It hurts to be betrayed by someone you trust and place so high. If it were to be an outsider with no blood ties, maybe I wont feel this bad. All because of what? money!!!

I recently traveled to Lagos and I told my elder sister that I needed to buy some items. Everyone at home believes she has the knowledge and bargaining prowess for such things so I believed going together would be a good idea. Moreso, she has specific people she patronizes. During the whole transactions, I practically left the negotiation to her even sometimes when I'm skeptical she explained the prices at which other siblings got theirs.

Well, on getting back to my place of residence, out of curiosity, I decided to price those items I bought. I didnt do this initially because it is generally believed that things are more expensive here. To my surprise, I realized that I ended up paying almost double of the actual amount. To confirm, I called some of siblings to ascertain the prices my so called trusted sister claimed they paid. Their responses confirmed that she took me for a ride. She had one way or the other planned with her customers to defraud me.

Right now, I feel so bad. Not only because of the money I lost to her but because of the high esteem I had for her. She is far way older and I used to see her as a mother figure. The last time I feel this hurt and heart broken was when my first relationship broke up. It is not that I am that comfortable financially, but if she needed money badly, she should have asked me. (at least I still gave her and her kids something b4 leaving). It's so so so sad. I pray I will get over this pain soon.

IgadtSwag:

Hey Refreshing,two things I got for u
1.What did your Fiance Study(qualification)?
2.and dont bother about him.He'll be fine and so will u and the relationship buh reply to 1 above pls.

Tanks a lot for the interest- He has a BSc in Bus Admin (2:1). I'll be rglad if u culd be of help. For further infor my e-mail addy is
"refreshing2011@yahoo.com.

Tanks

trae_z:

This thread left me sorely dissappointed. And to think we're in the age of feminism. Thanks for Spikecylinder and co for the little redemption.

life has thought me many lessons about romance and finance. I can see the tell tale typical signs of Nigerian (dependent) women here. Please leave the man in peace, remain single and start to hunt for an already made man/sugar daddy. because I can imagine how miserable you'll make his life if his situation doesn't improve in the next few months. Once again carry your money and good job and hit the market to hustle for your own already made guy. Let him hustle his life in peace then eat one Naira of your money and have all your friends and family curse his him out.

.

Your opinion-tanks . And if i dont make his life miserable, u'r free to jump into a ditch. For ur information, feminism preaches equality and not one-sided control/responsibilities by either the male or d female. So tell me another theory that preaches 'exclusive female control/responsibility' since that is your stand. people sef,


F

Tanks to u all for your responses. At least I now have diff views to the situation. Well, maybe d decision of him quiting his job was rather fast. But tell me a job that u'v been at for over a year and u have no saving, is it of any good. Although, I thought he was able to save something (based on our initial agreement &plan) that was why I was surprised when he was not forthcoming about the rent issue. Well, I cant picture marriage with that kind of a job.

For those who felt I am complaining just because of my fiance present financial state. No, I have always been footing my bills myself and I dont ask him because i kno he cant giv what he doesnt have. Infact, I dont see anything wrong in me helping him out when the need arises. Though, years back (when we just started) he used to be supportive and willing to give cos he was better off. I am just worried that he wouldnt get used to the idea of me being the doer even when he his financially stable.

Omo, d housing will drain me sha o. It's not easy

Tanks

Here is my situation.

I'v been in this relationship for about 5years now. We did our introduction a couple of weeks ago. We were both working in Lag but his job was a rather low paying one. Very low indeed but he was doing it in order not to be idle. Mine on the other hand was quite ok but when I got a transfer to Abuja, my pay was significantly increased.

We planned settling in Abuja. We took this decision cos my job is far better and it can fend for us pending the time he'll be on his feet. I am presently staying wit an aunt but I'v started making plans of getting an accommodation. On second thought, I called him that since we intend settling down soon, It's better we rent a place for that purpose. He agreed to this. His initial plan was to stay with his friend or brother on arrival but when i brought up the idea of renting a place he felt he'll rather be there. My concern is this, when i raised d issue of paying the rent he said he doesnt have any money to contribute that he's totally flat. (He resigned last month so that he'll be in Abj in a couple of days time). This got me wondering, I hope I'm not going too far. What this means is that i will pay d rent alone and possibly furnish it alone. And you know, accomodtion is highly expensive here.

Before now, I'v had this nagging feeling of him being too comfortable with me footing my bills and his sometimes. This now compounds the whole thing. Personally, I need to rent a place cos I'm tired of squatting but should that be at no cost for him while I bear it all alone?

The choice is yours. Remeber your scale of preference: Prioritize what u want.

"Tick say the clock, tick tick. What u av to do, do quick!"

Well, well, well. What else can i say? Tracy, let me share this msg wit u.  ENJOY

The Husband Store [b]
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch,  You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:


Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:


Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 6,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day! [/b]


So if u really love urself u'd better made up ur mind b4 u lose out totally. Anoda advice i'll give u is dt u should deal wit ur pride and arrogance. The humbling truth is that millions of ladies out there are better off than u but dy dont let dat cloud their judgement. And as u can c in d illustration above, d kind of men u'r looking 4 had been picked by smarter ladies.

The choice is yours.

@ Betrayed

Let's look at this scenerio from anoda angle. I feel that your wife has not been at peace with herself, hence her telling you. Probably she confessed in order to unburden the secret she has been keeping to herself alone. She might feel her hiding this part of her life from u is not worth it after 20 yrs of marriage.

Come to think of it, I dont think she thought abt d pain her story was going to cause u. Of course, she knows she can't go back to the old flame and i dont think she wants out of her marriage. At least no reasonable woman wuld want to jeopardize her 20yrs marriage just for a man who ditched her to marry someone else.

I understand that no man likes being used as a 2nd fiddle/citizen, but at the same time dont let ur emotions cloud the msg she was trying to pass across. I'd rather say dt u should conclude without u knowing the exact reason 4 her belated confession.

As u've been advised, communicate wit her. It's a pity she didnt apply wisdom in her presentation. Indeed,hmm, "widom is profitable to direct"

Na wa o. This same Esther Breakthrough!!! So they are still in operation, exploiting job seekers!!! My friend, dont give anyone a dime. I know a lot of victims of this so called recruiting agency. I guess u took the test somewhere in Ojuelegba or ikeja, cos dr branches are located there. After collecting your cash, u'll be given a worthless recommendation letter to a company and i tell u, d company will tell u ur services are not needed. Check through ur tuesday guardian newspapers, (d page where u av several & choky vacancies)Esther brekthrough had been placing advert since God knows when. Na so vacancy plenty reach. Pls dont fall 4 it.

IT IS WELL!!!

I joined winners chapel as a student in Ilaro. After then, I'v attended a number of Winners' branches.

- Ilaro branch (as Ilaro Poly Student)
- Ago Iwoye branch ( as OOU student)
- Port Harcourt branch (as a youth Corper )
-Abeokuta Branch (While visiting, I actually did my WOFBI BCC here, 2009)
-Canaanland, Sango Ota, Africa (anytime I'm in Lagos)

Although due to where i live now, I attend another church. I can't but say everything about winners chapel makes me tick. I can't forget this,

" In the beginning it was not so. But the hour has come to liberate the world from the opression of the devil thru d preaching of the word of faith. And I am sending u to undertake this task"

Indeed, it is well!!!

I light a candle for my mum who died 21 years ago, July 8, 1989. Though I was young then, the memory of your motherly love and care still lingers. I'v missed u all my growing up years and I pray that may your Gentle soul rest in peace.

I light another candle for you my daddy, who died 2 years ago, September 24, 2008. Daddy, I wonder tif my tears will ever stop flowing for u. What can i say, you were there for us, through the thick and thin. You took the place of father and mother for us and u made sure we were properly trained and brought up all by yourself. U saw us to the point where we could stand by ourselves and then u went away, I could not even say thank you for all u did. Thank u for ur love, thank u 4 been dr 4 us, thank u 4 ur firmness and thank u for bringing us up in the way of the lord, thank u 4 everything.

To both my parent, may u continue to rest in the bossom of the lord.

"some glad morning when this life is ova, I know i'll see ur faces"

The point is u'r married and u love ur wife. Good, den put d girl in her place. Dr is no big deal about dis. Talk 2 her and let her realize dt u r married and u dont want ur marriage 2 b ruined. Let her know dt wat goes around comes around. One day she wil be married too and she would not like odas 2 disturb her marriage. It's beta 4 her 2 pitch her tent with unmarried ones so dt she'l av her own hubby maybe. let her kno she wil be wasting her time with a married man. I guess in ur bid of trying not 2 hurt er u might find urself in a messy situation u may not like. If possible, invite ur wife for lunch once in a while so dt d girl will kno d u r serious. Steer clear of trouble!!!

Although, a mum will always be a mum. there are times u av 2 caution them from going 2 far, otherwise they'll live ur life 4 u. Imagine d mum using d daughter's salary 2 build her personal house. That is very selfish indeed. It would av been a different thing if d mum is investing d money 4 her daughter.

from ur post, it's like ur girl friend doesnt know what she wants. her conversation with the mum reflected dat she was begging the mum for what she works for.

Let her give her mum an ultimatum. She should d state amount she can afford to give d mum conviniently. it's either she take it or leave. She should be planning her own life by now not giving under duress.i tell u, dr it nothin d mum can do to stop her once she's assertive. Working 4 2yrs would av paid her travelling xpenses.

I personally dont think all hope is lost. you can.U still work on the situation.

1. if u know that your income is not enough for your children expensive schcool, put them in another school cos there are good schools dt r not too expensive.

2. talk 2 ur wife, find out the kind of business she likes 2 do. let her understand that once u set her up again, she will start taking up her personal expenses and petty ones. atleast that will be off ur neck.

3. u dont have 2 prove what u are not 2 ur family. Let them all know including ur kids, d state of ur finances. Cut unneccessary cost. I believe if she is aware, she will brace up.

4. it is not 2 late for ur wife to go back 2 sch if she chooses 2.

5. Since u av a certificate, u can combine both ur employment with another biz.

6. 4 now, if u set up another biz 4 ur wife, dont just leave her 2 it cos she may not be 2 good or experienced handling it. Monitor her for now, lovingly mind u.

Believe in your marriage, believe in ur wife, be dilligent in ur work and with time everything will fall back in place.