emmanuelewumi:



Not relying on their wives wealth, a woman with a cash flow and good character will naturally assist at the home front.

She may assist, but at the expense of creating an artificial bar above which the man cannot stay without her assistance.

emmanuelewumi:

We had cases of men working their arses out day and night to provide for their wives and the family, struggling debt which is affecting their health. While wife is busy buying houses, shares, assets and investments.

I hope you know the reason why over 90% of men die before their time and wives in Lagos.


There is no way you will live in US without loans and credit facilities, it is not a matter of recklessness or living above your means. Mind you these men you called reckless financed the professional courses of their wives and also brought them to the US from Nigerian villages

And there you go... proving me right all the way. Those men all tried to live to a certain unsustainable standard; probably set by their wives; hence the debt. It is very possible to live without debt in the US. I did so for over 3 years. Just don't be a slave to the consumerist system. You don't need to buy the bigger home if the smaller one in the suburbs is sufficient and a used 2004 car can ply the same roads as the new 2019 one. It is not every offer that your credit card company makes that you have to blindly jump into.

babakb:


Them no born her well, I will divorce her asss

AAH broda mi.
Divorce is the source of the man's fear when having such a wife in the west.

Because not only would she have brought no assets into the union, upon divorce, she then gets HALF OR MORE of everything you own.
Most times You would still be paying for the house, but you can't live in it. You will go and live in someone's basement or boys quarters while paying for your mansion.

If you have children, and custody is given to her (most likely as she was the only one who stayed home with the kids), then you pay her child support. IF the marriage was long enough, add alimony to that. You can forget about the house, that's hers now. You will ofcourse keep paying the mortgage, and she will keep bringing boyfriends to fvck in the house you are paying for but cannot enter.

Mind you, none of this changes even if you chose to divorce her because you caught her cheating.
Unless you signed a prenup penalizing infidelity before marriage, the State will not automatically penalize her for that.

Also if she is broke, you would be paying for not just yours, but her divorce lawyer as well...and those guys are crooks.
These are the powers granted to women by the State here.
There is a phrase here.... "It's cheaper to keep her".

To summarize man, in the west, even divorce (God forbid) is far bearable if the woman came in with assets and/or earns her own money. Because at least then, the thing can even begin to be fair. That's why a lot of Nigerian men who have been fvcked raw like this just shoot their imported wives here. I understand them completely when that happens lol.

That is why Naija is still the best place to live as a man. We need to get the country working and stop fucking it up by voting foolishly.

djon78:

Over sense dey worry you.

Oh boy, you no lie oh.

I love my gal friend but I can't marry her because she's not vibrant, she's with me cause of financial support, n she changes her mood easily

CHoccolaTE:
Personally I am all for female emancipation and women having jobs/not depending on some guy totally but topics like this are not for the average Nigerian man who believes he should be taken as a demi god by his wife.
You can't have a wife paying rent and buying food to feed her husband and and paying other bills and then her husband wants to exercise TOTAL control over her and the household in spite of her financial and domestic contributions.

That's why Nigerian women avoid men who want them to contribute financially.
Another thing is, after marriage the same man expecting his wife to split bills will expect her to be primarily responsible for housechores and be completely submissive and obedient to him. It doesnt work that way. If a woman starts feeding you or paying your bills you no longer have complete authority over her.
And it becomes imperative that you as the husband also take up housechores like cooking and cleaning and child care.

An average egotistical Nigerian man will not want to do all this.

Simple employ a house help na

RisenPhoenix:


You feel that women can only contribute by bringing money into a marriage? That is not my view. Much more important than washing your dirty dishes, paying half the rent or paying a third of the school fees, is what women contribute by making the home emotionally conducive for the rest of the family, providing a base of rest and comfort from which the husband goes out to fight in the rat race every morning, and nurturing the bodies and minds of the progeny. That is their primary and only duty. Do not underestimate that contribution, it is very important to society. In fact, the neglect by women of this primary duty is what gave rise to the sick society we have today, with rebellious children, stressed husbands and criminal behaviour everywhere. Anything that helps them in that duty; like getting a househelp to take away the less important functions; should be enhanced and encouraged. Would Boeing waste their chief engineer's time by asking him to count bolts and nuts in the store?

The only problem is that women are failing in their primary duty because they are not encouraged to perform it. Rather, weak and lazy men try to get their wives to do the men's duty instead of theirs, and men judge them on that basis. Witness the op.

Even though I dont agree with you

I see and understand where you are coming from

vickydevoka:

Simple employ a house help na

Not that simple

The type of love and attention a biological mother shows her children most often is far better than anything a househelp can provide.
Secondly with the way the world has gone corrupt you are endangering your kids by exposing them to helps.
Some of these helps beat the children in madams a absense or even sexually abuse them and teach them all sorts of nonsense.

If father and mother join hands to raise children there will be no need for helps.

Juliearth:






I totally agree with the op. Nonetheless, this post reeks of double standards. Let's analyse this with the first two paragraph of your analogy, labelled 1 and 2.
1. So its right for a man to assess a woman's prospects and shoot his shot based on that, but women should not be allowed to assess a man's potentials too, right? Quite a hand full of women have been bashed on here due to the aforementioned factor.


2. Why would you want a house wife? Ofcourse, no one would want that, but a woman should not be crucified for not wanting a "house husband"too.

These are strawman arguments that have nothing to do with the post or even me.

1) I personally have never said women should not analyze men for potentials. Quite the contrary really. Maybe refer that to the guys who say such things. All I will and ever say is, she needs to remove the log of brokeness in her own eye before trying to laugh at the speck in the guys eye.

2) A man who has no vision or ambition is worse than an slowpoke. That goes without saying.

tunjilana:
I agree to an extent...I always say men should test a woman's attitude towards her own money before deciding to marrying her....Cos assuming you will always have more than her is foolishness....It is a 40+ years journey and u ain't God...she can overtake u...If all u have as joker is your financial power then na sorry be your name....A woman earning and having good character....is not mutually exclusive. Find you a woman that has both, not one whose "good character" is based on the fact she depends on you.

So which part do you disagree with?

genq:



And I also hate gold diggers and lazy wives who contribute absolutely NOTHING and use househelps to do their chores you silly Puta!

@RisenPhoenix everything you've said on this thread is beyond shocking - especially coming from you! Majority of our women employ the use of househelps (with their husband's money) so please explain to me, what the fvck do Nigerian women bring to the table?

The difference between you and RisenPhoenix is that he is married and knows practically how stuff works.

He has experienced the beauty and colour a wife brings into your life.

Until you experience it, you may never understand him.

@RisenPhoenix: I do not agree with your model of marriage however, I doff my hat on how you have created systems in place to make it work and produce the desired results.

You put your money where your mouth is and not like our NLers who expect a fully earning contributing wife to take up all the chores, look sexy and jump at their every whim.

To answer your question: You are indeed a good husband to a wife who buys into your ideals.

2buffagain:


Nigerians in general tend to believe in autocracies and theocracies...not democracies.

This bleeds into everything they do.

Aptly put!

Make your own money first. This is what gives you power as the man of your house. If she makes money, good. And if she doesn't, no whala. Be careful guys, Don't go and marry a lady that makes money and use it to your disadvantage.

2buffagain:
Gentlemen. The reality of living in the 20th century has changed, and so must every notion formed from previous days that no longer hold weight today.

Women are not the only ones who should be asking what you do.
You should also be asking her what she does....and guaging her wifeability from her response.
Nobody likes to suffer...yourself included. So why sign up for a lifetime of every financial request of your immediate family (and possibly both your extended families ) coming to just you alone?

Gone are the days where families survived on one income alone. Those days, houses in Nigeria used to cost #5M or less. These same houses now cost well over #30M.

I can bet your income did not also inflate 6x over the same time.

The reality is that you need a wife who also brings something home, and honestly it should hopefully be around the same (or more God willing) of what you pull in.

This way one person's income can cover the family stuff and the other person's income goes towardssavings/investments/emergencies/joblessness buffering/ etc. Your family will go farther and you can even both retire earlier if this is done right.

Also Naija guys please, have some respect for yourself.
If you meet a girl and she has the mental configuration of always wanting money from you, just know that she is not the one.

As a sister here once said, "A girl who truly likes you, won't ask you for money...unless it's bad and you are her last resort."
Na woman talk am. Believe that sister. Peep that one game from her, and most of you will be alright.

If a girl really likes you, she'll be too busy trying to think of ways to be an asset to your life or impress you...not a taker.

Get you a girl who makes her money with a good source of income and who understands that her income is to be included in plans.

You have been told.
You should be done with your broke girl phase right about now ^{(much like how women should be done with their bad boy stage).}
It does nothing for your life.

NOTE: I am not saying go and marry an idiot because she makes money.... Obviously.
You are still looking for a good wife, who just ALSO happens to be equipped with income and/or good income prospects and drive.

bukatyne:


The difference between you and RisenPhoenix is that he is married and knows practically how stuff works.

He has experienced the beauty and colour a wife brings into your life.

Until you experience it, you may never understand him.

@RisenPhoenix: I do not agree with your model of marriage however, I doff my hat on how you have created systems in place to make it work and produce the desired results.

You put your money where your mouth is and not like our NLers who expect a fully earning contributing wife to take up all the chores, look sexy and jump at their every whim.

To answer your question: You are indeed a good husband to a wife who buys into your ideals.

You echo my sentiment on Phoenix

I dont agree with his way either
But at least he has created what SEEMS to work for him

Which we should do amyways

josen16322:
wen som women start makin cash more dan their husband dey wil be like i am now d head of d family i can provide half of d tins my children needs be4 u kno it d husband wil be talkin one d wife wil be talkin 2 no more respect 4d husband dis incident is hapenin in my compound dat is y women can neva rule dis country becos wen dey start 2 earn more dan their husband,dem go form pass shit

Learn to use your punctuations.

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Interested persons should call 08033114468

2buffagain:


Notice how most of the countries that try to put "Democratic" in their full name are usually the most autocratic folks?
Besides Naija there is also DPRK aka North Korea.

It's like a joke.
I bet they were laughing when they named their countries.

Hahahahahaah

emmanuelewumi:



Make sure your wife doesn't have a job , business or make any money by her self.

A man who was 100% responsible for his family, wife and for his in-laws, almost committed suicide when he found out that his wife who never contributed a dime to the home front has built 2 houses in Lagos, when the husband doesn't have a single house and still struggling to pay rent.

When the family and the pastor intervened on the matter, she later agreed to change the title of the property to her children's names. And started using the rental income from the two properties to assist in the home front

You dont mean it

That's just terrible mehn

Great advice we will marry a man who makes money...

emmanuelewumi:
If you check my writings and contributions on Nairaland you will find out that I am very active in the investment section.

Character and good attitude is very important. Especially when you have a supportive spouse.

A lady who is a full house wife once sent a private chat to me on what she could invest N10 million on. I asked her how she got the fund, she said she gets paid a salary of 150k every month by the husband which she had been saving for the past 5 years, she inflated school fees and other house hold expenses, and the expenses the husband spends on his in-laws. Unfortunately this was a time the husband needed N5 million to execute a project that will give a profit of over N2 million to the man.

I asked why can't she loan her husband the money, she said the husband will stop all he had been doing for if he knew she has over N10 million in her name.

I sha helped her to open a money market fund account with one of the Investment banking firms at Ikoyi Lagos.

Just negodu

Na wa

CSTR2:

Most rich men don't marry liabilities.

Look at Tony elumelu. His wife is a medical doctor.

You can't find an Exxon Mobil engineer looking for a wife in mushin where they are lot of jobless ladies.

An Exxon Mobil engineer would most likely get married to a Female engineer he met in a site or a female marketing executive he met in a business seminar for oil majors or a medic doctor working for his company.

Where would he meet jobless women.?

While I get your point

You will be surprised that some well to do man still go after liabilities

A distant uncle of mine is an example

DexterousOne:


You dont mean it

That's just terrible mehn

A lot is happening some men will never allow their wives to willing contribute a dime to the home front because of their I am fully in charge ego. You can't blame such women when they start investing and buying income generating assets

cr7lomo:
Also avoid women from struggling homes even if they earn...cos it's as good as no job cos everything she earns will go bk to her family while u still earn for her and her family

Another very valid point

Such women are most times scarred and schemers


Not only will she not contribute as much
She will scheme on how to collect your own and send her family's way


Its not worth the headache

DexterousOne:


While I get your point

You will be surprised that some well to do man still go after liabilities

A distant uncle of mine is an example

The only way such men can control their women is by having them dependent on him and being their sole provider.

CHoccolaTE:


Not that simple

The type of love and attention a biological mother shows her children most often is far better than anything a househelp can provide.
Secondly with the way the world has gone corrupt you are endangering your kids by exposing them to helps.
Some of these helps beat the children in madams a absense or even sexually abuse them and teach them all sorts of nonsense.

If father and mother join hands to raise children there will be no need for helps.

My sister y mama leave me with my neighbor wat de beat me n yet I no die. Wat will be will be

emmanuelewumi:



A lot is happening some men will never allow their wives to willing contribute a dime to the home front because of their I am fully in charge ego. You can't blame such women when they start investing and buying income generating assets

That's fine sha

But the thought of this happening to me tho

Splendy07:
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how much and where is the location

vickydevoka:

My sister y mama leave me with my neighbor wat de beat me n yet I no die. Wat will be will be

But there are stories of other unfortunate kids that got beaten to death and the ones that were raped or kidnapped. See?

That is why you are a female

AirstarKane:
This is one of the reasons I am yet to marry. Although, I can pay my bbills to some extent but I don't have enough to sustain two people. When my people asked what's delaying maybe the guy I snapped at them o. I told them have asked if your girl is independent enough to shoulder a family incase of any eventually. Following their path would be tragic for me cos I know what is like.
My mom single-handedly raise my sibling and I to university and I wont settle for less. She's my role model!

2buffagain:


That man must have seen life

The major thing is that, especially we black people, we are susceptible to the Black tax i.e expenses from extended family members.
The honest feeling is: "I can handle taking care of my parents, but why do I have to still be taking care of hers?"
Especially if they are the type that hungrily went in on you and collected "flenty" money during wedding list matters.

Those expenses for her side should come from her own income.

Exactly what my brother is going through right now. He said and I quote "Marrying a woman that is not working is such a biiiiiiiggggg error" Lwkmd No pity for him cos he had two ladies to choose from but he chose the unemployed one out of love saying that the other rich working class lady patronises native doctors alot and he fear being hypnotized by her. Now his regretting marrying a lady without a source of income after two kids. Medicine after death, Lol.

DexterousOne:


That's fine sha

But the thought of this happening to me tho

Nothing will happen. At least your children will inherit the Investments and Income generating assets

I agree with you. Op