’m pained and in tears seeing my only son suffering while I’m still alive and I’m helpless to protect him.

janvier27:
Your son is not a thief. He's a small child who found himself in an unfortunate situation, and he'll surely get over it. He needs love and attention. It's difficult not to place blames. I think you should have allowed those kids to get older before marriage. Your elder brother has failed you. So also your husband. Keep appealing to your husband or take a break off to live with your kids and show them love so that they can grow properly. Marriage is not all about keeping a woman at home and raising biological children from her.

alizma:

Rather than being angry with him, you should have channel that energy towards doing everything possible to make him see reason with you e.g, crying, begging him at night, making concrete promise that you will ensure your son don't pass negative trait on your children, pretending not to have eaten the whole day because the issue of your child suffering outside gives you concern. With all this in place, he might reason with you if he truly love you but now you chose the wrong way.
Why do why thing you should have adopt those steps? Because the way you love you son and doing everything to protect him, that is the same way he loves his children too and is fighting to ensure they are save from negative trait and no good father will do that base on assumption or gamble his responsibility to ensure his children safety. So I will advise you go back and talk to him. If need be, call someone you know he will likely listen to in a situation like this to help you talk to him. Success

innobarca:
You had kids with a man and his friends and family does not know?you also do not want to find his relatives?
In Nigeria? I do not want to believe that.

Some women be forming smartness but when it is time to be smart, they will fail woefully.

Single mothers that are capable of taking care of their kids do not send them to live with relatives... From what I have seen around.

You foot 70% of the bills but you can't send your child to a good boarding school? Or you are just talking bla bla bla.

Finally.... Nobody failed you, take full responsibility of your mistakes.
Your relatives has tried for you in taking care of your child, its difficult to handle a stubborn child, very difficult.

The child has a father, the father has relatives.

I pay this, I pay that..... You don't need to say all that.

Who knows maybe you will also leave your current husband soon, Later move to the 3rd man.

Vyvyanvyvy:

Thanks for nice advice. You are right my son has become a thief due to the way my sister in law has being treating him , depriving him from food and many bad things the boy had no other choice than to steel. Since I’m alive I want him to be with me and I will take good care of him

franconian:


No, her son is the responsibility of both parents. She should channel some of her energy into getting in touch with the father, she had her first two kids for the same man 6 years apart, it can’t be true that she does not know his people.

Ikem11:


Don't try this advice cos you end up divorced having 4 kids to raise alone.

Maybe jump to another man and find your self in bigger mess than u are now.

Just keep begging your husband and try tune him into accepting the baby staying with you people rather than disobeying him.

While doing so, try getting in contact with his father cos this your story of not knowing his people or having contacts with him is a total lie.

Go back from the rot where he used to stay, his friends... U can't tell me u stayed with a man n had 2kids with him yet don't know how to get in contact with him

Psoul:


Yes she told him and he accepted. That was when he had not heard about the negative thing about the boy.
Stop making it seem as if the man is just heartless.
You will still do the same if u are in the man's shoes.

If u used to have a very close friend that was very nice to u when u were in school, let's say a roommate.
Then you guys left school and u have moved to another city. You start to hear that your former roommate has joined bad gang and she was even arrested and beaten publicly.
If she calls you one day that she is within the same town you are and wants to squat with you for few weeks.
Onyindidi, what will be ur reaction?

justnock:


Ma'am, kindly take him to his biological father's family or better still, involve your church elders... that's if you're a dedicated church member. The leaders in the church can adopt and take care of him.

Vyvyanvyvy:
I had 2 children. When I got married, my husband had none and accepted them like his own children.

Before marriage, we had discussed about the children living with us after marriage but that couldn’t be possible anymore because we were having financial problem so we couldn’t afford to move to a bigger apartment. We were staying in a room self contain with my daughter while my son was staying with my elder brother and his wife.

Now three years after we had moved to a bigger house still my husband doesn’t want my son to come and live with us. At the moment my son is going through hard times. My sister in law has been maltreating him to an extent that he has been stealing, he was caught and beaten like an animal. My brother said he doesn’t want him in his house again. He wants me to come and collect him.

I pleaded with my husband for me to bring him with us but he said no, he should stay there because he doesn't want him to damage our children. I’m angry at him I stopped talking to him and I don’t know where my son will go because I have no mother no father it’s only my elder brother and kid sister even my sister who is married doesn’t want him. I’m pained and in tears seeing my only son suffering while I’m still alive and I’m helpless to protect him.