A guy walks into a bar. He's a rather large, menacing chap. He chugs back a beer and says, "All the guys on this side of the bar are cocksuckers! Anyone got a problem with that?"

Everyone is understandably silent.

He, then, chugs back another beer and says, "All the guys on the other side of the bar are motherfuckers! Anyone got a problem with that?"

Everyone is silent, again.

Then one man gets up from his stool and starts to walk toward the man.

"You got a problem, buddy?"
No, I'm just on the wrong side of the bar!"

Bill Clinton steps out onto the White House lawn in the dead of winter. Right in front of him, on the white house lawn, he sees "The President Must Die" written in urine across the snow.

Well, old Bill is pretty ticked off. He storms into his security staff's HQ, and yells "Somebody wrote a death threat in the snow on the front lawn! And they wrote it in urine! The guy had to be standing right on the porch when he did it! Where were you guys?!"

The security guys stay silent and stare ashamedly at the floor. Bill hollers "Well, don't just sit there! Get out and FIND OUT WHO DID IT! I want an answer, and I want it TONIGHT!"

The entire staff immediately jump up and race for the exits. Later that evening, his chief security officer approaches him and says "Well Mr. President, we have some bad news and we have some REALLY bad news. Which do you want first?"

Clinton says "Give me the bad news first."

The officer says "Well, we took a sample of the urine and tested it.

The results just came back, and it was Al Gore's urine."

Clinton says "I feel so, so, betrayed! My own vice president!

, Well, what's the REALLY bad news?"

The officer replies "Well, it's Hillary's handwriting."

Lolabbey, How come you are posting your joke on my thread, I would have been mad with you but I won't coz you are my name sake,but which Odun dem bron you oooo?

ituen:

@Poster

He wanted to see how water falls not a waterfall

Thanks Prof Ituen, every one knows howwater falls, but he Thug_life wanted to see a waterfall, Like Akarangu Waterfalls in Turkey.

As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was sinking fast. He called out, "Anyone here know how to pray?"
One man stepped forward. "Aye, Captain, I know how to pray."

"Good," said the captain, "you pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're one jacket short."

why did thug_life toss a glass of water out the window?




Answer


He wanted to see a water fall.

I am looking for a wiffy, I'm Biodun in Lagos, could be reached on pipertaller@yahoo.ca

Thug_life rushes home from school. He invades the fridge and is scooping out some cherry vanilla ice cream when his mother enters the kitchen. She says, “Put that away Boy! You can’t have ice cream now. It’s too close to supper time. Go outside and play.”

Thug_life whimpers and says, “There’s no one to play with.” Trying to placate him, she says, “OK, I’ll play with you. What do you want to play?” He says, “I want to play Mommie and Daddy.”

Trying not to register surprise, and to further appease him, she says, “Fine, I’ll play. What do I do?” thug_life says, “You go up to the bedroom and lie down.” Figuring that she can easily control the situation, she goes upstairs.

Thug_life, feeling a bit cocky, swaggers down the hall and opens the utility closet. He dons his father’s old fishing hat. As he starts up the stairs he notices a cigarette butt in the ashtray on the end table. He picks it up and slips it in the corner of his mouth. At the top of the stairs he moves to the bedroom doorway.

His mother raises up and says, “What do I do now?” In a gruff manner, Thug_life says, “Get your butt downstairs and get that kid some ice cream!”

This is just a joke not another tribal war or some kind of discrimination, we are all Nigerians and God bless us all. Amen!

One day two hausa women were walking on Boso road in kano and along the road the found a mirror, so one of the lady pick up the mirror and was looking at it with amazement, with the other being curious of what she was doing, after some minutes the first hausa lady said to the other lady tha, the face I am seeing in this TV looks familiar and when the second lady collect and look at the mirror, she said; you dumb, it is my face you have been seeing.

And the answer is:

She was waiting for the hubby to finish with the artificial teeth he is using so she could use it to eat her own share of the food. Shikena

MJ is the most popular, famous or whatever way you want to call it. I remembered we have had this argument before and we did research by going to illiterate old women and kids bellow 10 just to be sure of what we r saying, but to my suprise; everybody knows MJ, including my grand mother that was only brought to Lagos by my Father 2 years ago, Some don't even know whom bush is and same applies to Osama. So, in conclusion, MJ is the most popular. Shikena,

Happy new year all Nlnds.

The holy Bible made it clear to us that an angel that gives us something and take something more important in return is called Devil.

My question is:

Who was the man that stole our money, increased the price of our petroleum products and gave us gsm?

"17 signs to show you like someone
this is how u know u like/love some1.


SEVENTEEN:
You look at their profile constantly.


SIXTEEN:

When you're on the phone with them late at night and they hang up, you still miss them even when it was just two minutes ago.


FIFTEEN:

You read their Texts and Ims Over and over again.



FOURTEEN:

You walk really slow when you're with them.



THIRTEEN:

You feel shy whenever they're around.



ELEVEN:

When you think about them, your heart beats faster but slower at the same time.



TEN:

You smile when you hear their voice.



NINE:

When you look at them, you can't see the other people around you, you just see him/her.



EIGHT:

You start listening to slow songs while thinking about them.



SEVEN:

They're all you think about.



SIX:

You get high just from their scent.



FIVE:

You realize you're always smiling when you're looking at them.



FOUR:

You would do anything for them, just to see them.



THREE:

While reading this, there was one person on your mind this whole time.



TWO:

You were so busy thinking about that person, you didnt notice number twelve was missing



ONE:

You just scrolled up to check & are now silently laughing at yourself.


NOW MAKE A WISH. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO,


Merry Xmas all and happy new year in advance, I pray that God grant all our heart desires,

Topic of discussion at a women's lib meeting is
that everyone will go home and refuse to do 1
domestic task and forcing their husband to
contribute. The results will be discussed at the
next meeting.

At the next meeting the first women says; I went
home and refused to cook, and the first day I
didn't see anything, and the second day I didn't
see anything, but on the 3rd day my husband broke
down and made a wonderful dinner for the whole
family.

The 2nd woman says; I went home and refused to do
the wash, and on the first day I didn't see
anything, and on the second day I didn't see
anything, but on the 3rd day my husband broke
down and not only did the wash but the ironing as
well.

Then the third woman stands up and says; I went
home and refused to do the shopping, and on the
first day I didn't see anything, and on the
second day I didn't see anything, but on the 3rd
day I could finally see a little out of the
left eye.

Three americans and three Nigerians are
traveling by train to a conference. At the
station, the three whites each buy tickets
and watch as the three nigerians buy only a single
ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one
ticket?" asks an american.

"Watch and you'll see," answers the nigerian.

They all board the train. The americans take
their respective seats but all three nigerians
cram into a restroom and close the door behind
them. Shortly after the train has departed, the
conductor comes around collecting tickets. He
knocks on the restroom door and says,

"Ticket, please."

The door opens just a crack and a single arm
emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes
it and moves on.

The americans saw this and agreed it was quite
a clever idea. So after the conference, the
americans decide to copy the nigerians on
the return trip and save some money (being clever
with money, and all that). When they get to the
station, they buy a single ticket for the return
trip. To their astonishment, the nigerians didn't
buy a ticket at all.

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?"
says one perplexed american.

"Watch and you'll see," answers a nigerian.

When they board the train the three americans
cram into a restroom and the three nigerians cram
into another one nearby. The train departs.

Shortly afterward, one of the nigerians leaves his
restroom and walks over to the restroom where the
accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and
says, "Ticket, please!"

@Gunbpoint

yes it is definately what you think and those twin has to be succulent ones.


@Clem

Every man like pusssy the same all ladies likes anaconda, God created it for us to enjoy each other, It's the sweatest thing, na him be the sweetest and my dear if u sabi another thing weh sweet pass am, tell me.

First god created earth, then he rested!

Then he created man, then he rested!

Then he created women and no one has rested since

A proper man met a beautiful girl and agreed to
spend the night with her for $500. So they did,
and before he left, he told her that he did not
have any cash with him, but that he would have
his secretary write a check and mail it to her,
calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT." On the
way to the office he regretted what he had done,
realizing that the whole event was not worth the
price. So he had his secretary send a check for
$250 and enclosed the following note:

Dear Madam,
Enclosed find a check in the amount of $250 for
rent of your apartment. I am not sending the
amount agreed upon, because when I rented the
apartment, I was under the impression that:
1) it had never been occupied;
2) that there was plenty of heat;
3) that it was small enough to make me cozy and
at home. Last night, however, I found out that it
had been previously occupied, that there wasn't
any heat, and that it was entirely too large.

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately
returned the check for $250.00 with the following
note:

Dear Sir:
First of all, I cannot understand how you expect
a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied
indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of
it, if you know how to turn it on. Regarding the
space, the apartment is indeed of regular size,
but if you don't have enough furniture to fill
it, please do not blame the landlady.

i like "twins" that r ripe, the ones that ones the owner could put out of the their cage and still. the ones the igbo people calls OGBA YANHUN YANHUN

Element of ninja

lol, slept like a man, wake like a woman, Tope, please explain how it happened, That mustbe a joke

I don't know if this should be here, or should be in the game section, but all the same I think it would be fun.

Let's comeup with something that you think has never happened before and that can never happen, if anybody write something that somebody think he or she has heard or seen before, then the person should let us know.

And here I go:

I have never heard or seen a complete blind man driving a commercial Bus.

They don't touch when you say TOUCH, but when you say SEPARATE, they do touch.
What are they ?




The answer is:














Our Lips

@ mig,

your answer is wrong

An American engineer, a British physicist, and a Nigerian lawyer were being
interviewed for a position as chief executive
officer of a large corporation.

The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked
a long list of questions, ending with 'How much
is two plus two?' The engineer excused himself,
and made a series of measurements and
calculations before returning to the board room
and announcing, 'Four.'

The physicist was next interviewed, and was
asked the same questions. Before answering the
last question, he excused himself, made for the
library, and did a great deal of research. After
a consultation with the United States Bureau of
Standards and many calculations, he also
announced 'Four.'

The lawyer was interviewed last, and was asked
the same questions. At the end of his interview,
before answering the last question, he drew all
the shades in the room, looked outside the door
to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone
for listening devices, and asked 'How much do you
want it to be?'

A young man wished to purchase a gift for his new
sweetheart's birthday. As they had not been
dating very long, after careful consideration,
he decided that a pair of gloves would strike the
right note. Romantic but not too personal.

Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister,
he went to Sears and bought a pair of white
gloves. The younger sister purchased a pair of
panties for herself. During the wrapping, the
clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the
gloves and he got the panties. He mailed them to
his sweetheart with this note enclosed:

Darling,

I chose these because I noticed that you are not
in the habit of wearing any when we go out in
the evening. If it had not been for your sister,
I would have chosen the long ones with the
buttons, but she wears short ones that are easy
to remove.

These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought
them from showed me the pair that she had been
wearing for the past three weeks, and they were
hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and
they looked really smart.

I wish that I was there to put them on for you
the first time, as no doubt, other hands will
come in contact with them before I have a chance
to see you again.

When you take them off, remember to blow in them
before putting them away as they will naturally
be a little damp from wearing.

Just think how many times I will kiss them during
the coming year. I hope you will wear them for
me on Friday night.

P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded
down with a little fur showing.

Suga_Lips:

One word.

Nice one there, thats the only correct answer.

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and
found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV,"
she told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to
blondes," he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back
and again told the salesman "I would like to buy
this TV."  "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he
replied.

"Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went
for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new
color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a
few days before she again approached the salesman.
"I would like to buy this TV."

Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
Frustrated, she exclaimed "How do you know I'm a
blonde?"

"Because that's a microwave," he replied.





Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to
unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat
hanger. They tried and tried to get the door
open, but they couldn't. The girl with the coat
hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath,
and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's
starting to rain and the top is down."


and finally pls answer this:

Q. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg
are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"?

There was a guy who just got out of a really bad
divorce with his wife. One day, he found a
genie's lamp. The genie came out and said, "Hello
master. I will grant you three wishes but,
whatever you wish for your wife gets double."

The guy didn't like that part but he made a wish
anyway. For his first wish, he said, "Genie, I
want a house in Hawaii." POOF!!! He got one
house, his wife got two. This didn't make him
happy but, he made his second wish. "Genie,I want
2 billion dollars." POOF! He got two billion, his
wife four billion. By now, this guy isn't very
happy. The genie says, "You have one wish left. I
have to remind you, what ever you wish for your
wife gets double."

The guy says, "Yeah,yeah. I know."

So the guy thinks real hard and says "I got it!
Genie, beat me half to death!!"

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

And american "foot"ball is played with hand.