RedPanthar:
Stop inviting third party to your relationship issues. Watch expect 95% toxicity on this thread.


Stop seeking validation and do what you must do

Idonije8:
You nor see woman marry there?? Too many stories about men helping their girlfriends to America then along the line something happened if I was you I will marry someone there preferably a white sweet lady : abeg leave this Nigeria girls they are so ungrateful when they finally get what they want

Jaqenhghar:

..and its white girls that dont have wahala abi. You guys are so naive. You say Nigerian girls will take everything. White girls wont take anything you think?

Curiouscity:
I did this about 7 years ago. I live in deep regrets everyday. My marriage may likely end soonest!

Amumaigwe:


That's the problem most leeching Nigeria ladies, that successfully ruined their husbands' lives after relocation, have caused for the few remaining (if at all) loyal ones. Since most of you continue to cheer them on in the name of woman liberation, cut this guy some slack please.
Men are now wiser. Let her also work her way to the US simple and short, after all, gender equality is what you Ladies seek. Enjoy it in peace

canttedra:
The recent topic on the home page motivated me to make this post, anonymously of course.

We were dating before I left Nigeria. We've been dating for about three years. Sometime last year I got a new job in the US (I schooled there so it was easy), and moved away from the country. Until a few weeks ago, we talked nearly every other day. It's always fun talking to her. But lately, things have started to get a little rough because of something that came up, and which I would like to believe is not my fault.

Prior to dating her, since I was a kid in university, I made myself a few promises relating to women:

1. I will never pay a woman's school fees
2. I will never rent a house or apartment for a woman, nor furnish an existing apartment
3. I will never sponsor a woman abroad.

Of course, this does not mean that I won't buy a woman gifts (I do that regularly), or take her on a nice trip. I just do not envisage myself pulling a woman up the social ladder. I prefer she makes her own growth moves as it relates to finances or relocation.

I made these promises based on the fact that I expected that whomever I make a partner should be able to make something of their own selves. I do not want to be anybody's savior or anyone's get-out-of-jail card. This resolution has made lose a few women in the past who thought the relationship should be based on what they can get out of it, and my girlfriend knows this.

The situation right now is that there is a path for her to come to America through studying. We already talked about her applying for graduate studies and then transitioning here into a better job. However, she now feels that would be stressful and may not work. Instead, she thinks it's better if I return to Nigeria this December to marry her and then sponsor her eventually to the US. That's not going to happen. This has created a rift and we have not been talking for a while now.

Am I being unreasonable here? How can I make her realize she can be her own person and not have to depend on someone else to "sponsor" her? It just drives me nuts that she knows this about me but is now vehemently insisting that this is the only viable option.

jaxxy:


It is not balanced judgement to compare his sisters with a stranger he fell in love with and barely has any significant experience in life with.

Yes people need help bt it shud be on the right terms not false notions. If it’s charity he’s doing do it as charity not love. Love must be balanced. After all the dates and gifts he still have to break his principles for her? Which she knows b4 hand? Why??

chaloskyx:
LEAVE OUR GIRL ALONE SOMEONE IN NIGERIA WOULD MARRY HER AND TAKE CARE OF HER. YOU CAN FOCUS ON GETTING SOMEONE IN THE US TO SUIT YOUR TASTE. LEAVE THE POOR GIRL ALONE SHE HAS MORALS AND CANT JUST RUN TO ANOTHER MANS HOUSE WITHOUT ANY FORM OF COMMITMENT. IN US YES BOYFRIENDS AND GIRLFRNDS CAN LIVE UNDER THE SAME ROOF AND ARE SEEN AS COUPLES LEGALLY HOWEVER IN NIGERIA YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH THE RITES AND WED HER LEGALLY IF NOT YOU CAN KEEP YOUR AMERICAN DOLLARS AND SPONSORSHIP ALL TO YOURSELF.

madjune:
It's mind-boggling hearing folks talk about things they don't know or have the capacity of giving.

Truth be said, you don't know what's love, neither do you have the capacity to love anyone.
You sound very self Centered.

How can you love or care about anybody and not wish to see things easier around her?

How can you love and not ready or willing to sacrifice?

I'm sure sacrifice no dey your dictionary.

Sacrifice is an essential and mandatory ingredient in any relationship.
Be it dating or marriage.

And, if you chose to stick with this your queer way of life, better look for a monastery near you because no normal woman will stay long around you.

Selfish human being.

thorpido:
Let her be for the meanwhile then.Keep dating and communicating with her.When you think you want to settle with her,you may need to come to Nigeria to marry her and help her move abroad.

The option of coming abroad through studies,can she afford the fees?

If your girlfriend was my sister, I'll ask her to keep her options open.If she meets a good man here who is ready to settle with her,I'll ask her to go for him.

addictiv:

She should workout her salvation o... Instead of seeking an easy way out... Let her work for it. Else she won't understand the effort you re making. There is only one choice... She should at least try the graduate route and if it doesn't work she keeps trying till it works. Don't let a woman or anyone force or blackmail you emotionally into marriage.. Your life will be hell...simply tell her that you only plan to get married in 3 years or more.. So if she wants to travel now she has to do the graduate route. The fact that she's not ready to listen to you now that she's not yet married to you is already a red flag. Also the fact that she is not ready to make effort towards her own growth and development is another red flag. The fact that she discarded your opinion as irrelevant and would only consider her own opinion as the only way out is another red flag. The fact that she is INSISTING that you go against your personal values to satisfy her desires is another red flag. You shouldn't force someone to go against their personal values no matter how insane you think the values are... only an inconsiderate person will do such a thing. Bro..use ur tongue to count your teeth.

cooooooks:
They've not been together for 3 years. They started talking for 1 year then immediately transitioned to long-distance for 2 years.

She should travel and study and if she does not like his approach, time-wasting, red pill consumption, she will be able to find someone else by herself.

vaca1:


Three gbosa for you. I am a lady. My brothers are suffering this right now. When they cross over to that side, they start lording over you forgetting where they came from. Rubbish.

Chrisbella24:
I just hate people that think the way you do.

"....... I'm not sure about marriage yet......."

Yen yen yen.

Leave her na
Why una just like to dey stress unaself.

You made a decision that you would never sponsor any woman. Now, why can't you decide this?


You brought it here on Nairaland so people will give you Advice they won't even accept on a Normal day when it comes to their relationships?

You know your girlfriend well, you've been dating for 3 fvcking years
So because one woman decided to be ungrateful after she traveled abroad with her husband now means every other woman will be the same?

You all are pathetic.

LordKO:
From your far-reached resolution and connotation of your submission, you don't believe in altruism/love, then don't sponsor her immigration via a spousal visa. You'll be better off having a contract marriage with her or any other woman, for your peace of mind in particular and sanity of the both of you in general. I expect you to man up and tell her boldly that you don't believe in love, instead of taking to disingenuousness in relating with her, and allow her to decide whether or not to continue with whatever that exists between the two of you.

However, assuming that you're a proponent and practitioner of altruism/love, I don't see anything wrong in one sponsoring his fiancee or wife's immigration via a spousal visa; all the news about betrayal happening and flying around notwithstanding. The reason is simple, whatever cause I believe in, I give my best, and I don't condone anyone who doesn't meet my set ethical standard.

So, anyone I vetted and chose as a lover/wife, I've always accorded her the privilege of being part and parcel of me as a proponent of oneness, while staying a discerning step ahead of her, of course. You need to master the art of giving everything without losing anything and walking out like a boss when things turn sour.

Meanwhile, opportunism and its peripheral vice aren't female gender exclusive, because personally, in an issue like this, I have suffered more betrayal from fellow men; well, that's because they've been my major beneficiaries. My motto in this regard is simple, betray me, shame on you; outsmart me, shame on me.

Love remains a sign of strength, not weakness.

Chii59:

And a year is too short to know if someone is the one for you?

Toktee:
My thoughts exactly, do not trust Nigeria's ladies when it comes to taken them abroad when they get their and settled, that's when you know their true colors.


A Nigerian Doctor just killed his wife and then himself in the US only God knows the reason.



Nigeria's ladies has a PhD in frustrating me abroad.

Chrisbella24:
I just hate people that think the way you do.

"....... I'm not sure about marriage yet......."

Yen yen yen.

Leave her na
Why una just like to dey stress unaself.

You made a decision that you would never sponsor any woman. Now, why can't you decide this?


You brought it here on Nairaland so people will give you Advice they won't even accept on a Normal day when it comes to their relationships?

You know your girlfriend well, you've been dating for 3 fvcking years
So because one woman decided to be ungrateful after she traveled abroad with her husband now means every other woman will be the same?

You all are pathetic.

canttedra:
The recent topic on the home page motivated me to make this post, anonymously of course.

We were dating before I left Nigeria. We've been dating for about three years. Sometime last year I got a new job in the US (I schooled there so it was easy), and moved away from the country. Until a few weeks ago, we talked nearly every other day. It's always fun talking to her. But lately, things have started to get a little rough because of something that came up, and which I would like to believe is not my fault.

Prior to dating her, since I was a kid in university, I made myself a few promises relating to women:

1. I will never pay a woman's school fees
2. I will never rent a house or apartment for a woman, nor furnish an existing apartment
3. I will never sponsor a woman abroad.

Of course, this does not mean that I won't buy a woman gifts (I do that regularly), or take her on a nice trip. I just do not envisage myself pulling a woman up the social ladder. I prefer she makes her own growth moves as it relates to finances or relocation.

I made these promises based on the fact that I expected that whomever I make a partner should be able to make something of their own selves. I do not want to be anybody's savior or anyone's get-out-of-jail card. This resolution has made lose a few women in the past who thought the relationship should be based on what they can get out of it, and my girlfriend knows this.

The situation right now is that there is a path for her to come to America through studying. We already talked about her applying for graduate studies and then transitioning here into a better job. However, she now feels that would be stressful and may not work. Instead, she thinks it's better if I return to Nigeria this December to marry her and then sponsor her eventually to the US. That's not going to happen. This has created a rift and we have not been talking for a while now.

Am I being unreasonable here? How can I make her realize she can be her own person and not have to depend on someone else to "sponsor" her? It just drives me nuts that she knows this about me but is now vehemently insisting that this is the only viable option.

cooooooks:
You could know/feel that in a month but to go from total strangers to walking down the wedding aisle in 1 year? Yes, I think that is too short.

canttedra:
The recent topic on the home page motivated me to make this post, anonymously of course.

We were dating before I left Nigeria. We've been dating for about three years. Sometime last year I got a new job in the US (I schooled there so it was easy), and moved away from the country. Until a few weeks ago, we talked nearly every other day. It's always fun talking to her. But lately, things have started to get a little rough because of something that came up, and which I would like to believe is not my fault.

Prior to dating her, since I was a kid in university, I made myself a few promises relating to women:

1. I will never pay a woman's school fees
2. I will never rent a house or apartment for a woman, nor furnish an existing apartment
3. I will never sponsor a woman abroad.

Of course, this does not mean that I won't buy a woman gifts (I do that regularly), or take her on a nice trip. I just do not envisage myself pulling a woman up the social ladder. I prefer she makes her own growth moves as it relates to finances or relocation.

I made these promises based on the fact that I expected that whomever I make a partner should be able to make something of their own selves. I do not want to be anybody's savior or anyone's get-out-of-jail card. This resolution has made lose a few women in the past who thought the relationship should be based on what they can get out of it, and my girlfriend knows this.

The situation right now is that there is a path for her to come to America through studying. We already talked about her applying for graduate studies and then transitioning here into a better job. However, she now feels that would be stressful and may not work. Instead, she thinks it's better if I return to Nigeria this December to marry her and then sponsor her eventually to the US. That's not going to happen. This has created a rift and we have not been talking for a while now.

Am I being unreasonable here? How can I make her realize she can be her own person and not have to depend on someone else to "sponsor" her? It just drives me nuts that she knows this about me but is now vehemently insisting that this is the only viable option.

canttedra:

I love her. I'm not sure about marriage yet, but it could happen with her.

deltateam:


What will she be doing abroad?

She wants to be a leech and probably take the option of easing op out like the norm.

canttedra:

I love her. I'm not sure about marriage yet, but it could happen with her.

canttedra:

I love her. I'm not sure about marriage yet, but it could happen with her.