Nigerian Twitter went agog after a video of a revered pastor saying no man should get married to a lady who is culinary challenged, surfaced online. In the church’s yearly convention, the pastor said and I quote, “Don’t marry a girl who is lazy! Don’t marry a girl who cannot cook, she needs to know how to do chores and cook because you cannot afford to be eating out all the time.” He also talked about other things like long beards (I’m sure Jesus would bat an eyelid if he was alive today) , ethnic prejudices, unemployed men, etc… I’m just going to stick with the one that got twitter lit up like the 1st of October.

I grew up in a family of 6; 5 dudes, one chick. I am the second from the rear. My mum made sure she raised none of us with any deficiencies in the cooking department. She was very particular about the guys working in the kitchen either as a cook, a dish washer or just anything that could be defined as a kitchen chore. The result; 2 brothers with immense cooking skills and another (my humble self) with superb dish washing abilities. Basically, none of mummy’s gridiron gang are slushes when it comes to kitchen duties. Also, in school, I was friends with a guy who’s cooking skills is almost next to none. The dude could cook anything from the usual delicacies to the unusual ones. I’m sure if given sand grains, my friend would have gotten it cooked into a sweet crunchy meal.

So I find it weird when I hear people say cooking is a girl’s “job requirement” and a guy’s major requirement from a girl he intends marrying. Thanks to my mum, my mindset wasn’t built on such gender delineation. I mean, why would any guy overlook other incredible qualities a woman possesses these days just because she can’t cook? It is absurd that many guys still see this as a criteria let alone an important one to buy a ring.

Do you expect your wife, who has a regular 9-5 job (which in reality is actually a 9-9 job) and gets bumped around through the chaotic Lagos traffic, to come home and cook that delicious meal you’ve been salivating about and still perform her womanly duties in bed? If you do, then you seriously need a brain sanitiser to clean out such thought process. Having said that, I believe that all men must know how to cook (at least the basic meals which does not include noodles), it doesn’t take an arm or a leg to know how to separate the pans from the pots. No rule in any law book says a man shouldn’t be with such skills. Back in the days, it was fashionable for ladies to get married without having a job. But today, men will frown at the thought of getting married to unemployed women. I expect that the same sentiments should be expressed to guys who think the kitchen should be the ladies foot stool. God knows, I definitely won’t get hitched with a lady who only sleeps, eats and drinks the kitchen.

We should completely do away with such mundane mentalities, a woman shouldn’t be judged by her culinary skills or lack of alone. I bet you lots of men won’t turn down an opportunity to get hitched with, say a Michelle Obama or Beyonce even if they lacked such kitchen skills.

So, I find the Pastor’s comments on cooking and “lazy girls” distasteful and completely out of sync with the present time. I think religious leaders should start investing in PR consultants, a lot of the controversial things they say can be avoided if only their speeches or messages were initially vetted. And shame on those followers who think this was all about feminism. This has nothing to do with the latter (though I’m a fervent profeminist), it has everything to do with common sense.

https://theblessingiyama.com/2016/08/03/why-all-men-must-cook/

I hope you come as a syrian or iraqi in your next life then

My mother re-married over six years ago and we moved into my step-father’s house. He has three children and I’ve always found his eldest child good-looking. He is in the university and I’m at the nursing school. I’m 23 and he’s two years older.
About five months ago, we finally agree to having mutual feelings of love and we kissed a lot. We recently took things a step further by making love. I love him so much and he feels the same.

Our parents don’t know what is going on. He says we have nothing to fear as we are not related by blood, that legally, there’s nothing stopping us from getting married.

Is he right?

Patricia.

http:///1HNtfNg

Nigeria is the most unique country on earth:

Where our mothers use ice cream bowls to store pepper in the fridge.

Where ladies don’t accept flowers for valentine or birthday.

Where lizards look you in the eye, nod and say, “Noting dey happen guy.”

Where a blind beggar will reject a fake naira note. Where groundnuts are sold in BOTTLES and WATER is sold in SATCHETS.

Where parents claim they were always first position in school. Where you can be a driver for years without a ‘DRIVER’s LICENCE’.

Where government officials don’t know the national anthem. Where Gala and Lacasera are the best options when stuck in traffic.

Where you are jailed for stealing maggi and given a chieftaincy title for stealing millions.

Where we fight for everything; to gain admission to university, to get a job and worse still, to enter a bus!

Where you are robbed of your phone and the robbers come back for your pin code and charger.

Where your type of GENERATOR shows how RICH you are.

Where you can easily blame your family members in the village for your problems.

Where rich men must have pot belly.

Where generator is a social amenity.

Where people collect change from beggars.

Where Igbo men produce Toyota Camry jeans and Dr Dre slippers.

Where the man who had no shoes is the president.

Where Samsung S6 is sold in traffic for N12k!

You can give other reasons why you think Nigeria is unique in the comment box below.

http://www.akposjokes.com/joke/only-for-naija

These are the greatest and little PLEASURES OF LIFE. Better than MONEY or SEX...

1. Finishing Your Meal with the LAST piece of meat.

2. Getting in bed when its raining hard and stormy outside.

3. When something stuck in your teeth finally comes out.

4. Managing to finally sneeze after trying unsuccessfully for over 4 times.

5. The moment you see the waiter approaching with your food.

6. Finally lying in YOUR OWN bed after an exhausting day or night out.

7. Waking up suddenly, checking the clock and seeing that you have plenty of sleep time left.

8. The other side of the pillow.

9. Visiting a friend and finding food at their place. Plenty of it.

10. The smell of clean, dry clothes straight from the dry cleaner or hanging line.

11. Making a baby Laugh. Over and over again.

12. Watching Your best friend stumble and fall in the streets.

13. The Moment when it's too hot in bed and you stick out one leg and catch some cool, cool air.

14. That moment in a public bus when your favorite song ends exactly when you've reached your destination.

15. Having a serious itching at a certain spot on your back, trying to reach yourself and scratch yourself unsuccessfully and finally getting scratched by someone else perfectly.

16. Clean, Fresh bedsheets/bed covers on your bed.

17. Finally removing Your bra after getting home.

18. Going to bed immediately after taking a shower.

19. Holding a baby and watching them sleep.

20. The smell of sand when it just starting to drizzling.

21. Finding a toilet, ANY TOILET, and finally being able to pee/poop after being pressed for over 2 hours.

22. Asking a question on Google and seeing it finish your words, meaning there are other nosy people out there wondering the same thing as you.

23. Finding money You NEVER knew you had at a corner of your pockets/purse.

24. Angrily banging your phone across the room, rushing to pick it up gently, inspecting it carefully only to find that NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING has happened to it.

25. When a baby holds your finger tightly in her tiny hand as you walk in the streets or market.

26. Doing something for hours, then returning to your phone and finding it full of text messages and missed calls.

27. Laughing so hard you cry. Or laughing so hard that no noise comes out... you are just there
shaking like an idiot and holding on to your poor stomach.

28. Taking a cold beer a hard day of work nothing beats such pleasures... NOTHING!

29. Reading this post wherever you are right now. http:///1GiPOo2

http://www.akposjokes.com/joke/little-pleasures-of-life

You buy a scotch-egg for N500, I buy an egg-roll for N50. They both have the same size of egg inside.

You buy a pack of Five Alive for N300, I buy an orange, a mango and a pineapple for just N80. And yet mine own is more natural.

NEPA comes to your home and cut your power, you pay N2000 for reconnection fee. I wait till the night time to call an electrician and I pay him just N200 to reconnect my wires. We will both have the same kind of light.

You pay N5,000 to go watch a P.Square show, I buy the pirated CD for N100 to watch and sing along. It is the same enjoyment we are getting.

You pay N1000 to watch a movie at the cinema and also buy a cup of popcorn for N500. I go to the market to buy a 20-in-1 DVD for just N200, buy popcorn for just N50 close to my house. I get to see 19 more movies for less amount, while you get to see just one movie for more amount.

You buy a bottle of Red Bull for N1000 to become very active, I buy a small bottle of Paraga for just N20 and I'm super active.

You fix on your head Brazilian hair worth N100,000, I buy Xpression attachment for just N350. And I'm still More Beautiful and sexy than you are. The worst thing is guys can't even spot the difference.

You pay N10,000 to enter a club at Victoria Island and you also buy a bottle of Hennessey for N80,000, I enter joint in my area for free and buy a bottle of Alomo for just N200. We still both get high at the same level.

You pay N11,000 DSTV subscription to watch matches, I pay just N50 to watch the same matches at a viewing centre.

You buy BB Porsche for N250,000, I buy a BB Storm for just N15,000. And we both do the same pinging and calling.

You can add yours in the comment box below...

http://www.akposjokes.com/joke/expensive-vs-cheap

Princessonelove:
Share this? Ain't nobody got fuel for that.

[color=#990000][/color]

This comment got me cracking up...

Dear Nairaland

My wife and I just got married, I am 45 and she is 26. We moved into a new apartment which needs a lot of plumbing work so I hired this plumber. I swear, the guy is handsome and younger than me! But that's not my problem. Anytime I return from work, I come and meet him half naked sweating with his six packs and my wife will also be in our bedroom sweating with a cloth around her. I think it's the ventilation in the rooms, so I want to buy air conditioners and fix in all the rooms. Please, which brand do you suggest I buy?

Mr. Pius

http://www.akposjokes.com/joke/half-naked-plumber

Lady enter's a barbing salon:

AKPOS: Wow! I haven't seen such beauty before! Do you come here often?
LADY: Not really.
AKPOS: I would like us to know each other better.
LADY: Can't you see my finger (showing Akpos a ring on her finger).
AKPOS: It doesn't matter. I'm married too.
LADY: But my husband will...
AKPOS: Oh cut that crap about your husband, we can go places he has never dreamt of taking you to.
LADY: Wow! Sounds nice, so what will I tell him?
AKPOS: You'll tell the dumb man that you are going for fellowship.
LADY: Good, but I think you should tell him yourself, because he is the one barbing your hair. www.akposjokes.com

Follow Akpos Jokes on Twitter @akposjokes

When I was Younger:

I'd put my arms in my shirt and tell people I lost my arms.

I would restart the video game whenever I knew I was going to lose.

I had that one pen with four colours, and tried to push all the buttons at once.

I waited behind a door to scare someone, then leave because they're taking too long to come out.

I faked being asleep, so I could be carried to bed.

I used to think that the moon followed our car.

I tried to balance the switch between On/Off.

I Watched two drops of rain roll down the window and pretended it was a race.

The only thing I had to take care of was a school bag.

I swallowed a fruit seed and I was scared to death that a tree was going to grow in my tummy.

I closed the fridge extremely slowly to see when the lights went off.

I walked into a room, forgot what I needed, walked out, and then remember.

What did you guys do when you were growing up? www.akposjokes.com

A man drove past a military road block and the officers asked him to pull over.

The man started shouting at them, "Do you know who I am? Ehn! Do you know..."

One officer interrupted, "Hey, you see those blocks at the other side of the road? They are 200. You are going to bring them here." After they've beaten him, they made him carry the blocks.

He had carried 191 blocks, when their, superior officer, Akpos, passed by. Noticing what was happening, he pulled over.

The man recognized Akpos, as his former class mate. He beckoned to him, "Akpos! Thank God, you're here."

"What is the meaning of this!? Who asked you to carry this blocks?" Akpos screamed.

The man pointed at the officers that made him do it.

Akpos turned to them "You all are in serious trouble!" Then he turned back to his former classmate, "Sorry for the misunderstanding, how many blocks did they make you carry?"

"191 blocks. Can you imagine?" The man said.

"Ok. You know what, just return the blocks and you can be on your way." See More HILARIOUS JoKeS @ www.akposjokes.com

"Craze no hard to form, na the trekking be wahala."
English translation: "Easier said than done.

"No matter how hot your temper be, e no fit boil beans."
English Translation: Calm down, your temper won't solve the problem.

"Chicken wey run from Borno go Ibadan go still end up inside pot of soup."
English Translation: You can't run away from your destiny.

"Today's newspaper na tomorrow Suya wrap."
English translation: Keep calm! Nothing lasts forever.

"Cow wey dey in a hurry to go America go come back as corn beef."
English Translation: Just be patient. Let the game come to you. Don't rush!

"Akara and moin moin get the same parent,na wetin dem pass through make dem different."
English Translation: How you start doesn't matter, what matters is how you finish.

"Leave matter for Mathias and Sabi for Sabinus."
English Translation: Give everyone what they deserve.

"The difference between puff-puff and doughnut na packaging."
English Translation: Don't judge based on appearance alone.

"Escort me, Escort me, na im slave trade take start."
English translation: Serious things sometimes start like a joke.

"The water wey dem use take make eba can never be recovered back."
English translation: Don't cry over spilled milk. SEE MORE FUNNY SAYINGS @ www.akposjokes.com

You can add yours in the comment box below...

I've you ever wondered why many girls use smileys and short replies when chatting nowadays? Seriously, I have come to realize why most girls do.
I was chatting with this babe yesterday and I was Like...
ME: How are you dear?
GIRL: 5n.
ME: How was your day?
GIRL: 5n.
ME: How is your family?
GIRL: 5n.
ME: Are you missing me?
GIRL: No.
ME: But I'm missing you
GIRL: Tanks.
ME: I'm not feeling well
GIRL: Sowi
ME: So how was ya day?
GIRL: 5n.
ME: are you busy?
GIRL: No
ME: Are you with someone over there?
GIRL: No.
ME: What? Why don't you type something interesting instead of sending me short replies?
GIRL: K
ME: Type something now!
GIRL: K
ME: Ok! Ok so its true.
GIRL: Dat wat?
ME: I've heard you failed your English exams...
GIRL: Who telled you? It is unpossible! I sawed the resalt yestarday... I passed away.
ME: OMG... That's ok. You can use smileys and short replies please!!

See More Hilarious Jokes @>>> www.akposjokes.com

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000.

His bookkeeper is deaf.

That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would never have to testify in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!"

The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, "Where's the money?"

Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."

The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!"

The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."

Guido trembles and signs, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house."

The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"

The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger! See More Hilarious Jokes @>>> www.akposjokes.com

ANGELS: Father! We are tired of these Nigerians in heaven.
GOD: What have they done this time?

ANGEL: Everything! They don't listen to instructions! They don't obey traffic rules! They don't wait for their turn in anything! They are completely reckless! (Exasperated) In fact they have made heaven a living hell since they got here.
GOD: Then we better send them to hell! (Calls the Devil). Hello..
SATAN: Hello God, call me later. There's an issue I'm trying to resolve.

Ten minutes later:

GOD: Hello Lucifer.
SATAN: I'll call you back. The issue has turned into a crisis.

An hour later:

SATAN: Hello?
GOD: What's going on over there?
SATAN: It's the Nigerians I have with me in hell! (He stammers), they... they... they have quenched the fire in hell and installed air conditioners!

Check out more Crazy Jokes @>>> http://www.akposjokes.com/joke/lawyers-are-always-right

Recently, I feel like I'm dating MTN and AIRTEL. I go to bed with a text and wake up with a text message. It's either they are calling me or begging me to subscribe to one thing or the other. VERY SOON, MTN WILL BE LIKE:

1. Dear customer. Are u HUNGRY?... Text HGY to 35388 for tips on HUNGER and what to eat

2. Dear customer, need DELIVERANCE? Text DEL TO 35388 for daily tips on how to deliver yourself

3. Dear customer, facing ancestral problems? Text ANCESTORS to 35354 and receive daily ancestral tips

4. Dear customer, want to bathe but you have no soap? Text SOAP to 35629 to receive daily soaps to your phone

5. Dear customer, feeling HEARTBROKEN? Text HEART to 38545 and receive tips on how to plaster your heart.

6 Dear customer, want to catch all the witch in your village? Text CATCH to 30305 for tips to catch all the witches in your village.

7 Dear customer, do you know there are people who doesn't want you to succeed in your village? Text THUNDER FIRE THEM to 33050.

And also imagine MTN sending my grandma BEAUTY TIPS. For what? SEE MORE HILARIOUS JOKES @>>> www.akposjokes.com

These are some funny African proverbs

When a man is stung by a bee, he does not destroy all beehives- Kenya Proverb

It is only a stupid cow that rejoices at the prospect of being taken to a beautiful abattoir - Zambian Proverb

No matter how far an eagle flies up the sky, it will definitely come down to look for food - Zimbabwe Proverb

An army of sheep led by a lion can defeat an army of lions led by a sheep. - Ghanaian proverb

The anus doesn't teach the mouth the sweetness of food - South-African Proverb

The man who marries a beautiful woman, and the farmer who grows corn by the roadside have the same problem- Ethiopian Proverb

A short man is not a boy- Nigerian Proverb

No matter how hot your anger is, it cannot cook yams- Nigerian Proverb

It requires a lot of carefulness to kill the fly that perches on the scrotum- Ghanaian Proverb

If the throat can grant passage to a knife, the anus should wonder how to expel it -South-African Proverb

The frown on the face of the goat will not stop it from being taken to the market - Nigerian Proverb

An old lady feels uneasy when dry bones are mentioned in a proverb - Ghanaian Proverb

The same sun that melts the wax, hardens the clay - Nigerien Proverb

If you don't know where you are going, any road will take you there - Ugandan Proverb

There is no virgin in a maternity ward- Cameroonian Proverb

The madman, who throws a stone into a crowded market, forgets that his own mother could be hit by his madness. - Ugandan Proverb

A child can play with its mother's breasts, but not its father's testicles - Guinean Proverb

He who goes to sleep with an itching anus wakes up with smelly fingers - Nigerian Proverb

You can add more funny Proverbs in the comment box below to continue the fun. SEE MORE.>>> http:///1ArHFxL

On their wedding night, Kwame's new young bride approached him and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, Kwame readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with Kwame thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, the wife was surprised to find her husband, Kwame, in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, Kwame explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been sacked. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he??d be able to find another job.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totalling nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million. She explained that she had ??charged?? him for sex, and these were the results of her savings and investments.

Kwame was so shocked that he could barely speak. Finally he found his voice and blurted out, "If I??d had any idea what you were doing, I would have had sex only with you."

That??s when she shot him.

You know, men just don't know when to keep their mouths shut! http://www.akposjokes.com/joke/god-and-man-1