val_dee: I don't care if you marry her or not, but don't marry her because of:
1. Financial support from her.
2. Promise of job by the brother after marriage.
3. Sympathy.

Demdem: I dont think jude is a good friend. Thats all i can say for now.

acidtalk: Rarely respond to threads if I can't relate to the message 100%. As for this, I can relate to it 101%.

I have found out most people than render advice here are not mature enough and only do it for the sake of 'make me sef talk'.

@Poster, your message is a very serious and deep thinking one.

From what I can see (based on your explanation);

* the ex banker friend of yours likes you but never liked your job. That's very understandable. Which woman wouldn't want her man to earn 6 digit figures? It is only normal.

* she lost her job during the downsizing period as as such the fear that she might not get another job for the fear of her kind of course is what is bothering you.

* you assume she wants to marry you to save herself the shame of returning to the East with her family.

Questions I will ask you are;

* while this girl had her banking job was she rude, bossy, and being in control all the time? Because you mentioned something like being 'oga'. If the answer is yes. Then I will let you know she can never change as if she gets a better job or flowing business tomorrow, she will certainly do worse. But if the answer is No! Then I will let you know you just had a complex and felt inferior to her.

* prior to when she discovered her uncle was relocating, has she ever mentioned marriage plans between you both? If the answer is No! Then I suggest you need to tell her to give you more time to prepare yourself first psychologically and financially as the news just came too sudden. And if the answer is Yes! You still need more time though.

* do you love her enough to live with her flaws? If it is yes! Then you can consider her for marriage, if the answer is No! Let he go as partners only get worse in most cases after marriage.

As for her putting you under a condition of her getting you a job after marriage, don't fall for the bait. Let her know you will ONLY marry her when you get a better job. If she can really help get a job, she will put pressure on that her under to get you the Oil and Gas Job as she won't be able to wait.

I see both of you getting to understand yourself better rathan that just rushing to tie the knot due to circumstances.

ifihearam:

Why do you want to cause confusion in the mind of the poster between him and his friend?? Jude offered his one kobo as a friend but the decision solely lies in the hands of the poster.

berem: Jude is a good friend abi? U will be shocked when the same jude will end up marrying ur girlfriend! Shine ur eyes bro! Marry her and stop seeking for advice when the solution lies within u!

acidtalk: Rarely respond to threads if I can't relate to the message 100%. As for this, I can relate to it 101%.

I have found out most people than render advice here are not mature enough and only do it for the sake of 'make me sef talk'.

@Poster, your message is a very serious and deep thinking one.

From what I can see (based on your explanation);

* the ex banker friend of yours likes you but never liked your job. That's very understandable. Which woman wouldn't want her man to earn 6 digit figures? It is only normal.

* she lost her job during the downsizing period as as such the fear that she might not get another job for the fear of her kind of course is what is bothering you.
i concor with acidtalk

* you assume she wants to marry you to save herself the shame of returning to the East with her family.

Questions I will ask you are;

* while this girl had her banking job was she rude, bossy, and being in control all the time? Because you mentioned something like being 'oga'. If the answer is yes. Then I will let you know she can never change as if she gets a better job or flowing business tomorrow, she will certainly do worse. But if the answer is No! Then I will let you know you just had a complex and felt inferior to her.

* prior to when she discovered her uncle was relocating, has she ever mentioned marriage plans between you both? If the answer is No! Then I suggest you need to tell her to give you more time to prepare yourself first psychologically and financially as the news just came too sudden. And if the answer is Yes! You still need more time though.

* do you love her enough to live with her flaws? If it is yes! Then you can consider her for marriage, if the answer is No! Let he go as partners only get worse in most cases after marriage.

As for her putting you under a condition of her getting you a job after marriage, don't fall for the bait. Let her know you will ONLY marry her when you get a better job. If she can really help get a job, she will put pressure on that her under to get you the Oil and Gas Job as she won't be able to wait.

I see both of you getting to understand yourself better rathan that just rushing to tie the knot due to circumstances.

freeamie: I met this girl last year September at a cousin’s wedding reception and we exchanged contacts.
We had a first date and I discovered that she is a banker and she discovered (to her disappointment) that I am a School teacher. She said she likes my personality but doesn’t like my job.

Honestly, I have been looking for a better job but U know Naija now. E no easy.
Somehow, we pulled along but no much intimacy as we only meet on weekends and maybe like once a month or so.

Anytime she comes around, she tells me stories of her colleagues, suitors etc etc and of course every one of them has a car and is richer than myself. She pings and answers phone calls of pple I suspect to be her toasters or so, she was just in control. I just played cool. She never asked me for anything and I never asked her too.

Last March, she lost her job. So, she became more available at my place. Last month, she started asking me to define our relationship, my plans for her and future, etc. But, somehow I discovered what I believe is the problem: Her elder bros she’s been staying with will be relocating to east by October when his rent expires.

My girl say she CANNOT leave lagos. With the kind of family she’s from, she won’t be allowed to rent an apartment here especially as she’s got no job.

So, she wants me to marry her before then, she says if money is my problem, that she’ll support me with 350K from her savings. She even said her bros (who works in the oil rig) can help me get a better job (since I studied Engineering), but, that’ll be after our marriage.

This came as a surprise to me cos I thought she’s the Madam here. Besides, I’ll want to marry when I’m ready and to Mrs right. I know I like her very much, but, Jude (my guy) says I should use my brain and NOT my heart.

Jude says she’s not employable again as she studied Food Science tech and has been in the bank for 4 years and that she needs marriage to secure her life and future. He says she’s turned to a liability and that she doesn’t love me.

Now, What do I do ?? What do I tell her ? Jude can’t be right, is he ?

acidtalk: Rarely respond to threads if I can't relate to the message 100%. As for this, I can relate to it 101%.

I have found out most people than render advice here are not mature enough and only do it for the sake of 'make me sef talk'.

@Poster, your message is a very serious and deep thinking one.

From what I can see (based on your explanation);

* the ex banker friend of yours likes you but never liked your job. That's very understandable. Which woman wouldn't want her man to earn 6 digit figures? It is only normal.

* she lost her job during the downsizing period as as such the fear that she might not get another job for the fear of her kind of course is what is bothering you.

* you assume she wants to marry you to save herself the shame of returning to the East with her family.

Questions I will ask you are;

* while this girl had her banking job was she rude, bossy, and being in control all the time? Because you mentioned something like being 'oga'. If the answer is yes. Then I will let you know she can never change as if she gets a better job or flowing business tomorrow, she will certainly do worse. But if the answer is No! Then I will let you know you just had a complex and felt inferior to her.

* prior to when she discovered her uncle was relocating, has she ever mentioned marriage plans between you both? If the answer is No! Then I suggest you need to tell her to give you more time to prepare yourself first psychologically and financially as the news just came too sudden. And if the answer is Yes! You still need more time though.

* do you love her enough to live with her flaws? If it is yes! Then you can consider her for marriage, if the answer is No! Let he go as partners only get worse in most cases after marriage.

As for her putting you under a condition of her getting you a job after marriage, don't fall for the bait. Let her know you will ONLY marry her when you get a better job. If she can really help get a job, she will put pressure on that her under to get you the Oil and Gas Job as she won't be able to wait.

I see both of you getting to understand yourself better rathan that just rushing to tie the knot due to circumstances.