Haba CC. I begged you for Mr CC just for one week, you no gree. You are spoiling my plans. My plan was to buy a RR and get Mr CC to pay me back ASAP.

denzel2009:

Jennykadry, this is coming from you? On these boards, you advice women to divorce their abusive husbands regularly. Why is this different?

I'm not even advising him to divorce, just to let her be on her own for about a month.

What a positive reputation

I have repented and seen the light. Marriage is by force. I am no longer a feminist.

All thanks to the anti-feminist men on this forum.

^^^^I see. Till another man beats his wife mercilessly. You women and your double standards.

...

@Denzel,Double standards indeed.Now that the table is turned:

Harakiri and Richvcunt concluded the OP is fake hence they did not offer their usual advice for women in troubled marriages which is "have patience,get daring in bed,cook his best meal yada yada"

CC suggested the man slaps back as opposed to her trademark "work on your marriage,pray and open communication lines".Anyway a hot slap could as well be a means of "communicating"LOL

Its mad funny,the hypocrisy.double standards and gallery dancing on here.

I just hope the OP acts wisely as he'd be the one in pain(hes already in one) if he looses it even for a minute.

chaircover:

LOL Jenny don't hold your breath o! Me sef I am still waiting for the promised X5 

Denzel dont mind jenny, she is just being mischievous & I just hope it doenst last for too long because we need someone to keep these men on their toes 

P.s I prefer the old Jenny. I dont like this reformed one.

It's the lawds doing.

Whenever I talk about RR Kadry does not even look, send or answer me

...

Sisi_Kill:


Pamper your woman-Women love this but would not tell you cos they want to appear weak.

Cook good food for her once in awhile.

Give her a manicure/Pedicure treatment and facials,

Put her favorite beverage in the fridge and have an intimate moment alone. 

Run her bath for her.

Give her good s.ex.(Be inventive)

She is your woman-fight to keep her!!!

A WORD IS ENOUGH FOR THE WISE!

I feel you need to step up your love game, cos from your post it appears your wife is sexually frustrated and that frustration has taken the form of violence against you. You can turn that raw violent sexxxual energy into something positive because It appears she's into S & M. Dude, you just need to up your game.

Finally I am gonna tell you something- Every woman wants a gentleman in public but a beast in the bedroom. Remember there is nothing indecent about how you make love to your woman- so step up your game.

All these for a lady that has ZERO RESPECT for her husband of two years

A lady that threatens to call the police on her husband 

Which right thinking lady throws objects at her husband 
If she injures him nko??

Good sex ke  why would any sane man want to Zap a woman that gives him no peace at home and has violet tantrums?

She has seen this man as a weakling and she is using it to her advantage.

@poster
Involve your family and let your family arrange a meeting with her family so that her actions can be discussed. Your family should read the riot act to her family She behaves or she is thrown out (trial seperation) and wont be taken back till she calms down and learns to behave.

If she feels the UK job market is too tough for her, then send her back to Naija to search for a job.

Nonsense !!!

When did joblessness and idleness become an excuse to maim and abuse one's legally married husband  Is she sorting out any bills? You pay all the bills, give her money to take care of herself and yet this is all you get . . . DAMN 

Did you say she slaps you ? ? ? 

Rotflmao!!! It's hilarious to see people taking offense to my advice. . . errr. . .I mean their own advice.

Ijits talking about plagiarism, copyright, infrinwhacumacallit. . . .bwahahahahahaha!

I guess being confronted with ridiculousness of their own words is too much to take.

Effing hypocrites.

Sometimes I wonder why women like funkybaby are conspicuously absent from threads like This One

Thanks so much for the posts.

It almost started again this morning. Was sleeping and she walks in to do something in the room I was sleeping and making so much noise. This startled me awake and I asked her why she was making so much noise and it almost kicked off again. I think I was close to slapping her. So this time, I have the key, packed somethings and I'm currently in a hotel room a I write this. I have phoned her people and her mother is in tears again. Apparently, the wife had many promises to her but it seems she has broken them. The mother was crying and talking, I feel very very bad for spoiling her Sunday, but what is a man to do. I have also developed the courage to phone my people. This was very hard and embarrassing, but I've done it. My people are surprised, they don't even believe she is capable of such things. I have tried very hard to protect her from my side, but the deed has been done. I am ashamed to say the least, very ashamed.

Alright, all jokes aside. . .You did the right thing. You needed to be away from that environment before one of you did something crazy. You moving out might be the wake up call she needs that there is a problem.

At this juncture, people. . . family members are gonna come in and try to help, listen to what they have to say but do not go back to that house until she agrees that you both go for marriage counseling.

Hold up, before we get into all of the marriage saving phase of this saga, I gotta ask. . .Are you genuinely interested in saving your marriage? Do you still love your wife?

@Sisi_Kill

I am really at the crossroads now. I really don't know. One part of me wants to keep trying and hoping things get better while common sense says to leave the woman. But if I go back what will really change. Has she not been spoken to by her people before. I guess the only difference now is that my people are now involved. Will this be any different - I'm not sure. Her people have told me to be patient and not to do anything yet until someone can come to London in a couple of weeks. See all this drama! She is a spoiled child no doubt.

arrangee:

Thanks so much for the posts.

It almost started again this morning. Was sleeping and[b] she walks in to do something in the room I was sleeping and making so much noise.[/b] This startled me awake and I asked her why she was making so much noise and it almost kicked off again. I think I was close to slapping her.

it seems like she is an unrepentant troublemaker. maybe she's upset that you are sleeping peacefully while she has so much anger and resentment locked inside of her. That's the reason why she needs help to get it all out and keep it out. Hence the reason why i suggested involving both families because this is not what you can handle alone.

arrangee:

So this time, I have the key, packed somethings and I'm currently in a hotel room a I write this.

And for how long are you going to stay in a hotel? 
so you've allowed your wife's attitude make you leave the house which you've been financially responsible for 
why did you not ignore her? 100 percent ignore mode. it works like magic. if she was disturbing you in the bedroom, you should have picked the duvet and relocated to the lounge.

arrangee:

The mother was crying and talking, I feel very very bad for spoiling her Sunday, but what is a man to do.

why are you feeling sorry for her mum? if her daughter had smashed your head with ''omorogun'', what would your family have said?
her mum should quit the tears and face redemption camp to start praying for her daughter.

arrangee:
My people are surprised, they don't even believe she is capable of such things. I have tried very hard to protect her from my side, but the deed has been done. I am ashamed to say the least, very ashamed.

i feel you but shiot happens 
the earlier the better.
if you had taken drastic steps the first time she threw an object an you, things would not have gone this bad between you two.

arrangee:

Her people have told me to be patient and not to do anything yet until [b]someone can come to London in a couple of weeks. [/b]See all this drama! She is a spoiled child no doubt.

Good. But in the interim, have a representative of your family sent to her family to formally request that their daughter be called to order.

arrangee:

She is a spoiled child no doubt.

didnt you know that before you married her 
meanwhile, how come she is yet to get preggie after being married for 2 years?
are you two trying for a baby or you both mutually agreed to have it delayed?
if its the former, it might be part of the reason you two are so worked up and tensed 

Sisi_Kill:


Sometimes I wonder why women like funkybaby are conspicuously absent from threads like This One

@funkybaby

We've been trying for the kids but she has had some problems - I can't really go into details.
Maybe all this things happening or about to happen are the reasons why God has not granted us kids - just maybe

@Funkybaby

I've tried the ignoring tactic but it doesn't work. It generally gets worse. We can stay in the house weeks without talking to each other - seriously.

arrangee:

@Funkybaby

I've tried the ignoring tactic but it doesn't work. It generally gets worse. We can stay in the house weeks without talking to each other - seriously.

Dude,
Posting your issue and seeking advice on Nairaland at this inopportune time, you're caught between a power struggle between the misogynists, the old wives and the feminists - this is evidenced by the crazy advice you're getting - not that it would be much different at another time. 

You're right, "100% ignore" does not work to get off your back a person set on ruining your day; having a violent, angry and frustrated person in your sanctuary will age you and keep you in perpetual misery.

And who the hell tells a non-violent man to hit a woman to teach her a lesson?  For crying out loud!  Dude, you better not try it. You might find you like it, some wife-beating gene lurking underneath.    

arrangee:


We've been trying for the kids but she has had some problems - I can't really go into details.
Maybe all this things happening or about to happen are the reasons why God has not granted us kids - just maybe

That is the best thing in your life, bro.  There are no helpless children tying you together!  Pick race!  The family can get involved all they want; are they going to switch personalities with you all?  This is crazy!  Convince your wife you both need to move on with your lives; pay her off if you have to.  You each married the wrong person.  How much clearer does it need to be?  It's not bad enough, you have to bring innocent children into this insane asylum?  Later, come back here and tell us the fights you had when the kids are trying to sleep. lol.  I'll totally report you all to the child welfare department.

Seriously, Best of Luck to You Both for your Future.

@ poster please get counselling. If you listen to people here you will simply make the same mistake again. I say this because from your post you say that you shove and push each other but she adds slaps and punches to it. Shoving is bad. Shoving is the beginning of other things. If someone shoves me I consider it physical aggression. You are not innocent in this for the fact that you have also physically handled her. seek some professional help. It is not all on your wife.

lol@sisi,jenny,madam cc.
Was shocked at first till i fully got the flow.It's amazing how things look from the other side

Jennykadri and Sisikill 
i laugh die
you both giving it back jare 

where is that Richvkunt now, let him come 

OP, man up and bear it. marriage is not for the weak eh
cheers it is well, and it shall be well. prayer is the key, prayer is the master key.

...

No amount of professional help will change that woman. That woman will change the minute she decides within herself to change. If her own mother's tears cannot change her, nothing at this stage will.

As per the shoving aspect. It depends on who shoved who first. If this woman was in his face, blocked his path and shoves him a million times then honestly, I don't blame the poster for shoving her back. There is a Limit to everything. This woman slaps her husband like no man's business. Just imagine this woman shoving and pushing him during arguments, or trying to hit him physical and he pushes her away to protect himself?

I am not making excuses for him but no woman should be this crazy.

Some women have power sha. Or is it just a matter of craze to be hitting a man. @OP you did well to remove yourself from the situation for now, before someone is murdered. Try to see a counselor as well.

I enjoyed the whole sisikill thingy. That was good. Respect.  

"

@ arrangee

I think you know very well who you married:

arrangee: When we were dating, I noticed she had temper but it was nothing like this. Besides I thought it was manageable, we all have imperfections. They told me show her love and I did - there is nothing I have not done for her within my means, sometimes I go without for her.

Your wife didn't suddenly become this woman with a bad temper, she ALWAYS had it.   You chose to overlook it, and chose to believe and listen to others saying "show her love" when you know full well these people will not be living in your home.

Sorry, but "love" cannot make up for someone's foul temper and  bad behaviour.  You chose to ignore it and married her thinking it wasn't a big deal.  Well, now you know it is. 

Being unemployed and/or bored is not an excuse for bad behaviour from an adult.  If you don't want to divorce I suggest you make some space between you and your wife.  Tell her family the situation, she needs to decide what she wants to do regarding your relationship, the onus is not on you. If after a period  you both decide you want to be together, you have to establish ground rules, especially regarding her behaviour.

Thanks for the posts. I had to run to south London to meet with a friend and eat some egusi & poundo. It was also good to hang out and he regaled me with his own marriage issues too, some were funny and others quite astonishing. He is not speaking terms with his MIL! His general gist was that it's a control thing and that the London wives know the laws are on their side, so they take every advantage. Even then he was shocked at her behaviour. He said from a pure naija perspective he is convinced she has no respect for me and that I'm finished - how disheartening.

@N101
I really didn't see this coming, She had a bit of a temper but it didn't manifest in this manner. This never happened when we were dating. Could it be that she hiding her true self during the dating period?

@Ivynwa
I don't talking works with her - we have talked many times too and things have not changed. She is big on God and church, she has religious marriage CDs, listens to religious internet links etc. This is what confuses me the most. It really muddles the water for me because I would have thought that these things would help, maybe I'm naive. I don't know if conceiving is playing a part in it. For me, I have made every effort not to make her feel pressured and to protect her from both sides of the family. I do my best to reassure her that it will come in good time and not to worry too much. As for infuriating her, I don't think there is anything I have to do in particular before she flies off the handle.

@Outstrip
I'm not claiming to be blameless. But what do you do when someone is coming at you with an object to hit you. Put you hands by your side and plead please don't hit me?  For me it's hard to slap her no matter the gragra because of the feelings and the fact that she is still my wife. Worse still, how would I keep my mouth to explain it to her people or mine. Unfortunately she doesn't think this way which makes me question if there are any feelings or consideration on her side.

@jennykadry
I concur, that no amount of professional help can salvage the situation, this is fully down to her now.


I have firmly made up my mind - this will not happen again. Soon this madness will begin to affect my work, the very thing that keeps us both going. Not to speak of the damage to my health with all the thinking and stress.

@ Poster.

You've listed some problems that are can cause rift between a couple

Not having a job in this present economy is depressing as things are very expensive and having to depend on someone else for your livelihood can be very difficult for someone with a phd holder/ post graduate. What was her background in naija before coming over to UK? Did she have a job? Think about that

Infertility is a very big problem in marriages as well and you've clearly said it is a female problem you've got, when you're married if you're sufferring from infertility the problem becomes your problem not hers. You're actually rejoicing that you don't have a child ( should you be doing so) I don't think so. Take it from me, I've been married 5 years and don't have any kids yet and the problem isn't mine to start with but It's our problem. I've been depressed, my work has suffered and my relationship with people has suffered too. maybe if I send you a link you'll read abt my history. I've been up and I've been down. Sometimes I don't even want to talk to anyone and just want to be by myself. You guys need to sit down and talk through your problems. Sometimes frustration can cause a lot of problems in a marriage.

i hope this helps

@Beetle

She didn't have a job in Naija, which is why she tried for the postgraduate degree here. I understand that things are expensive, but God has been faithful in keeping us afloat. - please see my other posts in this regard.

About the infertility, my intention was not to lay blame on her, if it has come out the wrong way I apologise unreservedly. I understand that it is our problem, which is why I have protected her from any pressure and reassured her that it will come. How can I be rejoicing that we don't have a child? Why then would I be trying to have kids with her, what would be the purpose? When things like this happen you have to look for the silver lining. If we decide to go our separate ways, is it not better that there are no kids to suffer a broken home because of our inability to live peacefully together. Perhaps, infertility is the underling problem. Please could you kindly send me that link, thanks.

(PS - I'm in office mode so my writing is a bit abrupt - apologies in advance)

There is so much hatred and negative energy on this family section of NL.Why can't we be on big family and look out for each other?Why so much fussing and fighting?
@OP,I hope you and your wife find what you are looking for because in the end what are all these struggles for?May God be with you.

imconfused:

lol@sisi,jenny,madam cc.
Was shocked at first till i fully got the flow.It's amazing how things look from the other side

Gbam!!
I was especially shocked at CC and Jenny Comments!!!I knew something was amiss when CC said the wife should be slapped back.I get where you guys are coming from,the family section used to be one of the sane,matured section in nairaland,i will give anything to have it back, unfortunately this is public forum and we all cant help but watch the craziness slowly seeping into the family section.I have censored my eyes not read some ids comments.The bitterness and hatred are blinding

@arrangee if this is reallife situation,i am with you on moving out for a while.

^^^CC actually meant that comment. It was no joke.

arrangee:

I'm not claiming to be blameless. But what do you do when someone is coming at you with an object to hit you. Put you hands by your side and plead please don't hit me?  For me it's hard to slap her no matter the gragra because of the feelings and the fact that she is still my wife. Worse still, how would I keep my mouth to explain it to her people or mine. Unfortunately she doesn't think this way which makes me question if there are any feelings or consideration on her side.

I no talk am? after now they will say Jenny no get sense, she's not a good adviser and she's got so much anger hidden inside her. Grammar upon grammar .

If she wants to hit or stab him and he shoves her aside, how is he to blame?