TRIBALISM.....
CLASSISM...

First and foremost Nigerians are very tribal. Africans are very tribal, hence the numerous tribal wars going on in Africa as we speak.
Can the whole of Africa unite?
Can the whole of Nigeria unite?
With that said, why would you think that they will accept you Do you have things in common
Do you even know their culture?
My point is that you will need something more than skin color in common. In addition, there is a level of distrust. No fault of yours, but its there.

But if you insist on befriending a Nigerian lady, or anyone... Simple Greetings: say hello, how are you? Gees its not that difficult.
If she thinks that you are from a lower socioeconomic class. She may look at you and not speak at all, and you should go find your Level... Lol

PLEASE CLOSE THREAD. ENOUGH SAID

If I possessed good sense, I would have listened to good advice. However, I failed to heed the warnings. When I became 5 months pregnant my loving Nigerian man began to cheat and stay away from home. He cheated blatantly, as I found photos of half naked women, condoms, and text messages. I did not work while I was pregnant. He paid all the bills and supplied me with money. Leaving me at his mercy and he took advantage of it. He verbally and physically abused me daily. When I asked him about the other women, he looked me in my eyes and lied. I couldn't believe the same man I fell madly in love with turned into a complete stranger. The only time he treated me kindly was in the presence of family and friends. He wanted to maintain the image that we were a happy couple.When I cried to his aunt about his behavior, she would tell me "don't worry he gon kiss you feet when de baby de come.''

After I had our child he changed back to his loving self, he was a proud father. But, it was too late. I became bitter and hated him for mistreating while I was pregnant. While he slept at night I was consumed with thoughts of different ways to pay him back for mistreating me. I often prayed that God would kill him, so that i would not have to deal with this torture. He took my innocence and devoured me like a hungry lion, and I will never forgive him. I moved away from him and refused to let him see his son. His family is very upset with me, because I am putting him through hell, We are currently in court fitting for custody and monetary support.

I hope another young American girl can learn from my mistake, please know that all that glitters is NOT gold.

I have a question? I am engaged and very pregnant. My boyfriend and are no longer intimate. When I ask him to make love to me, he always says he's too tried.
I know that if he is not intimate with me then of course he is intimate with another woman.

In addition, I found text messages from his new lover.
Should I confront him or continue to play naive and hope he will soon change after the baby comes

Beyonce is beautiful, however, her beauty is not unique. She is talented, but she is not the most beautiful AA woman.
There are Too many beautiful women that many are not familiar with: Here are a few

Both young ladies are very beautiful, however, Kelly has a prettier face. Each culture has their own standard of beauty, in America Beyonce, Ciara, Alicia, Ashanti are the standard of AA beauty. Ask any AA man in America who thier fantasy woman is and 9 x's out of 10 it's Beyonce hands down. Consequently, I've found that men in Great Britian appreciate Kelly's beauty moreso.

I LOVE Beyonce - she represents us well ( but I'm bias)

Here are a few pics you judge,

JustGood:

I wait for the day you will come back to tell everyone what happened.

You're not the first and you wont be the last!

Just Good. Why are you so negative? The tone of your replies have routinely
been cynical. Why not well wishes instead of sarcasm, not all Nigerian men are bad.

I presume I am a fool for love, as I am 6 wks pregnant. After examining my stomach, I was advised by his auntie that I am carrying a male child. I have yet to inform him.  I was told to wait until I am at least three months along. I believe he knows because when we sleep he holds me and rubs my belly.

I am not fearful of the Naija lady who claims to be his wife, (I've seen pictures of her) she is no longer youthful and has not bore him any children. I feel sorry for her and I am upset by his dishonesty.
I was at his sister's house last weekend and I over heard her speaking in pigeon English. She was telling the person about me and that I was her brother's new wife.

His auntie has counseled me well, as she knows him best. Even as an AA woman I know that your boyfriend/husband's family is your biggest ally. The course has already been mapped. She has taught me to prepare his favorite African meals and this is truly the way to his heart.

My only fear is that my beauty, which he so admires will fade with the progression of my pregnancy, and he will have an affair with another fair skin AA woman. That is my sole fear, however, "a man is only a man."

This is not a polygamous relationship. There are Nigerian men in the U.S who have two Nigerian wives. They live in separate households, however, they are both wives. This is nothing knew nor is it a revelation. The fact is that it is taboo to speak of those things.

My situation is very different. The Naija lady claims to be this man's wife. She lives in Nigeria and has waited six years for him to fulfill his promise. His paperwork is fine. He is a citizen, he has brought his two brothers here. I do not believe her, I know the game and manipulation is at the core.

If she was truly his wife he would have brought her to America.

Please do not judge me JustGood

My situation is very unfortunate, however, I refuse to be a victim.
I assumed that I would receive negative feed back related to my blunt honesty, however, you can never understand what a person is going through until you've walked a mile in their shoes.

The naija lady involved and I are making the best out of a situation that we did not forsee.
I am positive that he sends her money, just as he provides for me.
Do you think that she will stop accepting his money because she is aware of our relationship?

Thanks Leilah
I confronted him with this issue and he denied being married, of course.

I have keys to his house and access to his personal e-mail account. I've read the past messages that the lady has sent him.
From the tone of her letters he has promised her mother (six years ago) that he would marry her and has never fulfilled his promise. I believe that he wants to have his cake and eat it too.


He has spent over $20,000 U.S $ on me during the duration of our relationship, so if he is indeed married he has wasted a large sum of money on his foolish games.
Nonetheless, I am not upset by this and will continue to play the role of his naive girlfriend. If he wants to have two wives that's fine, let's see if he can afford to maintain both wives.

As a follow up, I spoke to the man's wife in Nigeria. She informed me that she has been married to the man for the past six years. She stated that they were married through a traditional wedding in Nigeria.
I guess that is why he did not want to marry me, because he is already married.

But I am not sure why he has not brought his wife to the states.

"If you are so desperate to get married to him, go ahead and get pregnant."

I think you misinterpreted my question. I am not desperate for a man to marry me.

I am stable, come from a very good family, well mannered, and I am educated. I do not have a problem with men, however, I am in love with this particular man from a different culture.

I am strictly seeking insight regarding the Nigerian marriage customs.

I believe it is a natural desire for a woman to yearn to marry a man that she loves. Consequently, it is God's master plan for a man and woman to unite as one.

Please help me. I am a 29 yr old Afro American woman who has been dating a Nigerian man for the past 2 years. The problem is, I do not believe he wants to marry me. He has been trying o get me pregnant for the past 6 months, but I told him that in order for us to have a child together we must first get married. He agreed to those terms, but he said that we can not just jump up and get married. He told me that he has to call his mother who lives in Africa and we have to prepare for marriage. It took him 6 months to get in contact with his mother. He told me month after month that he can not get a hold of her, until I finally told him that if we do not get married I will leave him and I did. So after 6 months of trying to contact his mom, 2 days after I broke up with him he informed me that he spoke to his mother and she has one request, that she is present for our wedding. I respect and understand her wishes, however, now we will have to wait another 6 months for his mother to get a Visa.
I must include that he bought me a very expensive diamond engagement ring, as a show of good faith. All of his family and friends know me, and we attend all of the local Nigerian weddings, baby showers, and ceremonies together. I even attend his Nigerian church with him, but I can not shake the gut feeling that makes me believe that he does not want to marry me.

His older sister has not made any effort to try to get close to me as a sister in law would, and he lied to me about his age. He told me that he is only 35, however, as I was cleaning his room I came across a work document which he transcribed that stated that he was 43, and I found evidence that he is still communicating with a woman from his homeland who he promised to marry 8 years ago. I confronted him about it and he lied to me and said that it was a woman who wanted to marry him for a green card, but he declined. I suggested that we live together, but he has made every excuse to continue to live with his room mate. I feel like I am living a lie and I don't know what to believe. I asked his auntie (whom I am very close to) why he has not married me, and she told me as she rubbed my belly that he is waiting for me to have a baby for him. Is this really true? As prerequisite to an African man marrying an American woman you must first have a child for them?

P.S- He is a U.S citizen



I would greatly appreciate any input you have, as I have learned that dating an African man is very complex full of customs, mysteries, and traditions.