ProtectMyMoney:
My question for Op, how were you living out your single life before you got married?

Was it parties, Abuja today, Lagos tomorrow, Dubai next tomorrow?

You can choose the option of leaving your husband like Toke Makinwa did...when she found out her husband impregnated someone else, or you can pressurize your husband to pay for another IVF cycle for you.

If your eggs are still good, let the ivf clinic try day 5 rather than day 3.

I am going to ask this question with a straight face, why are you asking or what are you trying to insinuate?

crackkhaus:

Sixfeetbelle and some others here just want to be deliberately obtuse by feigning ignorance of this very important point.

I wonder how a man will successfully deceive his wife into raising a child from his infidelity, which is something women have an A+ in doing.

Don't be naive. It's not cute.

If he can make the childlessness issue her fault by stating the child as proof of his fidelity, he can convince her to raise the child with him, especially if he convinces her to be understanding.

The man is being deceitful. If he wasn't, he would have found a way to deal with the baby mama issue without causing pain for the wife. Argue it all you want but don't mention me.

Brazenbabe:
His family is in on it.
He would go ahead to make a 2nd and 3rd baby with her.
No baby mama is threatening him, he knows what he is doing.
Get used to the fact that the woman is your Co wife.
He would pay for her bride price and tell you 10 years after.
He would say the woman refused to let him see the boy unless he marries her.
He would say she seduced him into the getting her pregnant again.
The earlier you remove love and other mushy emotions and make rational decisions that would help you move forward, the better for you.
Start by dissolving the joint account
By now, you should have even stopped contributing to the house expenses.
Since he wants to be a typical entitled randy naija husband with misplaced ego.
Give it back to him by letting him bear the cost of all your responsibilities.
If he has enough time to get a woman pregnant, he has enough time to make more money

PS: This is the best time to make your demands, and share your assets with him. Now that he is still feeling guilty and pussy footing around the issue. He would be quick to do whatever yob you say to appease you.
Act fast before his family get involved and embolden him, else you are leaving the marriage with nothing.

cococandy:
Classic. Forgive a cheating husband and accept his love child.
See how the sky is not falling right now? And everything is relatively okay? Y’all keep the same energy when your wives bring their sides’ kids home.

Like the hypocrisy is too much, hell isn't even freezing over, it's not raining fire and brimstone, no one is bending over backwards, why, cos its the husband's love child, imagine if reverse is the case, this thread will be on its tenth page by now.

Sixfeetbelle:

Don't be naive. It's not cute.

If he can make the childlessness issue her fault by stating the child as proof of his fidelity, he can convince her to raise the child with him, especially if he convinces her to be understanding.

The man is being deceitful. If he wasn't, he would have found a way to deal with the baby mama issue without causing pain for the wife. Argue it all you want but don't mention me.

Na only you understand wetin you just type.

Infidelity? Guilty
Breaking trust? Guilty

Deceitfulness? Blehhh...
You may need to check the meaning of this word before accusing him of it.

crackkhaus:

Na only you understand wetin you just type.

Infidelity? Guilty
Breaking trust? Guilty

Deceitfulness? Blehhh...
You may need to check the meaning of this word before accusing him of it.

You're right. Deceitful isn't the right word. Help me out here, if you would. What I meant is that I know some men who won't let this baby mama issue get to the wife at all. If the man wanted the issue to be silent, I know he would have done it. He didn't.

Sixfeetbelle:

You're right. Deceitful isn't the right word. Help me out here, if you would. What I meant is that I know some men who won't let this baby mama issue get to the wife at all. If the man wanted the issue to be silent, I know he would have done it. He didn't.

Right..

So you'd prefer if he had kept it a secret and not open up to his wife.
Wow, this is new

You do have a completely novel way of thinking, it's interesting...weird, but interesting.

crackkhaus:

Right..

So you'd prefer if he had kept it a secret and not open up to his wife.
Wow, this is new

You do have a completely novel way of thinking, it's interesting...weird, but interesting.

We both know why he wants that child. It's clear as day. The bone has been thrown to the dog...

Sotland:


So many narrow minded people..lol.. Just a simple question she fails to answer but rather chooses to derail and keep running round the circuit such like a clown.

Toxic character here to instigate a divorce.. Op be wise, don't allow someone advice here leads to your divorce. Many of them ain't even married. A word is enough for the wise...

One question for you, why have you refused to condemn the fact that the man commited adultery, which is also a sin, but chose to focus your hypocrisy on the wife and forgiveness, why?

Mavis3:
I know my husband deserves to be happy and so do I. But he won't be happy at the expense of me being unhappy.

My sister I know I can't love that child. Not now anyways. I don't hate him too, I just don't know what I feel about him.

And right now, I can't explain what I feel for my husband as well.

I think what he wants most now is being a father. And to experience fatherhood and everything that comes with it. I want that for him as well.

For me, I want to be a mother too but not to the child he had with his girlfriend.

His Aunty sent a message she is coming by the house this evening she wants to see me. I know he has told her what transpired yesterday and this morning.

I dey wait.

Time actually heals all wounds. Of course there would always be scars to remind you.
Your husband has married a new wife, believe it or not.
Do not be blackmailed into having joint finances.
Even if big aunty comes tomorrow abi tonight, just tell her you've heard whatever she has say. But do whatever you have in mind.
Also, remember to inform your own people. Perhaps they should also be present when big aunty is coming. Otherwise, they might gang up against you.
You need all the support and encouragement from close friends and family right now. Take any support you can get
Never ever transfer a dime to any joint account again.
I'm sure he should be able to cater for his new wife and children.
He needs to hustle harder if he has to depend on the money from his first wife to cater for his new family.
And at the same time, do not hate the child he has with his other wife. It's really not the child's fault.
Encourage him to do right by his child.
If you feel the marriage is still worth your energy, continue in it but remember you don't come first anymore in his life.
Otherwise if you feel the betrayal is too much ( and I'm almost certain, things will get worse for you with the new wife), you can think of leaving the marriage and perhaps consider a relationship with someone else who's single and has children already, so you're not under so much pressure to have yours. There's no rush anyway in making that decision. Take your time to observe as events unfold.
At the same time, start considering other options since you really want children.
Is there an explanation for the failed IVFs you've had in the past?
Perhaps a surrogate may be more appropriate if you can afford it.
There is also the option of legal adoption. Please consider this option, as it seems many people find this topic distasteful
Unlike some people who think adoption is terrible or that adopted children are pets, you can actually make a child happy and change their life for good.
In return, they give you joy and perhaps even a sense of purpose.

Some peeps on here don't disappoint sha, they started advicing Op and commenting with sense, feeling, and sympathy of Op's plight, but as soon as their dingos who gives them a sense of self worth and validity due to their -0 self esteem showed up, they started spilling from both sides of the mouth, typing classic trash, yapping usual nonsense, not surprised,

Op use your tongue to count your teeth cos even if you decide to be a nice person and take care of his child, you will never be seen as his mother, the child will go back to his mother, so dissolve the joint account and start getting properties, investments in your MAIDEN name alone, leave the money entitled mistake of a husband, adopt and live the rest of your life happy and fulfilled,

The guts he has to tell you to fund the child though, the fvcking guts

adedayoa2:
He should not use your joint account, and tell him you want to continue trying IVF. Pls don't stop trying, your child is your child. All will be well

Which account should he use since they operate a joint account?

If she takes care of the child from the joint account, she can monitor the amount of money he’s spending on the child effectively. That way, nothing would be hidden from her. The alternative is for them to end the joint account and maintain separate accounts. That way, he will be able to take care of his child but the wife won’t be in the know of so many things again.

The hardline posture you’re advising is actually not the solution. The deed has been done. If she has truly forgiven him, then she need to accept the child as her own. With the acceptance, there should be no big deal in taking care of the child from their joint account. Any which way, the man will spend on that child so the earlier she accepts the reality, the better for her sanity.

Finally, spending on the child jointly won’t stop her from continuing the IVF option. Showing love and care to the innocent child may even hasten God to answer her prayer. There is a saying in Yoruba land that “ori omo l’onpe omo waye”. I wish her well.

NoToPile:
What I find surprising is that he expects to use your joint funds to take care of the child, thats very terrible. I wont be surprised if its what aunty came to talk about.


Please have a seperate account.

That should tell you the type of entitled leeches we have these days, some anyway, platinum diggers that can't provide for themselves and progeny except they gnaw at women's income, they go into marriage and suggest joint account(sky will fall if a woman will suggest joint account and the husband willingly agree) just for their selfish gain, joint account only favours the husband in the long run, never the wife as evident with Op's husband.

NoToPile:


The vow broken is the 'Forsaking all others' part.

Honestly I need you to enducate me on the vows taking.. Maybe I am missing something, so I'll appreciate it if you can..

Fountainofyouth:
Some peeps on here don't disappoint sha, they started advicing Op and commenting with sense, feeling, and sympathy of Op's plight, but as soon as their dingos who gives them a sense of self worth and validity due to their -0 self esteem showed up, they started spilling from both sides of the mouth, typing classic trash, yapping usual nonsense, not surprised,

Op use your tongue to count your teeth cos even if you decide to be a nice person and take care of his child, you will never be seen as his mother, the child will go back to his mother, so dissolve the joint account and start getting properties, investments in your MAIDEN name alone, leave the money entitled mistake of a husband, adopt and live the rest of your life happy and fulfilled,

The guts he has to tell you to fund the child though, the fvcking guts

HAhahaha, no be today things my dear. We are use to their modus operandi. Some things are inherent. Always forming intelligent yet full of crap, I don't know how they sleep at night knowing fully well the damage they cause online. I hope those seeking for advice will continue to differentiate between the wheat and the chaff.

Graxie:
HAhahaha, no be today things my dear. We are use to their modus operandi. Some things are inherent. Always forming intelligent yet full of crap, I don't know how they sleep at night knowing fully well the damage they cause online. I hope those seeking for advice will continue to differentiate between the wheat and the chaff.

My point exactly.

Fountainofyouth:



That should tell you the type of entitled leeches we have these days, some anyway, platinum diggers that can't provide for themselves and progeny except they gnaw at women's income, they go into marriage and suggest joint account(sky will fall if a woman will suggest joint account and the husband willingly agree) just for their selfish gain, joint account only favours the husband in the long run, never the wife as evident with Op's husband.

He wants the joint account to finish building an inheritance for his children from another woman, and at the same time too raising another family from same account.
If OP decides to stop putting money there, that means the project won't go as smoothly again, and he still has to fend for his child.
Awoof dey sweet belle.

cococandy:
Classic. Forgive a cheating husband and accept his love child.
See how the sky is not falling right now? And everything is relatively okay? Y’all keep the same energy when your wives bring their sides’ kids home.

I just checked posts shared with me and saw this:

The OP made the decision to forgive her husband herself. Infact, she came to ask how she would handle her husband's suggestion to care for his child with their joint resources:

Check the two bolded points in her post.

Mavis.3:
Dear Nairalanders,
I had to open this new account Because I have friends here and family members.

Please kindly advice me on this. As I am so bitter and unhappy right now.

I have been married for close to mine years without a child. I have had two miscarriages and couldn't take in again and we tried IVF once which failed.

My husband has been patient and supportive and have been wadding off any form of interference and other than that we had a beautiful marriage and close friends even think we are a perfect couple.
My pain started some months back when our pastor called me for an urgent meeting. On reaching there I met my husband and pastor told me my husband has a confession to make.
My husband told me he had an affair with a lady for a year which he ended because he was feeling guilty. But the lady had a child for him from the relationship which he just got to know recently when she called to tell him. And baby mama has threatened bringing the child to the house if he doesn't meet her demands.

He begged me for forgiveness and so did our pastor. I was heartbroken but I forgave him and took him back.
Early this morning, he told me he wants my permission to become involved in the child's life and be a father to the child.
We own a joint account and our finances is usually.planned as we talk about what we use money for. He wants us to include the upkeep of his child in our budget for each month .

I feel batrayed,angry and bitter.
I told him i will give him an answer when I am done thinking about it.
But I am not happy and I also feel cheated.

How do I handle this please?
Married folks in the house please I need your advice on this.

Pls mod, front page.

If the OP has forgiven her husband and is looking for ways to face her new reality, who are we to advise her not to forgive him?

The best everyone can do is to analyse the situation, see mistakes people in similar situation made and give her an all round advise that will best suit her circumstance.

Graxie:
HAhahaha, no be today things my dear. We are use to their modus operandi. Some things are inherent. Always forming intelligent yet full of crap, I don't know how they sleep at night knowing fully well the damage they cause online. I hope those seeking for advice will continue to differentiate between the wheat and the chaff.

That's my prayer.

That people genuinely seeking for advise will not develop itchy ears and shift between the wheat (hard advises that guarantees their best interest at heart at the end) and the chaff (that sounds sweet, feel good and extremely impractical).

May God answer our prayers.

OP, why don't you consider adoption in the meantime.

Mavis3:
Dear Nairalanders,
I had to open this new account Because I have friends here and family members.

Please kindly advice me on this. As I am so bitter and unhappy right now.

I have been married for close to mine years without a child. I have had two miscarriages and couldn't take in again and we tried IVF once which failed.

My husband has been patient and supportive and have been wadding off any form of interference and other than that we had a beautiful marriage and close friends even think we are a perfect couple.
My pain started some months back when our pastor called me for an urgent meeting. On reaching there I met my husband and pastor told me my husband has a confession to make.
My husband told me he had an affair with a lady for a year which he ended because he was feeling guilty. But the lady had a child for him from the relationship which he just got to know recently when she called to tell him. And baby mama has threatened bringing the child to the house if he doesn't meet her demands.

He begged me for forgiveness and so did our pastor. I was heartbroken but I forgave him and took him back.
Early this morning, he told me he wants my permission to become involved in the child's life and be a father to the child.
We own a joint account and our finances is usually.planned as we talk about what we use money for. He wants us to include the upkeep of his child in our budget for each month .

I feel batrayed,angry and bitter.
I told him i will give him an answer when I am done thinking about it.
But I am not happy and I also feel cheated.

How do I handle this please?
Married folks in the house please I need your advice on this.

Pls mod, front page.

sincerely, I salute a woman like you that haven't taken any bad decisions at all. I feel your pain and not easy couple with the fact that the first child is not coming from you his wife. there is nothing I can say but I pray God should give you wisdom, understanding and strength to do what is right. please don't even think of cheating as a means of revenge

Mavis3, he probably has another phone and all the hanging out has been with the second madam. Funny enough,you've been sponsoring his jaunts and baby mama unknowingly since you share the same account.

One thing I have to say is that you are so lucky that he confessed early,a lot of people leave the surprise for years down the line or even after they're dead .

I also have to say that I agree with bukatyne on this one BUT I disagree when she's says you are disadvantaged. They have layed their own cards,you haven't shown yours at all.

Sentiments aside, you have to be very very clear about what it is you want for yourself in the next 5-10 years at least.


I will deduce that you're a Christian that believes in pastoral input and that is why pastor already called you for meeting,you took husband back immediately meaning that you want the marriage to continue. It is not a bad thing at all.

You have a cowife, no matter how hard you deny it,I am sorry this is the new reality. You have said being with the new baby and fatherhood is the most important thing to your husband now..it is his right and the baby deserves this no matter how painful it is to you,allow him to enjoy fatherhood.

He will be meeting with the woman, and they will be spending time together and bonding over the baby..I know this hurts very much but it is what it is.

OPTION 1: This is for a tough person - Your marriage can continue if you want, you have indicated this by your actions ,so why not?


You have toiled for 9 years,why should you go without securing your own future? Now your eyes have cleared,it's time to amass assets IN YOUR NAME if you have the cash.Instead of spending 5k on pot of soup,you spend 3k and pocket 2k..let the pennies start counting .

Let him pay for nappy,milk, accommodation, hospital visits from his own money and also make sure he pays for his own portion of managing your own home. This one is not your problem.Make a list and know who pays for what.

Look over the deeds to any property very well and make sure your full name is spelled out there eg Mrs Mavis Olulolo Malbaba,nothing like Mrs Malbaba.

If you were abroad,I would say visit a solicitor to make sure all your belongings truly belong to you but you are in Naija so I don't know how it works.

Love is such a fickle emotion,at least the scales have fallen from your eyes even though the deceit was horrible,you don't have to be an enemy to your husband.

Before all this, you were getting along, your relationship was enviable. .

I'm sure that the day he took his vows,he did not plan to be like this but somehow he derailed along the line and chose to live his own truth.I dont blame him o.but you don't have to pay for his decisions.

His betrayal may feel unbearable, you will NEVER forget but you can use it to your advantage.

Look at it this way,you have a free legitimate tank of sperm aka husband at your disposal, free sex(with a condom of course) if he's any good in the bedroom, a chance to have your children within a marriage all from the same father (which ties things up nicely) , reduced utility bills (rent, electricity),a chance to save up money till or if you're ever ready to strike.

Grit your teeth and get the kids first. Allow him to donate his own portion of the money to your IVF or surrogacy endeavour. Why should you pay for it alone? If the IVF works, hopefully it's twins or triplets at a go .That project you were doing ,better halt it and funnel the money into achieving your aim of carrying your own children/ adopting children for yourself.
At this rate,you will finish building with your sweat but won't partake.

Pain passes with time,get what you want first..

In a few years,you may have adjusted to the new reality but you will be a smarter,more cynical version of yourself, hopefully with your own children ,assets in your name and more money in the bank.

You may also have forgiven him to some extent (as the Lord instructed),your relationship will never be the same obviously,it may change to a jaded one,you will still love him(agape style) but with a limit and you will put yourself and your interests first.

Allow yourself to grieve this relationship you thought you had no matter how long it takes ,it will allow you to have a clear head to PLAN for yourself and your future children.

Yes,the child or children will be in your face but surely you will have your own or at least you wait long enough to get your ducks in a row.

This sounds like psychological torture but sometimes,you play fool just to achieve your aim. You can still run away when you get what you want ,don't think this is final.

You can do option 1 very well without turning into a bitter person because you are not just there anymore, you are now more informed and you are taking back your power.


OPTION 2: You cannot manage the betrayal and pain and prefer to start afresh,clean slate with peace of mind,new life,donor sperm or adopt for yourself etc.

No problem,it is possible. Doesn't mean you haven't forgiven,only means you just cannot live in this kind of situation.

OPTION 3: Forgive and forget,allow the peace of the Lord to reign, accept baby and future ones plus the mother.

Leave the account joint and sponsor the new addition.

Some Christians believe this or a variation of it is the sure path to peace of mind ,the single track to heaven and a magic key to opening the womb and having your own kids.
They may be right,I don't know.

Believe me,a lot of people live with option 3 and are fine.

Choose the one that gives you peace.

Marriages bounce back from infidelity depending on the relationship between the spouses and their red lines however your own situation is not that simple.


I will not pretend to understand the pain you're feeling but i believe you can pull through this.

Be Smart and calculative .You are a WOMAN,strong is your middle name.

Pele again.

@oyoolima:

Fear catch me to quote that post! Kilode?

She is at a disadvantage because she is the one with the issues so if she walks away from him today, she is going to start the journey of trying to conceive afresh except she marries another man not interested in kids with her (divorcee, widower, impotent, polygamous setting).

Even if she married at 25, she is 34yrs now. Only a man no longer interested in children or spiritually directed to would marry a childless divorcee after 9yrs when her husband allegedly has one.

Maybe those people having heartache on my matter will breath easy now that my same advise is coming from someone else. Some people don't understand critical thinking and analysis without bringing emotions to the table.

This dude might even double his hustle for her to have her kids out of guilt or trying to seek her goodwill.

Hopefully, she will read your post, absorb the message there-in and make a right choice.

Like I say, eye on the goal!

faithfull18:
Is the baby mama willing to release the child? If yes, you can take up caring for the child as your own.

It's painful but you can't undo what has been done.

Focus on God, He is the only one who can give you the much needed will you need now.

A child that is less than a year old,whose mother is alive and well, should be taken from her and given to a step mother who doesn't have a child yet and has never taken care of one? Bad idea.
Remember,she is offended already,and bitter. That child will even increase her depression more. She will maltreat that child so bad. This applies to 99% of all the women on the planet. Only 1% of them can treat a step child like their own.
Even the 1% I was being lenient.

Thank you all for your advice and counsel.

Graxie like you said, I have more than enough advice to pick from. All the comments helped and guided me on making my plans and re strategizing.

On Aunty's Visit;( It's quite lengthy o)

She came by the house yesterday evening and it was for a meeting.
She said she wants to speak sense into me and her Nephew.

She said husband's girlfriend traced her to her home and told her husband doesn't pick her calls or reply to her messages.
That baby is sick and she sent a message to husband and husband did not reply. Husband has left all responsibility to her alone and she is suffering with baby and husband threatened to arrest her when she said she was going to meet with me and tell me her woes.

Aunty said a good wife should encourage husband to be responsible and do good by his child no matter how the child came about. That I have stopped husband to accept the child and to have anything to do with the child and that shows I am not a good wife.

I didn't utter a word. Husband told her to leave me out of all that. He said if she had told him that was her reason for coming he would have adviced her to stay at home and he will find time and see her.

Me I kept quiet and did not say a word.

She gave alot of proverbs and told me to practice the Christianity I profess and show love.
I thanked her for coming and she left.

I did not say or ask any question concerning what she said. Even when hubby saw her off and came back and started apologising for everything that is happening and for Aunty's behavior, the only thing I said was it's ok, I am not offended.

Had to send a message to husbands elder brother that lives in UK. He is very principled and Sincere. And what he says is respected in the family.
Told him what's up and about Aunty coming to.my house to insult my person.

He wasn't happy at all, said he will call Aunty. Don't know what he told them, Aunty called this evening to apologies on how she spoke to me and father in law too called to tell me Aunty acted alone, he is not part of it.

Brother in law also called to tell me he has told Aunty not to further stress me with the issue of husband girlfriend and baby.
That husband should handle his shit.

Right now, I am prepared. Will be taking a leave once the lockdown is over and I am leaving the house for a month. I will be staying with my elder brother in another state for a while.

I have decided that no Kobo of mine will go for the upkeep of the child and I stand by that. Call me wicked I don't care.

I will start processing my transfer to another state where my mother and siblings are, so I will be closer to my family.

I am going to tell him this night that the project we are working on will hold. I want to go for further studies and will need the money.

We are no longer going to have a joint account. The money we have in it we will split.

Once the work transfer pulls through, I am moving to my state.

I need some time alone to breathe.

Thank you all for your advice. If anything new comes up, I will sure let you guys know.

Mavis3:
Thank you all for your advice and counsel.

Graxie like you said, I have more than enough advice to pick from. All the comments helped and guided me on making my plans and re strategizing.

On Aunty's Visit;( It's quite lengthy o)

She came by the house yesterday evening and it was for a meeting.
She said she wants to speak sense into me and her Nephew.

She said husband's girlfriend traced her to her home and told her husband doesn't pick her calls or reply to her messages.
That baby is sick and she sent a message to husband and husband did not reply. Husband has left all responsibility to her alone and she is suffering with baby and husband threatened to arrest her when she said she was going to meet with me and tell me her woes.

Aunty said a good wife should encourage husband to be responsible and do good by his child no matter how the child came about. That I have stopped husband to accept the child and to have anything to do with the child and that shows I am not a good wife.

I didn't utter a word. Husband told her to leave me out of all that. He said if she had told him that was her reason for coming he would have adviced her to stay at home and he will find time and see her.

Me I kept quiet and did not say a word.

She gave alot of proverbs and told me to practice the Christianity I profess and show love.
I thanked her for coming and she left.

I did not say or ask any question concerning what she said. Even when hubby saw her off and came back and started apologising for everything that is happening and for Aunty's behavior, the only thing I said was it's ok, I am not offended.

Had to send a message to husbands elder brother that lives in UK. He is very principled and Sincere. And what he says is respected in the family.
Told him what's up and about Aunty coming to.my house to insult my person.

He wasn't happy at all, said he will call Aunty. Don't know what he told them, Aunty called this evening to apologies on how she spoke to me and father in law too called to tell me Aunty acted alone, he is not part of it.

Brother in law also called to tell me he has told Aunty not to further stress me with the issue of husband girlfriend and baby.
That husband should handle his shit.

Right now, I am prepared. Will be taking a leave once the lockdown is over and I am leaving the house for a month. I will be staying with my elder brother in another state for a while.

I have decided that no Kobo of mine will go for the upkeep of the child and I stand by that. Call me wicked I don't care.

I will start processing my transfer to another state where my mother and siblings are, so I will be closer to my family.

I am going to tell him this night that the project we are working on will hold. I want to go for further studies and will need the money.

We are no longer going to have a joint account. The money we have in it we will split.

Once the work transfer pulls through, I am moving to my state.

I need some time alone to breathe.

Thank you all for your advice. If anything new comes up, I will sure let you guys know.

How convenient for your father and brother in-law to feign ignorance of convenience on the situation, so of all all your husband's family, it is your aunt, not even immediate family, that decided to take it upon herself to singlehandedly intervene and make decisions for the family, without any other person knowing about it, is that truly the reality they are trying paint for you? Like you're some docile, clueless being that can't see through their bullshit?

See how your husband is castigating his aunt in front of you so that you'll see that he cares, human beings ehn, thank God you didn't fall for it, and kudos to your decision, it is the best for you right now.

Mavis3:
Thank you all for your advice and counsel.

Graxie like you said, I have more than enough advice to pick from. All the comments helped and guided me on making my plans and re strategizing.

On Aunty's Visit;( It's quite lengthy o)

She came by the house yesterday evening and it was for a meeting.
She said she wants to speak sense into me and her Nephew.

She said husband's girlfriend traced her to her home and told her husband doesn't pick her calls or reply to her messages.
That baby is sick and she sent a message to husband and husband did not reply. Husband has left all responsibility to her alone and she is suffering with baby and husband threatened to arrest her when she said she was going to meet with me and tell me her woes.

Aunty said a good wife should encourage husband to be responsible and do good by his child no matter how the child came about. That I have stopped husband to accept the child and to have anything to do with the child and that shows I am not a good wife.

I didn't utter a word. Husband told her to leave me out of all that. He said if she had told him that was her reason for coming he would have adviced her to stay at home and he will find time and see her.

Me I kept quiet and did not say a word.

She gave alot of proverbs and told me to practice the Christianity I profess and show love.
I thanked her for coming and she left.

I did not say or ask any question concerning what she said. Even when hubby saw her off and came back and started apologising for everything that is happening and for Aunty's behavior, the only thing I said was it's ok, I am not offended.

Had to send a message to husbands elder brother that lives in UK. He is very principled and Sincere. And what he says is respected in the family.
Told him what's up and about Aunty coming to.my house to insult my person.

He wasn't happy at all, said he will call Aunty. Don't know what he told them, Aunty called this evening to apologies on how she spoke to me and father in law too called to tell me Aunty acted alone, he is not part of it.

Brother in law also called to tell me he has told Aunty not to further stress me with the issue of husband girlfriend and baby.
That husband should handle his shit.

Right now, I am prepared. Will be taking a leave once the lockdown is over and I am leaving the house for a month. I will be staying with my elder brother in another state for a while.

I have decided that no Kobo of mine will go for the upkeep of the child and I stand by that. Call me wicked I don't care.

I will start processing my transfer to another state where my mother and siblings are, so I will be closer to my family.

I am going to tell him this night that the project we are working on will hold. I want to go for further studies and will need the money.

We are no longer going to have a joint account. The money we have in it we will split.

Once the work transfer pulls through, I am moving to my state.

I need some time alone to breathe.

Thank you all for your advice. If anything new comes up, I will sure let you guys know.

.

Whao... You made the best decision

Mavis3

I am delighted you did not buy into aunty's emotional blackmail. She should be ashamed of herself.

I don't know know what to tell you but my heart goes out to you.

Nigerian marriages are a joke.

Mavis3:
Thank you all for your advice and counsel.

Graxie like you said, I have more than enough advice to pick from. All the comments helped and guided me on making my plans and re strategizing.

On Aunty's Visit;( It's quite lengthy o)

She came by the house yesterday evening and it was for a meeting.
She said she wants to speak sense into me and her Nephew.

She said husband's girlfriend traced her to her home and told her husband doesn't pick her calls or reply to her messages.
That baby is sick and she sent a message to husband and husband did not reply. Husband has left all responsibility to her alone and she is suffering with baby and husband threatened to arrest her when she said she was going to meet with me and tell me her woes.

Aunty said a good wife should encourage husband to be responsible and do good by his child no matter how the child came about. That I have stopped husband to accept the child and to have anything to do with the child and that shows I am not a good wife.

I didn't utter a word. Husband told her to leave me out of all that. He said if she had told him that was her reason for coming he would have adviced her to stay at home and he will find time and see her.

Me I kept quiet and did not say a word.

She gave alot of proverbs and told me to practice the Christianity I profess and show love.
I thanked her for coming and she left.

I did not say or ask any question concerning what she said. Even when hubby saw her off and came back and started apologising for everything that is happening and for Aunty's behavior, the only thing I said was it's ok, I am not offended.

Had to send a message to husbands elder brother that lives in UK. He is very principled and Sincere. And what he says is respected in the family.
Told him what's up and about Aunty coming to.my house to insult my person.

He wasn't happy at all, said he will call Aunty. Don't know what he told them, Aunty called this evening to apologies on how she spoke to me and father in law too called to tell me Aunty acted alone, he is not part of it.

Brother in law also called to tell me he has told Aunty not to further stress me with the issue of husband girlfriend and baby.
That husband should handle his shit.

Right now, I am prepared. Will be taking a leave once the lockdown is over and I am leaving the house for a month. I will be staying with my elder brother in another state for a while.

I have decided that no Kobo of mine will go for the upkeep of the child and I stand by that. Call me wicked I don't care.

I will start processing my transfer to another state where my mother and siblings are, so I will be closer to my family.

I am going to tell him this night that the project we are working on will hold. I want to go for further studies and will need the money.

We are no longer going to have a joint account. The money we have in it we will split.

Once the work transfer pulls through, I am moving to my state.

I need some time alone to breathe.

Thank you all for your advice. If anything new comes up, I will sure let you guys know.

Your plan sounds great! I hope you follow through. I am so proud of you.
Some people will say you are being a bad wife for leaving your marital home.
I want you to know that being a bad wife to a bad husband is not a bad thing.
You are human first before you became wife, you’ve done nothing wrong and you deserve peace of mind. I wish you the very best!

Mavis3:
Thank you all for your advice and counsel.

Graxie like you said, I have more than enough advice to pick from. All the comments helped and guided me on making my plans and re strategizing.

On Aunty's Visit;( It's quite lengthy o)

She came by the house yesterday evening and it was for a meeting.
She said she wants to speak sense into me and her Nephew.

She said husband's girlfriend traced her to her home and told her husband doesn't pick her calls or reply to her messages.
That baby is sick and she sent a message to husband and husband did not reply. Husband has left all responsibility to her alone and she is suffering with baby and husband threatened to arrest her when she said she was going to meet with me and tell me her woes.

Aunty said a good wife should encourage husband to be responsible and do good by his child no matter how the child came about. That I have stopped husband to accept the child and to have anything to do with the child and that shows I am not a good wife.

I didn't utter a word. Husband told her to leave me out of all that. He said if she had told him that was her reason for coming he would have adviced her to stay at home and he will find time and see her.

Me I kept quiet and did not say a word.

She gave alot of proverbs and told me to practice the Christianity I profess and show love.
I thanked her for coming and she left.

I did not say or ask any question concerning what she said. Even when hubby saw her off and came back and started apologising for everything that is happening and for Aunty's behavior, the only thing I said was it's ok, I am not offended.

Had to send a message to husbands elder brother that lives in UK. He is very principled and Sincere. And what he says is respected in the family.
Told him what's up and about Aunty coming to.my house to insult my person.

He wasn't happy at all, said he will call Aunty. Don't know what he told them, Aunty called this evening to apologies on how she spoke to me and father in law too called to tell me Aunty acted alone, he is not part of it.

Brother in law also called to tell me he has told Aunty not to further stress me with the issue of husband girlfriend and baby.
That husband should handle his shit.

Right now, I am prepared. Will be taking a leave once the lockdown is over and I am leaving the house for a month. I will be staying with my elder brother in another state for a while.

I have decided that no Kobo of mine will go for the upkeep of the child and I stand by that. Call me wicked I don't care.

I will start processing my transfer to another state where my mother and siblings are, so I will be closer to my family.

I am going to tell him this night that the project we are working on will hold. I want to go for further studies and will need the money.

We are no longer going to have a joint account. The money we have in it we will split.

Once the work transfer pulls through, I am moving to my state.

I need some time alone to breathe.

Thank you all for your advice. If anything new comes up, I will sure let you guys know.

It is well with you sis, the truth is that you will pull through. To think the baby mama already knows your husband aunties house shows that their is more to the story. My sister take it one day at a time. He is free to take care of the child, you are also free not to partake. Just ask Holy Spirit to help you, I know it's difficult to approach God in times like this, questions upon questions, if only you have your own children, but you see, your Redeemer liveth. He knows your capabilities, He is able to make all grace abound. Please don't give up on God. Allow him to heal your broken heart. Thank God for how far he has brought you, you are better than so many people. I pray you will not break down but will rather rise to prove God faithful. It is well sis!!!

elektra:


Your plan sounds great! I hope you follow through. I am so proud of you.
Some people will say you are being a bad wife for leaving your marital home.
I want you to know that being a bad wife to a bad husband is not a bad thing.
You are human first before you became wife, you’ve done nothing wrong and you deserve peace of mind. I wish you the very best!

See them, ndi bad gang!
@op.. I hope you didn't buy the drama between your husband and auntie? All thing na set up! It was a well planned script to make him look nice and supportive. The story of the sick baby is FALSE. I wonder how your hubby can allow his precious male child to be ill.
Just wake up tomorrow and insist that you will like to personally take the baby to the doctor, and see how drama will enter part2.
The game is between hubby, auntie and baby mama for now. Pastor is on reserve bench, other players are yet unknown

Mavis3:
Dear Nairalanders,
I had to open this new account Because I have friends here and family members.

Please kindly advice me on this. As I am so bitter and unhappy right now.

I have been married for close to mine years without a child. I have had two miscarriages and couldn't take in again and we tried IVF once which failed.

My husband has been patient and supportive and have been wadding off any form of interference and other than that we had a beautiful marriage and close friends even think we are a perfect couple.
My pain started some months back when our pastor called me for an urgent meeting. On reaching there I met my husband and pastor told me my husband has a confession to make.
My husband told me he had an affair with a lady for a year which he ended because he was feeling guilty. But the lady had a child for him from the relationship which he just got to know recently when she called to tell him. And baby mama has threatened bringing the child to the house if he doesn't meet her demands.

He begged me for forgiveness and so did our pastor. I was heartbroken but I forgave him and took him back.
Early this morning, he told me he wants my permission to become involved in the child's life and be a father to the child.
We own a joint account and our finances is usually.planned as we talk about what we use money for. He wants us to include the upkeep of his child in our budget for each month .

I feel batrayed,angry and bitter.
I told him i will give him an answer when I am done thinking about it.
But I am not happy and I also feel cheated.

How do I handle this please?
Married folks in the house please I need your advice on this.

Pls mod, front page.

my dear u are in a tough situation, I really hope u see this comment ,,, there is no advice here that will make u feel better , u r in a very depressing situation, n I hv to tell u to cry as hard as u can and get ready , this is gonna be tough. Any decision u make now , will be so important to ur future ,

Firstly do not give out ur money for another woman’s child ,, like it or not , it’s betrayal,,, d don’t be too free n clam , the only time u can consider that is if the child is saying with you , as the graudian , if not ur answer is No .

Secondly,, if the woman wants to be with the child , ur husband has to discuss with u how he’s going to be visiting the lady , n has to promise nothing sexual will happen between them ,, cause the next u will hear is that she’s pregnant for baby number two n they need to get married

Thirdly do not give up on doing an IVf , do everything medical possible to hv a child ,,, n I hope u both had a court marriage,,, don’t trust ur husband, like it or not that kid comes first b4 you, till u hv urs , this is reality !! Pray like never before .