pocohantas:
You are overthinking things.

How can you keep saying you haven’t eaten for 3days without any explanation? Haba! Don’t you know that is Naija babes intro to ask for urgent 2k?

The guy is not psychic to know you were fasting. Whenever I tell a man I haven’t eaten, I always make sure I add the reason (e.g) Busy day, I am trying to watch my intake/weight...etc.

While it wasn’t so nice of him to disappear, we should remember that building relationships is hard in Nigeria because we suspect ourselves too much. Imagine if he kept telling you he is lonely.

It is okay if you want to block him, I just want you to know you are not entirely blameless. It takes time and trust to unlock certain aspects of a friendship...

this poco, person no dey understand you sometimes. You are not here, you are not there.. You go just confuse us join yourself

CalliDora1:



Lol.. Ishi Ishi... Your comments always cracks me up.

I think he asked why on one of those days but I told him nothing and he said don't you have food? I told him I'll be fine. I think that was when he first said "im sorry" and didn't call for four days.

Let me go and buy dangote cement for the blocking. Hahahahaaaa Ishi will not kill me o.

I'm providing the concrete mixer and labor for the blocking!
Guys like him spend days digging into people's profiles on nairaland and coming up with sardonic replies and stupid "know all" mentality only to eventually cry out to be helped when the little they have in their pockets dry out.
For crying out loud, what reasonable guy toasts a lady in that manner? Please, a lorry load of labourers are on their way.... with the mixer.
Ignore the pun.k and go ahead with your beautiful life. Cheers

CalliDora1:


My dear, my dear hm.

Now imagine if I marry such a man, when there's little challenge in biz, he'll blank me? These thoughts have been rioting in my heart since our last contact.

Yeah sure we don't need such in our lives.

Just take things easy o, maybe he was trying to code your statement o, don't just conclude like that.

CalliDora1:
Long post. Please bear with me.

This trait seems to be common among some Nairaland men (with apologies to all the men here though) cos I never really experienced such attitude with men ive met offline. So don't know whether they have a nairaland men's association (not the red pillars or mgtow kinda thing though) where they agree to behave likesome. The way they reason sometimes just baffles me.

Ok. So, I met someone here as a friend and I wanted it to stay that way. Along the line, he wanted more than just friendship but I just kept dodging because I don't want any issues as he's a good friend (a born again) and I like our friendly chats and all that. So didn't want anything serious that could jeopardize that but he kept pressing on and stressing until I naturally began to feel relaxed (against my wish) you know how that constant checking on someone tends to make one want to compromise their Stance. So I sort of got trapped.

Now here's the issue. He would always want to know about my biz and job. If I went or not. So I decided to test him. He would always call and ask if I've eaten. So that day, I said no (was fasting) but didn't want to divulge it to him that I was fasting. He called later in the day and asked again, I said I've not eaten, he dropped. I now felt he prolly thought I wanted him to feed me huh??.. I observed he reduced his calls. Third day he called and asked again, I said no. And he said "na wa o" I was like why, he said I'm sorry I can't help. Huh?? I don't remember asking him so I decided to play along. He called in the evening, I still said I've not eaten ( cos I had not broken my fast then) and he said I'm sorry ( I was just laughing within). I asked him, for what? he said because he couldn't help. And since then he stopped calling only to chat after a week to ask if the biz I was pursuing was through. I ignored him and for two months no contact.

Just last night he chatted me up again asking if I've resumed work and I said yes. he then asked if he's free to call me bla bla. And since last night hes been trying to keep up chats but I'm kinda cold towards him and he asked why I'm so cold. Acting like nothing happened.

Now, this is what I feel. so if someone is truly dying of hunger (God forbid) you'll abandon the fellow? or that they can't date someone who's biz is shaky or has not resumed work due to a global crises that affected everyone? I'm not saying anybody should carry someone else's burden ( there was really no burden anywhere as God has been faithful.) but I don't understand what actually played out there and why he's all of a sudden interested again after learning I've resumed work. I don't just understand because I don't want to be rude. Was that a right thing?

I'm really confused here because.. I mean.. I never asked you to help me with anything but being there would have been enough. Calling and chatting would have helped me scale through the bordom I felt that period of compulsory break from work and biz but he went into Oblivion even when I never placed any demands on him.

I bow to men and the way they reason o.

I beg you with my " belit " leave redpillers out of this brouhaha plz nnwanne

daben1:
poco! I've been reading through every comments line by line, but non got me like this your own, very apt and mature response

oh!! poco is well known for @bolded. however, when she and now defunt moniker fumitsiqueen(which i miss to be honest) are working together against patriachy im usually on the other side

Firstly we are quick to judge,we only hear one side of the story and we not hear the other side and nobody we tell stories against him/her self not possiblè but from the story by op o think you actually looking for a way to pursue and reject that guy by coming up with something like you ave not eating bla bla bla and we all understand naija gal once they said am hungry,have not eating dont bother asking why it urgent 2k but the guy is a sharp guy he quickly denote and not talk about it besides u guys are frnd if u need something u should be able to tell him but no u said u testing him,testing him for what..madam u self is wrong accept it

pocohantas:
You are overthinking things.

How can you keep saying you haven’t eaten for 3days without any explanation? Haba! Don’t you know that is Naija babes intro to ask for urgent 2k?

The guy is not psychic to know you were fasting. Whenever I tell a man I haven’t eaten, I always make sure I add the reason (e.g) Busy day, I am trying to watch my intake/weight...etc.

While it wasn’t so nice of him to disappear, we should remember that building relationships is hard in Nigeria because we suspect ourselves too much. Imagine if he kept telling you he is lonely.

It is okay if you want to block him, I just want you to know you are not entirely blameless. It takes time and trust to unlock certain aspects of a friendship...

this babe, eye have tear on relationship matters, walaihi see comment.

CalliDora1:


Poco bia, I'm not guilty of anything you spotted up there. I already explained I don't like letting people know when I'm fasting that was why I kept it that way and expected him to stop asking the first time I didn't give tangible reasons and didn't request from him either.

Ok, why did he keep asking without offering anything? That alone in itself is annoying but I didn't count it. Yet he kept asking, which was why I decided to play him.

I don't know the angle you're viewing this from but let me tell you, it's not what you think.

Gracias.

Now look at the bold words. You also thought his persistent asking should result to offering something. Don't forget you guys are just getting to know each other. As someone has rightly said up there, this is the normal format for requesting for "urgent 2k" by Nigerian girls. So don't get it twisted, you sent the wrong signal and just termed it playing along.

infogenius:


LOL.
Good, once you know the motive is for financial gain, you can choose to give or not to give and move if need be.
The lady could be sick you know and if you don't ask she may not say.

Leeches are everywhere, however not all babes are leeches. Interestingly there are a few good species out there.

yes,they are alot of good girls out there but d bad ones would make one not knw when she is actually in need

ABOVEDELAW:
YOU SHOULD NOT BE SO PRESUMPTIOUS UNTIL YOU ASK HIM FOR EXPLANATIONS, EVERYBODY HAS HIS\HER WAY OWN OF LIFE.

That's right.

CalliDora1:


Exactly how I've been replying his text since last night. the next thing was "are you angry at me? Why are you responding like this? . Imagine.. I just replied, nothing.

Me ehn, I have gotten to a stage in my life where pretending is hard for me. If he should keep asking, tell him 'Lol. Haba, na. Nothing', then respond to his next question after two hours with 'kkk'.

Lucrativress:

There's always a grey spot in between
She wanted to test him
What if he also felt she was playing him
I think at times being plain is better
Dude to me felt uncomfortable with the responses just didn't want to cross a bridge of being inquisitive
For me I think a "don't bother asking if I've eaten" would have been better
Men also get ashamed,he came back speaks volume

Yeah most likely.
Since you can't provide food why continue to ask.
You have a point there.

But i have come to discover that all ladies are not same.
Some will not give reasons until you ask why.
If you don't ask, she says nothing.
Before they are been labeled as beggars.

Someone tells you she hasn't eaten for three days you have reached out to her, out of curiosity it is expected that the guy asks why.
What if the lady was sick or depressed?

I believe the op is one those ladies that will not talk to much to people or men she is not really close to.

Chiquitq:
He is not an all weather friend but kindly note that telling someone that you've not eaten more than once also sends wrong signals. Except it is obvious that you are too busy to eat. Forget about this guy, he doesn't mean well at all. If you really lost your job and you were good friends, he might have offered a token to cushion the effect but then again, some girls would turn such nice gesture into an opportunity to take a man for granted and milk him. Just forget about this guy.

The normal Nigerian question: Have you eaten? What did you eat today?

If the guy probed further, since they used to gist normally at that time, he would have realized she was fasting. But he didn't.

Then, why ask someone repeatedly if she has eaten, when you have no plans of helping out in case she didn't eat due to lack of money?

He could have just not asked any question about eating. I don't think Op would have held it against him.

Ishilove:

I don't ask people if they have eaten. They are not babies

hehe!!! Have you scope somebody before? you are usually on the recieving end. so you cannot say such.

punisha:
This is a gathering of pocohantas and ishilove and co...
Let me waka pass...
Una well-done o!

you are smart bro

CalliDora1:


My dear. @bolded is my thoughts because he resumed the question this morning again.

Sugar what?.. this person I'm telling you is a MAN as in very mature guy and from all indications he's not a play boy. But why he pulled that stunt at the last minute was what got me upset and worried.

I'm thinking whether to download all he did to him and how I see it or just block him.

I don't want to appear wicked or rude but my interest is no longer there.

...You got yourself involved with an immature guy.What do you expect?.

A guy who is matured and ready for a serious relationship will not act in such manner even if he wasn't bouyant at that time.

He should have pressed to find out the reason you ve not eaten for days but the fault is yours if you keep telling him nothing.

I don't see anything wrong in telling some one you like that you re fasting thou

CalliDora1:


Lol.. so.. hahahahaaaa so if someone is hungry, you'll check out? Lol.. you funny o. You see I wasn't wrong afterall. So he actually thought I wanted him to open a cafeteria for me lol..

The fact that at this point you still haven't understood what many people here have been telling you from poco and co is troubling.

Building a relationship is difficult in Nigeria. There are red flags guys are being in tune to. Yes it might be a stereotype and maybe in your case this wasn't the case. But no one reads minds is the point. When girls start responding the way you do according to the stereotype, it means you are looking for how to ask him for money. This is a red flag for a lot of guys nowadays and they just lose interest. It's not as if he didn't care you were dieing of hunger but its that he didn't believe you at all because he felt you were prepping to ask for money.

Let me give you a very recent example of this stereotype. A friend of mine called me recently and we were talking about several things then the conversation moved to girls. And he was like there's this girl who posted a fine picture on her status so he messaged her to compliment the picture then he went further to ask how she was doing. She said shes not fine o. Do you know what the guy did he told her it is well God will settle it and ended the chat. Why? Because of this stereotype that she was about to ask for money.

This is a real thing, the earlier you realise it the better. No body reads minds, always make things known to people. If you can't then don't blame them for whatever they imagine.

pocohantas:


Telling someone you haven’t eaten for 3 good days without giving any reason is enough to put the person off. I am a lady and I tell you, I would be put off!

Guys pull these tests sometimes and it annoys me. Don’t test me, I will fail.

Very correct, to me she didn't give a tangible reason that was why he was not really concerned, was there going straight to the point, and if I have I give if I don't have I won't give.

kkins25:
hehe!!! Have you scope somebody before? you are usually on the recieving end. so you cannot say such.

When people ask me if I have eaten, I usually laugh and say "No. Do you want to feed me?"

They get the message and don't ask again.

Bodyodour:
yes,they are alot of good girls out there but d bad ones would make one not knw when she is actually in need

From experience.
I can relate.

pocohantas:
You are overthinking things.

How can you keep saying you haven’t eaten for 3days without any explanation? Haba! Don’t you know that is Naija babes intro to ask for urgent 2k?

The guy is not psychic to know you were fasting. Whenever I tell a man I haven’t eaten, I always make sure I add the reason (e.g) Busy day, I am trying to watch my intake/weight...etc.

While it wasn’t so nice of him to disappear, we should remember that building relationships is hard in Nigeria because we suspect ourselves too much. Imagine if he kept telling you he is lonely.

It is okay if you want to block him, I just want you to know you are not entirely blameless. It takes time and trust to unlock certain aspects of a friendship...

God bless you for this comment. This is unbias, and i am glad this is coming from a lady. Maturity is smelling all over this comment. *Kisses to u

Ishilove:
So if you were truly in need of help that is how he would have abandoned you. Please block him. We don't need useless people in our lives

if she asked for help and he didnt reply, that's when you will be saying he abandoned her.

she shouldn't block someone that checks up on her everyday ooh, many people dont have that opportunity.

that man hasn't shown infidelity towards the OP in anyway!

pocohantas:


People ask that question out of concern, not because they want to open a fast food kitchen for you. Just good ol concern. If you don’t like it, open your mouth and tell him to stop asking you.

We are here to talk about what he thinks, which prompted his actions- not what I think.

Once again, I never said you are guilty. I said you are a victim of stereotyping. You are quite presumptuous...

Gracias

Jesus. You get sense babe.

Chiquitq:
He is not an all weather friend but kindly note that telling someone that you've not eaten more than once also sends wrong signals. Except it is obvious that you are too busy to eat. Forget about this guy, he doesn't mean well at all. If you really lost your job and you were good friends, he might have offered a token to cushion the effect but then again, some girls would turn such nice gesture into an opportunity to take a man for granted and milk him. Just forget about this guy.

my dear he didn't even want to know why she wasn't eating.


What if she Was dieting


Some guys think all ladies are after what they have. When they see ladies that are comfortable, they tag them proud and feminists

CalliDora1:
Long post. Please bear with me.

This trait seems to be common among some Nairaland men (with apologies to all the men here though) cos I never really experienced such attitude with men ive met offline. So don't know whether they have a nairaland men's association (not the red pillars or mgtow kinda thing though) where they agree to behave likesome. The way they reason sometimes just baffles me.

Ok. So, I met someone here as a friend and I wanted it to stay that way. Along the line, he wanted more than just friendship but I just kept dodging because I don't want any issues as he's a good friend (a born again) and I like our friendly chats and all that. So didn't want anything serious that could jeopardize that but he kept pressing on and stressing until I naturally began to feel relaxed (against my wish) you know how that constant checking on someone tends to make one want to compromise their Stance. So I sort of got trapped.

Now here's the issue. He would always want to know about my biz and job. If I went or not. So I decided to test him. He would always call and ask if I've eaten. So that day, I said no (was fasting) but didn't want to divulge it to him that I was fasting. He called later in the day and asked again, I said I've not eaten, he dropped. I now felt he prolly thought I wanted him to feed me huh??.. I observed he reduced his calls. Third day he called and asked again, I said no. And he said "na wa o" I was like why, he said I'm sorry I can't help. Huh?? I don't remember asking him so I decided to play along. He called in the evening, I still said I've not eaten ( cos I had not broken my fast then) and he said I'm sorry ( I was just laughing within). I asked him, for what? he said because he couldn't help. And since then he stopped calling only to chat after a week to ask if the biz I was pursuing was through. I ignored him and for two months no contact.

Just last night he chatted me up again asking if I've resumed work and I said yes. he then asked if he's free to call me bla bla. And since last night hes been trying to keep up chats but I'm kinda cold towards him and he asked why I'm so cold. Acting like nothing happened.

Now, this is what I feel. so if someone is truly dying of hunger (God forbid) you'll abandon the fellow? or that they can't date someone who's biz is shaky or has not resumed work due to a global crises that affected everyone? I'm not saying anybody should carry someone else's burden ( there was really no burden anywhere as God has been faithful.) but I don't understand what actually played out there and why he's all of a sudden interested again after learning I've resumed work. I don't just understand because I don't want to be rude. Was that a right thing?

I'm really confused here because.. I mean.. I never asked you to help me with anything but being there would have been enough. Calling and chatting would have helped me scale through the bordom I felt that period of compulsory break from work and biz but he went into Oblivion even when I never placed any demands on him.

I bow to men and the way they reason o.

You'll do just the same when you feel helpless helping someone's situation. I've heard countless replies like" shey nah call we wan chop" even after you've tried to show concern about a situation by calling when calling is the only thing you can offer at that particular time.

The truth is that most guys know the exact thing to do but what we don't know how to do is how best to please a woman.
I've had my experiences too, I once met a serving corper whom I do call just to check on her well-being. There was a day I called her and she told me she's at home of which she ought to be in her ppa, I asked her why she's home and her excuse was that she doesn't have the tfare to and fro her ppa. I called her the second day just to hear the same excuse again and I was really in pain not been able to help. I had only 2k in my account then and I immediately asked her to send her account details, I actually sent her the whole 2k but up till date no thank you from her. So I guess she felt the money is small or perhaps I've been taken for a ride sha.

When you can't help then there's thing shame that always creep in and the best thing to do is to withdraw until the air clears out so don't blame the dude please.

mrphate:
[quote author=CalliDora1

How's he not a good man, since you're friends and you didn't have a fishy motive, what stoops you from saying ur reason (fasting) in between when you broke ur fast why didn't you say "sorry my friend I wasn't hungry but fasting" and like that beside where does it say fasting should be a super secret, take it or not u were looking for an opportunity to ask for financial help, you think he's a genius to guess right and offer to help...this act is so rampant, I have alot of them like that asking help indirectly and o laugh, meanwhile those bold enough to ask i help but not at the detriment of my needs or those around me

Lol.. where did you read that I was hungry? He came asking, have you eaten? And I said no. Must I let every tom dick and Harry know I'm waiting on the Lord? Please you guys should learn to read well and digest before jumping into conclusion.

I never went telling him I was hungry. Duh!!

pocohantas:
You are overthinking things.

How can you keep saying you haven’t eaten for 3days without any explanation? Haba! Don’t you know that is Naija babes intro to ask for urgent 2k?

The guy is not psychic to know you were fasting. Whenever I tell a man I haven’t eaten, I always make sure I add the reason (e.g) Busy day, I am trying to watch my intake/weight...etc.

While it wasn’t so nice of him to disappear, we should remember that building relationships is hard in Nigeria because we suspect ourselves too much. Imagine if he kept telling you he is lonely.

It is okay if you want to block him, I just want you to know you are not entirely blameless. It takes time and trust to unlock certain aspects of a friendship...

This na one of the few times you dey make sense.

daben1:
you shouldn't have bro, you should have left her with her childish attitude

Bro we already created this intensive feeling,like we talk about everything,I make her vjay tingle everytime we talk(she likes it),so seeing her online will make me recall on those sweet moments,I dont want her drama to continue.I hate that attitude men,I cant endure it.I like my girl to be open and act maturely

Sounds to me like "gold digging gone wrong"

CalliDora1:
Long post. Please bear with me.

This trait seems to be common among some Nairaland men (with apologies to all the men here though) cos I never really experienced such attitude with men ive met offline. So don't know whether they have a nairaland men's association (not the red pillars or mgtow kinda thing though) where they agree to behave likesome. The way they reason sometimes just baffles me.

Ok. So, I met someone here as a friend and I wanted it to stay that way. Along the line, he wanted more than just friendship but I just kept dodging because I don't want any issues as he's a good friend (a born again) and I like our friendly chats and all that. So didn't want anything serious that could jeopardize that but he kept pressing on and stressing until I naturally began to feel relaxed (against my wish) you know how that constant checking on someone tends to make one want to compromise their Stance. So I sort of got trapped.

Now here's the issue. He would always want to know about my biz and job. If I went or not. So I decided to test him. He would always call and ask if I've eaten. So that day, I said no (was fasting) but didn't want to divulge it to him that I was fasting. He called later in the day and asked again, I said I've not eaten, he dropped. I now felt he prolly thought I wanted him to feed me huh??.. I observed he reduced his calls. Third day he called and asked again, I said no. And he said "na wa o" I was like why, he said I'm sorry I can't help. Huh?? I don't remember asking him so I decided to play along. He called in the evening, I still said I've not eaten ( cos I had not broken my fast then) and he said I'm sorry ( I was just laughing within). I asked him, for what? he said because he couldn't help. And since then he stopped calling only to chat after a week to ask if the biz I was pursuing was through. I ignored him and for two months no contact.

Just last night he chatted me up again asking if I've resumed work and I said yes. he then asked if he's free to call me bla bla. And since last night hes been trying to keep up chats but I'm kinda cold towards him and he asked why I'm so cold. Acting like nothing happened.

Now, this is what I feel. so if someone is truly dying of hunger (God forbid) you'll abandon the fellow? or that they can't date someone who's biz is shaky or has not resumed work due to a global crises that affected everyone? I'm not saying anybody should carry someone else's burden ( there was really no burden anywhere as God has been faithful.) but I don't understand what actually played out there and why he's all of a sudden interested again after learning I've resumed work. I don't just understand because I don't want to be rude. Was that a right thing?

I'm really confused here because.. I mean.. I never asked you to help me with anything but being there would have been enough. Calling and chatting would have helped me scale through the bordom I felt that period of compulsory break from work and biz but he went into Oblivion even when I never placed any demands on him.

I bow to men and the way they reason o.

Never thought people do meet and date on nairaland. So many fake IDs