NewSoul:

They cant even try it, I have two sisters, one is "legitimately" married with 2 kids, the other one which is my younger sis is in 200 level, she go con go carry belle abi from one "Mr Alpha bad boy".... don't even go there...

I did not say single mothers don't deserve a good life. They deserve a good life if they are still able to create one for themselves, but don't hope for one good man to come and rescue you and your kid as if he was there when "Alpha bad boy chad" was pumping....

Interview all these single mums, 95% of them at one time had a serious suitor that was ready to put a ring on their finger....but they don't want that one... They want the irresponsible Alpha bad boy, the one that causes adrenaline and oxytocin to flood through their brains, the riffraff that treats them bad, the one that ejaculates and evacuates, the one that pumps and dumb, that's the one they like. Then when "Alpha starboy" is done with them they will now want the nice "Brother Timothy" whose like they rejected in the past to come and father "Alpha playboy's" son.

If you can marry single ride on, but as for me never.

But @Oga nice guy, there's no where I stated that I needed you to come and shoulder the responsibility of myself and my son. Why are you deriallinh my post with bitterness.

Thanks for all the advice, suggestions

SmileDance:
Op, what if the boy's father is dead? Because from what you described I think the man is just as good as dead

It would have been well understood.

Dainy1:
Why begging him to love his own son? If he doesn't, what's the point of taking the innocent boy to him to suffer?
Most Nigerian father's are useless.

I am not begging him.

JoshOxborn:


yeah i hate my father! He's most irresponsible man i have ever seen. A lazy full grown ass man who can't take care of his children. He can't even feed us alone that he had to take me and my younger brother to eat at his Elder sister house, he never he bought me a single cloth or pay my school fees, I'm sure if i grow up living with him, I will a rebellious Yahoo boy. My mother is so loving, she provided almost everything i ever wanted! Few weeks ago when i returned back to my mother's place after spending 7months with him, I didn't call him or send my regards to him. He was furious i didn't call him, so he started bluffing and saying gibberish. What made me hate that stupid man is that he told us "if he dies now, he won't will his uncompleted house to us." His house is not even worth it but the way he decided to give his only property to his wife over us. That shows how irresponsible he is. This same man never send an child support to my mother for 15years.

Mothers are best! No woman should give his child to back to his ex-husband, I'm sure that child will go rebellious and will be maltreated my his stepmother.

Sad

JoshOxborn:
Don't make any stupid mistake to return him to his irresponsible father or else you want him to suffer and because rebellious. [b]My mother almost did the same but I thank God she didn't do it. That would have been her greatest [/b]mistake. I thank God for my mother! She's the greatest person in my life.

But did you grow up a loving person not hating your father?
Not returning him to his father, but taking hime to him to spending little time to get to know each other. I just need that man in his son's life.

I talked with him today about his son spending some time with him before school resumes and he said it's fine.
The guy has no job, but I don't mind. Even if it's gari he's going to feed my son, he can go ahead. I want my son to get to know them more, be used to that environment. Probably, learn their language.


This is one of the greatest thing in my life, I want to give a try.
One thought wants me to let my son go and another can't just stop worrying if he's going to be alright.
Thanks everyone for your advice and encouragement.

bukatyne:


Is your baby daddy not fulfilling his promises because:
1. He currently CAN NOT afford to do so

OR

2. He DOES NOT want to

If one, why? Earnings too low, out of job, nursing illnesses etc.

If two why? He is bitter with you? Doesn't want to be involved? Doesn't believe he is the father? Etc.

There is no excuse why a father won't be in the life of his son since you constantly invite him.

However, you need to know the problem so you can properly solve it.

According to him, things are not working well with him, but to be honest, I had no job, just graduated, had nothing when I became pregnant yrs ago when he promised me everything and begged me to keep our first child. We had no problem. When he suddenly walked away, I have turned into a worker holic just to be there for my son.
He kept on telling me he's looking for a job.

mariahAngel:


Please, talk to your son about it first, before taking him there.
Separating from him all of a sudden without explanations can be very traumatic for him.
He might feel you rejected him and begin to hate you for it.
Also, if he ends up staying with his dad, make sure to always keep in touch with him.
Always assure him of your love for him, even when you start another family. It is important.

I have done that severally and he didn't want to go. He has developed this attitude of not talking to him on phone either, but I have to do this. I felt this is the only way I can get his father committed to him and get alittle relief as well.

Klass99:


I understand you. But even natural parents have limitations on how good a parent they can be to their own children.

Some limitations are self induced and man made (take for your example your baby daddy) Why hasn't he been involved? He is clearly not thinking the way you are in this post or feeling anyway like a parent.

You may not get the full benefits of great fatherhood from other men like I suggested, because your boy is not their son and they have other responsibilities, but do not close your mind completely to the possibility of good or even partial fatherhood from other sources.

By all means have a talk with your baby's daddy and let him take over your son's care, so you can take a break from the tedious task of caring for him alone. After all you didn't climb on top of yourself to have this child, however, but if you do not like the outcomes after a certain period of time, look elsewhere for a father figure.

I repeat the people who love us the most will not always be our family or blood. Your son may just be better off with someone else and I don't necessarily mean someone you are dating.

I have done that over and over. He always promised to send us money for school fees, but he has never fulfilled. He always promised my son of coming over for birthdays and all that, but he has never keep to any. My son see him as a liar now. And that's what I'm afraid of. I don't want to raise a son who will grow up to hate. I want him to have full confident in both his father's family and mine and be a happy child.

Klass99:
Don't you have brothers or other male relatives or even good male friends who can indirectly play the father figure role in your son's life?

The people who love us the most won't always be our blood or family. I say this because what you seek, can be found somewhere else, in someone else. This may be hard for you to accept because as Africans we are constantly told family is everything, no one can love you like family (this is true in some cases, but not all cases) personally I think it's a crap load of shit that can be limiting if you don't have decent people as family.

Scripture says a man's worse enemies are from within his household and there's a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Enemies are not just witches and wizards o! If for 6 years your baby daddy hasn't been involved in your son's life physically, financially or otherwise, what makes you think it's going to be any different or better now? Please think about this carefully

Look around you, there are good men in some of our church communities or perhaps even in your workplace, who have the gift of mentoring and want to mentor young boys, sort of like a father figure. Such men welcome the opportunity.

Yes I have, but everyone has limitations to what they can do for another person. But I felt, for a parent, it's a must.
Because everyone sees your children as your pirioty.

Thanks for all the advice. I will gather courage, take him out for shopping and Tavel with him to his father. I'm emotionally so down because I've never been apart from my son.

Wantedmiller:
Do you think the father is eager to have his son?

He feels so relax because I'm doing everything. Paying school fees, Taking care of him all round without his contributions.

I need matured mind in the house to help look into this before I make mistake again.
I had a son with my ex years ago. He's 6ys old now.
All through this yrs, my family and I have been the only source taking care of my son. To be honest, I don't even have time for myself any more. I can't remember the last time I had a serious relationship with any man. I became a total worker holic because I needed to give him a good life.

But I'm afraid. I can't be enough for my son, I need a father figure in his life.
What if something happens to me? Who will be there for him?

Recently, I've been thinking. I want my son to have relationship with his father before he gets older, but that guy is so annoying. Each time he calls, he keeps promising and apologizing. I don't know what is actually wrong with him.

I've not been lucky to meet any one who could be like a father figure to my son and I don't want to single handedly raise a son without a father.
I've been thinking of taking him to his father and let him stay with him for a while, but I'm scared. Will my son be alright?
Am I making a mistake already?
What would you advised?
I'm 32yrs now and i need my life back, and I want my son to be okay. What do I do?

Skepticus:
Dis one wan "retire" after riding the carousel.

Retired as how? Didn't you read where I stated that kids should stay away?

.