Good day Nairalanders, I have been married for just a year now and it has not been easy here! My Husband wants to know every thing about my finance. He has disturbed me to know how much is my salary worth of.

I have always denied him of the fact, what I know is that I used my money to refurbish our flat, got some new things to change the outlook of the place....

But I am not really finding it funny any longer. As we speak, he collected my ATM card since last two weeks, said I must tell him the pin or I should forget having it back. I went to my bank, told them that I lost the card and they changed it for me last Friday and he collected it again said it's either I tell him the pin or he will do something funny ...

I don't know what funny thing he's gonna do but I am worried! Pls is this how marriage is?
He claims to own me and own my salary! Is it fair? This marriage is too early instead I would have quit and I am pregnant at the moment!
What do I do? I don't want anybody to know anything about my finances including him till I have my baby whom my spirit accepted that I should make my next of kin.

What do I do ?

First off,OP indicate where you copied this story from cos you just changed your gender from M to F.

It's good to discuss issues of finance (very important) during courtship to avoid situations like this.
I think both of you still have trust issues (then why did you get married) I guess he's just insecure, it's something you both can sit down and talk about, if he insists give him the pin n watch what he does with it before you conclude on ur next line of action.
Don't allow money matter to end ur marriage!!

Your matter is not too hard, go and settle yourself. when he has done that something funny, then you can comeback we will settle it then.

But this is what we are saying, the typical Nigerian woman. Are you not married to the man?, ki ni big deal?, so that you can be chopping his money and your money together. "my money is my money and his money is our money" mentality, women and money ehn....

Because he is the husband he should die, its his own money that is public funds abi.

See if you have told him earlier it wont reach him saying he owns you and your salary, am quite sure you know how much he makes. and you are also not telling us what you yourself uttered or said during the confrontation, your submission is obviously one-sided.

So you refurbish the flat and so what is it your neighbor own you want to now refurbish,

madam tell him how much you earn and no disturb us jare, the elders have other matters to settle.

Why are many guys chasing clout these day?wetin una gain?

OP, Why can't you trust your husband with your finances details?


It's marriage and so it doesn't contain secrets....The both of you are one and whether you see him as a separate person or not, the both of you are one and so shouldn't keep information away from each other....



Just open up and let the trouble slide.....

He doesn't have the right to take your ATM card away from you nor demand your PIN. If he needs money, I'm sure he knows how to ask but forcefully having direct access to your money at his choosing should be a no-no. If he's threatening you over this, tell your family and get yourself and the baby in your belly to a safe place, but do not give him that PIN. A man who behaves like this is up to no good and can't be trusted.

UzorChinonso:

He claim to own me and own my salary ! Is it fair ?

These are the words of a controlling, abusive man. He does not own you, neither does he own your salary.

the man needs a brain resetter, he is not normal

Freestainworld:
the man needs a brain resetter, he is not normal

Like seriously, wahala dey ooo for a man to seize his wife's ATM, for what?! Is he jobless ni If he needs financial help, it's not by force, they are one , he should have talked to her with love na, or maybe he taught you are spending more than he assumed to be your salary Op, please try and explain to him in a calm way, but please kindly inform your parents about it if your mind is not at rest.

Men are no longer fools. Times are hard you cannot hide salary and finance details from your husband. Thunder fire ladies who say my money is my money and his money is ours

UzorChinonso:
Good day Nairalanders, I have been married for just a year now and it has not been easy here ! My husband wants to know every thing about my finance . He has disturbed me to know how much is my salary worth of .
I have always denied him of the fact , what I know is that I used my money to refurbish our flat , got some new things to change the outlook of the place....
But I am not really finding it funny any longer . As we speak ,he collected my ATM card since last two weeks , said I must tell him the pin or I should forget having it back , I went to my bank , told them that I lost the card and they changed it for me last Friday and he collected it again said it's either I tell him the pin or he will do something funny ...
I don't know what funny thing he's gonna do but I am worried ! Pls is this how marriage is ?
He claim to own me and own my salary ! Is it fair ? This marriage is too early instead I would have quit and I am pregnant at the moment !
What do I do ? I don't want anybody to know anything about my finances including him till I have my baby whom my spirit accepted that I should make my next of kin .

What do I do ?

Do you know all about his finances? Do you contribute your fair share to running the house?......

And you call him your husband and I guess you know about his finance as well.

just wondering o, since you are from the Igbo extraction going by your name, when he was given the list and made to pay all the stuff in it, why wasn't he stopped or prevented.

Finances of both individuals should be open , so you guys can plan . But you Ladies sha, can put a child before the man that married you.

UzorChinonso:
Good day Nairalanders, I have been married for just a year now and it has not been easy here ! My husband wants to know every thing about my finance . He has disturbed me to know how much is my salary worth of .
I have always denied him of the fact , what I know is that I used my money to refurbish our flat , got some new things to change the outlook of the place....
But I am not really finding it funny any longer . As we speak ,he collected my ATM card since last two weeks , said I must tell him the pin or I should forget having it back , I went to my bank , told them that I lost the card and they changed it for me last Friday and he collected it again said it's either I tell him the pin or he will do something funny ...
I don't know what funny thing he's gonna do but I am worried ! Pls is this how marriage is ?
He claim to own me and own my salary ! Is it fair ? This marriage is too early instead I would have quit and I am pregnant at the moment !
What do I do ? I don't want anybody to know anything about my finances including him till I have my baby whom my spirit accepted that I should make my next of kin .

What do I do ?

You sure you are married?

yanabasee1:
OP, Why can't you trust your husband with your finances details?


It's marriage and so it doesn't contain secrets....The both of you are one and whether you see him as a separate person or not, the both of you are one and so shouldn't keep information away from each other....



Just open up and let the trouble slide.....

Inasmuch as i agree with you, i don't think the husband should force his wife to reveal the details of her account to him if she doesn't want to

He's trying to get back the bride price wey he pay

I just wonder how two people will live as husband and wife and yet...act like people that aren't married.

I don't think it's right to use force to know her details, then claiming "I own you and your money" is totally wrong. And said she used her money to refurbish their flat, anyway for me sha I won't bother to know how much she earns and she'll not mine either

The man went about it the wrong way by seizing the ATM card or saying he owns you.
But not with standing both of your financial details should be open since you are married. He should know how much you earn and you should know how much he earns too, so you guys can plan effectively.
Instead of complaining about it here, go home and talk with your husband in a calm manner, your telling him how much you earn doesn't mean you must give him unrestricted access to your finance.

People go into marriage with all the wrong footing. Like how did you go into marriage making something as important as your salary a secret. You lost that right the day you decided to marry.
Both of you need to know what your earnings are and then make plans based on such.
How did you both make plans about the marriage in the first place. Like plan kids, your house and other essentials like cars and investments.

Having said that, your husband is all shades of wrong by seizing your � card. Like why should he seize your card?

The foundation of the marriage was built on zero trust so the effects are what we're looking at

Before I proceed with my advice I have few questions to ask. Does he work or do business? If he works then it leads to another question which is; are you earning more money than him? If he does business, is it making money for him or your salary surpasses what he usually gets? If in both of these questions, the answer is that he makes more than you then open up to him concerning your finances. If on the other hand you earn more money than him then it is either he has contentment issues or he just needs to know what your monthly income is. On the statement that he owns you, the only thing I will say is that he paid your bride price so as to make you complete him as no man is complete without his better half and also vice versa. He didn't buy you from your parents as a tool or equipment or slave.

yanabasee1:
OP, Why can't you trust your husband with your finances details?


It's marriage and so it doesn't contain secrets....The both of you are one and whether you see him as a separate person or not, the both of you are one and so shouldn't keep information away from each other....



Just open up and let the trouble slide.....

He wants full control of her salary. Handshake don pass elbow for this one.

Men always try to control the woman's finances in most marriages. He isn't only trying to know everything about your finances,he equally wants to control it.
Men are always insecure about financial obligations in the house.
They feel they contribute most to the upkeep of the family, his earnings are treated like public funds, while the woman keeps all her money to herself and spends everything on herself. I'm not saying this the case with every married woman, you exonerated yourself from that too but that's what most men think.
Does your husband hide his finances from you?
That could be the line between desperate curiosity and toxic masculinity.
If your husband's finances are open to you as well,then he feels you owe him that same responsibility, which wouldn't be too odd, hiding yours from him is kind of betraying his trust.
If he keeps his finances from you but still wants to know all about yours, then he has a problem.

yanabasee1:
OP, Why can't you trust your husband with your finances details?


It's marriage and so it doesn't contain secrets....The both of you are one and whether you see him as a separate person or not, the both of you are one and so shouldn't keep information away from each other....



Just open up and let the trouble slide.....

He wants full control of her salary and claims to own her. Handshake don pass elbow for this one.


For him to be acting like this is only giving her more reasons why he should not be trusted

Truth to God ure a goat.. That's all

aeion:
He doesn't have the right to take your ATM card away from you nor demand your PIN. If he needs money, I'm sure he knows how to ask but forcefully having direct access to your money at his choosing should be a no-no. If he's threatening you over this, tell your family and get yourself and the baby in your belly to a safe place, but do not give him that PIN. A man who behaves like this is up to no good and can't be trusted.



These are the words of a controlling, abusive man. He does not own you, neither does he own your salary.

When one marries a Gold digger... He came for the money.

Are u sure, u are not married to a gold digger.

And so we marry people we don’t trust with our finances because we must marry. And you need to see where married women are putting down unmarried ones, as if they were born married.
Madam, cancel your atm card and don’t bother with a new one. Bring one or two relatives around or let him know you are responsible for them. Inflate what you spend on them and save the rest in another account. And think very hard of the future of your marriage. I don’t know how you people share bed with someone you can’t share your purse with.
And nobody should quote me and ask me if I’m married and when I marry I’ll understand. I’m not, because I didn’t ask anyone to feed me so I can’t feed anyone’s son.

no probs...do what ur minds tells u to do....i have also seen a successful marriage dt the wife earns more and always hand over her payslip to the husband and they both run a joint account....this life no get manuals o...jus try and understand your husband and find whichever way that works for you..my own medicine can cure ur headache..las las na every mallam with him kettle and the biggest joke is that some that are advising you are currently single and gat no idea of what it feels like to be in ur shoes.. na 4 naija jobless man go de advise who get job say the pay too small and who no sabi play ball 4 viewing centers go they advise epl coaches how to set formation...

Hmm!

Do you know everything about his finances? Did you try asking him and he declines?
Spouses should not keep secrets from one another. You two should be open to each other on your finances. If you know the amount lost to banks and other finance service providers on the demise (mostly sudden) of their customers you will understand why it is necessary to be open on your finances. I have seen families that went totally broke at the demise of their rich father because the wife knows nothing about the man's accounts and businesses. Believe me most of the man's liquidity were lost in banks.

You preventing him from knowing your finances will make him feel like an outsider and that destroys that intimate bond in marriage. Your story infers you don't trust your husband. Did he do anything to warrant your mistrust?

UzorChinonso:
Good day Nairalanders, I have been married for just a year now and it has not been easy here ! My husband wants to know every thing about my finance . He has disturbed me to know how much is my salary worth of .
I have always denied him of the fact , what I know is that I used my money to refurbish our flat , got some new things to change the outlook of the place....
But I am not really finding it funny any longer . As we speak ,he collected my ATM card since last two weeks , said I must tell him the pin or I should forget having it back , I went to my bank , told them that I lost the card and they changed it for me last Friday and he collected it again said it's either I tell him the pin or he will do something funny ...
I don't know what funny thing he's gonna do but I am worried ! Pls is this how marriage is ?
He claim to own me and own my salary ! Is it fair ? This marriage is too early instead I would have quit and I am pregnant at the moment !
What do I do ? I don't want anybody to know anything about my finances including him till I have my baby whom my spirit accepted that I should make my next of kin .

What do I do ?

Divorce him......

In as much as I wouldn't support the man handling the issue by force, I will blame you for keeping your financial capacity secret to your husband. Respect and love in marriage covers many things including total openness, individual feel honored when their partner shows signs of trust in relationship. Your acts shows that you do not trust him and he is not happy with it. You should be able to reveal your financial capacity to him but not giving him free access except base on agreement. I will boldly tell you that you guys are at the verge of interior(internal) separation which might lead to total separation if care is not taken. From your write-up, you are very cool with what you have done but I think you need reorientation because it is marriage n not courtship anymore.