You are kidding me right?

kandiikane:

@Shy_one,
OK, I don't give a cent. . I am going to move on.   If you have a Nigerian man as a boyfriend why say majority do(Are you an exception)
Anyways goodluck with that mentality you have

I say majority from my observation - as I get out alot and I get around alot.  From what I have seen and heard from many, many people.  It is popular opinion.  Ignorance plays no part.  My guy is one person and many times his thoughts also mirror the thought of those very long held popular opinions and beliefs as well.

@ Pure

Ok - sorry for leaving the thread topic. Love your magnanimous approach.

@ KK

In all honesty you really don't know or I have hit a nerve in you.  

If you read my threads I don't make comments to "not enrage" - The more you type and the more I read of your posts "it is apparent that you really DON'T KNOW."  It is fact that a great majority of Africans that come to this country "have very high intellect, academic achievement and financial success" - my Dad was hired by Colorado State University's Reading Lab as the Director of that facility some years back to monitor and tutor foreign students and so he had quite a few Africans and Asians.  That is the very first time in my life that I saw an African or an Asian.  I speak from personal experience that is "vast."

My posts also clearly stated a "Large majority" BUT NOT ALL.

I also have been in groups in college and in high school who have spoken on that "have very high intellect, academic achievement and financial success" - those groups consisted of African Americans and Whites.  So it isn't a "me comment that I posted so as not to enrage that was posted to offset the first part of that sentence."

Actually in the U.S. I can definitely say a "large majority" but if you like I can alter the words to "a high number."  Does that make you feel better?  Because basically on an "unemotional and factual level."  What I say is true.  I have ridden in taxis (mostly Africans and Arabs) - they will date an AA woman for the sex but few will marry her.   As an AA woman I have had several taxi drivers (many of them are educated men over in Africa who have been demoted to taxi drivers and returning students to American colleges over here) make it clear to me that they WILL NOT STOP and pick up an AA male over here.  That is in New York and Chicago.  That is how low many of them are viewed.  

You are in Africa and aren't here seeing this up close and personal.

I can write on what I observe without absorbing it into my own video. Yes, my man is Nigerian and we both are shooting down false thinking and opinions that others give to us about each other.  Several Africans told him that Americans don't bathe everyday.  I was stunned and laughed because he shared this with me and I knew that it was his way of wanting to know (without coming out and directly asking me) ===== he wanted to know if I fall into that "lack of soapy water" category.  He will soon find out through me that AA's especially the women are some of the cleaniest and softest people you want to meet.  I laughed when he said that but I do clearly recall hearing that more about whites in this country.  I have a white female friend who is beautiful and she exercises everyday but doesn't bathe every day.  She lives in a home that exceeds $200,000.00 and looks as good as Kim Kardashian but with blonde hair.  So he must have confused black americans with a large % of white americans.

The reason I shared that is to show you that people do hold opinions that aren't true.  I don't see black or negroid features regardless to how expanded as being ugly.  I typed to the thread the "prevalent thought."

I know that most of us are used to reading those NL writers who are constantly attacking others for no reason.  But I don't think I fall into that category.  I realize that at times my words might be seen as harsh and at times I am intentionally harsh.  But I try to be harsh towards the actions of an individual versus directing it personally at an individual to tear that person down.

I am trying to temper myself to attack the act versus the person.  In past I have failed at times, but today is a new day.

@ Missy B

oh ok - thank you

"emotional appeal" has no basis in reality.  if my posts appeared emotional - they actually weren't - they were more factual based than anything as I listed factual areas for consideration.  My reason for listing "names of single parents and those raised by single parents."

Think of it this way.  Had a man dated a single mom he could right now today be the Father to any one of those I mentioned and millions of others that I did not.  That is fact.  Not an emotional appeal.

My vein of thought that I was stating is that if people can see life from "different lenses" instead of the same "old time way of thinking" by getting clear pictures of "single parents" they are NOT fat, gray haired, loud, poor old ladies nowadays.  Neither are the men.  Especially in countries where the death rate is quite high nowadays.  You have widows left still quite young - men and women.   

When I saw the single parents on television running this country in politics, hollywood, everywhere you look and everywhere you go----The View's Sherri Shepherd-------Brandy "the singer and cousin to Snoop Dogg"----these are our new single parents of today.  So actually my posts are "quite relevant."  A lot of single moms on "Mob Wives"  Just everywhere.  In college and high school. 

There will be alot of people that actually do change their mind on dating and marrying single parents.    But thanks for lifting my thought and bringing that to my attention. 

I do understand what you are saying.  Thanks for the words.

VIEWS CHANGE EVERY SINGLE DAY. What is "In Vogue" these 5 years isn't "In Vogue" the next 5 years. Thanks to media, NL, technology, advancement of the races by people "who read" and are hard working are those who reach higher, run longer, tear down walls, turn dreams and visions into reality.

Africa is affected and will continue to be affected as are all the other continents on the planet.  Africa will continue to evolve and what your grandparents did a majority of you today do differently. It will continue to evolve - it is only a matter of time. TRUST ME.

SA Goddess:

Everybody has an opinion and Shy-One simply expressed her's as did everybody else. . . . . . . . . . .defensive?  I doubt. .

As said earlier, different strokes for different folks. . . . . . .

Thanks

Intellect ---- you possess a great deal as it is obvious that you clearly see the difference between "being defensive" and directing your response to others on a forum.

Some people live their lives as "mimes" --- when called upon to read it vexes them so it spouts them to anger.  They are so used to giving such little effort in their daily lives that when they run across others who devote time and concerted attention to topics such as these, it plagues them to THE POINT THAT IT turns them into negative individuals who shoot venom and just want to argue as they don't want to see your point(s) and they don't want anyone else to see your points either.  So they start turning the thread(s) into something unrecognizable in their efforts at temper tantrum time.

You then get to really see a different side of that writer.  Whereas on different threads they look attractive and then on this thread they turn quite ugly.  We get to see all their different colors.

They could have simply clicked "ignore" - as they don't like reading, maybe they don't know that "ignore" is an option for them.

ThiefOfHearts:

Oh please. Her opinion was already made on page 1. Then she went on again by asking those who said "No" to explain themselves, like they owe her anything. You know who do such things? Those not secure in their decisions. Else why would she give a damn about those who said "No" to be questioning their reasons like the bloody FBI.

Defensive is right

You sound jealous. Your reaction to me is quite over the top in response to my post. Jealousy is an ugly color. "Oh please, damn about those, bloody FBI."

Go back to sleep and wake up on the right side of the bed before you come on the forum in attack mode. Very catty and petty of you this morning. I'm sure there are better things you can do with your time that a more productive.

@ Missy B and TOH

I wrote what I wrote because - writers on this thread aren't just saying yes or no as the thread requested and voting on whether they would or world not date single parents.

Some writers took it further to reference single parents as being "undate-able" ===== it is important to keep things in perspective for the benefit of all.  Some cultures especially African cultures look down on Single Parents so what I said NEEDED TO BE SAID from that perspective.

I encourage everyone to date whoever you want to date.  Just be aware that single parents of yesteryear are not the sexy, attractive, great options of the single parents of today.  Certain norms should be broken and I listed names that we all know so that we all could see.

If there are writers that only have a ideas in their heads and can only write one or 2 words because that is all they possess==== they shouldn't knock those of us that are well versed who hold numerous lists in their thought and communicate quite well.  DON"T HATE.

adconline:

You are not in the majority.  The word racist doesn't fall from my lips readily.  I have read many writers of African descent that generally choose to first marry another Nigerian of same tribe, secondly another African, if they go outside and don't marry African they would marry a white person over an African American.

Nothing personal - that's why I didn't attack you because this isn't personal.  This is what I have read from many,many, many writers.  They associate AA with negative images especially those 30 years of age and up.  The younger Africans tend to hold the images of African Americans on a more positive note because they associate that image of those AA who have succeeded in music, athletics, etc

Now you have told us many bad things Africans do AAs , its time you told us how AAs view Africans. You keep talking about Africa as if you went to[b] Sarah Palin's School of Geography[/b].  Africa is a continent that is ethnically diverse. So stopping lumping everyone together.Dont most AAs marry fellow AAs? OP wanted to know why she did not get enough attention from Nigerian men, now you have expanded  it to include African men and you are depicting a narrow experience of yours as  a holistic one.

The OP lives in Ohio and visited ATL. I dont mean to sound vulgar, if she had been interested in a one night stand, she would have gotten it. Guys are not ready for out of state dating if they have a lot of options locally.  You are out of state, you are out of  their  league, unless  they will get laid quickly. This is how most guys think.

Read page 2 of the thread - I spoke on both African and AA. 

Don't refer to me and Sarah Palin in the same sentence.

Read my statements again - you will see that I DIDN'T LUMP as I intentionally chose the words a "large majority" ---- if you don't fall in that majority-----good for you.  My experiences with African men have been very good NOTHING NARROW about them.  From these very African men, those I dated and those I befriended every single one of them confirmed the negative image they had from their personal experience and/or their "heard of experiences" of AA's as a group.  Additionally, I have also spoken to Africans from Ghana, Zimbabwe, Malawi, Nigeria, Ethiopia, Rwanda-----the media has given AA's such a negative image and many of those same AAs have bought into that downward spiral----views of our ethnicity are global so I definitely can speak of this, the U.S. has been the largest superpower for as far back as I can recall and those of my ancestors can recall.  The U.S. pushed that viewpoint (read your U.S. History books) to other nations ----- so I can safely speak on a wholistic (not holistic - used more medicinally speaking) level.  Globally there is a negative "prevailing view" amongst cultures including black cultures in 3rd world countries that AA's are undesirable on different levels.  As an AA I can state that without emotion as I like to face claims especially false ones.  I don't live in the dark----I want to see the hole before I step into it.  I'm not one to see something and turn away as though it isn't there.  If you don't answer the falsities they still persist.  I answer them right away. Those countries that methodically without question kiss the azz. of the U.S. have bought into that view of AA's.

@ OP - if a few measly miles of travel has put these guys off of you, your beauty, your intellect and your ethnicity------TRUST ME  that isn't the lot you want or need.  A man who loves to travel should be one of the qualities you like in a mate.  Travel expands the horizon on so many different levels --- all involved benefit.  If a small distance played a factor of showing "disinterest" - run from the despot, pathetic bunch.  I never met an African in the U.S. that saw distance as a hinderance.

,

(I had to break this up into 2 posts) - Sorry for the length

to continue:

So I didn't take your words personally, I just want to make sure that I respond especially on a topic that is important for many, many people as our words HAVE POWER and ARE QUITE INFLUENTIAL.

Dating or not dating a fat person and dating or not dating a person with children is like comparing apples to oranges. Overeating to endanger ones health isn't of the same association as engaging in sex. Everyone doesn't over eat----but 99.9999% of the population will Be Intimate whose side effect will produce offspring. So choosing to date a fat person and choosing to date a person with children is to compare a negative to a positive. Children aren't negatives, they are positives as everyone of us to gain adulthood had to go through childhood. You wouldn't be here today if you weren't a child at one time in your life. So that comparison is a bit odd. Children are our future, Over eating is our death.

Another response----regarding baggage-----keeping the past in the past isn't what I was referring to when I said baggage. Everything you do, every act you take is a piece of baggage on some level. Good and not so good. Opinions you have of others and of anything in particular is also baggage that EACH AND EVERY ONE of us carries around with us whether we want to or not. That all goes with you from partner to partner. Which you definitely carried with you from your previous relationship(s) to the current relationship. How you handle stress, how you handle situations. All of that is baggage. It has nothing to do with leaving the past in the past. Your baggage makes you the person typing today at the keyboard inside this and any other thread.

What you have gone through in this life creates the person that we NL's listen to and respond to today. That is the baggage I refer to which we all carry.

@ Chima:

I agree about the "collective responses" - everything that is posted on a public site is for the benefit of anyone reading it-----so that they can see what others in the world are doing and expand their options and make better choices.

Also, I doubt on any level that to date and marry a "single parent" would ever occur because someone is trying to live for and/or please some one else at their own demise. We date to please self and if we are dating a single parent it is BECAUSE WE DESIRE THAT INDIVIDUAL. Marriage is too serious an institution to be dallied with just as an attempt to please another individual. So if we marry a single parent it is because that is our life partner and we are sealing the deal with marriage just the same as if we marry a childless partner.

My comments though I might swing them your way are actually for those residing in my similar shoes "marrying a single parent" and in the millions and millions of shoe of single parents that are and are not reading this same thread. That is the reason at times I can become quite outspoken. In Africa, how many children are residing with single parents due to NO FAULT OF THEIR OWN? How many children are starving, malnourished, living in conditions that are harmful to their health? In New York as well. The hundreds of times I went to the big apple and saw whole families sleeping in the urine smelling subways in that billion dollar city, single parents with kids and husband/wife/kids sleeping on the sidewalks with signs asking for money, etc, Some of those women were quite attractive, I was stunned. The actress who played the role of "Precious"-----her mom is a single parent and sings in the subways of N.Y. The famous individuals that were raised by single parents makes those of us "who don't date single parents," look quite silly. Lebron James mom is a single parent, Wesley Snipes mom is a single parent, Kanye West mom was a single parent, President Bill Clinton was raised by a single parent, Jill Scott (singer) was raised by a single parent and today she is a single parent, both Lisa Raye and Stacey Dash on "Single Ladies" - both too gorgeous and hot to overlook by ANY MAN are both single moms. Last but far from least---Thank God Barack Obama's mom didn't remain single for long after she birthed him "she was a single mom"---thank goodness someone saw and desired her enough to marry her so that the U.S. could have their first black president.

By the way, you are pregnant aren't you or did you give birth yet? Your husband were he to die tomorrow would leave you widow and your child fatherless, but the Mrs. Chima we have grown to love----you would still be young, attractive, fertile and very much still in your prime wanting a mate for yourself and your child would want a father even more so once they start school and see other children with fathers----Trust me====your child would wish for the same.

Your comments being read by too many to count-----to you, the ink in your pen is just a second in time that you can put to paper, then move on to the next thread. To others, your words can hammer home points that have effects as nails do to a coffin on unsuspecting innocent individuals.

There are single parents who I see daily that look better than those who have NO CHILDREN, make more money than those who have NO CHILDREN, highly intelligent, sexy, desirable and hold the attention of countless individuals because their lives have developed that much more meaning and alot of that has to do with the children that reside in their home. They are warm, loving individuals and to discount them without thought because they have children in the home isn't an option for many of us as these "single parents are too hot and fine and loving" and our desire is to occupy that same home with them. As they are the water to our rice.

SA Goddess:

To those that wouldn't date single parents, does it mean you would want to be single and alone for life if your current husband/wife were to pass away? Would you be ok with the opposite sex/gender not looking in your direction because you already have children from a previous marriage/relationship?

Remember life happens and there are some factors that we do not have control over!!! Not everyone is a single parent because they were whoring around and the partner ditched them for something "better". . . . . .anyway, to each their own. . . . . . .

Gbam

respect, love, tenderness, caring for each others feelings and wanting the best for his life and he wanting success in my life - that's love

also - people lose their temper but there are CERTAIN LINES THAT SHOULD NEVER BE CROSSED - hitting, threatening to be violent - IS UNACCEPTABLE

my makeup is to be gentle, AND THAT'S TRUTH, but if i ever have occasion to fear for my safety or my life - i am not an enemy a man wants to have and close his eyes - he will sleep with one eye open he lay his hand on me - i don't instigate, but i will defend myself to my last breath and i am extremely creative and flexible - i took gymnastics for years

see - this is why my guy has to be loving and patient and flexible - we all lose our tempers - but as soon as things get out of hand - he should be the leader in any and all situations - his choice should always be the "high road" - a sector of my thought shouldn't be prepped to be in round-off, back-flip, both heels crushing testicle-mode - lololololol

broken snaga-tooth, black eye, bruises, uneven-dried up tears and damaged hair, broken nails, beauty and youth gone - ALL STARING UP AT YOU from crouching tiger position processing your blowj_b - that is the end picture for you to see after the constant beatings because you see nothing wrong with hitting women - all you need is to know that they hit you first.

i have a male family member (thank god only ONE) who says, "I don't care who they are, how old they are, their gender or their age - they hit me first, I hit them back."  Everyone in the family sees them as the dunce they are and steers clear of them - not wanting to be aligned with the coconut -  no one has the time to school or train - our lives are moving so fast on the success track - either you have it or your don't

likewise i don't want a man who has a black eye, filth under their nails, dirt in their hair, bruises (regularly) - who wants to look at that and call it their own and introduce it?  i love beauty and peace - everyday I look at his beautiful cultured,domesticated, bruise-free Yoruba face and he is just scrumptious, adorable.

i don't box and i don't want a boxer - and i don't want to be tempted to look at another man because me and my man are fighting and giving each other bruises - what kind of crazy love is that?

Jenifa_:

for you, you should[b] cultivate a friendship with a smart and kind woman and over time, if it's meant to be, you will grow to appreciate her physical appearance or at least the appearance won't matter anymore[/b].
true talk that happened to me.

ogugua88:

Why not? It's more than possible. The same way someone can verbally express himself or herself in person, they can do while typing. Do intelligence and kindness exude only through physical interactions?

COMPLETE TRUTH SPOKEN ABOVE

we could get a block of rooms at the hotel

watch out there now!!

you know all NL's in the states could go together and be met by a group of NL's in Lagos

and

all NL's in UK could group together and fly to Lagos and be met by a group of NL's in Lagos

and

NL's in Egypt and Greece, etc.

you don't have to feel alone or nervous - we can travel as a group and start the party on the plane

guys stop derailing the thread   

we are planning a party here

plan or leave

plan or leave

ride or die

ride or die

Nekai:

I think the anonyminty of a public forum is great. And, what about those who live abroad?? We would have to hear about all the fun details second hand. Cool idea though.

come and visit Lagos - I don't live in Lagos - I live abroad - I would make the trip - it is far out enough to plan effectively and efficiently

Nekai:

I think the anonyminty of a public forum is great. And, what about those who live abroad?? We would have to hear about all the fun details second hand. Cool idea though.

A costume party would be great fun - we could dress as characters and wear face masks and unveil upon Rokiatu announcing our names at the end of the night.

we could dress as our user name or as our persona or our strong viewpoints or as the opposite of our strong view points

Here's an Example: Sagamite and Tensor777 could wear high heels and lipstick and we could guess which one is which - [shy one looking around over shoulder with one foot in thread - other foot out of thread - ready to bolt in case they can't take a joke]

How would Saga look in a blond wig with big tits?

Mrs, Chima:

I hear ya and of course I do not engage in sugary.  It is interesting that I am NL celebrity but if I am what can I do about it?  Make sure you take plenty of pictures and have a show and tell if I am still on NL I will be in the thread audience.  

Chima

all jokes aside - you have to come - it wouldn't be the same - really it wouldn't - you are challenging at times - but in all honesty - i bet that you would be a ball of fun to meet and spend time with laughing, checking out peoples clothes and appearance - it would be really, really fun and educational

please

who is pounded yam?

@ Chima

oops my bad

i forgot you don't do sugary

well - let's see - let me walk my words back

you are the first one standing in line, looking out of the side of your eyes, plate in hand ready to throw at the screen - oops, no screen, just plate in hand ready to throw

warily looking around -waiting patiently knowing somebody is going to say something that you won't like

because you tell it like it is

Seriously Chima

You are a NL Celebrity

Basically you should be the FIRST ONE IN LINE - there are about 20 names that should be LINED UP

looking good
smelling good
peeking, smiling and waving
blowing kisses
and throwing flowers

Mrs, Chima:

Thanks for the offer, but I will have to decline.  I think you will find a lot of interesting people in Lagos that will be a hoot on stage if the planning going accordingly.  MBJ would be a nice one to have on stage if you don't mind hearing about pantyliners and hoes having their periods while tricking.  

lolololololol - lrlrlrlrlrlrl

you are too much - oooooooooo - ahahahahaha

@ Chima

I have never put my foot down

But I put my foot down on that one Missy

@ Mz Dark

The only Tab You will be on - will be a tab of intelligent negotiation and know how - that's my tab - seriously this can happen with little to no cost to the planning committee and it will be a pure, ethical, joyous time.

We need Seun's approval as NL is the name of the game.  And we cannot utilize that name without NL consent and guidance.  This can be fantastic and off the charts for everyone in attendance.

Mrs, Chima:

It sound like a nice getup for those from Nairaland who don't mind meeting each other in person.  I would meet a very FEW people privately but I will not be coming to the Bash.  

I am sure you guys will have a lovely time in Lagos and at the bash.  Don't forget to bring your BUG SPRAY if you are not from Africa.  They have some killer mosquitos.  

Sowwy Chima

Especially YOU - NO IS NOT AN OPTION

You are there is we have to come as a group - grab you kicking and screaming and Mr. Chima and any Chimettes that have been birthed - you are there with or without your permission.