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Touche's Posts

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Phones / Re: Please I Need Where I Can Get This. by touche(m): 8:09pm On Jan 30

1 Like

Investment / Re: Invest In My Bar And Cash Out 50% Of Your Investment As Your Turn Over by touche(m): 8:35pm On Aug 04, 2023
Where is it located?
Business / Re: Business Ideas For A 5 Million Naira Capital by touche(m): 8:46am On Mar 13, 2021
Access to cash loans (credit) is a very lucrative and untapped sector of the economy

To secure your investment, you can leverage on already existing structures such as churches, schools, corporate bodies etc.

Basically, secure, short term, short tenure cash loans at 20 - 30% interest rate to church members, students, academic staff, and gainfully employed staff of corporate organizations.

Do the math:
N5,000 loan to 1,000 individuals for one week at 30% interest rate

Amount disbursed: N5,000x1,000: N5,000,00
Gross weekly profit on 30% interest rate: N1,500,000

Note: You will incur business expenses such as staff salaries, legal, mobile app, advertising etc

3 Likes 1 Share

Politics / Re: What's The Difference "Nigeria Police" And "Nigerian Airforce" by touche(m): 5:48pm On Jan 12, 2020
Nigeria Police Force (former name)
Nigeria Customs Service

Nigerian Army
Nigerian Airforce
Nigerian Navy

Nigeria Police (new name)

Not so sure, but my guess think only "Nigeria" is used when there is a word after the MDA's name.

Before the recent name change, olopa used to be referred to as Nigeria Police Force. Nigeria Police is probably a mistake during rebranding. Hence the disparity.

1 Like

Properties / Partially Furnished 1 Bedroom Flat At Wuse 2 Abuja For Rent by touche(m): 3:58am On Aug 12, 2019
1 bedroom flat (room and parlour) at ajesa street wuse 2 for rent. Owner is relocating. 6 months rent remaining. Flat is well renovated with pop and furnished with curtains, tv stand, 42 inch TV, home theater, 2 standing fans, 4 kva generator, 1 1.5 hp ac, 6x6 bed, 6×6 mattress, gas cylinder and cooker, and nice kitchen cabinet.

Price: N1,500,000 (slightly negotiable)
Call: 08077774390 for inspection

Romance / Re: Is It Normal For My Wife To Have A Male Best Friend? by touche(m): 10:23am On Jul 26, 2018
In this situation, it's best not to react with words, rather with action. Simply mirror her actions. Get a female bestie too and rub it all up in her face. Watch and observe the way she reacts.

That will answer your question.
Autos / Re: Sold!!! 2006 Peugeot 206 For Sale @ N 600,000 (in Abuja) by touche(m): 9:01am On Mar 28, 2018
More pics

Autos / Re: Sold!!! 2006 Peugeot 206 For Sale @ N 600,000 (in Abuja) by touche(m): 8:13am On Mar 28, 2018
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Autos / Re: Sold!!! 2006 Peugeot 206 For Sale @ N 600,000 (in Abuja) by touche(m): 8:11am On Mar 28, 2018
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Autos / Sold!!! 2006 Peugeot 206 For Sale @ N 600,000 (in Abuja) by touche(m): 7:35am On Mar 28, 2018
Price: N 600,000
Location: Abuja
Body Style: 5 door Hatchback
Body Color: White
Interior: Black & Grey
Engine: 4 cylinder
Drive: Front-wheel Drive
Transmission: Manual
Fuel: Petrol
Service History: Regular servicing @ Total Area 11 using quartz 7000
Mileage: 168,508km

Car in impeccable condition.

Damage:
Minor dents & scratches
Legs
Alignment & wheel balancing
Central locking system


Contact:

2 Likes

Family / Re: Nigerian Couple Show Why Husbands Should Help Their Wives At Home. Photos by touche(m): 10:47pm On Jan 31, 2018
How can one be talking about house chores in 2018? What happened to dish washers, washing machines and vacuum cleaners? Backward people, backward nation.
Business / Re: What Business Can One Start With N300,000? by touche(m): 9:26am On Jan 04, 2018
A business thrives when an enterprenuer identifies a societal problem and creates solutions.

With N300,000 you can solve a common problem, which is lack of access to credit (loans).

Solution: Private lending by setting up a cooperative society.

Legal Framework: Involves registration with the local governing agency. In Abuja, for example, you have to register with Abuja Municipal Area Council (AMAC).

However, you can minimize capital by filing an application and operating for 6 - 12 months to get properly acquainted.

Office Space: Its necessary, but better to start operating with your home address to save capital (which is limited to N300,000).

Client Base: Capitalize on already existing structures like cooperatives for MDAs, churches and educational institutions.

Numbers: (Most interesting part grin)

First Month:

Capital: N300,000

Debit:

- Your Salary: N30,000
- Publicity: N20,000 (bulk sms, fliers)
- 1 Month Tenure Loan of N10,000 * 25 individuals @ 20% Monthly Interest Rate (and 3% Admin Fee Deducted from Loan): N250,000

Total: N300,000

Credit:

- Repayment of N10,000 * 25 individuals @ approximately 23% Interest rate: N307,500

Profit (Estimate) is N7,500

Business Plan:

- Repeat this cycle for 6 - 12 months

- Discipline yourself to survive off 30k - 50k salary so that the business can grow.

- Minimize operating expenses.

- Secure funds through referrals, guarantors, post dated cheques, direct debit orders etc.

- Limit loan amount to N10,000 in the first year of operating.

Conclusion:

You will be amazed at the power of compound interest. Your N300,000 investment will turn to millions in less than a year if you can maintain financial discipline, miminize costs and use the methods outlined above to secure your disbursed funds.

Be sure to complete registration (pay fees), get a business account and employ cheap labour (corps member or IT Student) after 6-12 months.

Best of luck.

11 Likes

Politics / Re: BREAKING: Senate Stops Nigerian Customs Vehicle Duty Ultimatum by touche(m): 2:35pm On Mar 07, 2017
1. Nigeria Customs is an enforcement agency under the Ministry of Finance.

2. Nigeria Customs has no input in government fiscal policy. They merely implement circulars issued by Ministry of Finance, Trade and Investment, Presidency, etc.

3. Even US Customs cannot enforce 100% border protection. There is absolutely nothing wrong with multiple checks i.e. if the vehicles are smuggled past Customs, revenue can still be collected at registration point.

Let's look at issues without sentiments, the aim is to generate revenue for the federal government. If the vehicles are smuggled past the borders, what's wrong with duty collection at registration point?

1 Like

Crime / Re: Scammers Who Impersonated Cecilia Ezeilo On Facebook Nabbed. Photo by touche(m): 3:11pm On Nov 11, 2016
Can we have a break from all these posts about "duping"? I'm not a lawyer or law maker but imho, if a sum of money is paid to a faceless, online entity in exchange for love, contracts, auction car or employment, then both parties (the giver and reciever) should be liable to prosecution.
Autos / Re: Classic Autos Available In Cotonuo..See Pictures of different cars i bought. by touche(m): 1:52pm On Oct 31, 2016
Hello, please I need a quote for Nissan Maxima 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013 and 2014 with original Customs duty papers. Cheers
Autos / Re: Classic Autos Available In Cotonuo..See Pictures of different cars i bought. by touche(m): 12:22pm On Sep 13, 2016
Hello, kindly give me a quote (inclusive of Customs duty) for 2008, 2009 and 2010 Toyota Highlander. With third row seats.
Autos / Re: Beware Of This Fraudster In Abuja!!! by touche(m): 1:46pm On Aug 04, 2016
Wow! I have met him concerning land purchase. I still have his contact. What exactly did he do?
Autos / Re: COTONOU CARS BUYERS FORUM, ORDER FOR YOU CAR(S) NOW @ AFFORDABLE PRICE by touche(m): 12:36pm On Aug 04, 2016
Hello Mr Tadeus, kindly give me a quote for 2013 and 2014 white Nissan Quest including Customs duty payment at Seme. Non-accidented please.
Autos / Re: Free Honda Radio Unlock Codes. Up To Year 2009. K.k Business Asoc. Ltd by touche(m): 7:26pm On Aug 01, 2016
Kindly help me with radio code for 2008 Honda Accord with serial number 30003428. Touche2k2002@yahoo.com
Autos / Re: Free Honda Radio Unlock Codes. Up To Year 2009. K.k Business Asoc. Ltd by touche(m): 7:26pm On Aug 01, 2016
Kindly help me with radio code for 2008 Honda Accord with serial number 30003428
Family / Re: Timetable For Sex For Married Couples, Good Or Not? by touche(m): 5:52am On Jul 11, 2016
It's funny how in 2016, our tradition still demands that we men pay dowry or bride price to marry wives like payment for a servant or slave.

The same women we pay for, in full, without a discount, now demand equal opportunity, time table for sex and other women liberation crap. Isn't that a breach of contract? grin

It's really simple, if women want to be liberated, then they should fight for abolishment of outdated traditions such as being 'sold' to husbands as servants or slaves. Let man and wife come together as true equals then we can accept women liberation.

1 Like

Romance / Re: Her Phone Is Always Switched Off Every Evening by touche(m): 10:02am On Jun 09, 2016
Anonylander:
Dating her for 5 years. Is she an engineering course? Oloshi U!

grin Lord of the rings. The bae is probably seeking other options given than OP wants her to become a professor before he pops the question
Romance / Re: Her Phone Is Always Switched Off Every Evening by touche(m): 12:55am On Jun 09, 2016
Bae is a business woman. OP is a minor shareholder trying to claim major benefits.

I bet you, after sponsoring her to PhD level, investing in her future:

1. Her dad will still collect bride price without giving you a discount, or,

2. You will sponsor her wedding to another bae.

Better start keeping receipts for school fees, phones and deposit slips for allowances. Might help convince her dad to give discount on bride price. Else, receive sense.

1 Like

Family / Re: 14-Year-Old Fruits Seller In Abuja by touche(m): 12:43pm On Jun 08, 2016
Kindly report to National Agency for the Prohibition of Trafficking in Persons (NAPTIP). They have jurisdiction over this issue. http://www.naptip.gov.ng/, 2028, Dalaba street, Wuse Zone 5, F.C.T FCT Abuja, +(234) 703 0000 203, Toll Free: 0800CALLNAPTIP (08002255627847)
Business / Re: Delay In Clearing My Cars At Lagos Port...am I Being Scammed? by touche(m): 7:36pm On Feb 05, 2016
If you have a copy of your bill of lading, you can check your container number and use it to trace the status of the consignment. Let me know if you need assistance on this
Education / Re: A Plea For Help...NDDC has left us hopeless in the UK by touche(m): 8:18am On Jan 22, 2016
Kindly try to contact Brekete family, a Radio program based in abuja. They handle public complaints such as yours. I think Thursdays are dedicated to complaints from diaspora

1 Like

Travel / Re: Mention The Funniest Bus-stops You've Ever Heard by touche(m): 8:27am On Jan 06, 2016
First rainbow......second rainbow.......coconut
Politics / Re: Osun’s Federal Allocation Can’t Pay Electricity Bill – Aregbesola by touche(m): 7:46pm On Nov 30, 2015
If any state cannot generate enough IGR to sustain itself, it should be converted to a local government. Problem solved. Why can't we mandate governors to develop sustainable business models out of their states? The situation in Nigeria is totally disgusting

1 Like

Family / Re: My Wife Is Threatening To Leave If I Can't Find Job by touche(m): 5:04pm On Nov 22, 2015
Nova15:
But OP why should you even be thinking of marrying when you haven't secured a job?


You should get your priorities striaght!

Spot on! You took the words right out of my mouth. Logically one should progress in terms of: education - career - love - marriage. But our societal values dictate that a man isn't responsible unless he is married.
It's so sad. I'd recommend that schools, churches and other institutions should encourage us to be well established before venturing into marriage.

2 Likes

Business / Re: Please Help: UBA Block My Account For Receiving 200k Payment by touche(m): 10:47am On Nov 20, 2015
1. You're doing business using a personal account?
2. How do you file your tax returns?
3. Do you pay tax on profit/proceeds from sales of bit coins?
4. Are you transacting business an an individual or as a corporate entity?

These are the kinds of questions that a lawyer from UBA will ask you during cross examination in court.

Best of luck

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