Done

leonshom: Is Joint Account Good For Married Couples OR Not?

Every marriage is different.

I have 2 joint accounts with my husband. I think it is too much work to maintain a personal account, that's just me and i have been married 13 yrs. I think it is easier for me to do this because i grew up in a home where all personal accounts were joint and the only other account was a business account that they both had access to. I always thought that was the norm until i expanded my horizon and learned that many couples have 1 joint account for expenses; others do not have any joint account. A good friend once told me "do what works for you."

ileobatojo:

Thank God that part is resolved. As far as I'm concerned, your friend did nothing wrong. Instead of her husband to be sending over money for the care of his wife and child, he is busy mouthing off, spewing diabolical nonsense. These are the types of people that will turn some people off from helping others. I doubt your friend is going to ever host anyone from Nigeria except family in her house again pregnant or otherwise. Your friend's husband should try to understand and provide support. God will reward you all for your kindness to the sick woman and her baby. I pray she recovers fully.

Medically, I'm very surprised at this complication. That hospital needs to answer some serious questions about it's surgical procedures. This is a lawsuit that would be settled asap out of court by the hospital if anyone decides to go that route because the hospital cannot wiggle their way out of this one. They would have no choice but to pay up without even letting it the case go to court.

I wonder if she has a preexisting condition? Still, i can't imagine how an infection goes untreated. I have to wonder how far along was she when she came to the US? Did she get any prenatal care here? Did they have her medical history? Regardless this is a medical malpractice case waiting to happen once she gets better.


"These are the types of people that will turn some people off from helping others. I doubt your friend is going to ever host anyone from Nigeria except family in her house again pregnant or otherwise."

I agree, i doubt she will host anyone again. I don't host anyone for childbirth - Take the money you want to spend here and go to a good hospital, have your family around you. I once asked a lady who came for childbirth in NY, why she made that choice and she said so the child could be a citizen and come back for university education, because it is free in America. All i could do was smh.

pickabeau1:

This is good also... but at this point.... soup wey sweet, na MONEY kill am

so true. he is about to learn what "free" really means

sorry double post

Ask/seek:
My best friend hosted a friend from Lagos who came to deliver her baby in the US. This is her 3rd child, and all other births have been safe, unfortunately this time was not like the others. First the baby was in distress due to umbilical cord compression and they had to do an emergency C-section to save the child. Mom comes home 2 days after and things are going fine, until it starts to look like she has an infection about a week after, goes to the doctor for a check up and he prescribes antibiotics. 2 days later she is in distress and rushed to the hospital only for the doctors to say sepsis (they have not identified the bacteria); this woman is suffering from multi-organ failure and it is just a waiting game.

Where I need suggestions to help or support my friend.

1. The woman's husband is threatening her saying "nothing must happen to my wife and son", accusing her of using his wife for money. She no longer calls him to give him updates because of the way he talks, she sends text messages.

2. Her husband is very upset because he did not want anyone to come have a baby in their house, but his wife said she could not say no to her friend besides they have done this for her twice before and for many other people why should they stop now. I completely agreed with her husband, I think childbirth is something a couple should do together, but that is my opinion. My friend disagreed and committed herself to this.

3. She has to work and now has an infant to care for that she did not budget for, from food to child care it is taking a toll on her and daily hospital visits. What if this woman dies, or does not recover completely? Sepsis occurs in 1% to 2% of the population and can result in permanent organ damage for those who survive. Death rates are 20% for sepsis and over 60% for septic shock. What if she needs rehab, she does not have any form of insurance and has long run out of money. The medical bills are piling up and though she has applied for Medicaid it has not been approved yet.

How to deal with this kind of wahala? While I am not directly responsible, this is my best friend, my sister. Her trouble is my trouble. There is a bigger issue here but I think that is an issue for another day.

Hmmm, my prayers are with you guys. I have seen a few patients with sepsis and most got better with minimal damage after rehab. The prognosis for sepsis is good. I encourage you and your friend to advocate for this woman. Do not leave her alone, check on her daily, and ask questions about everything. Talk to the attending to get updates, befriend the nurses so they pay extra attention to her.

@Logica: oh I can read, and it appears better than you, no challenge was issued to you. I asked you a question politely but you fall among those who feel that if a person ask you to support your statement or opinion it is a challenge. To address your analysis of an ehow article which is a website that is less reliable than Wikipedia. No where did it say it was the law, rather it said it is difficult to prove not that a wife or husband cannot steal from their spouse. Law as a noun is defined as "a binding custom or practice of a community : a rule of conduct or action prescribed or formally recognized as binding or enforced by a controlling authority"
So when you come online and categorically say something like the law says a wife cannot steal from her husband don't get offended when asked to support, and offer something more tangible than an ehow article that a high school student can write. Give me something tangible like judicial rulings where judges have given opinions or better still say "in my opinion". Difficult to prove is not impossible. The other issue is that the article clearly is based on American laws which are very different from Nigerian laws and there lies the reason I actually asked you the question. I placed you on a pedestal you obviously do not deserve and thought you had legal insight but your pride cannot let you see beyond your need to cover up the fact that you do not know. I am not seeking opinions as there is enough personal opinion here with two clear school of thoughts with regard to the issue. I had hoped to learn something from you but i can see that you are incapable of teaching anything because you see a challenge in a simple question.

logica: http://www.ehow.com/list_6908487_spousal-theft-laws.html

I fail to see the need for your aggressive response, I asked because I wanted to know if there was such a law tryly and you sounded very confident with your comment but your response indicates that you are not certain. What you are doing is coming to a conclusion based on your opinion and certain facts. I looked at the article you quoted it does not say a spouse cannot steal from their partner, it depends on the circumstance. This is a forum where people discuss and exchange ideas, it seems too many cannot without being rude.

logica: I have to break this to you: unfortunately, your spouse cannot steal from you. That IS the law.

Please what law states your spouse cannot steal from you?

Unless you are a mind reader, I don't know how you can discern my motive for my post. Having an impeccable command of the English language does not mean a person cannot make mistakes. I lay no claim to either, just had a thought. My dear I don't need nairaland to make myself feel good. I see people I am better than daily, and see those who are better than me also. As someone else astutely identified, I was bored hence my post since this topic is not one of great importance even to me, but you wow, it seems the only life you have is nairaland where you spew stupidity as wisdom for the immature minds you seem to be so worried about. I am yet to see you answer any question objectively on this forum. Your job description on nairaland is to be a spoiler. Maybe if you had an actual occupation you wouldn't be such a divisive influence here, and the greater part of your life won't be spent being foolish for the whole world to see.

harakiri:

@riyageh, First thing you need to understand is, not everyone is as dumb as you think and a lot of us are very good in analysing the reason behind the post. You didn't open this post to make a difference rather you opened it to run down people who you think you're better than. For you to open such a thread, I would have expected you to have an impeccable command of queen's english but that's not the case here. Any immature mind who reads your post would presume you have been correcting people who commit lingual errors but instead of gratitude, they keep giving you rebuttals. That's the impression you intended to create and unfortunately for you, I happened to be around. Like I said before, make an effort to think your intended topics through before creating a thread. Get it?

I quite agree with you on this one, deluded individuals like you are impossible to have a conversation with.  

harakiri:

Look at whose talking. Same person talking is guilty of what he talks about. This forum is crowded with deluded individuals. Utterly pathetic!

@Harakiri: maybe my initial question was not clear enough, I refer to genuine corrections not insult laden attempts at correction that you perpetuate. When you want to correct, you identify the mistake and post the correct version, that's how you teach and share knowledge, and it is this form of correction that I wonder why people get sensitive about. Your way of correcting is a great example of what a molder of young minds should not be because you would first shred the person to bits before giving a half hearted attempt at correcting. It is ineffective at best and damaging at it's worst.

I make no accusation against anybody, just an observation made, and an attempt to understand why.

harakiri:

@riyageh, You have just shot yourself by behaving the same way as the people you are accusing. I corrected you and you replied with a negative tone. Who is the accuser and who is the accused? You have failed woefully and you are guilty of both. Make an attempt to reason and think constructively before you open a dumb a$$ thread next time. It's not you know English isn't your language. What a bloody hypocritical dumb a$$! ! ! Good heavens!

I fail to see where I implied I was different or the same. It's an observation, you either give your opinion or move on to another topic. If you make a mistake and someone points it out, what's so hard about accepting it, or better still checking it out and learning. When someone corrects you, it is an opportunity to learn not a battle ground to see who can deliver the most insults. I believe a persons online character is a window of their true self, if this is true then many of us miss out on great learning and teaching opportunities.

sholaeco:

@ /1)

riyageh:what makes u think you are different ?

I have to be truthful and say yes I am. I had some free time and was browsing on nairaland and noticed how difficult it is to correct someone without them biting your head off. A few more days and the boredom will be history.

obowunmi:

OP: are you bored ?

@Harakiri: if you wanted to correct me, you should have done so. Obviously I am not averse to correction. It seems that rather than accept correction when we make mistakes, we get sensitive and start to point out the mistakes of others with the intent to embarrass them. I accept your correction and no I am not embarrassed neither am I a hypocrite. Learning is a continuous process and when we close our mind to learning with arguments like "it's not my father's language" we only hold ourselves back.

harakiri:

You talk about correcting grammatical errors of others whereas the short post of yours is tainted with incorrect syntaxes and blunders e.g you typed "correcting the grammer of A POSTS". Do you see how you people keep embarassing yourselves with hypocrisy?

While some of those in defense of today's youth raise some valid points, they do not necessarily refute the points argued against. My generation made the same case you are making against our parents generation, and each generation argues that the previous one did them a disservice. The availability of expo or cheat sheets does not mean the student has to use them. There is a lack of fire for knowledge among the youths of today, instead they have the burning desire to make a lot of money, what they fail to realize is that knowledge is not just power, but equates to money when used properly. When i took my WAEC and GCE many years ago, there was no NECO exam then, i was able to tell my parents confidently how i would perform (math & physics - P7; Biology, English - A1; Chemistry - B; Geography, Agric, Economics, Yoruba - C3). No extra assistance, not that i did not know where to find it or that i was not offered, but i wanted to be able to defend my results as mine not something in my name done by someone else. This sentiment is lacking in youths and many of their parents today. Another memory from my teenage years, i had a girlfriend whose mother went into the WAEC hall with =N= 50,000 to pay off examiners so someone could impersonate her daughter, to be fair to the girl she had no choice in the matter because her mother just said this is what we are doing. This girl went on to study medicine only to be asked to withdraw from medicine three years after admission to UI, despite her glowing WAEC results. My mother is a Proprietress of a school, and at one of their meetings, WAEC representatives shared the story of a girl who earned straight As in her WAEC exam. The director of the office wanted to meet her, they prepared gifts to give to the young girl. Everything was going well until the girl was asked to sign and endorse the book with "original received by me" and she could not exposing the fallacy that was her result. This led to the school losing its certification as an exam center. It takes a smart person to cheat not a dullard and this is why i disagree when people say they cheat, no they don't not when they are so dumb. When you go as far as copying another person's name and you don't realize it until you are told, you are the definition of silly and to simplify the problem by defining it as governmental failure is too simple. It is a failure of the society at large. See the story of Abel Adama, and tell me why that cannot be the story of every Nigerian or most.

http://www.punchng.com/Articl.aspx?theartic=Art201107101554178

While some of those in defense of today's youth raise some valid points, they do not necessarily refute the points argued against. My generation made the same case you are making against our parents generation, and each generation argues that the previous one did them a disservice. The availability of expo or cheat sheets does not mean the student has to use them. There is a lack of fire for knowledge among the youths of today, instead they have the burning desire to make a lot of money, what they fail to realize is not just power, but equates to money when used properly. When i took my WAEC and GCE many years ago, there was no NECO exam then, i was able to tell my parents confidently how i would perform (math & physics - P7; Biology, English - A1; Chemistry - B; Geography, Agric, Economics, Yoruba - C3). No extra assistance, not that i did not know where to find it or that i was not offered, but i wanted to be able to defend my results as mine not something in my name done by someone else. This sentiment is lacking in youths and many of their parents today. Another memory from my teenage years, i had a girlfriend whose mother went into the WAEC hall with =N= 50,000 to pay off examiners so someone could impersonate her daughter, to be fair to the girl she had no choice in the matter because her mother just said this is what we are doing. This girl went on to study medicine only to be asked to withdraw from medicine three years after admission to UI, despite her glowing WAEC results. My mother is a Proprietress of a school, and at one of their meetings, WAEC representatives shared the story of a girl who earned straight As in her WAEC exam. The director of the office wanted to meet her, they prepared gifts to give to the young girl. Everything was going well until the girl was asked to sign and endorse the book with "original received by me" and she could not exposing the fallacy that was her result. This led to the school losing its certification as an exam center. It takes a smart person to cheat not a dullard and this is why i disagree when people say they cheat, no they don't not when they are so dumb. When you go as far as copying another person's name and you don't realize it until you are told, you are the definition of stupid and to simplify the problem by defining it as governmental failure is too simple. It is a failure of the society at large. See the story of Abel Adama, and tell me why that cannot be the story of every Nigerian or most.

http://www.punchng.com/Articl.aspx?theartic=Art201107101554178

Why exactly are most Nigerians sensitive when they or someone else is corrected? I know this does not apply to every Nigerian, but even on this site, when a person corrects the grammar of a posts, all hell is let loose. I am beginning to wonder if English is no longer the lingua franca for Nigeria.

A Nigerian man, Maximillian Ezimora, has been arrested in Atlanta after shooting his wife, Uchenna Ezimora, five times. The wife, described by a source as a hard working registered nurse in the Atlanta area, survived the shooting and is currently hospitalized. SaharaReporters was unable to ascertain her condition.

Mr. Ezimora, who reportedly hails from Adazi, Anambra State, is being held in Fulton County jail in Atlanta. He is charged with two counts of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and possession of firearms while committing a felony.

The couple owns a business, Maxing Groceries, on Fletcher Street in Atlanta. SaharaReporters learnt that the business license is in Mrs. Ezimora’s name.


Why has this become the new trend in the US? It seems to be increasing? Who is at fault, the man or woman, and how can we stop this?
Your thoughts please.

I have one question to those who dispute the connection between the Binis and Yoruba, why will the Bini ppl allow a foreigner to rule over them, the same proud poeple who defied the stand-in (regent) passing the staff of office to his son at death. We never have doubts about our King. These are two tribes existing independently with a connection. To ask the Oba of Benin, Erediauwa Omo n oba nedo Uku Akpolokpolo to pay homage to the Ooni of Ife, is just as bad as me asking the Ooni of Ife to pay homage to Eredaiuwa. This issue has been beaten to death particularly in 2004 on the public pages of a Nigerian paper. Even historians do not agree completely. Ekaladerhan was the banished priest found in Ife, so how does Ife become superior? Ekaladerhan was unable to return to Bini, it was no longer home, he had a new family, people dependent on him, but he could not abandon his people, he still had a duty as the only surviving Ogiso to the Bini people so he sent his son in his stead. This relationship explains why his rule was accepted by the people, and why his progeny was made king.

I have to say i am in stitches after reading every post on this topic. I will attempt to give my opinion to the OP without (hopefully) stepping on the toes of the overly westernized and sensitive individuals we have on this forum.

Income of 2 million naira monthly, gross or net income? Unfortunately the OP has not given enough information about his professional background beyond IT professional to determine if his professional experience can actually be valued at that amount. IT professional is too vague. After a quick Google search i found that in NYC an IT Auditor I earns an average of $63,277 + bonus; IT Auditor II earns an average of $82,435 + bonus; IT Auditor manager averages $138,164 + bonus; IT Director averages $213,404 + bonus annually. Even when i take a Director's annual income it still comes out to be less than 1 million naira monthly. Again these figures are average, there are exceptions based on many other factors and a person's bargaining power but to think for one moment that $13,050.57 (=N=2,000,000/mnth) passes as the norm is beyond ridiculous. A quick search on craigslist reveals a wide range in compensation for IT professionals from $40,000 to $120,000. Nothing over the top, none of which translate to that much money monthly, so why come up with such unrealistic figures?

Consciously or unconsciously, Nigerians propagate the notion that everyone earns a living wage out here, that is not necessarily true. Too many people work 3 or 4 jobs to make ends meet. With federal minimum wage set at $7.25/hr, the reality is that living wages do not exist in many professions. I am a nurse and remember while in university, i and other colleagues would meet other immigrant nurses who would say things like "i make more than doctors" what they failed to reveal was that they worked three jobs (120 hr/wk) to make that money as opposed to a 40 hr/wk. Again the OP leaves out important information about his professional level in the IT world. Experience is fine, but where exactly do you have said experience? If all your experience lies in programming or data entry, and none in management, developing, or running departments or businesses, do you honestly expect an entrepreneur to entrust his business to you and pay that much money? I wouldn't, would you?

"Working with large blue chip companies in the UK" does nothing to validate your feeling that you should make that much money, you may be a programmer or data entry clerk in one of the many cubicles. That does not make a person exceptional. To sell your value, you need to show what makes you exceptional, what you can contribute, and how your contribution will profit the company.

"But, I want like for like, before tax." In order to get this, then the two environments must be comparable. There is a stark difference between UK work environment and Nigeria work environment. Short of a company recruiting you to move to Nigeria, why should they compensate you for said inconveniences? You are making this decision consciously right? "Also I am not one to be too particular on comforts, security though is a must." If this is true, why the need to be compensated for the absence of said comforts? My point is this, you are obviously aware of the Nigerian environment, yet you set unrealistic goals. Are you truly ready to relocate to Nigeria, or are you trying to find a reason not to relocate? If you really are ready, do your research, find out what the pay scale is in your profession in NIGERIA , not based on what you earn right now in a country with established labor laws.

Thanks for pointing this out, the Bini kingdom existed long before the coming of the yorubas. Binis believe that Oduduwa was the banished bini prince Ekaladerhan who stayed in Ile-Ife after being falsely accused of being responsible for the barrenness of Ogiso Owodo's wives. The death of Ogiso Owodo without any other male sons left the Bini kingdom without a king and prompted the search for their lost prince. Ekaladerhan would not return to Bini, and the binis were without a king for so long, the death of the stand-in led the kingmakers back Ekaladerhan who gave the bini chiefs a task. He gave them some lice and asked the chiefs to return in three years with the lice and then they would get an answer. Chief Oliha kept the lice in the hair of his slave and returned to Ekaladerhan after three years. The prince was impressed with how Oliha cared for the lice and relented sending his son Oranmiyan to bini. Oranmiyan encountered resistance from Irebor, son of the late stand-in king who was chosen by his father to succeed but rejected by the people because he was not royalty. Only an ogiso can succeed. The animosity Irebor demonstrated to Oranmiyan led Oranmiyan to return to Ife but not before naming Igodomigodo land Ile Ibinu, and impregnating Princess Erimwinde, daughter of the Enogie of Ego. The child born out of that brief affair was Oba Eweka.

rabzy link=topic=125398.msg7269714#msg7269714 date=129145
5482:

This thread is quite nice, Eni se bi oyo laan ri oyo o se bi baba eni kan. Ife has always been a village from time immemorial and its still largely a village, if not for OAU, that place would almost look like a ghost town compared to Abeokuta, Ibadan, Ilesa etc.

The Alaafin remains the paramount ruler, while the Ooni is the Paramount Priest, and in almost all cultures if not all when there is such a separation of powers, the King comes first. All the Kings respect Ooni, because of his status as the tribal priest, So ooni should also respect others.

Over the years, he has carried himself as bigger and better that others, while we were small in ife, we call him Ooni of London, because he is never around  and collecting money from people like Odili, Ikimi and bestowing traditional titles on them is a show of shame, and he is rubbishing the traditions he is supposed to uphold.

And just for some clarity, Oranmiyan did not establish the Benin Kingdom, the Bini and yoruba people predates oduduwa, while there has been no record (i have not heard of any) of a dynasty of the yoruba people b4 the ascendancy of oduduwa, there are numerous records of a dynasty (the ogisos) for Bini b4 the coming of oranmiyan.

That makes me wonder what kind of leadership structure they had b4 Oduduwa, where there Kings or Just strong chiefs controlling different areas like a fiefdom.

Here today, gone tommorow. The long hand of death strikes again. My condolences to the Oshiomole family. May he find solace in the knowledge that she has gone to rest, no more pain just rest.

To enter a marriage with the preconceived notion of what one will or will not do for one's spouse is quite foolish. Everyone has roles to play in a marriage, and fighting it does not change it. "A capable wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain." How can my husband trust in me if i categorically make statements like "i won't wash your clothes", for those who differentiate between undies and clothes, he is my husband, why can't i wash his undies, i assume i do stuff with those parts the undies house, so why are the undies suddenly icky and he should be the one to wash it. Marriage is an institution, albeit an old one that requires both parties to play their roles well in other for it to work. These roles must however be identified by both parties and played well.  I am married, a career woman, student, mother of three and have been married for about ten years now, never did i question who would do laundry, cook, or clean. My husband supports me, he cleans, cooks when i can't, doesn't do laundry though. The point is definite statements like "i will never" don't have a place in our relationship, and should not have a place in any relationship. People who start out defining their relationships with such categoric statements should take a long hard look at themselves again, take time to reevaluate their priorities and principles since they may be a tad bit misplaced.