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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Indecisive And Unhappy. Advice Pla (12530 Views)
Being A Single Mother Or Being Married And Unhappy. / Genotype: The Reason For My Unhappy Marriage. / Depressed And Unhappy In My Marriage (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Indecisive And Unhappy. Advice Pla by frozen70(f): 9:21pm On Apr 05, 2020 |
Mavis3: Good to hear the adoption was a discussion before now This time around, take it up with him and follow it to the later Before the other lady starts brain washing him over you Men are like wind they follow the wind direction in situations like this So, no matter the level it takes, you have a child to console yourself But try hard to be the good loving wife that you are so that he won't have any reason to turn his back on you Men are really unpredictable 4 Likes |
Re: Indecisive And Unhappy. Advice Pla by bukatyne(f): 9:39pm On Apr 05, 2020 |
Donald3d: I for say ![]() |
Re: Indecisive And Unhappy. Advice Pla by ceeceeuwa: 9:45pm On Apr 05, 2020 |
Mavis3: If you can raise some money, I'd advice you go for another section of IVF... I pray you will smile again this time around. I have nothing but prayer for you. As the Lord lives, may the peace of the Lord that passed all understanding abide with you now and always!please don't forget to open another thread with your testimony. Try and get the book 'supernatural childbirth'. |
Re: Indecisive And Unhappy. Advice Pla by tabithababy(f): 9:56pm On Apr 05, 2020 |
Haaaa nkan MBE.... Forget about the joint account..... 1 Like |
Re: Indecisive And Unhappy. Advice Pla by PuZZyNegro: 10:09pm On Apr 05, 2020 |
[quote author=Mavis3 post=88132495][/quote] Sadly, it is what it is. Women are always at the receiving end when it comes to marriage. If you were the one that got pregnant from another man, I am sure you would have been sent to your father's house with your luggages with immediate effect. Now, people are advising that you forgive and accept the child to come live with you forgetting that the child will daily be reminding you of the betrayal by your husband. If your heart is large enough, you can forgive. If you have money, you can go for IVF again. It doesn't always work at the first try. That it failed the first time does not mean it will never work 2 Likes |
Re: Indecisive And Unhappy. Advice Pla by Graxie(f): 10:11pm On Apr 05, 2020 |
Hmmmmmmmmm, our society put too much pressure on child bearing, when he was cheating he didn't remember pastor, now he is using pastor to ask for forgiveness. Sometimes I love deeper life and assemblies of God, your husband would have been given back chair. The type of marriage so called Christians enter into without the fear of God is alarming. He knew you guys were waiting yet he was busy sleeping around without condoms. I know you can't leave your marriage, I also know the useless baby mama will even want to be second wife. Please stop that joint account and start looking out for yourself. You see why I advise TTC women to go for adoption, how can you wait for 5years without adopting? If not for anything, you need to raise kids while you are young. As it is, just take it one day at a time. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Indecisive And Unhappy. Advice Pla by Nobody: 10:39pm On Apr 05, 2020 |
merieam16: She's asking a psychological question and not a spiritual question .. is everything about prayer?... The way some people think at times sha smhfy 11 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Indecisive And Unhappy. Advice Pla by ProtectMyMoney: 11:45pm On Apr 05, 2020 |
My question for Op, how were you living out your single life before you got married? Was it parties, Abuja today, Lagos tomorrow, Dubai next tomorrow? You can choose the option of leaving your husband like Toke Makinwa did...when she found out her husband impregnated someone else, or you can pressurize your husband to pay for another IVF cycle for you. If your eggs are still good, let the ivf clinic try day 5 rather than day 3. |
Re: Indecisive And Unhappy. Advice Pla by elektra(f): 11:53pm On Apr 05, 2020 |
It is time to separate finances. Hell will freeze over the day I take responsibility for my husband’s love child. 9 Likes |
Re: Indecisive And Unhappy. Advice Pla by Sixfeetbelle: 12:36am On Apr 06, 2020 |
Mavis3: Because I like to prove my points with facts, I need you to reiterate to me what you meant when you said a man can't bring his lovechild to his matrimonial home like a woman does Cc RisenPhoenix |
Re: Indecisive And Unhappy. Advice Pla by Nobody: 1:40am On Apr 06, 2020 |
Sixfeetbelle: Please rephrase your question. |
Re: Indecisive And Unhappy. Advice Pla by Gift7428: 1:58am On Apr 06, 2020 |
Mavis I hope you know nothing is a misapprehension here. Your husband got tired of waiting and decided to try his fortune outside. Understand how he used your pastor (religion) to make you feel powerless. I genuinely wonder why you want to stay in this marriage. Can you make do with this level of betrayal? What if you never get pregnant in such toxic environment? Is this how you really want to live? Don't have no pastor shut you up or make you do the things you cannot cope with. Your husband is not even a trophy Just one failed IVF and he yielded up? 13 Likes |
Re: Indecisive And Unhappy. Advice Pla by Resurgent2016: 7:00am On Apr 06, 2020 |
Mavis3: Somehow I feel your husband action is a script. However, I wish you all the strength in the difficult period, there's no easy way out. |
Re: Indecisive And Unhappy. Advice Pla by Brazenbabe: 7:19am On Apr 06, 2020 |
His family is in on it. He would go ahead to make a 2nd and 3rd baby with her. No baby mama is threatening him, he knows what he is doing. Get used to the fact that the woman is your Co wife. He would pay for her bride price and tell you 10 years after. He would say the woman refused to let him see the boy unless he marries her. He would say she seduced him into the getting her pregnant again. The earlier you remove love and other mushy emotions and make rational decisions that would help you move forward, the better for you. Start by dissolving the joint account By now, you should have even stopped contributing to the house expenses. Since he wants to be a typical entitled randy naija husband with misplaced ego. Give it back to him by letting him bear the cost of all your responsibilities. If he has enough time to get a woman pregnant, he has enough time to make more money PS: This is the best time to make your demands, and share your assets with him. Now that he is still feeling guilty and pussy footing around the issue. He would be quick to do whatever yob you say to appease you. Act fast before his family get involved and embolden him, else you are leaving the marriage with nothing. 18 Likes |
Re: Indecisive And Unhappy. Advice Pla by ThothHermes: 7:48am On Apr 06, 2020 |
A very hard and painful situation. Look beyond your pain and allow him take care of the child. Be kind to the child and even the woman (very hard I know). It will do two things. One, save you from bitterness and anger which poisons only you. Secondly it will connect you to the grace of fruitfulness which you don't have. If you do these things, you will conceive and give birth so quickly you will not believe it. I guarantee you this in the Name of the Most High. If you can find time, download and listen to the message "Commanding Results" by Apostle Joshua Selman. Do this I beg you. |
Re: Indecisive And Unhappy. Advice Pla by ThothHermes: 7:50am On Apr 06, 2020 |
Brazenbabe:Just Negodu. This one is always bitter. You need deliverance. ![]() |
Re: Indecisive And Unhappy. Advice Pla by Paxie55: 7:55am On Apr 06, 2020 |
[quote author=Mavis3 post=88132495][/quote] Don't use your money to train up another woman's child. 1 Like |
Re: Indecisive And Unhappy. Advice Pla by Nobody: 8:47am On Apr 06, 2020 |
Mavis3: Hi dear, the truth is you have no option but to keep on praying, having hope, faith, and being joyful singing praises to God always, while earnestly waiting for answers to your prayers. Unless you want to get a child from baby factories, bath with black soap and sponge, sleep with another man to try your luck, steal a newborn baby after pretending you're pregnant or get a divorce. What I'm trying to say is you have to try and pray without ceasing. Because your hope is in the Lord. Ask for strength and God will renew your strength. Be strong. As for the joint account, it's time to have a personal account. If your husband can betray your trust the way he did, of what use is a joint account? |
Re: Indecisive And Unhappy. Advice Pla by Mavis3: 9:26am On Apr 06, 2020 |
Do you think that is all what a single woman's life is all about? Parties, Abuja, Lagos and Dubai? Some people thinking funny Sha ![]() ![]() ProtectMyMoney: 11 Likes |
Re: Indecisive And Unhappy. Advice Pla by realtalk19: 9:32am On Apr 06, 2020 |
Mavis3: A lot is going to change. A child is involved and soon his family may get involved.Be prepared and pray for God's intervention and wisdom. It is well with you. |
Re: Indecisive And Unhappy. Advice Pla by Mavis3: 9:42am On Apr 06, 2020 |
Hmmmmm. People have suggested all you mentioned to me but I never wanted to get myself involved in dubious or diabolic way of getting pregnant and to live with the guilt all my life knowing how the baby came about. He asked me this morning if I have thought through what he told me yesterday. I said I am still thinking about it but I have also been thinking about having separates account once the lockdown is over. And when we do that, we will now discuss how the upkeep of his child will be. He said but we decided on a joint account before we got married and it has been working for us. I told him just like we took a vow of for better or worse and I can see how that is working for us now. That's what I told him this morning. I have never spoken to my husband in the manner I spoke to him this morning and surprisingly I don't feel bad at all. Nooil: 4 Likes |
Re: Indecisive And Unhappy. Advice Pla by Missmossy(f): 9:53am On Apr 06, 2020 |
Gift7428:The betrayal and infidelity is just too much ![]() Please do what ever makes you happy. 2 Likes |
Re: Indecisive And Unhappy. Advice Pla by Mavis3: 10:04am On Apr 06, 2020 |
Thank you . My anger and bitterness towards him is enormous now. I feel he faked the begging and the I am sorry stuff initially. Or why will he just come up now about taking care of his child. He deliberately exposed me to HIV/AIDS and other STIs. And even demonic soul ties because I don't know the number of men his baby mama was sleeping with plus him. Exchanging someone's destiny anyhow . I keep going for test every month since he told me this just to check my status and it is not easy on me. I drag him along all the time to check his too and I don't repeat hospitals. Knowing your partner freely cheated on you can be very painful especially when you are faithful. Even in my sleep my head was full with different strategies to build more on me and start living for me. I no go come die walahi. Graxie: 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Indecisive And Unhappy. Advice Pla by cococandy(f): 10:11am On Apr 06, 2020 |
Classic. Forgive a cheating husband and accept his love child. See how the sky is not falling right now? And everything is relatively okay? Y’all keep the same energy when your wives bring their sides’ kids home. ![]() 21 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: Indecisive And Unhappy. Advice Pla by cococandy(f): 10:14am On Apr 06, 2020 |
At least here’s someone who’s not telling her she has no other options Brazenbabe: 12 Likes |
Re: Indecisive And Unhappy. Advice Pla by cococandy(f): 10:15am On Apr 06, 2020 |
Lmao ![]() ThothHermes: 3 Likes |
Re: Indecisive And Unhappy. Advice Pla by Nobody: 10:19am On Apr 06, 2020 |
Mavis3: And you shouldn't feel bad at all. He broke the trust, and he should spend time fixing it and not trying to demand something from you too soon. He should even be asking for your permission to open another account for his illegitimate child so he won't take further advantage of you. Dear, before moving forward, you need to look at your husband in the eyes and ask him questions about what the future holds. Don't sweep things under the rug because he will take you for granted and do whatever he wishes. Think about asking him these questions, and watch his countenance when he answers them. Why do you think it's normal to use our joint account for this child? Why didn't you use a condom with this lady? Were you planning to get a child outside this marriage? When is the lady moving into the house? (Don't ask him if he is going to eventually bring the lady into the house. Ask him like you already know its what he is planning to do. His answer and facial expression might give you more details about his future plans) When are we going for our next IVF? (If he wants a joint account to take care of his child, then you deserve as many IVFs as you please) Can we fully adopt this baby? Like my name and yours on his birth certificate? (If you're going to train someone, you should as well get full ownership) How long do you want this marriage to last? (Just checking if he hasn't made up his mind to bring in another woman) Ensure you keep a straight face without emotions when asking the questions. Also, use a calm voice, avoid arguments of all kinds. Stick to the questions, no need for deviating matters. You need to know the future of your marriage. Don't let anyone think they are going to box you into a corner where you become helpless and agree to all their requests. You can still have a baby. Just ensure you stay happy. Fill your phone with uplifting Christian songs that uplift your spirit when you're down. Being bitter won't do a single thing. Get close to children. Volunteer to work in the Sunday school at church. Buy gifts for children, even the illegitimate child. Love children, and you'll be blessed with as many as you desire. 12 Likes |
Re: Indecisive And Unhappy. Advice Pla by Mavis3: 10:38am On Apr 06, 2020 |
Thank you. When I got to hear about the child and the other woman and I was seriously down emotionally, his Aunty told me that it's a painful situation but they can't just ignore their blood. That I should try and get to know the lady and see how we can bond for the sake of the child. I told her I will never stoop that low to do that. Last month,same Aunty invited me over for the weekend cos we stay in same town, and she told me that she will be happy if I can just put my emotions aside and be reasonable about the child. That my husband should be responsible for the child's upkeep and he can only do that if I cooperate. I told her the child is not mine, so I should not be dragged into any decision that has to do with the child. The above happened last month. So I am actually not just going to sit and wait for anything to take me by surprise. I didn't have a sound sleep last night, but it was thoughts of how to move forward and readjust that was in my head. Once we get our salaries for the month, we transfer into the joint account. But i have decided that mine will remain in my salary account from this month. I have hinted him this morning about having separates account and I intend to work on that. Brazenbabe: 1 Like |
Re: Indecisive And Unhappy. Advice Pla by Mavis3: 10:43am On Apr 06, 2020 |
Thank you so much Nooil. I really appreciate your input and everyone here. I will do as you have said because I really need answers too. Nooil: 1 Like |
Re: Indecisive And Unhappy. Advice Pla by Nobody: 10:58am On Apr 06, 2020 |
Mavis3: You're welcome dear. And I pray you get all your happiness and confidence back. God bless you. Also, if by chance he is able to convince you to use the joint account for raising his child, (probably you agree for peace to reign) ensure he is also agreeing that you'll use the joint account to adopt a child and go for as many IVFs and fertility treatment as you want. Ensure everything is on paper so someone doesn't come and deny tomorrow. 7 Likes |
Re: Indecisive And Unhappy. Advice Pla by Ladyhippolyta88(f): 11:53am On Apr 06, 2020 |
Mavis3:Since you are still bitter, pained and talking about this you have not forgiven your husband you just felt pressured to forgive him per religious grounds. You are not happy and if you are not happy for your own sanity you have every right to leave him if you want Don't use your money to train that child it is your husband's responsibility alone.Be rational save up for yourself and stop thinking about a man who stopped thinking about you when you needed him most.You may never be able to love that child because of your husband's betrayal. Get a separate account don't add your money to that joint account again infact dissolve the account. There is a crack in your marriage and your husband caused it by having a child outside when you have none,your husband can play to the tune of the babymama and his family may use this opportunity to kick you out. Your husband is a selfish man be selfish like him so put yourself first and don't let him pressure you into doing what you don't want to do. 12 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Indecisive And Unhappy. Advice Pla by bukatyne(f): 12:12pm On Apr 06, 2020 |
Mavis3: No matter the pressure, don't go diabolical or do something shady because of desperation. Don't! Don't do what would make you regret tomorrow. @Bold: Hmmmmm Just have a separate purse. |
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