Kurupt01:





OP I know it's hard to read other people's response to an issue you admitted to have royally f'ed up.
But I'd like to suggest you go along with whatever you can- for future reference.

And now for my own bit ______

I believe I understand how Gbenga is having a hard time giving you free reign since you already unfortunately took that for granted.

Look I know you don't want to be reminded each time that you messed up, we both know the price you're paying.

Gbenga is hurt! He feels letting go of you is too much for him to handle even after you broke his trust not once but on multiple occasions.

Right now I'll very much love for you to cut off all communications with your so called friend zoned male friends.

You might think that it's not fair for you to lose your friends over the years because a silly mistake you made but I think it is essential for your relationship to move ahead.
Gbenga would really appreciate the gesture and see it as a sign that you're really taking him seriously and showing it too.

Now as for him been silent on visiting your parents , what do you expect girl?

A man is serious with you yet you're still going on arranged dates with prospective suitors? Not once but two dates!

He's confused on how to proceed with the relationship.

Come on with your history? - Again sorry for bringing this up - but that is your reality now. You've got to be extra careful now if you truly want your man.


Ditch all of the male friends especially those he knows are interested in his woman! Let him know you're doing it to show how much you love and wants your relationship to work.

PS: I know how Gbenga feels about you having multiple "friend zoned" . I know for a fact it is easier to get a lady to cheat or even snatch outrightly when she considers you "just a friend" , mind you there is nothing like that.


I'd very much like to know how everything worked out and wish you the best.

Quote me on any thread for update.

All the best

Thanks.

JayBasic:
Dear Op,

Nobody is perfect, we all sin differently. However trust broken is almost irreparable but it can be managed when the offender makes huge sacrifices.

You have been caught cheating on more than one occasion...my dear the only thing you can do to regain his trust is to stay away from all male friends, fvcc that friendzone bs, just stay away from any male who is not related by blood to you. Stop being friendly to other guys. That is the sacrifice you will have to make for life in order to be happy with Gbenga. No male (who is not family) should even call to ask how you are doing. If you can't make this sacrifice, then forget the relationship, it will be a miserable one for both of you.

However....

If you can't make that sacrifice and have to break up with him, And to reduce his heart break, ie if you still care for Gbenga, make sure he begins dating someone else before you do and please don't date Olamide or any of the guys you have previously cheated on him with!

You both deserve to be happy.

Btw: I would love to ask more questions about you and him

Thanks JAY.

But i am sorry i cannot really answer any question regarding Gbenga and i. You can see the number of insults i got just telling a patch of my problem. i dont have the heart to take anymore.

I think i have seen enough. i knew this was a bad idea.

Thank you all.

funmisticqueen:
ask for time out and tell him the reason why is that you are tired of the emotional manipulation since you cheated. Tell him that he never really forgave you. Tell him that he might not trust you anymore but his bwhavior has become toxic and has to stop. Then stop.seeimg both him and olumide for a while. This is very important. Tell him you can only accept him back when he truly forgives you.

This will not be by what he says but his action.(dont tell him this, you shou'd observe him) and forestall all marriage plans for now and test him. Maybe for a year and show that he can trust you. Cos expecting things to go back to square one is too much.

By the way who is richer and has a more established career among the two? Keep olumide in the archives of your friend zone and treat him that way by first coing upnwith excuses when he wants to see you. It doesnt speak well for you when you are easily diatracted by men. If he can snatch you. He probably will label you as easy so stall olumide see how persistent he is.

He has a more fulfilling career for someone in his age. Designing stuffs he calls blueprint for business process and enterprise archit...
see i dont know what else to say.

Thank you

dukeprince50:
no he won't, he will get over it, break up with him with time you will also get over it, both of you will just think back and smile, but if you can't stay without him then cut down those admirers, don't even put them in friendzone. Focus on Gbenga, earning a trust is not easy, you can earn sm1 trust in 2yrs and if u break d trust, it could take even a lifetime to get it back.
If he insults you again, tell him how u feel and there is no way he should punish you everyday for a mistake you did and regretted, don't sound like a victim but make h know u really feel bad about your actions then tell him you can't be in a tormenting r/ship and u want to stay away from him a little to heal, don't call him for a week, there is a 90% chance he will muss u and want u back.
wen he calls you, snub his first call that will make him want u more but pick his second call, if he says he is sorry, no do shakara, just accept his apology and go with him.

Thanks again. i dont want to loose him. i will try this Advice. i pray it works even though Gbenga is like an predator that can smell prey or danger from a thousand miles away.

dukeprince50:
his wound will heal with time, staying with him is worse than leaving him, you already broke that trust

He will hate me forever.

dukeprince50:
I'll put myself in gbengas shoe and advice you
you want to gain his love after cheating on him, that's really difficult. you said you will change but you still visit another man who has an interest in u and expect him to believe you didn't have sex with him?
My advice is that, you stay away from those men or stay out of gbengas life, he is going through worse everyday with the thought that you could have slept with someone since you can't close your legs and sleep with men multiple times.
If you want his trust back which I doubt, cut those admirers short, do not talk politely to them, if they ask you out, be rude to them, do not tell Gbenga that you are doing this to them but stylishly make him see how rude you are to them, Gbenga is a good man, cos if it was me, God know I'll never be with a cheating partner like u

Thank you. for your honesty.

Ishilove:

How long are you going to keep living in tension? How long will you keep enduring insults because of your royal fvckup? How long will you keep trying to prove to a grown ass man that you love him? (That's very immature, by the way)

You fvcked up by cheating and destroying his trust, and I don't see things getting better. You best move on and start afresh with someone else, and this time, BE FAITHFUL!

I really wish i could give full details but cant.

If that is your resolve- to leave him, How will i do that?

After everything i have done. to the man that made me who i am today, ready to defy all odds to marry a girl of another tribe.

How can i do that without breaking his heart?

Kingdollar28:
Girl u are really cheap just like ur boyfriend said...


U made promise to him not to cheat again right?

And u added olumide's number to friend zone as u claim....why was you moved with his type of business that got attracted to go pay him a second visit...

Girl, u are easily decided with material things..!!

Do that gbenga a favor. And get d heck outta his life..



#ungreatful_thing

Nothing you would say can be compared to the amount sadness i am feeling.

adamsoghene:
Honestly speaking, I won't act any different if I was Gbenga. Now my advice: Go on ur knees to Gbenga & do whatsoever u can to win him over again. Stay off Olumide & others before he destroys what u & Gbenga share.

If I'm Gbenga & I don't see this changes in u visibly, I may end up leaving u since u don't value all the priceless times & bridges we have built over time.

May God help u in next line of action.

Regards

Thanks, But i have tried that.. He said he tired of hearing sorry he want me to prove it to him. Thats the problem. i am trying to prove and prove but he is not seeing it. i am beginning feel like he is managing me pending the time he finds another girl. i dont know what else to think.

bukkyemotions:
working out trust after cheating is serious hard work.

It feels like a lifes work. like a long term punishment. Please how do you think i can make it right. i am loosing it already.

I should not be doing this but i dont know if what i am doing is right telling the world about my problems. i dont want to make another mistake i will regret for the rest of my life.

• Yes I made a mistake by cheating on him but I am changed.
• Yes he knows me, maybe a little be more than I know myself
• I tell him everything, he is always there for me when I am down
• Yes he is changing my life for better
• He treats me like a child that needs to be taught how to walk, eat and play even though HE IS 2 YEARS OLDER THAN I AM
• He knows how to touch a woman
• He helped me start a small business by teaching me how to make extra income.

But I am tired of all the questioning thoughts he expresses. I don’t think he trust me and I am trying my best to show him but its just never enough.
If I marry him I feel this will never stop. I don’t know what else to do to make him trust me again.
He planned to go see my parent next month but I have not heard anything since the beginning of this year.

This problem is affecting my work and everything around me. Please I need help.

So there is this man in my neighborhood I respect alot, I know his family very well, they were my patient in the hospital I used to work with. About 4 weeks ago he called my line requesting that I meet his junior brother (olumide). Was a bit intrigued, I asked him why bust he was beating around the bush. i told him that I am in a serious relationship but he pleaded that there is no harm that I should just meet with him. Out of respect I agreed.

I fixed a date (Christmas eve).A couple of hours before I went to see olumide,I sent gbenga a text that was going to see someone(I later knew that my boyfriend was about to buy me n my elder sis Christmas chicken when he got the text… we ended up eating frozen chicken for Christmas). I went to meet olumide and we had a chat, I told him I am in a serious relationship and he said OK. Immediately I transferred him to my friends zone. Later I spoke with Gbenga and explained everything to him. He was not mad except for the chicken part.

Since then, Olumide calls me to check on me, he was even the first person to call and wish me Happy new year, He made mention in the 1st date that he is into business which caught my interest. So about 2 weeks ago after work right after my shift my boyfriend called and I told him that I was going to see Olumide. He said OKAY NO PROBLEM. I met with Olumide and realized that the business I thought I was interested in never held any water and he was not really into it, he used the meeting as an opportunity to see me again.

After wards, I had a conversation with Gbenga regarding the meeting and how pissed I was to find out that the guy just wanted to see me again. TO MY SURPRISE Gbenga calmly and passionately injected insults into my blood stream in form of an advice. It was so painful it pierced my heart real time as I was reacting with rivers of tears on my face.

I don’t think I can do this anymore.

So I have been dating Gbenga for about 3 years now, A serious relationship intending to become a married life very very soon but I am at the point where I am not sure if he is the right person for me to marry.

I have been given it some thought lately and I am very confused.

Please Nairalanders I need your help, I believe that the point of view from someone tht don’t know me is very important because he/she will speak plainly without the fear of hurting my feelings.

Gbenga and I started off like the classics, He came to seek my elder sister’s approval before I could say yes. And my pastor’s too. He is very honest and caring,he can spend his last kobo on me and go home broke. I can remember when I asked him what his intention was before I brought him to my sister. He said will not promise me all the money in the world but he would make sure I never regret any moment with him.

..Fast forward to the beginning of the whole wahala…[b][/b]

I must confess I did hurt Gbenga and I have learnt from my mistake and I am changed. During the first year of our relationship cheated on him more than once for reasons I later realized to be stupid and ashamed of. Gbenga forgave me and made me promise never to do it again.

Ever since, Things never remained the same again. Initially, Gbenga like my best friend, my mentor advising and guiding me through in every aspect of my life. But after the issue we had, My boyfriend became over protective, always trying to make sure I don’t repeat the same mistake again. He move from being a mentor to being my obsessed and wicked secondary school counsellor. That’s is not even a problem for me, I can deal with that. But what I can’t deal with is:
• He claimed that I don’t love him, that if I really do, it will be written all over me. OKAY I started showing that I really love him.
• He came back again saying that I am trying to please him, he doesn’t want to be pleased that I should show him how much I love him in my own way. I WAS CONFUSED AT HEARING THIS, I still am and I am trying but I think too much intelligence is worrying this guy. But I am trying.


I don’t really have friends or time to make one because of the nature of my job. Majority of my friends are guys who mostly started off from toasting me then ended up in my friends’ zone and all this I tell Gbenga. Sometimes he act normal and we joke about it and he advices me to stay clear of their cunny strategies and other time is a different story entirely, He gives me this attitude especially when I make new ones.

..Something happened recently that stroked a cord in my nerve...

Gbenga is always telling my how dumb I can be around guys, saying that I can be easily manipulated and guys can easily bed with me because I lack the etiquette and sense to counter them or even detecting they are scammers. I swear I usually boil when he starts preaching this sermon on my head.