Hi Romancelanders, don't know if it's right to share this topic here, but I'll do for now.

I'm Victory, from the East and currently a resident of Edo state. I came to this state, as an intern and thereafter, still served here and in the course of all these, I thought out and established a laundry business, which is just about 8 months old. This was to keep life going and to better bond well with the lady in my life currently.

While in Edo state, having rounded my internship & kickstarting service sometime around 2017, I met this Kiki Osemudiamen (Name changed), and it was nothing serious at 1st, cos I never really thought I'd date someone here, fact is that I never thought I'd stay beyond my service year. I met her while she was in 200l. We encouraged each other, she saw potentials and had faith in me just like I have so much faith in her. She is simplistic, encourages me to save and I in turn, encouraged her and guided her through some of her studies. She passed her 2nd MB.BS. and is currently awaiting lifting of the lockdown on schools, so she can start her clinicals.

Problem is that she came from a not buoyant family financially, and although both parents are alive, she struggles to survive/feed daily. Her dad supplies about 1000litres/trip water to households, while her mum sells at the local market. I on the other hand, came from a middle class family but my Dad is late since 2012, and I've been a sponsor of my education and that of my younger ones through the lil I inherited (which mum manages for now) plus my various endeavours. She depends on me for daily meals and other basic essentials, in fact I had to place her on salary in my laundry shop during this lockdown, so she plays the role of secretary in my shop too.

The latest challenge came about, yesterday. While she slept in the shop, I was out on errand, someone sneaked into the shop and stole her android phone with all of her e-medics textbooks (she reads mostly e-copies because she can't afford hardcopies), she has been crying all through and I really don't know what to do. Since I knew her, She'd been an appendage and an extra financial burden to me, I can't begin to list what I've done for her, although I kept reminding her never to not have entitlement mentality and she does appreciate. Out of desperation to ease her pain, I promised to sponsor her in getting a new phone. I have burdens, huge ones, I'm yet to acquire a diesel engine for my laundry (I use ponytail industrial iron which has higher voltage/current than normal ones), plus other related merchandise that I need to set up and I feel like she slows down my financial pace.

Honestly, I don't do all these for her, hoping for any personal gains, in the words of my daddy in the Lord, Prophet T.B. Joshua, He said and I quote: "We make a living by what we get and we make a life by what we give" but I am almost fed up and tired, especially when I remember that both her parents are still alive.. I am scared that that for the 1st time, I may fail her in that financial obligation because I honestly need money now, with the whole pandemic issue plus, I feel like she slows me down in life financially and a huge burden to me. Right now, she's so attached to me, more so that when I initially wanted to hault our relationship, it almost nearly affected her academics negatively. Please I need matured minds to help me think this through and garnish me with advice(s) because I almost feel so choked up and a rising urge to relocate from here, so i can breathe again.

NB: Advice from married couples and those in serious relationships, will be highly appreciated.

Modified: She went to her bank (First bank) this morning, only to be informed that about 20k (Her mum's business money) has been used to purchase recharge voucher. Her mum sends/receives money from distant customers through her account. Yesterday's scenario, all over again. Please folks, lock your SIM cards just as much as you lock your phones. Learn from this painful experience please.

what is hard there tell her you are not financially
independent
Physical Affection don turn your head
and Nwatakịrị nwanyị ahụ ka no school my brother jiri isi gị

I feel for anyone that falls for this story. Nice try

NockMedia:
I feel for anyone that falls for this story. Nice try

Why would you think that it's a story? Look my profile, I've been on Nairaland since 2010. Go through my previous posts. This is why i suggested that only mature minds should rub minds with me.

Well what I think you should do is to allow her go get a job somewhere else no matter how small or big, at least that will help in reducing the weight of her dependency on you and you get to save more for your business, because wether you like it or not you're definitely going to be paying her more than what she should be earning while she works for you and that's not good for a young and growing business. Just encourage her to get another job somewhere else and then if you still want to support her in her life endeavors it wouldn't be as much as what you're spending now.



You're welcome

mark1703official:
Well what I think you should do is to allow her go get a job somewhere else no matter how small or big, at least that will help in reducing the weight of her dependency on you and you get to save more for your business, because wether you like it or not you're definitely going to be paying her more than what she should be earning while she works for you and that's not good for a young and growing business. Just encourage her to get another job somewhere else and then if you still want to support her in her life endeavors it wouldn't be as much as what you're spending now.



You're welcome

I appreciate your kind input. She actually does the laundry in my absence (I work in a hospital within that area) so that when I'm back, I steam and package the clothes, just that i foot her daily meal and daily transport and then pay her monthly. She asked me for it, instead of her staying at home and she also knows that she won't get those extra privileges elsewhere, that she gets from me.

You have already made a promise to her..see through that promise of getting her a phone then afterwards, find subtle means of relieving yourself from the entanglement you are in.

I once had a friend who went through very similar scenario.. I know it might take a toll on your business or finance but pls, see through this last promise you made and let her find a work while awaiting lock down to be lifted..

Beauty is vain and charm is deceitful..i I pray God gives you grace and blessings as you plan out your daily hustle.

Ask God for wisdom to handle this

Amodsun:
You have already made a promise to her..see through that promise of getting her a phone then afterwards, find subtle means of relieving yourself from the entanglement you are in.

I once had a friend who went through very similar scenario.. I know it might take a toll on your business or finance but pls, see through this last promise you made and let her find a work while awaiting lock down to be lifted..

Beauty is vain and charm is deceitful..i I pray God gives you grace and blessings as you plan out your daily hustle.

Thanks bro.. beauty never was the attraction, I'm a sapiosexual. That said, she has a good heart, the only difficult thing is that both her parents are alive and she's this dependent on me. I once raised that issue about her parents not doing enough in her life and she cried bitterly. It made me feel bad, like I was reminding her of where she's coming from.

julybaba:
Ask God for wisdom to handle this

Yea bro, God can speak through strangers, that's why I shared this burden here. It actually made me restless last night cos i feel like i may give up, if things continue like this. I have a long way to go In life and age isn't really on my side. Thanks.

LordNicvuitton:


Thanks bro.. beauty never was the attraction, I'm a sapiosexual. That said, she has a good heart, the only difficult thing is that both her parents are alive and she's this dependent on me. I once raised that issue about her parents not doing enough in her life and she cried bitterly. It made me feel bad, like I was reminding her of where she's coming from.

If she's a medic student what school is she in cos there are a lot of scholarship programs available for medicals;Agbami,chevron and the likes and they are mostly taken in 200level.She could try them out.

Bla bla bla sheep have you any wool?... Just singing

Dude you already messed up big time. You had no reason to carry all her financial matter for head. She now sees you as a zaddy and zaddy must perform. However, draw up new terms with your chick. She can't come and drain you finish nah. Let her know that you don't have money to buy her her a phone. Place her strictly on salary and maintenance. Stop the feeding and tfare henceforth.

A wise man once said, and I quote 'don't start what you can't finish'.

As a man, putting a woman above your goals is one of the most dangerous simping mistake.

MBBS ko, Doctor fa.......better be ready when she finally shit you like a poo after graduation.

Be simping there.

Eileene:

If she's a medic student what school is she in cos there are a lot of scholarship programs available for medicals;Agbami,chevron and the likes and they are mostly taken in 200level.She could try them out.

She's currently in 300l, having written her 2nd MB. So i guess it's late to do that. She's in a state university and their fees are quite high. Thanks for your input.

HarunaWest:
Bla bla bla sheep have you any wool?... Just singing

Dude you already messed up big time. You had no reason to carry all her financial matter for head. She now sees you as a zaddy and zaddy must perform. However, draw up new terms with your chick. She can't come and drain you finish nah. Let her know that you don't have money to buy her her a phone. Place her strictly on salary and maintenance. Stop the feeding and tfare henceforth.

A wise man once said, and I quote 'don't start what you can't finish'.

Thanks bro.. I did/have been doing those things for her, like I'd do for any of my 2 sisters. I expected nothing, knowing that she came from a struggling family, if i had gotten a steady job, trust me, I'd never complain, nor will I have ever brought up this topic. It's just that the burden is just weighing heavily on me, especially due to this year and all of its drama.

LordNicvuitton:


She's currently in 400l, having written her 2nd MB. So i guess it's late to do that. She's in a state university and their fees are quite high. Thanks for your input.

Alryt no probs.
She should have used this lockdown opportunity to learn a skill it could have helped her or work somewhere else to ease your burden. Anyway you have to come clean with her, you can't keep pretending or else one day you might just take it out on her.she should have relatives or friends who can also help.

Start asking her to borrow you money and don't pay back as promised. I am not saying you shouldn't help her out when you deem fit but she is under the impression that even when you complain you still have money to dish out. Till she sees that the well is actually getting dry, she would never be independent. If this pushes her to other men, take a chill pill. I have discovered that girls who see men as their only financial source would never look for a job or business to augment what their guy gives them, they will instead look for a side guy to get extra cash. If she does that, then she was never really worth it.

I would also suggest your purchase one of the items you listed as a need in your business on credit or pay part of it up front. If you do that, you will be cash strapped and not have enough free money lying around to think of charity.

Take care of your girl but if you are feeling trapped or choked up in the relationship, it's time to reevaluate.

She obviously draws more current and consumes more power than that ponytail industrial iron.
but u have been trying na. let her use her salary join and get one, u can reimburse later as u go still spend on her.

Bro, this issue is not black and white. It requires wisdom and direction from God. If I were in your shoes, I will push her to start up something for herself no matter how small, cos I'm also a medical student and still doing little things that give me money. You can contact me let's talk this is my no 08170381042 whatsapp

all i can say is that the girl in question is clearly using u, you have ur own reasons for trying to help her maybe because she is from a poor background..
all i can say is that you should be careful, face ur career and make plans to push it further, you can assist her sometimes if you feel like helping but dont make the assistant seems like a burden to you because you aint forced...
just focus more on urself, build yourself and your investment so you won't feel much pain when she finally dumps you for another gee if incase it happens because no one knows tomorrow..

LordNicvuitton:
Hi Romancelanders, don't know if it's right to share this topic here, but I'll do for now.

I'm Victory, from the East and currently a resident of Edo state. I came to this state, as an intern and thereafter, still served here and in the course of all these, I thought out and established a laundry business, which is just about 8 months old. This was to keep life going and to better bond well with the lady in my life currently.

While in Edo state, having rounded my internship & kickstarting service sometime around 2017, I met this Kiki Osemudiamen (Name changed), and it was nothing serious at 1st, cos I never really thought I'd date someone here, fact is that I never thought I'd stay beyond my service year. I met her while she was in 200l. We encouraged each other, she saw potentials and had faith in me just like I have so much faith in her. She is simplistic, encourages me to save and I in turn, encouraged her and guided her through some of her studies. She passed her 2nd MB.BS. and is currently awaiting lifting of the lockdown on schools, so she can start her clinicals.

Problem is that she came from a not buoyant family financially, and although both parents are alive, she struggles to survive/feed daily. Her dad supplies about 1000litres/trip water to households, while her mum sells at the local market. I on the other hand, came from a middle class family but my Dad is late since 2012, and I've been a sponsor of my education and that of my younger ones through the lil I inherited (which mum manages for now) plus my various endeavours. She depends on me for daily meals and other basic essentials, in fact I had to place her on salary in my laundry shop during this lockdown, so she plays the role of secretary in my shop too.

The latest challenge came about, yesterday. While she slept in the shop, I was out on errand, someone sneaked into the shop and stole her android phone with all of her e-medics textbooks (she reads mostly e-copies because she can't afford hardcopies), she has been crying all through and I really don't know what to do. Since I knew her, She'd been an appendage and an extra financial burden to me, I can't begin to list what I've done for her, although I kept reminding her never to not have entitlement mentality and she does appreciate. Out of desperation to ease her pain, I promised to sponsor her in getting a new phone. I have burdens, huge ones, I'm yet to acquire a diesel engine for my laundry (I use ponytail industrial iron which has higher voltage/current than normal ones), plus other related merchandise that I need to set up and I feel like she slows down my financial pace.

Honestly, I don't do all these for her, hoping for any personal gains, in the words of my daddy in the Lord, Prophet T.B. Joshua, He said and I quote: "We make a living by what we get and we make a life by what we give" but I am almost fed up and tired, especially when I remember that both her parents are still alive.. I am scared that that for the 1st time, I may fail her in that financial obligation because I honestly need money now, with the whole pandemic issue plus, I feel like she slows me down in life financially and a huge burden to me. Right now, she's so attached to me, more so that when I initially wanted to hault our relationship, it almost nearly affected her academics negatively. Please I need matured minds to help me think this through and garnish me with advice(s) because I almost feel so choked up and a rising urge to relocate from here, so i can breathe again.

NB: Advice from married couples and those in serious relationships, will be highly appreciated.

Cc: Lalasticlala farano rocktation.

I think it's the way u started. U acted like the provider.
I'll ask did u disflower her?
If thats the case, I guess that's why she depends on you so much.. She has no experience.

Now, if u really like her and she's hard working.. Don't waste time, engage her.. Do the needful then start your life with her. in that case, u guy will build together.
In that case, she will understand when to ask and when not to.
Don't worry about her depending on u.. If she's nice.
Just don't stop encouraging her.
And as someone said earlier, tell her ur problems too and request money from her

LordNicvuitton:


Thanks bro.. beauty never was the attraction, I'm a sapiosexual. That said, she has a good heart, the only difficult thing is that both her parents are alive and she's this dependent on me. I once raised that issue about her parents not doing enough in her life and she cried bitterly. It made me feel bad, like I was reminding her of where she's coming from.

you are really not coming straight(you kept mentioning her both parents, this alone betrayed your intent)!?
is adding any value or not? that you didn't mention.
all you have to do is sit her down and talk it all over. make her see reasons with you for the good of you both.
it is all about cutting the down expenses to be able to achieve some greater things. sure she does have a listening ear and would do understand!? (you alone can answer this.)
if you are married to her already, you came close to financial challenges sure divorce won't make an option.
nothing stops you from ending the relationship but from expression you might not be happy with yourself. that in its entirety is bad, who ever you end up with might keep bringing her memory.
an heart to heart talk would sure proffer a solution. this is time to help her discover herself, what other things she offer the society that would add value and increase her finances.
if it is okay by you she might source for clients do the service and own the money. it's for you both to bring out the best of each other and sit yourselves down some days to reminisce over the thick and thin that had a happy ending.

Eileene:

Alryt no probs.
She should have used this lockdown opportunity to learn a skill it could have helped her or work somewhere else to ease your burden. Anyway you have to come clean with her, you can't keep pretending or else one day you might just take it out on her.she should have relatives or friends who can also help.

Her relatives occasionally send her clothes and shoes, that's it. Her wealthier relatives according to her, try to limit communication with them, same reason she was convinced within herself to go study medicine, so she can help her family.

egopersonified:
Start asking her to borrow you money and don't pay back as promised. I am not saying you shouldn't help her out when you deem fit but she is under the impression that even when you complain you still have money to dish out. Till she sees that the well is actually getting dry, she would never be independent. If this pushes her to other men, take a chill pill. I have discovered that girls who see men as their only financial source would never look for a job or business to augment what their guy gives them, they will instead look for a side guy to get extra cash. If she does that, then she was never really worth it.

I would also suggest your purchase one of the items you listed as a need in your business on credit or pay part of it up front. If you do that, you will be cash strapped and not have enough free money lying around to think of charity.

Take care of your girl but if you are feeling trapped or choked up in the relationship, it's time to reevaluate.

I appreciate your input, however, I can't ask for monetary loan from her, cos i know her family that much now and I know that they're not anywhere near comfort financially. Her younger bro is a sales boy and He recently got admitted too. I honestly would gladly take care of her without complaints but with the unforseen theft
and these desperate times, it weighs heavily on me. Meanwhile, owing to the fact that I'm not yet permanently employed, companies/business outfits here, will not sell their goods on credit, unless you now have IPPIS number (government job) or your business has been firmly established, so i have to save before I can buy.

lykwhoishe:
She obviously draws more current and consumes more power than that ponytail industrial iron.
but u have been trying na. let her use her salary join and get one, u can reimburse later as u go still spend on her.

Succint.. I appreciate.

JERRY1925:



I think it's the way u started. U acted like the provider.
I'll ask did u dis-virgin her?
If thats the case, I guess that's why she depends on you so much.. She has no experience.

Now, if u really like her and she's hard working.. Don't waste time, engage her.. Do the needful then start your life with her. in that case, u guy will build together.
In that case, she will understand when to ask and when not to.
Don't worry about her depending on u.. If she's nice.
Just don't stop encouraging her.
And as someone said earlier, tell her ur problems too and request money from her

I want to respectfully keep our intimacy life out of this bro, but just know that I'm her 1st definition of a true love. Most of what you typed, are positive words and i thank you. I've never stopped encouraging her. She has the potential to be a life partner (trust me, I have had experiences to know this) but the financial burden is the negative in all these.

SEGLIZ:

you are really not coming straight(you kept mentioning her both parents, this alone betrayed your intent)!?
is adding any value or not? that you didn't mention.
all you have to do is sit her down and talk it all over. make her see reasons with you for the good of you both.
it is all about cutting the down expenses to be able to achieve some greater things. sure she does have a listening ear and would do understand!? (you alone can answer this.)
if you are married to her already, you came close to financial challenges sure divorce won't make an option.
nothing stops you from ending the relationship but from expression you might not be happy with yourself. that in its entirety is bad, who ever you end up with might keep bringing her memory.
an heart to heart talk would sure proffer a solution. this is time to help her discover herself, what other things she offer the society that would add value and increase her finances.
if it is okay by you she might source for clients do the service and own the money. it's for you both to bring out the best of each other and sit yourselves down some days to reminisce over the thick and thin that had a happy ending.

Her parents shelter her, pay some of her school fees, although sometime late. I help out too. I'm like an extension of her parents and like I typed before, I did those things out of love, knowing that i have helped even total strangers financially, that is humanity.

I reasoned with your comment and something else came to my mind. Maybe i can leave the laundry business for her to run while I come around to supervise from time to time, then I move back to Lagos to go look for a more permanent job. I'm a health professional btw. Truth be told, she has pleaded with me in the past, not to relocate until she gets to 600l, that I'm a very supportive part of her life and that I motivate her. We do care about each other and even if she ends up with someone else, I'll still be happy I was part of her life, although we ain't even from the same tribe. Thanks bro for your advice.

I know am not ready yet for heavy spending and girl's billing
So I don't date

I’m lost for words, as much as I am an advocate of don’t ever put girl matter for head and be forming provider, sometimes I’m usually caught up in situations like this as his girl also has potentials so it’s a two ways kind of investment, you can lose or gain.

If you know you want to sponsor someone, just go and marry the person to avoid stories. You gave your life before you. You are saving for a lot of things, as radiographer you wan travel out. So use sense o Abeg so you won’t regret this.

But remember na two ways e fit go, gain or loss.

Op U Make Me Remember How I Got Madly In Love With Dis Girl With A Financial Problems Both Her Parents Are Not Educated And Her Mum Was D 5th Wife And D Last Wife. Her Father Was D Type That Neva Care Abt Children, And She Is D Last Born Of The Entire Family. All Her Financial Expenses Was On Me At Some Point Her Family Just Ignored Her Completely To Me, And Dat Nearly Destoyed My Career Though She Is A Very Good Girl And A Perfect House Wife Material. After Years We Break Up And I Can Tell U That Was D Best Decision In My Life. What I Got For U Is That U Should Make A Wise Choice There Alot Of Good Girls Out There Be Wise So U Won't Regret It 4 D Rest Of Your Life!

I'm only concerned about the phone aspect...
Op,don't you pay her salaries? So after buying the phone, you will also pay her salary for the month?
Op, what you should do is take her salary for the month,add little money to it and get her a good phone.

LordNicvuitton:
I honestly would gladly take card of her without complaints but with the unforseen theft
and these desperate times, it weighs heavily on me.

Seems the phone is the major problem. Why don't you get her a small one first.She should let go of the ebooks for now instead she could look for one or two senior course mates to give her their old books. She should just try and improvise when there is life there is hope.