LordKO:
Don't allow anyone to either guilt-trip you to continue to self-slave for him or guilt-trip you to marry him, not because he's a family breadwinner. But because behind anyone with sense of entitlement is an abuser - especially emotional and psychological abuses, and they're worse than physical abuse.

Extricate yourself from his entanglement and look elsewhere for another man, if you value your sanity - of course, purge yourself of same attribute if you possess it, now that you know how draining it could be on someone on the receiving end. Don't bother talking him out of his irritating attitude with an intention to continue with him, because he can easily take to pretence. Even if he changes (for good), let it be for the benefits of another woman who may come into his life, this is because of the following reason;

If he later becomes financial successful in the future more than you, he'll always remember more of the moments you refused to self-slave for him while forgetting the greater moments you gave in to his self-interest desires - people with entitlement mentality are like that. So, he'll continually resent you when he arrives financially.

The scenario playing out between the two of you is exactly the major type of scenario that usually results to "I was there for him/her when he had nothing but now that he's arrived, he's abandoned me." When someone utters this statement, it doesn't always mean that they weren't useful to the other person in their trying time, like most people do erroneously believe or make it seem, rather an egoist can hardly be pleased - loyalty in particular and faithfulness in general aren't their fortes. When they arrived financially, they tend to remember more of the time their benefactors refused to give in to their shenanigans while forgetting their benevolence. Egoism/self-interest (greed, selfishness and self-centeredness) is a vice.

Any close relationship between two people, or more people, where the parties involved don't mutually have altruistic interest towards each other can never produce mutual happiness and inner peace for everyone involved - in other words, anyone close to you who doesn't have altruistic interest towards you is a frenemy, and vice versa.

The only way to have a relatively harmonious relationship with someone with sense of entitlement is if s/he is more prosperous than you from the inception and continually remains the same, and provided that they value whatever bond that connects two of you while you, of course, remain conscientious.

There's nothing wrong with being humane, like you seem in the relationship, and there's nothing wrong with partners expecting goodness from each other. But there's everything wrong with his entitlement mentality - he has egoistic interest towards you.

oyoolima:
Not everyone is destined to marry the 'Jesus' of the family.

You're just 24,why should you shackle yourself to a man who is 7 years older than you and dependent on your income to take care of his own family

The money isn't even to build a business,it's to take care of people who are significantly older than you who probably will never be independent of him.

Your mates are marrying up,you're not just marrying down but you're also carrying cross of Calvary while you're just ordinary girlfriend and then the man also feels entitled to the money


What does he do for you? Nothing.

When you hang out do you split bills 50/50 or is he unable to even come up.with his own portion?


Is this what you want forever?

I'm trying really hard not to laugh at you because this is beyond ridiculous.

He wants you to be supportive not just of him but of his family

No one should be in a parasitic relationship, whether male.or female

It shall end in premium tears.

SweetCunt97:
That's a deadbeat boyfriend right there o. Do noy give the man any shishi again! Don't tolerate what you don't like.. What rubbish is that one? What kinda lazy siblings him get? Babe yiu deserve better jor. Why can't he support you? Abi na yiu toast am?

SweetCunt97:
I was once in this boat once upon a time, I chose to dive into the sea abandon ship... I hate stress in my life abeg. This one siblings reach 9 sef but he had a good job as a banker then sha... Salary no dey reach half of month e don finish.

Abeg parents should stop popping out many kids and stressing firstborns o.

cococandy:


For sure. A one time or few times financial boost is not an issue (at least to me). But the continuous dependence and more so not on his money is what’s worrying.

Mariangeles:


1. How is she his "woman"?
Has he married her?

2.Investing your resources in uncertainties is not a wise thing to do

SweetCunt97:
I was once in this boat once upon a time, I chose to dive into the sea abandon ship... I hate stress in my life abeg. This one siblings reach 9 sef but he had a good job as a banker then sha... Salary no dey reach half of month e don finish.

Abeg parents should stop popping out many kids and stressing firstborns o.

bukatyne:


1. If this man came her to ask how to spoil his woman (OP) on her 25th birthday, would you tell him that they are not married?

2. Hmmmmmm.

VivleBriella:
Good day everyone
I've been a guest for a couple of years now, created an account to seek advice

My dear nairalanders, does it always end well marrying the Breadwinner of a family? He's the last born with 4 elder siblings but they all depend on him, yes, I knew he was the Breadwinner from day one but I thought with time, everyone else will be able to stand on their own, but it hasn't happened yet, we've dated for 3yrs now and he doesn't support me financially, I don't complain but he feels entitled to my money and when I get tired of him always asking me to lend him some money and decide to say no, he nags and tells me I'm not being supportive enough, this is driving me really crazy cause he reminded me of how unsupportive I've been to him and his family, he's driving me insane, you can't possibly put the responsibility of your family on my shoulders, that's crazy and insensitive, over the years, I've borrowed him nothing less than 500k which I know for sure he's never giving back, is it normal to be in a parasitic relationship whereby the female remains the host that's being fed on?

I'm only 24 while he's 31.

VivleBriella:
LordKO
Oyoolima
Bukatyne
Adexpa
Themarkethere
Afonamaro
Sweetcunt97
Paxie55
Frozen70
Inyayiz
Jaymoon
Thanks for the contributions everyone
I didn't go mute, I just didn't think replying everyone individually's the right way..

I've decided to let him go, it's not like he hasn't done anything for me since we started dating, he used to buy me things when we initially started(first 2 months) but I usually insist on footing the bills, cause I didn't want him to see me as a leech, guess he got used to me footing the bills and left me to myself, he's extravagant to some extent, give him 100k today and in two days, he doesn't have a dime on him anymore, usually can't stand seeing him broke, hence, always giving in to his demands but I've had enough cause he already told me point blank he can't marry me during an argument, cause I'm not supportive and submissive..

And to the bloke who thought vivlebriella's for wedding cards, no, it's not, it's just some random nick I thought bout to open an account with but thanks for your contribution, it's appreciated.

VivleBriella:
Good day everyone
I've been a guest for a couple of years now, created an account to seek advice

My dear nairalanders, does it always end well marrying the Breadwinner of a family? He's the last born with 4 elder siblings but they all depend on him, yes, I knew he was the Breadwinner from day one but I thought with time, everyone else will be able to stand on their own, but it hasn't happened yet, we've dated for 3yrs now and he doesn't support me financially, I don't complain but he feels entitled to my money and when I get tired of him always asking me to lend him some money and decide to say no, he nags and tells me I'm not being supportive enough, this is driving me really crazy cause he reminded me of how unsupportive I've been to him and his family, he's driving me insane, you can't possibly put the responsibility of your family on my shoulders, that's crazy and insensitive, over the years, I've borrowed him nothing less than 500k which I know for sure he's never giving back, is it normal to be in a parasitic relationship whereby the female remains the host that's being fed on?

I'm only 24 while he's 31.

SweetCunt97:
I was once in this boat once upon a time, I chose to dive into the sea abandon ship... I hate stress in my life abeg. This one siblings reach 9 sef but he had a good job as a banker then sha... Salary no dey reach half of month e don finish.

Abeg parents should stop popping out many kids and stressing firstborns o.

Saintmary:

OMG!!!!
At 24, already feeding a man and his entire family

mrblessed:
There is always a contrived fuss when a man is at the receiving end, but if it is a woman, it suddenly becomes the man's obligation. You have got two problems: a man who is the breadwinner of his family and his seemingly endless borrowing disposition.

My instinct tells me that, you resent his family's financial standing and, of course, will latch on any spurious reason to bolt. More so, the bleating of bimbos of Nairaland are united -- as always -- in an overwhelming demand for termination of the relationship. Be my guest!

ImaIma1:


She is the breadwinner

VivleBriella:

I've decided to let him go, it's not like he hasn't done anything for me since we started dating, he used to buy me things when we initially started(first 2 months) but I usually insist on footing the bills, cause I didn't want him to see me as a leech, guess he got used to me footing the bills and left me to myself, he's extravagant to some extent, give him 100k today and in two days, he doesn't have a dime on him anymore, usually can't stand seeing him broke, hence, always giving in to his demands but I've had enough cause he already told me point blank he can't marry me during an argument, cause I'm not supportive and submissive..

crackkhaus:

Sweett97 says no one is perfect, and since he did not put a gun to your head before you gave him money, then you should have given him a chance and try to salvage your relationship.

I'm just telling you what someone else said, it's not my opinion.

I like that you left the opportunist. No one should ever remain with a partner who drains their finances or feels entitled to their money, male or female...

SweetCunt97:
It's fir the best. That type will whine and whine and emotionally blackmail you into giving him money. He should go get creative like his fellow mate and not get comfy on a woman's sweat.

crackkhaus:

I agree.

But you should have said the same thing here

https://www.nairaland.com/5800075/need-advice-no-insults-please#88558030

SweetCunt97:
Reverse is the case. Right from time immemorial women spend men's money and the man should b a man and know how to handle the situation. Her crime is being extravagant but this male in question has older sibling leeching off him and him leeching off the op.

crackkhaus:

There..

That's all I came to expose here - the Nigerian woman's psyche.

Thanks for being a good sport.
Cheers...

SweetCunt97:
It is what it is. You may wanna deny it but it is what it is. As u expose Nigerian reality your account increase? Or you got into Harvard or Yale? Puhleeeses

crackkhaus:

There..

That's all I came to expose here - the Nigerian woman's psyche.

Thanks for being a good sport.
Cheers...

sassysure:


So u actually believe women sit down to enjoy their men's money?
Hian!

crackkhaus:

Not sit down literally, but you should know what I mean.

It's an unarguable expectation by women that a man is meant to take care of them financially.
Whether you're sitting down doing absolutely nothing or working hard but still expecting to enjoy his own money, is all besides the point.

You can see how I made that chic above admit it - I did that because of the nonsense she quoted me to post on that link. It was much like this same situation but in reverse and you can see how her reaction to both is totally opposite to each other.

sassysure:

Don't take these people serious
Haba

The gal may be 14yrs old with phone forming big babe.

That's the only way I don't burst when I read some posts here.
If u see the pictures and age of these people, u rather respect yourself. Some are yet to write weac .

crackkhaus:

Deny it? Lmao.. Far from it.

Getting you to expose your psyche which is in fact the psyche of a lot of you, was simply to let the readers know that women like you who still complain of being taken for granted and subjugated by men, should NEVER be taken seriously because you deserve it.

You can't decide to remain perpetually on the receiving end of a man's finances because he is a man and you're a woman, and still expect to be respected as a human being or treated as more than property.

Na una dey do una self...

SweetCunt97:
So when God gave man his Gender and social role he gave man pass to treat women less? Why is it about money this money that? Men got what they contribute while women too. Both need each other to survive.. That women are not d money makers and family head does not mean they not important and don't contribute their quota to d system. Anyways I won't argue with u anymore...

SweetCunt97:
So when God gave man his Gender and social role he gave man pass to treat women less? Why is it about money this money that? Men got what they contribute while women too. Both need each other to survive.. That women are not d money makers and family head does not mean they not important and don't contribute their quota to d system. Anyways I won't argue with u anymore...