Hmmmm... survival in Nigeria is a game of chance.
Every life matters!

YoudeyVexme:
When asking for help from someone been monetary assistance....if you don't have to give or don't want to...I prefer been ignored.
no need writing me back.

just read and ignore.

trust me I respect you more.

But writing me back to tell me lies you don't have, when you and I know you do is painful and annoying.


So tell me guys which do you prefer?

Read the emboldened bit to yourself again. Is the person you're asking financially accountable to you?
Entitled people will see nothing wrong but that's just bad behaviour.

The polite thing to do is to say candidly that one has nothing to spare than leaving the other person in a limbo.
Even if you're told they don't have and they go on a spree the same day,e no concern you...the Bible says love your neighbor as yourself,e no say more than yourself so if the money I'm about to borrow you will cause any constraints in my budget,I no get be that...After I reply,vex and go to your trust fund!

ehay:
[color=#006600][/color]

Me I will not go, I will play along with you and make you believe everything is ok between us. Then sometime in the future when you will really need me to be there for you, the way I will so let you down eehhh...hmmmm

True,e go too enter.
My problem is how to play along o.
I cannot be looking at that man and not get any crazy ideas.

Normally,I wouldn't go crazy over cheating,in my mind there are certainly other deal breakers that rank higher but you see this one I will have a fit.Like, I've just had your child and you have no respect for me,it has to be the maid who I would otherwise have trusted with my child if this hadn't come to light.
Distasteful!
You will not see me and you will not see my baby.
Mo yonda e.

It's just wild out there.

cj1900:
Hi guys,
I won't take much of your time. I have a very delicate matter in my hands and I need diverse opinions please.

Background
I don't live in Nigeria but me and my wife both have a very comfortable 4 bedroom duplex in Nigeria. We have a one year old baby. I have been in Nigeria for 5 months now and I will be returning to UK in a few weeks.

Ever since I've been in Nigeria, my cousin (mid 30s) has been with us. Quite frankly, it is not very easy for him at the moment and i do care about him as a brother. He is in the process of processing his visa, so its not as if he is loafing about.

The plan is that both me and my wife will be taking turns in visiting each other for the next 2 or so years until I return fully to Nigeria.

The problem
The problem is that I do not feel comfortable leaving just him and my wife under thesame roof whilst I return and he is not showing any signs of leaving when I return to my base.

So, this is my situation and I don't know if I am being insensitive.

I married a very good wife and under most circumstances, I trust her. I am just not comfortable leaving my wife with any man atall under thesame roof.

I need your opinions pls.

Even for security purposes,I don't know how this arrangement will work.At least in my mind,there are more cons than pros.
Personally,I won't like the idea because wife may be silently required to cook and all,you being away should mean a reduction in domestic affairs.Now,nobody may confront her about it but just imagine your cousin talking to his mum or someone telling them he hasn't eaten at a particular time of the day even if it's his choice,them fit dey ask say wetin wife dey do wey nothing dey wey e go chop...silent beef go start with extended family.
I'm not arguing trust here but as people who will go through different experiences on a day to day basis,being in the same space means they can unintentionally become vulnerable with each other,even when they are both responsible.You can test trust only with limited exposure for a short while not when you're perpetually with the other person.
Then no be today grown men dey get hard on wey dem no plan for mornings and will wife wear a bra and bubu 24/7?Hormones please!
His head is in getting a VISA to leave but we know these things are unpredictable.
Preserve the respect they have for each other by having him arrange alternative accommodation because it can quickly get messy even if they don't become intimate and that'll put you in a difficult situation.

Couz will understand if you sit down to talk to him, don't just expect him to know.He may already be wondering about it but if you don't talk about it,it can easily be translated to you being ok with him remaining in your home.

A defibrillator would have given him a good fighting chance but no, it's Nigeria so we move on like it was never an avenue to amend/improve on our systems.
RIP to the man who barely got his life started.

One bastard held me at gunpoint in the hospital to do an evacuation for his wife who had an abortion.After I took my time to explain to him that I'll give her pain meds to make her comfortable while we rush into theatre to perform an emergency section on a woman who had meconium (baby's poo when they are in distress) pouring out of her vagina and I'll do it afterwards.The idiot say se im wife no be emergency?Evac that can wait 2-3 days if red flags no dey.He commot gun say make I go do am...ME!If I do am make I spin.In fact I don mark their faces,if you like get abortion again next year,I will not attend to raving psychopaths.

Since then,na me,my pen,stethoscope,pepper spray and pocket knife dey resume work together...since we all want to be fooloish.

Pregnancy is a much sought after experience by many and very often each trimester brings with it it's new bunch of things to cope with.
During my second pregnancy,my friend noticed I was avoiding certain things and asked me what made me feel sick;I blurted out 'Mustard and ugly people'...very odd, I know and she still laughs about it to this day.

A very distressing wave of nausea hit me if I for example look at a wall painted in an odd yellow hue
and it resolved immediately I looked away.It's something called visually induced stimuli and I haven't experienced it since delivery.

Mums and mums-in-the-making,is there any odd thing that took you by surprise about your pregnancy symptoms.... how did you cope?

There's still absolutely no assurance he'll give you the job after service.There probably have been corpers before you so I hope it may be habitual for the MD.
Self control though.Once is a mistake but several times after,I think not.
At the end of the day, it's you that'll have this on your conscience for the rest of your life...your fiance will be fine with time.

300$ may seem like a lot right now but if you really place value on yourself, it's a meagre amount of money and this is what will pain you when you start earning real bread...
You're a queen,wear your crown correctly please!

Ladies,be reminded again,anyday is a good day to start saving up vex money.
Please be intentional about it.
You see the women that unlook when their men are doing anyhow,no be maturity o, it's because they are ready financially for any eventuality.

When I first got married,I used to wake my husband from sleep to give him grief whenever I as much as had a dream about him cheating.
Now,you see in that same dream that man is 'cheating', na party o and na me dey coordinate the cast.

OP, he's out to prove a point,don't waste your energy.Just pray that the pepper his 'employee to-be' will show him that will blind his eyes from the streets permanently,she should quickly show him (hopefully e no go be HIV).

Dear Op,
Your husband will come to his senses,maybe just not yet.
Let him see everything there is to see out there.
Don't ask him pim.You have informed his relative so if anyone can intervene,let them try.
In the meantime,focus on a means of livelihood for the sake of your kid so that you're not at this man's mercy.
If you fail to fortify yourself financially with all the signs in the air,then it's on you.

I pray you have the strength to do what's best for you before he gives you an incurable disease.

If you have another baby by him,please don't come here to tell us about it.
All the best.

Ki olori o di ori e mu.

I hope your wife knows that this is the sort of pressure you're putting yourself under.

May the God who alone has power to show us that he's God bless you with beautiful twin girls so that you can come back to tell us what'll become of the marriage.

Problem no dey finish for this life and people still dey manufacture join!

A gown ass man saying money to cook is not the problem but you don't know to cook oya put the money inside pot na and chant incantations.For your kids' sake, there's YouTube...use it!Take the kids to eat out,flex your muscle.
Which mother who could help the situation will leave her kids hurriedly on Christmas day?

If their mum isn't at home,think outside the box.No be two of una born them?Women actually put up with people like this?won ku iroju o.

Some women die at childbirth o,some don't live long enough to celebrate their kid's first Christmas with them and some of their men (God bless them) take the initiative.

For you to come and lament on Nairaland with disgusting undertone of threat to marry someone else,is proof that your wife won't be missing anything... in fact,God no go shame her.May she find her happiness because obviously she can't depend on you.

At least you're honest about potentially falling for someone else's husband.
Now,pause and address your emotions.It's not everyone you're attracted to you pursue, sometimes you put an expiry date on the emotions and end it in your mind before it gets wings to fly.

You'll never run out of men to lust after so the earlier you discipline your mind to unlook,the better.

And then this is a good woman who has done her best to be kind to you.Many women give single ladies a cold shoulder for this same reason.Don't make her lose trust in womanhood.

Decline some invites to hang with them every once in a while and face your front.

On occasions like this, I miss the good old days of instant jungle justice and public execution by firing squad.
Knowing Nigeria,when all the dust settles,the culprits may very well go unpunished but I pray Timothy's family has the strength to see them pay for violating their loved one to death.


Kaa da fun won!

amendara1:
Go and get plenty bitter kola, alligator pepper cut the bitter kola into pieces and soaked it with the alligator pepper in plenty coconut water, let it stay for 7days for a Bette result, then give your mummy 20ml morning and night. May God let it work for her,

A whole 7 days!

Ok o

texazzpete:



What did his mother ever do to you people ? Why do you want her dead?

E shock you too?

kowalsky:



Lol. Even in the Queen's palace gangrenous diabetic foot secondary to diabetic neuropathy will be amputated.

Either they do what I'm assuming to be an above the knee amputation now or they'll come back much later for a full limb amputation.

Straight to the point!

Spark2:
Hello NL.
I'm going to keep this brief.

It started three weeks ago. my mum, who was walking normal with no problem suddenly could not walk. Her left leg began paining her severely that day. My mum was all in tears... She was rushed to the hospital where it was discovered that her sugar level was on the high side. The hospital gave drugs which stabilised it, at that point my mum was very weak, couldn't eat, each time she eat she throws up and also had some pain in the leg still. After a week in the hospital, we were then referred to a teaching hospital after a test showed that creatinine in her kidney was high.

The teaching hospital tried their best and I can say my mum is now okay. Except for the left leg. She can't still walk on it, the leg feels cold to touch with a little discolouration above the foot.

Doppler test showed that blood isn't really flowing through the leg. And they said they will need to amputate the leg to prevent the infection from growing to the other parts of the body.

Please I want to know if you know anyone who had similar condition and amputation was recommended but was later healed without need for amputation.

Please share your recommendations. I need my mum now more than before in my life. We are confused on whether to allow them to go on with the amputation or seek other alternatives.

Thank you very much.

Pls note that as at now, her sugar level, creatinine and other things are normal.

I'm so sorry to hear about what your mum is going through but I'll be candid,you see that little discolouration above the foot? It can very quickly become a nightmare..... it's great that her blood sugar is looking better now but Diabetic foot is progressive and if a doppler has shown poor blood supply to that leg,act fast!
If you're not confident that an amputation is absolutely necessary as of now,get a timely second opinion maybe even from vascular surgeons to see if the affected blood channels can be bypassed....hopefully it's not gangrenous as of yet otherwise even vascular surgeons no fit.
Time is leg where diabetes is concerned.


All this soak,rub,drink,massage may have worked wonders for some people o but their background stories may be different from your mum's.For a diabetic foot,na wahala those things go cause o and a few fingers can very quickly become the whole leg and that cannot be undone.
Go easy with such recommendations especially as her kidneys have only just recovered from a rough patch.

Get a small device that checks blood sugar (glucometer), so you can make sure her sugar control continues to remain great since she uses insulin at home.

Again,time is leg!
Well done with looking after her.

Even the thought of the loss of one child can devastate a parent.Her agony is unimaginable.
Comfort her,Good God...

150 bawo?
For Ikorodu axis alone sef Dem pass 150.

I'm not even sorry for the man.He did that to himself.
It's the wife and kids who he had probably told an elaborate story to be away that I sympathize with.

No closure,the woman will continue to wonder if she was inadequate for him!

Coward!

The executions at Lagos Bar Beach that year come to mind.

Omo that doctor wey confirm them dead afterwards no go get PTSD laidis?

What now becomes of the 4 children left behind??

Some things are just infuriating...if I say I don't miss mob action,na lie I dey lie.
Animals deserve jungle justice, they're not fit to live if they can brutally end someone in this manner.

PSYCHOPATHS!

When will we normalize starting chest thumps/compressions when we witness someone slump in Nigeria?
Those first few moments can dramatically improve their fighting chances.

If you live with others, encourage them to pick up these skills because you can't perform CPR on yourself if are a victim.

Dear OP,your mother is not a bad woman,know that her intentions are noble.

However, there's a deeper message embedded therein.

Back in uni,I had a friend who said she couldn't get married to a poor man solely because of their potential because 'even a poor person has the potential to become poorer'..it didn't make sense then,it does now.

At the end of the day, it's up to you to choose what sort of potential you can live with.

The irony of it all is the 'Mama Purity'...
The sequelae to this will very likely be resentment between them...sexcapades are only fun as long as they remain a secret.
I wish their them and their partners peace.
That Said;
Let him who think he stands take heed lest he fall.
Everyone has a vice they're struggling with-what is insignificant to you maybe a mountain to someone else and vice versa.


Let he who is without sin be the first to cast a stone.

Dear Op,
In my opinion,2 months is too soon and a doctor's visit at this time MAY be counterproductive.
Generally speaking, I'd say give it 2 years unless there's a reason to suspect the delay should be looked into promptly (for example if your wife has any pre-existing problems with her menstrual cycle,there's a family history on either side of sub-fertility or you both are of an advanced age etc).

Seeing the doctor this early may be overwhelming for your wife and the hormones are very sensitive to emotional states.

Intercourse should be unlimited and with no particular emphasis to the 'ovulation period'.

Have a 'no pressure' conversation about this with your wife and just generally support her.You both should still be honeymooning rather than putting a timer on her uterus.

Cheers to the babies to come.
In the meantime, explore your wife's companionship.

I'm happy you got home safe and sound but in the future,while thanking God for your good fortune,be graceful enough to do so without making reference to others who weren't so lucky.

Ini's family may be yet to get over their loss so please be considerate of their situation.

I wish you all the best in all your endeavors.

Heart wrenching..No one deserves to have their lives highjacked this way.

As a nation,we do not learn from tragedies...no thorough craft crash investigations to forestall future occurrences otherwise the recent spate won't be.

No organized emergency response,people who mean well rush to the site and trample over what's left of the victims..SAD.

To their beloved left behind...Their memories are honoured and may good winds find your sail and get you all through these difficult times.

So in my head,the family who was directly bereaved found a way to sort themselves out by having this two get married while it's the third party who shouldn't have been traumatized that's now bearing the brunt...Na wa o.
Now I understand the CAC prayers that say 'may misfortune not come upon anyone whose ripple effect will distabilize me'...adura nla.

Dear OP,
Prioritize yourself and your peace of mind please.
The marital journey is long and often turbulent without the added burden of a classless,emotionless partner.
Don't test yourself!

Certainly,you must know what you can deal with,no do pass yourself.

There are things you surely shouldn't compromise on when making the choice of a life partner and his ego shouldn't be on the list.

This one na the reddest shade of red flags
,I'm not concerned about his cheating o if you can deal but the lack of remorse will keep hurting you time after time..

Don't try to fix him,it's not your job to.
Walk away with your sanity,God will reward you with someone who will be responsible with your emotions.