A man was walking in a bush, suddenly, he saw a lion in front of him. He knelt down for prayers, so that GOD would deliver him. When he opened his eyes, he saw the lion kneeling down also for prayers.

He asked "Mr lion are you also a christian?" The lion replied "Shut up! Don't you pray before u eat your food?"

You will suffer till you die

U re a lady, u invested about 100k in human hair, 70k for BB Bold 5, 50k in designer bags & 30k in high heel shoes, paid 20k for ur friend's weddin 'asoebi' but u re lookin 4 a guy 2 help u wit ur school fees,U nid a military Slap.......Add urs

UNCLE: Ah! Junior long time! Hw are
u doin?

BOY: I'm ok sir thank u. I
came 2 luk 4 admission 2 realize
my dream of becoming a doctor!
I hope u can help.

UNCLE: I see,
how was ur O'level?

BOY: Fine O
°˚˚˚! It's just 2 credit sir, Yoruba and Agric.

UNCLE: Laughing!!! U can still be a
doctor but a native doctor. Use ur credit in Agric to look for Herbs and
ur credit in Yoruba for incantation.

Ðøñ†̥ spoil the fun lets go

- your Ex asking to be friends after break up, is like ---- kidnappers asking you to "keep in touch" after letting you go !

Stella died and went to heaven, as she stood in front of St. Peter at the pearly Gates, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind her. She asked, "what are all those clocks?" St Peter answered, "those are lie-clocks. Everyone on earth has a lie-clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move" Oh, said Stella, whose clock is dat? "That's Bishop Ajayi Crowther's. The hands have never moved, indicating that he never told a lie. "Incredible," said Stella. And whose is that one? St Peter responded, "that's Nnamdi Azikwe's clock. The hands hv moved twice, telling us that Zik told only 2 lies in his entire life. " Where's my husband Obasanjo's clock?" Asked Stella. "Obasanjo's clock is in Jesus' office, He's using it as a ceiling fan=D =)) ** its rolling faster than an hellicopter blade.

Boy: I luv u girl n I want u 2 be my babe.
Girl: I accept but no sex because I want 2 keep my body 4 my future husband.
Boy: No problem but don't ask for money because I want to save it for my future wife.

Nigerian, were talking and bragging about the technological
advances their representative countries have achieved in the
field of medicine.
Says the American, "In Washington, there was a baby boy born
without forearms, so we attached artificial forearms on him. And
now that he is grown, he has become an Olympic professional boxer
and a gold medallist at that."
The German replied, That's nothing to what we have done back in
Berlin, there was a baby girl born without legs on her, she is 3
times marathon gold medallist in the Olympics!!"
The Nigerian interjected laughingly, "Is that all you have, just gold medallist? In Abuja, we have a baby born without a head! We
attached a coconut to the neck and he is now the president

An old woman boarded a bus to lagos frm calabar told d driver; "driver,if u reach Benin tell me o!D driver nodded n then she shouted again"my children,una hear wetin I tell am? Everybody responded YES MA.On d long jou
rney to lagos,everybody slept off but dis woman neva blinkd.Dey neva knew she doesn't know Benin. Afta several hours of driving and lagos closeby wit Benin about 4hrs bhind,d poor woman then asked;driver,u neva reach benin ni? Ooooh!!D driver exclaimed;madam Benin is like 4hrs behind us.D woman started crying"take me back 2 Benin abeg I no wan wahala o!!!After all said,and considerg d age of d woman it was agreed dat d driver shld turn back 2 Benin.On getting 2 Benin,d driver came down,opened d door n told d woman she is in Benin.D woman simply opened her hand bag,brought out a sachet of panadol,removd 2 tablets n swallowd dem wit water.She then smiled and said,na my daughter say if I reach Benin make I take 2 tablets of panadol,Oya!Make we dey go Lagos

Three friends decided to go to China for vacation. Since they were new at the place, they had to stay in a hotel... And they ended up being on the 60th floor. D policy of the hotel was that, at midnight, the elevator ll be shut down. The next day, the friends rented a car and explored the city. They enjoyed themselves and arrived at the hotel past midnight. The elevators was shut down. There's was no other way to get to their room than to take the stairs all the way to the 60th floor. 1st friend: For the 1st 20th floor, I ll tell jokes to keep us going, then another cud say wise stories for the next 20th floor; then we ll cover the final 20th floors with sad stories. So he started with jokes, with laughs & joy, they reached the 20th floor. Another friend started saying stories full of wisdom. They learned a lot while reaching the 40th floor. Now it's time for the sad stories, so the 3rd friend said, "My 1st sad story is dat, I left the keys of the room in the car...

YOU TOOK YOUR TIME TO WRITE THIS "YOU DEY CRAZE GIIDI"

OROKI LOWATA EJO TO FEERO OHUN LO PAA TEACHER..U NEED TO BE REBORN

THE CAR MUST INFORM THE DRIVER IF THERE ARE THIEFS IN FRONT..LOL

THIEF...OLEEEE

Find 5 animals from this and lets see how brilliant you are: camelephantelopelicanary!!!

GO AND SEARCH FOR GOOGLE

one,two,three both of you come here..lol

Many Nigerian professors were called and asked to sit in an airplane. When they had sat,they were informed that the plane was made by their students. All of them ran and got out of the plane except one. People asked him the reason He said,"If it's made by my students,it will not even start. LOL

A Girl & her boyfriend were on a walk. She saw a shoe she liked & the following conversation occurred; Girl: I forgot my purse @ home, please gimme N15k to buy this shoe. Guy: There is no ATM close here but take this N100 pick bike go home & bring your purse. Is the guy sharp or stingy

WHY SHALL I SHY

fork(Bleep)

Solve this puzzle: U saw a shirt worth 97k, since u don't have enough money to buy it, u borrow 50k from your Dad and 50k from your mum...so u now have 100k. Since d shirt is 97k, u have 3k left. You return 1k to ur Dad and 1k to ur Mum and u'r left with 1k. Now u owe ur Dad 49k and ur Mum 49k = 98k+ 1k with you = 99k. Where is d missing Ik

A man went for an HIV test on friday and was told to come back for the result on monday.when he got to the church on sunday,the pastor declares to people's life that,everything you are looking forward to this week shall be positive.the guy jumped up and shouted"I REJECT IT IN JESUS NAME"mine will be negative.

Then keep quiet mumuuuuuu

J- JUST
O- ON
N- NATIONAL
A- ASSIGNMENT
T- TO
H- HARM
A- ALL
N- NIGERIANS.

Wife says 2 her husband ur boss called 2day nd said u were fired, husband said Bleep him! wife says l already done dat, u can go back 2 work on monday!!!

Nice one keep it up